The Unnamed God. I'm really Not a God You Guys!

Time to get some ingredients. 

Let me see, after walking for a while I should be at the right place….

Or not. 

I'm pretty sure I followed the directions accurately, but in front of me is no shop. 

It is a small stone building. 

There is a plaque at the entrance: Gluto's respite. 

What's with a respite in the middle of the town? 

Isn't that the kind of thing you find on a mountain usually? 

This is weird. 

I holler at a passerby. 

Asking for directions again but they simply point at the plaque.

Here goes nothing I guess. 

*Knock knock*

Comes a deep baritone voice. 

"Who is it? Feel free to enter our doors are always open to newcomers!" 

*Push*

[Hey there, I am looking for…]

What the hell!?

There must be something wrong with my eyes. 

Inside awaits me a mountain of flesh. 

What crazy magic is going on here?! 

"Hey there, young man. How can this humble one help you?" 

The mountain just talked. 

With the talking comes the wobbling. 

That's when I realize I am looking at a human being. 

One so fat he'd make that guy called Jabbba look fit. 

[So here is the thing, the old man from the bakery sent me and…]

"What?! He sent you?!" 

Did I say anything strange? 

[Yes. To get ingredients.] 

"*Sigh* I see. So you are the one that will inherit his bakery, aren't you?" 

[How did you know?] 

"Simple, we have a deal. I will supply him and only him with ingredients. In exchange, he will make sure I can buy delicious stuff from him. I may not look like it, but I alone buy most of his food."

No, he definitely looks like it. 

If one were to tell me he eats more than half the city residents, I would believe it too. 

He is simply that huge. 

[So you will be in my care in the future it seems. I really hope you like pies.]

"Like? There is no way I like pie!..." 

Well, this may be an issue.

"I fucking love pie!" 

[Of course! Who wouldn't?!] 

"*Scoff* Only people that have never tasted one well made I guess."

[True it is an art! How it tastes when one bites into the filling. The juiciness and the …] 

"Stop young man, you are making me so very hungry!" 

[Oh, my bad haha.] 

On the ground are literal puddles of saliva. 

"Don't worry too much haha. From now on you are under the protection of our church!" 

[What exactly is it anyway?]

"WHAT?! You don't know the glory of Gluto?!" 

[No?]

"Oh, that's to be expected, we are pretty unknown."

[Then why are you acting surprised?!]

"Isn't it adding some nice intensity to the conversation? This way I don't fall asleep haha."

[Fair enough I guess.] 

Does he suffer from narcolepsy or something? 

"Gluto is the best God there is. According to his teachings, one should just enjoy eating."

[What next?] 

"That's it. That's all we do! Isn't it great?!"

[Sure…but how?!] 

"How to eat? That much should be obvious."

[How do you guys even manage to stay afloat financially-wise?!] 

"Oh that. We eat everything from food to poisons. Some people bring their injured to us."

[Wait, don't tell me…] 

"Yeah, from time to time I suck the poison out of…"

That's when my mind goes blank. 

Just imagining this flesh blob sucking on a poisoned wound is DISGUSTING! 

No, brain! Do not picture this! 

This is how one ends up vomiting everywhere! 

Think of calm and serenity. 

Think of….

"For some reason, I only get customers when all the healing churches are completely busy. Some people even try resisting the treatment. I guess they get worried about my own health."

That is not it, brother!

It's because they are so grossed out they prefer death to this humiliation!

"From time to time I do corpse disposal too. Especially the bodies that are affected by plagues or …"

[Wait, brother! You eat even that kind of stuff?! Isn't that dangerous?!]

"Impressed, aren't you?! How about it, want to join us too!"

Yeah, think I'll skip that. I need to remain handsome. 

I owe it to my countless future fans. 

[Hehe, you see I too can do that stuff! I am not worried about getting sick!] 

"What?! Seriously?! Who are you worshipping!" 

[The Unnamed God!] 

"Oh! That explains it then. Of course, if you are worshipping that god then…"

[Brother you are clearly bluffing, and you have no idea what I'm talking about…] 

"Perhaps just a tiny bit?" 

[A very bit you mean?] 

"I guess haha." 

[Still, if you can eat anything why are you so hyped over a bakery?]

"*Scoff* I eat trash out of duty or when there is nothing else to eat. I do enjoy good food!" 

[Understandable. What about quality versus quantity?] 

"Quantity is always best!"

[Always?!] 

"Always! What is the point of eating something fancy if there isn't enough to even fill your teeth? It is just teasing at that point!"

[Gotcha, I will make sure I bake as many pies as you need then! Oh right how many followers do you guys have!] 

He starts to radiate pride.

Well, somehow.

I can't see his face after all. 

"I am the only one in the entire capital!" 

[Wait, seriously?!] 

There is an official sect out there that is more destitute than my own?!

I'm not sure whether to be impressed or worried. 

After all, that guy is my business partner and my source of ingredients. 

"Seriously! There were more before, but I drove all of them away. This way there is more food for me!" 

Wow. This…

[What about needing manpower for work?] 

"My work is simply to eat. I don't really have a limit to it. I can work all day and all night!" 

Yeah, usually not the thing people brag about when using the all day and night expression. 

Well, this way of life is not one I would want, but it is somewhat praiseworthy. 

He is just doing whatever he wants and still helping people at the same time. 

Now, what should I …

"I have come to vanquish the beast! Today I shall defeat you!" 

That is an awfully young-sounding voice too. 

What's up with that?