The Unnamed God. I'm really Not a God You Guys!

So what should I tell him once he inevitably fails?

Should I just go: Better luck next time!?

Should I convince him to go to a nearby forest with me?

I feel the unicorn could help beat up, hum tame a monster. Should I just try to find a way to make some money?

I still have some funds that are supposed to come from the slime subjugation. Normally it wouldn't be much but we did take care of a king slime so it might be actually rewarding.

Should I just recommend he change his career path? I could introduce him to Zero. I'm sure after training even the clumsy me he'd be fine training anyone.

"It fucking worked this is amazing!!"

What should I do, so many options…

"Hey, are you listening?!"

What is it? I'm busy thinking of…

"It worked!"

What?!

There he stands.

The slime is bouncing right next to him playfully.

[How?!]

"I did exactly as you told me! How did you know about it?"

[Oh, just a theory of mine. No need to worry about it.]

I mean I was obviously bullshiting right there. What are the odds of it succeeding?! Could this whole thing be similar to the placebo effect?

Wait, what's the contrary of placebo? Usually, that would be fake medicine working because people believe in it and it improves their morale.

In this case, it was the opposite. A true technique was failing because people were thinking it wouldn't work.

Ah, I don't know anymore.

"This is amazing! How do you know so much about slimes?!"

Should I act as a profound expert?

[Boy, I have seen and defeated more slimes in my life than any other tamer in existence.]

…In games mostly.

One time I was farming a super rare drop from slimes. It took me 3 years to get it at the time. Are 3 years of effort worth it to get a cosmetic slime hat with absolutely no stat at all? Hell yeah! It had cute googly eyes too!

I had my whole character set to look like the most badass evil dude ever! The goofy slime hat was the cherry on top. Well, it was blue and not red. Otherwise, it did look like that fruit even literally. He looks at me with compassion.

"You have been forced to clear sewers often it seems. I understand. If I make it big, I won't let you starve."

What is this dumbass imagining?!

[Keep your sympathy! I'm a goddamn dragon slayer I'll have you know!]

The pity in his eyes deepens.

"Of course you are buddy. Of course, you are."

Hello, 911 I'd like to call an ambulance! Who needs help you ask? My friend! Get here quickly! He's about to be beaten black and blue by yours truly!

That is what I'd be saying right now back in the old world. Then again, this earth realm is more lawless. I could totally push him in the slime pit and be like whoops.

Do you need my help, perhaps? Then I could save him only when he agrees that I'm a real dragon slayer.

"Why don't you try taming one too? Oh wait…I didn't mean to…."

Yeah, he'd probably just die too fast in a slime pit. Better not. I guess I could try it. Not with mana, of course, but with divine energy. While obviously weak I feel like a slime could be useful. I face one.

[How should I do this exactly?]

"I just kept sending the mental message that there would be nice food if it followed me."

[Gotcha.]

Circulate divine energy. Check. Visualize the food part. Establish a connection with the slime. Then slowly try to make it accept me.

What is this? I can feel something. As if there is another consciousness touching mine. This one is weird. It feels strange. So simple.

I can feel an obsession with eating. Now to seal the deal. I can feel it working! I can fucking feel it working! This is amazing! With this, I too will be a tamer….

*POP*

What was that sound?

The slime in front of my eyes burst. It pops like a balloon. Goo splatters everywhere. This is quite possibly the worst way to go. Oh god, I killed it!

NOOOOO!

You will be forever remembered Slime A. The first slime I tried to tame. The first slime to die a tragic death because of me. I was so close.

"I guess it doesn't work without mana control. Welp, I guess you tried at least. If you want, I can recommend a sword instructor I know. He might be able to train you."

That's my line! That was my backup plan to cheer you up! Ah, this is bad. It seems divine energy is not slime-friendly. Either that or my control is not developed enough as he said.

Still, this is weird, these guys all talked about the dangers for the master. Why did no one mention that a beast can just explode?

I guess they mostly don't care. They see these creatures as only tools. I am different! For me, they are either food or friend!

This one slime was supposed to become my friend. RIP: rest in many pieces. This is such a tragedy. What about all the slimes we killed previously? That was a job! A job I tell you!

I guess monsters can be foes too. As long as we try not to be wasteful with materials it's fine.

"Don't worry, you can slowly try it again later. Maybe you'll get it at some point."

[You are right. Maybe I just need to practice more. Then again is it worth it to spend so much effort on slimes?]

"Definitively not!"

[Ah, this sucks.]

"Cheer up. Earlier I was truly depressed, but now I'm alright."

[Ah, you are right. It's all thanks to me too! Aren't you glad I brought you here after all?]

"I mean…it kind of was your fault I failed the taming in the first place..."

He's got a point. Still…

[Eternal Ice himself said so! That it was your fault for lacking focus! It must be true! HAHA!]

He gives a slight smile.

"Okay, you win. Wanna get out of here? I'm famished! My treat!"

[Nice! Wait, weren't you broke?! Were you lying to me?!]

"Of course not haha. Just follow and you'll see. This is gonna be awesome!"