I Am Undying

An unknown pressure was felt by the nurse ,she immediately said, "It's only behind that door, sir." As she point behind Rin.

Rin nodded and in a very low voice, he said, "Thanks…"

Before he reached the door, the door opened and a man in white coat came out.

The man seemed surprise but asked calmly, "Are you the relative of Natasha Gotha?"

Rin nodded, he tried hard and said with the loudest he could, "Yes, I'm her son.."

"Alright, no more identity confirmation. I am a doctor, you can just call me Doctor Henov… Follow me." The doctor knew that Rin wouldn't lie based only on his appearance and in the look of his eyes, he continued, "Before I explain anything first. I think you should meet her first." His voice was very heavy.

Rin's heart palpitated when he heard those lines. He followed the doctor and entered the emergency room where he met his Mother Natasha, there in the white bed in the middle of the room beside a wall, weakly lying.

Mother Natasha saw Rin and tears poured out of her eyes.

Doctor Henov signaled the nurses in there to get out of the room and went out. The nurses followed him but his words reached Rin, "You should speak with her."

Rin turned around but only met the closed door. He didn't turned around for a while. He was afraid to see his mother on the bed. He was an idiot but he knew that his mother was already on her last minutes.

"Rin… come here." Mother Natasha slowly called out in a weak voice.

Rin's chest went up and down as he turned around again. His eyes were about to exploded but he held it in.

"Yes?" he slowly walked closer.

"Rin, my dear…. Your mother is very sorry." Her tears were dazzling under the light.

"Your mother failed…" her voice was filled with regret and hopelessness.

"Your mother failed to see his son grow up…"

Rin stared as a void started to grow within the deeoest in his heart. It was more painful than he was feeling on the surface.

"Your mother won't last enough…"

"Your mother didn't hold enough and fell. I, with all my effort, cared for you…." Mother Natasha kept forcing her weak voice.

"But your mother still failed you…" Her paled old face quivered.

Every sound of his mother's voice strongly reverberated in Rin's head.

"You may already know this but I'm not your real mother… but still…. I gave my all, right?" Underneath the white sheet, her fist tightly clutched.

"I want you to go back to her… your real mother… my wish still continues…"

"I still want you to grow, to change even when I'm not there to witness it…"

"Please…. Rin, I live for you. Grant my wish… live happy…."

Rin didn't respond…

Rin looked at her mother eyes and saw how she tenderly stared at him until it closed.

He stared blankly, unable to utter any word. His lips and tongue froze that he couldn't say anything back.

Is she gone? But I haven't said anything yet. I haven't said how grateful I am to her. How glad I am that she became my mother. How much I love her!! I let the end of her life filled with grief and despair, hopelessness and sadness.

Rin kneeled and wrapped his srms around himself tightly. He was shivering. Cold, too cold.

On this day forward, he will be alone. Nobody will care for him.

Tears came out of his eyes. This was the first. No matter how much hurt he would get. No matter what shame was brought to him. No matter how painful it is, he never once let his tears out.

He was very emotional but he was very tough inside. But now, he was as frail as he could ever be.

His vision was watery for a whole hour. The heat he felt earlier had already chilled down. Nothing stopped him from collapsing. His sight darkened.

…

At the time Rin was sleeping, he was having a blurry dream. About his mom and he…

Since from the start, he knew he was adopted. He still have fragmented memories of his real parents but it wasn't good memories. He was very young back then.

He dreamed about how his life go on. All the hardship and suffering due to his own lacking. However, his mother was there to catch him and push him back on track.

His mother almost could tolerate all of his misgivings. Her patience seemed to be maxed out. Every night, they would talk and she would encourage him.

Every time Rin would go home exhausted, she was there to let him rest. Her cooking are the best! That was what Rin thought. She would make him feel good to be alive.

But then, what if she disappear? The only light in Rin's life was getting dimmer and dimmer as time passes. He knew it was all his fault. He could never try to let that one light rest for even a bit. He was scared of the dark.

One day, the darkness was more intense than usual. He have to get to the light as soon as possible to feel safe. However, wherever he went, as if he was blind, not a single light to be seen. Only a bulb with full of cracks.