Deep Desire

In the blink of an eye, it was Saturday. Lu Jing Shen woke up at exactly seven in the morning and immediately put his phone on the charger.

During this time, he would chat with Feng Si every night and often fall asleep while talking. In the early morning, his phone would usually be out of power and automatically turned off.

The advantage of this was that his sleep quality had improved a lot. He no longer felt tired and weak every day, relying on coffee and cigarettes to get by.

After finishing his workout, he prepared a simple breakfast. While eating, Lu Jing Shen picked up his phone and saw a message from Feng Si saying that he had an impromptu meeting in the morning and it might end around ten o’clock. He suggested that Lu Jing Shen come by a bit later.

Lu Jing Shen replied with a “Okay,” and looked at the time; it was only eight  o’clock.

Entering the study, he originally planned to read some documents to pass the time, but he couldn’t help but pick up the postcard on the desk again.

He had looked at those dozens of postcards countless times. Lu Jing Shen’s gaze lingered on them for a moment before he picked up a pen.

………

At ten-twenty, the meeting ended, and Feng Si walked out of the college’s office building. Some colleagues invited him to have lunch together, but he declined, saying he had plans.

Lu Jing Shen’s car was parked across from the office building, and he happened to push the door open and get out of the car, meeting Feng Si’s eyes.

Feng Si nodded in Lu Jing Shen’s direction, mouthing the words, “See? A male friend.”

He then waved goodbye to the others, leisurely strolling over to greet Lu Jing Shen. Lu Jing Shen gestured for him to get in the car, “Are you going back to the dorm?”

“I’m not going back. Let’s just go,” Feng Si exchanged positions with him, letting Lu Jing Shen sit in the passenger’s seat while he took the wheel.

As he got into the car, Lu Jing Shen noticed curious glances from others. He lowered his head and quickly closed the car door.

Feng Si reminded him, “No need to be nervous; they’re probably just looking at your car. After all, it’s a multi-million dollar sports car, and it’s rare for them to get a chance to see one.”

That day, they were going to a resort, which was Lu Jingshen’s suggestion. Originally, Feng Si had planned for a short trip around the area, but Lu Jingshen suddenly mentioned wanting to go to his family’s resort, saying that they didn’t get to see much last time and felt a bit regretful.

When they arrived at the destination, it was close to noon. Lu Jing Shen had contacted the villa’s butler beforehand, and someone had already arranged lunch for them.

As soon as they arrived at the villa, someone came to report to Lu Jing Shen about some matters. Feng Si wasn’t interested in hearing it and casually put the rose he had just received into a vase by the door before going upstairs.

When Lu Jing Shen came up, Feng Si was chewing gum and holding his phone to take photos of the lake and mountain scenery across from them.

“It’s time to eat. Why are you chewing gum?” Lu Jing Shen asked him.

Feng Si put away his phone and tossed a piece of gum to Lu Jing Shen, saying, “This is nicotine gum for quitting smoking. Try it, it’s a bit harder to quit smoking than you imagine, and maybe it’ll be easier with both of us keeping each other in check.”

Lu Jing Shen looked surprised, “Are you planning to quit smoking?”

“How many cigarettes do you smoke every day now?” Feng Si asked in return.

“Three or four…,” Lu Jing Shen hesitated, not mentioning the time when he used to smoke even more.

“You used to smoke very rarely, only in necessary social situations, right?” Feng Si clicked his tongue, “It seems I’ve influenced you, and not necessarily in a good way.”

“No, I just wanted to smoke,” Lu Jing Shen quickly denied, not wanting to reveal his vulnerability.

Feng Si said, “Alright, whether it was my influence or you just wanted to smoke yourself, let’s quit together, okay?”

Lu Jing Shen actually liked the tobacco scent on Feng Si, but quitting smoking didn’t have any downsides, and since Feng Si had made up his mind, so he naturally had no objections.

“But why do you suddenly want to quit smoking?”

“I just want to quit,” Feng Si said and reached out to touch Lu Jing Shen’s face, “so you don’t have to rely on this as a remedy for your anxiety.”

Lu Jing Shen was taken aback.

Lunch had been delivered, and Feng Si withdrew his hand, saying, “Let’s eat first.”

In the afternoon, Lu Jing Shen took Feng Si to various places outside the villa, from a flower field farm, to a horse stable, then a ski resort, and finally a golf course.

Feng Si took photos along the way, and he quite liked the place. It was a pity they only had one and a half days, so they couldn’t fully enjoy everything.

“Do you find it more comfortable to find a quiet place to read or watch movies instead of coming to these fun places?” He turned his head to ask the person next to him.

“Do you find me boring?” Lu Jing Shen hesitated, not feeling very confident.

Although they had known each other for over seven years, they had only spent three months together twice. His personality made it difficult for him to pursue someone in the typical way, even though he had tried to learn from others.

He didn’t want Feng Si to always accommodate him. Feng Si had been tolerant of him for seven years, and he really wanted to make it up to Feng Si, not willing to let him suffer any grievances again.

“I don’t find you boring,” Feng Si smiled. “Alex, you don’t understand yourself enough. You are interesting to me. What I meant earlier was that you can also try other interests occasionally. When we were in Africa, I took you around, and you seemed to have a great time.”

Mentioning Africa, Lu Jing Shen felt a bit regretful. He had left in a hurry back then, and their journey was not finished. There were still many places they hadn’t visited. Unfortunately, last year was his first long vacation, and this year Lu Jing Qing was getting married, so he probably wouldn’t have time to go out again. “Let’s go back to Africa next year, during the summer vacation. I’ll prepare early, and we can spend at least a month there, finishing the journey we didn’t complete back then.”

Feng Si curved his lips, “Sure, let’s go together next year.”

Later, they climbed up the hill behind the villa, and there was a construction site behind it.

Feng Si glanced over and asked Lu Jing Shen, “Is this also your family’s property? Are they building an airport here?”

Looking at the terrain layout, it did look like a runway for an airport, and the construction was already halfway done.

“We’re building a small general aviation airport,” Lu Jing Shen explained. “It has been approved, and the people from the construction unit came to report the progress before lunch.”

Feng Si raised an eyebrow, “are you the one personally overseeing it?”

“When it’s finished, I’ll bring you here to see,” Lu Jing Shen replied.

Feng Si squinted his eyes, seemingly understanding something, and smiled, “Really? Then I’m looking forward to it.”

When night fell, they were on the terrace of the villa, drinking. Lu Jing Shen seemed particularly excited that day, drinking one glass after another, all of them imported from a French winery and just arrived that morning.

Feng Si looked at his face, which was gradually showing signs of drunkenness, and lightly swirled the wine glass. Drinking too much made his own thoughts a bit intoxicated as well. His finger reached out and lightly brushed Lu Jing Shen’s Adam’s apple, undoing one of the shirt buttons to let him breathe better.

Lu Jing Shen’s eyes were infatuated, his Adam’s apple bobbing, and the blush on his face spread to the corners of his eyes. The look in his eyes was so familiar to Feng Si, filled with eagerness.

He was probably drunk and caught Feng Si’s hand, slowly approaching him.

All he could think about was the day he went to Feng Si’s dormitory and saw him after a shower, the image he had painted of him.

Feng Si remained motionless, gazing at Lu Jing Shen, and then slowly poured some wine into his mouth.

It wasn’t time yet.

He did feel sorry for Lu Jing Shen, for his past experiences and the suppression and pain he had endured. However, that was separate from how he planned to handle their relationship now.

Lu Jing Shen had a mental dependence and physical infatuation for him, but that was not enough.

What Feng Si wanted was a purer love. Until Lu Jing Shen truly understood himself, Feng Si could accompany him, comfort him, and accept him, but he wouldn’t cross that line again.

Feng Si retracted his hand, and Lu Jing Shen froze.

Feng Si turned his head and leaned towards his ear, “Alex, don’t try to seduce me like this. It’s only been a few days since you started pursuing me.”

A low and amused voice echoed in his ears, pulling him back from his confused thoughts. Closing his eyes, he shook his head. He didn’t mean that just now. It was indeed the effect of the alcohol.

He was serious about pursuing Feng Si and wouldn’t give up halfway.

Feng Si moved away, and Lu Jing Shen raised his hand to touch his throbbing temples. He couldn’t drink any more.

Feng Si’s gaze suddenly stopped and fell to Lu Jing Shen’s wrist, pausing for a few seconds before he put down his wine glass and took Lu Jing Shen’s hand again.

Lu Jing Shen hadn’t reacted yet, but Feng Si had already unfastened his watch strap.

He removed the watch and placed it on the table, revealing a worn-out black leather bracelet beneath it, with almost indistinguishable original patterns.

He hadn’t seen it wrong earlier. The bracelet Lu Jing Shen was wearing on his wrist was indeed the lucky charm they bought seven years ago at a flea market in Africa.

“You still keep this?” Feng Si touched it, amusement flickering in his bright eyes. “It’s all worn out.”

Lu Jing Shen didn’t expect it to be noticed, but now that it was, he calmly explained, “I’ve been wearing it. I got used to it. I took it off for a while before.”

Feng Si knew without a doubt that during the three months they were together before, Lu Jing Shen didn’t have it on his hand. He probably started wearing it again after returning from England.

But when Lu Jing Shen said “always,” it meant that he had been wearing that bracelet for the past seven years.

It was just an ordinary thing with no special meaning. They bought it for fun back then, and it wasn’t valuable at all. Yet, Lu Jing Shen had kept wearing it for seven years.

Feng Si thought that maybe over those seven years, it wasn’t just his one-sided crush.

“It’s a shame mine disappeared at some point,” Feng Si helped Lu Jing Shen put the watch back on, no longer pressing it against the leather bracelet. “Just keep wearing it like this. If anyone asks, ignore them.”

Lu Jing Shen nodded, accepting his suggestion.

After another glass of wine, Lu Jing Shen received a call from An Xin.

It was quite unfortunate; his parents came over that day as well. They had just arrived and heard he was around, so An Xin said she would come over to his side for a while.

Hanging up the phone, he ran into Feng Si’s teasing eyes, feeling a bit embarrassed. Last time’s incident was inevitably brought up. Feng Si asked, “Should I leave?”

“No need. Come with me,” Lu Jing Shen replied.

What wasn’t said was that his parents would be there for half of the week. After agreeing to Feng Si’s proposal last night, he was already mentally prepared to run into his parents there.

An Xin came to deliver a cake to Lu Jing Shen. He didn’t particularly like sweets, but since she made it herself, he would give face and take a bite.

But unexpectedly, Lu Jing Shen wasn’t alone this time. The man smiling and greeting her, An Xin recognized him at first sight. He was Lu Jing Shen’s assistant and the other person in the photo.

Although she had never asked Lu Jing Shen about the photo in person before.

Feng Si rarely acted polite and serious, saying, “Hello, Mrs. Lu.”

An Xin smiled gently, “Hello.”

She turned to complain to her son, “Ah Shen, why didn’t you tell me you brought a friend? If I knew, I would have brought two more cakes. I made them at home and brought them specially.”

Lu Jing Shen didn’t want to say anything. As long as the cake was for Feng Si, it was enough; he had no interest.

Seeing through Lu Jing Shen’s thoughts, Feng Si flattered An Xin, “Mrs. Lu, your cooking is excellent. This cake looks delicious. However, Lu General doesn’t like sweets. If you bring two more, we might not be able to finish them and it’ll be a waste.”

“In that case, can you eat sweets?” An Xin asked Feng Si with a smile. “If you like it, I can make more tomorrow.”

Feng Si nodded, “I really like them. Thank you, Mrs. Lu, for your trouble.”

“No need to address me like that,” Lu Jing Shen suddenly interjected, reminding Feng Si, “You can call her ‘auntie.'”

Feng Si looked at him somewhat surprised, but Lu Jing Shen remained composed, and An Xin added, “Yes, you are Ah Shen’s friend. There’s no need to be so formal with me. You can call me ‘auntie.'”

Feng Si gracefully adapted, “Thank you, Auntie.”

After An Xin left, she noticed the rose in the vase by the door and asked Lu Jing Shen, “Is this something you bought, or did someone give it to you? It’s quite beautiful. Can you give it to me? I’d like to see how they added the gold dust.”

Lu Jing Shen said, “I’ll have someone buy some and send it over tomorrow.”

An Xin sensed the refusal in his words and let it go. She reminded them to rest early and left.

After she left, Feng Si picked up a fork and took a small piece of cake, tasting it. It indeed tasted very good.

Then he brought it to Lu Jing Shen’s lips and said, “Open up.”

Lu Jing Shen instinctively frowned, hesitating for a moment, and reluctantly opened his mouth.

Feng Si took a bite himself and then fed a bite to Lu Jing Shen, sharing the same piece of cake.

“Your mother might have realized our relationship, right? When she asked for the flower, it seemed like she was testing you,” Feng Si said.

“Yeah,” Lu Jing Shen replied.

His parents couldn’t possibly be unaware of the photo incident. It was just that before, he turned a deaf ear to their remarks.

Even if he couldn’t immediately confess to his parents about his relationship with Feng Si, he would try his best to show them that he and Feng Si were serious and not just fooling around.

“I’ll find a suitable opportunity to tell them,” Lu Jing Shen assured Feng Si so that he wouldn’t misunderstand. “I promise.”

“No rush,” Feng Si finished the last bite of cake and smiled to reassure him. “Let’s wait until you successfully win me over.”