I Am Undying

A huge voice came out of the cracks accompanying the blindling lights.

"Boy, wake up…", the voice was so soft yet so loud that it almost broke Rin's head.

He clutched his head in pain. The light's touch was getting to warm as it increased from the continual cracking of the dark space.

The warmth before was getting hotter and hotter and became uncomfortable for Rin until it became unbearable.

If it was not a dream, his skin would have already been charred off. A mental breakdown was nearing. He felt his bones was boiling that it will soon melt.

Nerves started to pump on his skin. He screamed but no sound could be heard. It is as if the space was a vacuum and unable to become a medium for such waves.

"I said wake up!!", the soft voice from earlier yelled as if its patience was ending. At the same time, more cracks appeared simultaneously until it covered every darkness.

Rin was trapped in the light, that was he thought before the voice intensified and accompanied with the increased of light, unable to deal with the hellish pain, Rin's mind blackout.

…..

"Still not awake?"

"I thought I forced him quite enough."

"Quite the resilience, I say."

Inside of one of the many small rooms of the hospital, Rin slowly regained consciousness. The urge to puke was on the of his head. His mind was blank for some. But to protect himself, he subconsciously forgot what happened. That is how a brain works.

"Boy…"

The voice made him shivered and remember bits of his suffering. This voice accompanied his torture but he couldn't tell or remember what could it be.

"…are you still not awake?", the voice was no longer making Rin's ear almost explode but rather, it was very soft and gentle.

Rin slowly opened his eyes that met the sudden brightness of the room. He squinted his eyes and looked at the origin of that voice and there he saw a gorgeous young man eating oranges nonchalantly.

Normally, Rin is scared of strangers because of his extreme awkwardness but now, he couldn't care any less. His mind was so tired that you could even say that he might be drunk or on high right now, not much thinking.

After biting off a piece of an orange, the man noticed Rin. He smiled back at him. This smile was very delicate and precious, it seemed like he was the most innocent man in the world. It made Rin's guard lower even more.

"I thought you need another round before you'll wake up but I guess it isn't needed after all." The unknown man's tone was casual as he ate another piece of the fruit.

"Another round….??" Rin reacted with his weak voice "Wait… who are you??"

"That's not what I meant-"

"Are you sad that your mother died?", Nathan said without hesitation which interrupted Rin.

"Wh-what? Mom? Dead?" Memories flooded Rin's head. Tears came out of his unblinking eyes profusely. His heart ached again.

Nathan didn't wait for Rin and asked , "Do you know why your mother died?"

Rin couldn't answer him but just stared with his watery eyes. However, Rin wants to know why. Why did his mother died? Why did she left him? Is it because of some illness? An accident? Or…

"Your mother died because of you."

Those words were spoken without hesitation and a pause but for Rin, it felt like a thunder roarong repeatedly in his ears. He didn't try to deny it. He sobbed and sobbed and curled up.

Nathan continued, "Because of a huge burden. Such an old weak lady has to work herself from day to night in worry. She pushed herself harder and harder everyday in order for you to eat. With a hope that her son, the huge burden, would change."

Rin's eyes were wide open. He couldn't keep himself from listening.

"But" Nathan sharply said "after all the work and suffering she ghhad gone through. It was all worthless because her son still didn't change until she died!"

"Argh!" Rin grunted as his body was trembling. His loud gasps couldn't cover the sound of his palpitating heart. His clutched hands are now covering his ears but he still heard all of Nathan's words clearly.

He was filled with extreme guilt that made a stabbing pain in his heart.

While amidst the pain, he heard Nathan slowly continue, "Because of your inability to change, your mother died filled with regret. You are so weak that the one who you cared the most greatly suffered."

Rin was in anguish. The thought of Nathan doing this on purpose didn't appear in his head but only pure guilt.

"However, if you have strength, everything would have change." Nathan's smile was still gentle as ever as Rin looked into his eyes.

Under all the guilt and anguish, if there is hope then he would take it.

"A-are you saying I could get strength?!" Rin has no expectation or any hope at all but if there is a chance then he need to know. He still wish it's true.

Nathan with a smug look said to Rin, "H-hm! Yes and I am the one who could do that."

His tone was with condfidence but for a human's standard, the logic is; "…How? ….Do you have some illegal drugs?? The ones in a syringe, like that?? If it is, then I would've to say no…", Rin said with his weak voice while still curled up, not looking at Nathan.

Although complicated feelings were mixing inside of him, he was still able to have a righteous moral.