Deep Desire

The next day was a holiday. When Lujing Shen got up, Fēngsì had already left. He received a WeChat message from him saying he had made plans with friends and would be back till later.

Lujing Shen held his phone, feeling a bit conflicted.

Last night, he asked Fēngsì if he wanted to go somewhere else to spend the night, but Fēngsì said he wasn’t interested. Maybe he found it boring to hang out with him.

But he was just that kind of person, unable to live as colorfully as others.

After hesitating, he replied to the message, asking when he would be back.

Half an hour later, Fēngsì replied with just two words: “not sure.”

Lujing Shen locked his phone and didn’t reply further.

In the end, he went out alone, heading to the nearby fitness club where he had taken Fēngsì once before, and played squash by himself.

In fact, he wasn’t really into it. He hit the ball harder and harder against the wall each time, but he couldn’t calm down. In his mind, he couldn’t get rid of the shadow of that person.

He played for a full two hours until he was exhausted, then he threw away the racket, bent over, and leaned on his knees, panting heavily. Sweat covered his face, and he felt both tired and embarrassed.

He went to the shower room but was stopped at the entrance.

It was a very tall and muscular man who asked him for his contact information.

Lujing Shen ignored him, but the man persisted and grabbed his arm. “You’re gay, right? I’ve been observing you for a long time, and I can tell that you and I are definitely the same. Can we get to know each other more?”

Lujing Shen shook off his hand with a cold expression. “Get lost.”

The man said, “If you don’t want to give it, then fine. There’s no need to react so strongly.”

Without taking a shower, Lujing Shen grabbed his things and walked away.

Breathing in the fresh air outside, the nauseating feeling of suffocation eased a bit. He took out his car keys and tried to open the car door, but the key slipped from his hand and rolled under the car.

He became annoyed and impulsively kicked the car tire.

Before noon, Lujing Shen returned home. He cooked a simple instant noodle dish and spent the afternoon watching movies on the projection screen at home.

Fēngsì returned in the evening, holding two big bags of groceries, with a phone on his shoulder as he talked to someone. “I’m not going anymore. It’ll just be at home drinking. Boring right?”

“Next time, let’s make plans again. Have fun with your friends.”

“I’m really going home this time. Why would I lie to you? What else can I do at home? Maybe spend time with my wife.”

Hearing this, Lujing Shen blinked and then turned his gaze back to the movie screen.

Fēngsì hung up the call, went to the kitchen to put away the groceries, and called him, “I bought some ingredients. We’ll have hotpot for dinner. Come and help me set it up.”

Lujing Shen took his time before getting up and walking over, watching Fēngsì work.

Fēngsì threw all the ingredients into the sink, turned around, and held a cigarette pack, tapping it on Lujing Shen’s face. “You’ve been home all day? Why do you still look so down?”

Lujing Shen frowned and evaded his touch. “I went to play squash in the morning.”

“Playing squash alone again?” Fēngsì clicked his tongue. “Is that fun?”

Indeed, it wasn’t fun, especially since he encountered something unpleasant.

“You find it fun to go out with other people?” Lujing Shen said unhappily.

Fēngsì smiled and corrected him, “How can you call it ‘going out’ when it’s just friends gathering? We didn’t do anything inappropriate. In the morning, we went for a car race, had lunch together, played billiards and board games in the afternoon, and in the evening, they wanted to go to a bar. I didn’t feel like going, and I knew you don’t like that kind of activity, so I didn’t invite you.”

Seeing Lujing Shen remain silent, Fēngsì’s gaze stopped on his face. “I mean, don’t you have any friends you get along with? Besides work and business interactions, don’t you have any other social activities? Isn’t that a bit too much?”

“No, I don’t need them.”

He indeed didn’t need the kind of social activities Fēngsì was always enthusiastic about.

Lujing Shen coldly threw out that sentence, rolled up his sleeves, and started to help.

When the food was served, Lujing Qing called Lujing Shen to tell him something.

Li Wenzhong’s wife had gone to see her and said that their only son went to Macau for gambling the previous week and was now missing. They only received news last night that he owed a huge gambling debt and was detained at the casino. The casino demanded a ransom of billions in cash.

“She said Li Wenzhong’s and her own assets and shares have been frozen. She asked me to lend her money to rescue their son. If I hadn’t stopped her, she might have gone directly to bother our parents.”

Lujing Shen asked, “What do you think we should do?”

“Definitely can’t let her bother our parents. I’ll deal with her for now,” Lujing Qing replied irritably. “But Li Wenzhong kidnapped you to kill you. Why should we lend him money to save his son? Li Wenzhong is in jail now, and his wife is clueless. With me watching her, she won’t cause any trouble for the time being.”

Lujing Shen was still contemplating when Fēngsì walked over and chimed in, “The people at the casino only want money. At most, they’ll give him a beating. They won’t take his life. That young master has plenty of flesh on him; a few days of hardship would be like losing weight. Don’t bother too much about him.”

Lujing Shen gave him a skeptical look and thought for a moment. He instructed Lujing Qing, “Inform Li Wenzhong’s lawyer about the situation and have him notify Li Wenzhong. If they want to save their son quickly, they shouldn’t stubbornly refuse to admit their guilt. Confessing the crime and quickly resolving the case will unfreeze their assets and shares. After repaying the company’s debts, they can sell the rest to save their son.”

After hanging up the phone, Lujing Shen asked Fēngsì straightforwardly, “How did you know about this?”

Fēngsì sat down at the table and casually squeezed Lujing Shen’s hand. “Eat your food.”

Lujing Shen didn’t touch the chopsticks and stared at him, expecting an explanation. Fēngsì smiled and said, “relax. It just happens that I have a friend who is in charge of a casino there. The Li family’s prodigal son likes to gamble there, so I asked him to take care of it. If we don’t do it this way, his father won’t accept his guilt and return the money he stole.”

“Did you know about the message Li’s family received last night?” Lujing Shen furrowed his brows, recalling Fēngsì using English to communicate with someone in the car last night.

“Ah,” Fēngsì casually nodded. Seeing Lujing Shen frowning, he lifted his chin and teased, “Do you think I’m meddling too much?”

Those borderline barbaric methods were indeed not Lujing Shen’s way of solving problems. Even if someone else did it to help him, he wouldn’t be pleased.

But the one doing it was Fēngsì, and somehow, it didn’t seem surprising. Fēngsì was just that kind of person.

“No, thanks you did what was needed,” Lujing Shen said. After that, he picked up his chopsticks and no longer dwelled on the matter.

Fēngsì was somewhat surprised; he thought Lujing Shen would still put on a serious face and reprimand him for using extreme measures. But after hesitating and wrestling with it, Lujing Shen surprisingly relaxed and thanked him.

Huh?

Lujing Shen raised his eyes with a calm expression. “Aren’t you going to eat?”

The one making a fuss turned out to be himself, which amused Fēngsì. He poured him some wine and said, “Let’s eat.”

While eating, Fēngsì casually asked, “Other than playing squash and watching movies, did you do anything else while at home?”

“I took a nap at noon,” Lujing Shen replied dully.

“Are you mad because I went out without telling you?” Fēngsì laughed and asked.

“No, I’m not,” Lujing Shen denied.

Fēngsì dragged his voice, “Oh.”

He didn’t look like he believed Lujing Shen’s tangled appearance, but it was too fun to watch.

After dinner, they continued to watch the movie.

Fēngsì lazily leaned on the sofa, crossing his long legs on the coffee table. He randomly picked a romantic movie and pulled Lujing Shen to sit down with him.

Lujing Shen was used to his relaxed sitting posture, and he couldn’t be bothered to correct him at home. He wasn’t interested in romantic movies and brought out his laptop to review some documents to pass the time.

Fēngsì’s head moved closer, glancing at his laptop screen. “When I came back this afternoon, you were also watching a movie alone. Why is it only when I’m here that you’re trying to distract yourself with something else? Are you doing it on purpose?”

Lujing Shen stared at the computer screen without turning his eyes away. “I’m not interested in romantic movies.”

“Not interested in romantic movies, but are you interested in me?” Fēngsì said with a smirk.

Lujing Shen’s fingers resting on the laptop keyboard paused for a moment. Fēngsì murmured, “A fine man like me here with you yet you only focused on work.”

With that said, Fēngsì leaned back, returning to his previous position, and his gaze fell back on the projection screen in front.

After half an hour, Lujing Shen put away his laptop and sat back on the sofa, trying to focus on the contents of the movie screen.

Fēngsì watched his movements and smiled at the corner of his lips.

They sat very close, their arms touching, and the heat from their bodies rubbing through their clothing.

Lujing Shen’s mind was somewhat distracted, unable to concentrate.

On the other hand, Fēngsì who refused to let Lujing Shen use his laptop, was using his phone, exchanging WeChat messages with people.

All of them were his friends, inviting him to go out with them on New Year’s Eve.

Lujing Shen had no intention of peeking, but Fēngsì didn’t hide it from him either. The chat window was almost right below Lujing Shen’s eyelids, and he could see it by just shifting his gaze.

One person’s avatar, which was sending WeChat messages, was that of a coquettish-looking guy, and in the chat logs, he was calling Fēngsì “Brother Fēng ” in a particularly enthusiastic manner.

Lujing Shen’s face darkened slightly.

Fēngsì glanced at him lazily and said nonchalantly, “Calling me ‘brother’ won’t work. I don’t like them too young.”

Lujing Shen couldn’t hold back any longer, “Is this all you do every day, chatting with people about these things?”

“What’s the big deal? It’s just for fun,” Fēngsì put away his phone nonchalantly and said, “It’s not like I’m in a committed relationship either. If I ever get into a serious relationship, I’ll naturally delete these random people.”

 Lujing Shen almost blurted something out but stopped himself.

The person who refused to acknowledge their relationship was him. He had no right to demand anything from Fēngsì.

After a moment of silence, he said, “If you won’t let me use my laptop, then you shouldn’t use your phone either.”

Fēngsì shrugged, “ okay.”

He wrapped his arm around Lujing Shen’s waist, and his gaze returned to the front.

However, Lujing Shen couldn’t calm down anymore. He thought about the conversations Fēngsì had with others earlier, and that feeling in his heart kept vacillating, making him feel extremely uncomfortable.

Fēngsì’s hand was still kneading his waist, sometimes unintentionally, sometimes seemingly deliberate.

Lujing Shen felt increasingly restless, and finally, he couldn’t bear it any longer. He pushed himself up and forcefully grabbed Fēngsì’s collar, filled with anger.

Fēngsì calmly looked at him, showing no change in expression, “What are you doing, Alex?”

Lujing Shen’s chest rose and fell, and Fēngsì’s calm demeanor only made him angrier, “Delete those random people.”

Fēngsì asked, “Why?”

Lujing Shen replied, “I’ve said it before; I dislike my employees having  inappropriate private lives.”

“No, I won’t delete them,” Fēngsì said distinctly, reminding him, “Alex, on what grounds do you have the right to manage my private affairs? There doesn’t seem to be such a clause in the contract?”

Lujing Shen said, “You promised me to keep things like this…”

“Sleeping with you and fulfilling your physical desires, I agreed to that. But as for the rest, I don’t recall making any promises,” Fēngsì retorted with a rogue smirk, and Lujing Shen found nothing to refute in his words.

His palms began to sweat, and he released Fēngsì’s collar.

As Lujing Shen moved away, Fēngsì caught his wrist, “Giving up just like that?”

Lujing Shen closed his eyes, not wanting to continue that conversation.

Fēngsì leaned closer, his breath falling on Lujing Shen’s neck, and his voice was laden with a teasing tone, “If you want me to delete them, there’s another simpler option. Call me ‘brother,’ and I’ll delete them.”

Lujing Shen restrained himself and said, “Deleting or not is up to you, just do as you wish.”

 “Alright then, since you don’t care, I won’t delete them; it’s quite amusing,” Fēngsì said with a nonchalant attitude.

Lujing Shen hung his head in silence for a moment, suppressing the emotions he revealed earlier. He stood up, intending to go back to his room, but Fēngsì stopped him again.

“It’s not even midnight yet, are you going to sleep? It’s New Year’s Eve; at least wait till midnight,” Fēngsì reminded with a smile.

Lujing Shen looked at him, and Fēngsì’s voice softened, “Sit down, please.”

After a moment of stalemate, Lujing Shen sat back down.

He couldn’t focus on the movie’s sound in the background at all. The feeling of defeat, even stronger than last night, made him feel powerless.

He couldn’t control Fēngsì at all, and this man had a way of trapping him. After losing control of his body, even his heart began to succumb.