Deep Desire

In the early morning, while having breakfast, Lu Jing Shen received another call from his mother, saying they were at the golf course and asked him and Feng Si to come over.

After hanging up, Lu Jing Shen asked Feng Si if he wanted to go. “If you feel awkward, I’ll decline their invitation.”

Feng Si chuckled, “Let’s go. If you’re not awkward, why should I be?”

Although he couldn’t quite understand why rich people liked playing golf so much.

Lu Jingshen’s Father indeed loved it. If his health allowed, he could spend the entire day on the golf course.

Following Lu Jing Shen, Feng Si appeared in a natural manner and greeted the two elders. Lu Jingshen’s Father was examining a golf club and nodded politely at him.

Feng Si never felt nervous in situations like this. An Xin asked them to sit, and Feng Si graciously took a seat, also helping Lu Jing Shen pull out his chair. Despite having eaten breakfast, the elders prepared hot tea and snacks and fruits with their own hands, and Feng Si politely enjoyed them.

Lu Jingshen’s Father rarely spoke, leaving most of the conversation to An Xin and Feng Si. She asked about his work, family, interests, and hobbies, and Feng Si answered each question.

Lu Jing Shen occasionally chimed in, seemingly afraid that his mother’s questions might make things awkward for Feng Si.

Before coming here, Feng Si asked if this counted as meeting the parents. Their relationship hadn’t been explicitly confirmed in front of Lu Jingshen’s, but they both knew and understood each other well. Even if it wasn’t a formal meeting, it wasn’t far from it.

After a brief chat, the two elders went to the court, while they remained seated by the sidelines, continuing to drink tea.

Watching Lu Jing Shen’s parents walk away, Feng Si tossed a piece of fruit into his mouth and looked at the person beside him, smiling teasingly, “Alex, didn’t you say your little brother’s boyfriend easily passed the parent test the first time they met? How come when it’s my turn, your mom seems to have so many questions and is particularly picky?”

Lu Jing Shen lifted his teacup and took a sip, “You’re different.”

Feng Si asked, “How am I different?”

Lu Jing Shen avoided his gaze, “Figure it out yourself.”

Half an hour later, An Xin returned and asked Feng Si if he could accompany Lu Jingshen’s Father for a while to play golf.

Feng Si knew the matter wasn’t over yet and stood up gracefully.

After he left, An Xin sat down and poured half a cup of tea for Lu Jing Shen, “I heard from your sister that you’ve been in better spirits lately. It seems you’re doing well, and your work isn’t as busy as before, right?”

Lu Jing Shen replied, “It’s okay.”

He had always been this way, not speaking much, brief with his words, even in front of his mother.

An Xin felt a sudden sense of loss without any reason. After hesitating, she asked him, “A Shen, did something happen to you before that you haven’t told us about?”

Lu Jing Shen sipped his tea slowly and said calmly, “No, it’s all fine now.”

The past was in the past, and he hadn’t told his family back then. Now, there was no need, and revealing it would only add to their worries.

An Xin sighed; she realized she had been neglecting Lu Jing Shen. Lu Jing Qing was a girl, and Lu Chi Xie was the youngest, so they naturally received more attention from her. Lu Jing Shen, stuck in the middle, was always quiet, and she subconsciously overlooked him. By the time she noticed something might be wrong and wanted to care for him, it was already too late.

She tried to comfort her son, “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. But both your father and I hope you can live more freely, choose what you like, don’t suppress yourself. Jing Qing and Chi Xie can, and you can too.”

Lu Jing Shen nodded gently, “I know, thank you.”

On the other side, Lu Jingshen’s Father estimated the distance to their target and asked Feng Si, who handed him the golf club, “Young man, have you played golf before?”

“I have,” Feng Si replied truthfully, “In my previous job, most of my employers liked playing golf, and I played with them. But I’m not really interested in it.”

Lu Jingshen’s Father laughed, “Many people beg for a chance to play golf with me, even if they don’t like it or know anything about it. They would pretend to be very interested in front of me. You are the first one who directly said that you’re not interested.”

Feng Si didn’t feel embarrassed at all, “It wouldn’t be meaningful if I lied to you.”

Lu Father asked him, “Do you think my elder son likes playing this?”

Feng Si glanced at Lu Jing Shen, who was talking to his mother on the sidelines, and said, “For socializing, even if he doesn’t like it, he has to. He’s always been like that.”

Lu Jingshen’s Father said, “looks like you understand him well”

“Perhaps no one understands him better than I do,” Feng Si confidently stated.

This confidence didn’t make people dislike him. Even Lu Jingshen’s Father, who had seen all kinds of people, felt somewhat favorable toward Feng Si.

“You’re a pilot, right? Have you thought about switching careers?”

“Not really,” Feng Si shook his head, “I still prefer flying planes.”

His gaze fell on Lu Jing Shen again, “Besides, I don’t think Alex would want me to change careers. He’s planning to build a small airport over there in the back mountain, and only I can fly him as he travels.”

Lu Jing Shen stood too high and had seen too many outstanding individuals. His gaze wouldn’t easily fall upon someone. Just because he had a crush on someone didn’t mean it would last forever. Why would he be attracted to Feng Si? At least Feng Si thought he could always bring something fresh and exciting to Lu Jing Shen.

Whether it was the aurora above the sky or the adrenaline and dopamine rushing when rapidly descending or soaring.

In the afternoon, the two of them went skiing.

During those three months in Africa, Feng Si had taken Lu Jing Shen to experience many extreme sports, but they had never tried skiing.

Rushing down the steep mountain path with a high slope, Feng Si also felt his adrenaline surge. He closed his eyes and heard Lu Jing Shen’s anxious shouts from behind. A thought crossed his mind, and he opened his arms, shifting his body’s center of gravity, not caring about anything as he quickly plunged into the snow pile during a sharp turn.

At that moment, Lu Jing Shen’s breath seemed to freeze, and his whole body felt paralyzed. He stumbled and ran over, shouting his name, “Feng Si! Feng Si!”

Feng Si lay on the snow, slowly opening his eyes. He saw the sunlight filtered through the brown goggles, giving him a surreal feeling of floating in the clouds. Then he saw Lu Jing Shen’s face, slightly blurred behind the lenses, appearing distressed and almost distorted.

Lu Jing Shen knelt on the ground, holding onto his clothes tightly, trembling hands, and calling his name repeatedly. The brief sensation of dizziness and deafness made it hard for Feng Si to hear what Lu Jing Shen was saying, but he silently observed the person in front of him. He raised his hand and lightly patted Lu Jing Shen’s arm.

Lu Jing Shen suddenly froze, pausing for a few seconds before slumping into his arms like a limp doll.

Feng Si embraced him, and that surreal floating feeling remained. He heard the rapid beating of his own heart.

This time, he was sure it was dopamine, but the feeling of love was not an illusion.

Lu Jing Shen also held him, and his heart raced as if losing balance, even to the point where breathing became a bit difficult for him.

During those few seconds when Feng Si lay motionless in the snow, countless desperate thoughts flashed through his mind.

If something actually happened to Feng Si, his world might truly shatter completely.

As they came down from the ski resort, Lu Jing Shen remained silent, walking back without acknowledging the people around him.

Feng Si knew he was in the wrong; he had indeed gone too far with his prank on the ski slope. Thankfully, he wasn’t injured in the end, just lucky.

Upon entering the room, Lu Jing Shen picked up his clothes, intending to take a shower. However, when he turned, Feng Si grabbed his arm and pulled him into an embrace, holding him tightly.

Lu Jing Shen closed his eyes and said hoarsely, “Let me go.”

“Just for a moment,” Feng Si teased, “Don’t be angry. I promise I won’t play such jokes on you again.”

Lu Jing Shen replied firmly, “There won’t be a next time.”

Feng Si said, “Okay.”

They stayed quietly embraced for a moment, and Lu Jing Shen’s emotions calmed down a bit, prompting him to step back.

Feng Si gazed into his eyes, “Are you that worried?”

Lu Jing Shen shook his head, not wanting to admit his momentary loss of control. His voice lacked strength when he spoke, “Don’t scare me like that again.”

Feng Si lifted his hand and gently touched his face, sincerely apologizing, “I’m sorry.”

Afterward, Lu Jing Shen went to take a shower while Feng Si went alone to the terrace outside.

As twilight fell, the evening glow spread across the horizon, enveloping the nearby and distant mountain peaks.

Feng Si popped a piece of chewing gum into his mouth, slowly chewing, recalling Lu Jing Shen’s pale face and reddened eyes after he frightened him earlier.

Although it was just a prank, he had indeed gone too far this time.

Well, he should control some of his bad habits.

After driving back to the city at night, Lu Jing Shen dropped Feng Si off at the universityl first.

When he got out of the car, Feng Si checked the time; it was almost eight o’clock.

He bent down to wave at the person in the car, “drive carefully.”

Lu Jing Shen looked at him, deciding not to wait for him to go upstairs this time, “I’ll leave first.”

Feng Si smiled and nodded, “Sure, go ahead. We’ll talk later.”

Lu Jing Shen gripped the steering wheel tightly, suppressing the emotions of reluctance, and drove away.

Feng Si stood in place, watching the taillights disappear into the distance, and smiled.

When he was about to go upstairs, a call came in. His flowers for the day had arrived.

As usual, they were roses delivered from outside. Feng Si couldn’t help but chuckle; Lu Jing Shen really remembered this every day.

As soon as the delivery guy left, another courier from the same city arrived, holding a paper document bag.

Seeing Lu Jing Shen’s name as the sender, Feng Si was a bit surprised and didn’t know what it contained, so he signed for it first.

After going upstairs, he placed the flowers on the coffee table and sat down to open the document bag.

To his surprise, inside were the postcards that Lu Jing Shen had taken from him before. Each one had a handwritten response from Lu Jing Shen.

Feng Si’s heart stirred, and he began flipping through them one by one.

“I didn’t know you would wait for me at the same spot for another month after I left. I never expected to meet you before going to Africa. Those three months were a miracle to me. I hurriedly left because I didn’t want to get too attached to you cause I was afraid of what that meant . I thought I was unimportant to you, but in reality, it seems I was very important.”

“I only visited Tokyo later; when you came looking for me in Tokyo, I had just started working at the company, and I was very busy and tired with work. However, late at night, I still recalled the days in Africa. I don’t know how to completely forget you, and maybe I will never be able to forget you in my lifetime.”

“Those three months were not fake, nor were they your imagination. I was despicable and cowardly, making you suffer so much. Thank you for never giving up on me.”

“I took a course in French during university. Every year in early March, I would go to France for a vacation and I bought that vineyard because of the sunflower fields there. When you asked if it had any special meaning, it actually does. Only there can I deceive myself and indulge in our brief past. Unfortunately, that place is too remote. Even if you traveled with friends and passed by there, we couldn’t meet; it’s all my fault.”

“That night when it snowed, when you brought up that incident, I didn’t know it was like that. If there is someone else who can replace me and give you warmth, I would feel jealous, but I would also be happy for you. However, when you said that if you did that, your liking wouldn’t be worth mentioning, I want to tell you that your liking is priceless to me.”

“It’s very painful when family members pass away. Now, comforting you doesn’t seem to have much effect, but a lifetime is not just thirty years. We are only thirty years old; even if we missed seven years, as long as we take care of ourselves, we can have another thirty years, fifty years, or even longer.”

“I haven’t been to Venice either, but I heard it’s beautiful. If you still want to go, we can go together next vacation. Not just Venice, anywhere in the world, I want to go with you.”

“You have reached the next station in your life, and now you can rest. I’m here, and I won’t leave again.”

The last postcard was the one written by Feng Si that morning in the restaurant in Norway. He wrote it in front of Lu Jingshen, and Lu Jing Shen replied to it in the same way.

“When you were writing this postcard, I was really curious about who you were writing it to. I was jealous of whoever could make you seriously write for such a long time. Later, I realized that I was actually being jealous of myself. If I have to say, it was only after seeing the aurora that night that I was truly the lucky one. Receiving your postcard also made me very happy.”

Feng Si’s gaze lingered on the postcards for a long time, and he couldn’t help but smile genuinely.

Although he wasn’t good with words, Lu Jingshen had earnestly written those responses. When it came to emotions, Lu Jing Shen might be clumsy, slow, and not quick-witted, but he had always been trying.

 Lu Jingshen put in a lot of effort to comfort Feng Si over everything he had experienced in the past seven years.

His disappointments and grievances finally received a response.

Feng Si happened to call when Lu Jingshen had just entered his home.

“Where did you learn to be so good at coaxing people? You wrote me back and didn’t even tell me. Alex, do you know that this is unfair?”

Feng Si’s voice was full of laughter and amusement, and it was evident that he was genuinely happy.

Although Lu Jingshen was a bit annoyed with him in the afternoon, he softened his heart again at that moment. “I learned from you,” he said.

“Oh? When did I teach you?” Feng Si asked playfully.

Lu Jingshen complimented him, “You’re a good teacher.”

Feng Si sighed playfully, “Hey, why do I feel like I’m about to give in after just a week?”

Lu Jingshen sipped water and looked at the record player in the living room. “You left a lot of stuff here last time, and the record player is still broken. I can’t fix it.”

The hint in his words was clear, and Feng Si understood. “I’ll come to fix it next weekend.”

Lu Jingshen’s throat rolled slowly. “Do we have to wait until next weekend?”

Feng Si reminded him in a low voice, “It’s raining outside.”

Lu Jingshen went to the window and looked outside. It had been drizzling lightly when he came back, but now it was pouring.

His hazy and feverish mind cleared slightly, and he said, “okay, let’s talk about it later. I won’t give up on you. I will continue to pursue you”

Feng Si replied, “continue?”

Lu Jingshen said, “It’s only been a week. Are you that easy to chase?”

If others could do it for three months, he could too, and maybe even longer.

He wanted Feng Si to feel more of his sincerity, not just a momentary impulse.

Feng Si chuckled lightly, “With this kind of provocation, I can only resist for too long”

“Well,” Lu Jingshen’s voice was hoarse, “Don’t be so soft-hearted towards me. I can do more for you.”

“Alex,” Feng Si stopped laughing, whispering his name, “Alright, I’ll wait.”