The Unnamed God. I'm really Not a God You Guys!

"Today I shall defeat you!" 

[So, should we be worried?] 

"No haha, you'll see." 

*CLANG* 

"There you are! Did you think I wouldn't find you in…"

We both look at the newcomer. 

Seems to be a kid.

I'd say between 5 and 10 years old. 

I'm not really good at judging age. 

A boy. 

Golden short hair. 

Full of energy. 

Carrying a basket filled to the brim with bread. 

He stops suddenly. 

Looking at us both. 

"Ah, I'll back later if…"

"Haha, it's fine, kid. He is a friend." 

[Hey there kid. What brings you here?] 

He seems to be thinking of a good answer. 

"I and the kid have a bet going on. He is trying his very best to bring enough food to  sate my hunger." 

[Wow, good luck kid. So that's what the defeating was about eh…] 

"T-that I didn't really mean it, I was just..."

[It's fine haha. Go on.] 

"What are you waiting for kid. I am hungry now haha!" 

He retrieves a loaf and throws it to the fleshy mass. 

Out of nowhere emerges a face that gobbles it all up. 

Like an eel pouncing on its prey to eat it whole.

Then it seems to retreat into the surrounding fat. 

This is as impressive as DISGUSTING. 

This new friend of mine could very well play in a horror movie. 

Get scary aliens, some kind of predators, and humans in a room with him. 

Before long the formers would all be huddling together away from him. 

Gluto OP. 

Now he's even doing Nom Nom sounds in the background. 

[Right, why is your god called Gluto, isn't it just short for gluttony or something?]

"You see there is a very profound reason behind that."

Oh? Here comes the background story.

"Gluttony is too long. Easiest to just go Glll and To."

…. 

That's his reason?! 

"Especially when eating. Legends say our god would always fail to say his full name since he was always eating."

[That could prove to be a problem indeed.] 

"I admire him so much. Even I need to take breaks from time to time. I do have to sleep a bit." 

[Right, what about excreting?] 

"Hehe, that is the reason you should join us! We can fully turn everything we eat into our power! Without any waste! Isn't it amazing?!" 

[I guess…] 

I'm sure many would jump on the opportunity if it was only that. 

Problem is the downside to it. 

Eating is fun, but no one wants to spend all of his days eating either.

Well, no one but the followers of this god it seems. 

"Here, catch!"

They keep playing around. 

I get the feeling this kid looks like he is playing with his dog. 

A very hungry dog. 

They are playing catch with food. 

I guess that guy would be a pro at the catching food with your mouth game. 

If there was a competition of that he would be world champion for sure. 

Right, why doesn't he participate in food eating competitions? 

I guess with him in the city one would need to have a screw loose to organize one. 

The only thing I am wondering is how far can he stretch his mouth.

[Hey, I have a question. How would you usually fight if needed?] 

"You mean if anyone tries to attack the church building? That one is easy. Eat them."

[Whole or in pieces?]

"Depends on the time, to be honest. Pieces are better for slow cooking. Whole is faster to dispatch enemies."

Oh my god. 

"There is the problem of clothes, however. Most of the time in a fight the clothes reek of sweat and sometimes even of less desirable fluids." 

Pretty sure I don't want to know.

"What kind of fluids?" 

Asks the innocent kid. 

"Well you see there is sweat, piss, semen, and even shit is one when they are really scared."

I feel like vomiting. 

"You eat all that?! Won't you be sick?" 

"No way! I am protected by the blessing of Gluto! MUHAHAHA"

"Wow!" 

Not wow! 

Did you listen to all he was saying! 

This is far from wow! 

This is the worst thing to brag about! 

Ever! 

[Are you sure your god is the god of eating and not the trash god?!] 

"Sometimes I'm not sure, to be honest." 

[What?!] 

"I mean there is a trash God. I mean we obviously trump his domain since we eat all. I'm not sure why he even exists."

So he says pondering. 

What the fuck! 

This was supposed to be an insult! 

He's just turning it around praising all the stuff he can eat. 

This is insane! 

[Just to be sure, how do you assess quality for the ingredients?] 

"Oh, that? I don't do it myself. If there is ever a problem with it just tell me. It is a tribute directly from the city hall."

[They give you so much food for free? Then you sell it to us?] 

"Yep! Aren't they nice! I used to have to wander around the city to beg for food but now I can just wait here patiently."

Oh my god. 

I bow to his supreme power. 

Not only can he cure poison, get rid of infectious corpses, but he can more importantly crash the entire touristic sector all by himself. 

His walking around the city is bound to lower the value of all properties in the surroundings. 

The very sight of him able to send spectators scurrying away. 

Some probably even thinking a monster invasion to be happening. 

His existence itself is a threat to the city. 

Yet he remains here standing. 

[Didn't they ever ask you to leave?] 

"Yep, a bunch of times. What are they going to do? I actually hold a decent position in the church of Gluto. Should they drive me away, I would only come back with some of my brethren."

Oh god. 

This is scary. 

That would be a reenactment of that one story with titans invading a city. 

Except they wouldn't destroy the wall. 

They would eat it.

Then possible slowly burp contentedly while looking deep into your eyes. 

Conveying clearly that whoever opposes them will suffer the same fate. 

[Brother, this is impressive as hell!] 

Mad respect! 

"Hehe. Of course. I am awesome." 

That statement would seem even more true if he wasn't getting fed by a young kid. 

The peacefulness is interrupted.

"You fool, are you wasting your time here again!" 

This voice...

I'd say a young woman. 

What's with people barging in every once in a while?