Deep Desire

Lu Jing Shen hesitantly approached, and in the quiet space, only his breathing could be heard.

Feng Si’s eyes were pitch-black and calm, coldly staring at him, silent and almost repressed.

Lu Jing Shen clenched his fists tightly.

He felt uneasy, so uneasy that he felt like vomiting.

Whether it was the panic and helplessness outside just now, or the current situation with Feng Si’s cold gaze, it made him feel suffocated and unable to escape, even terrified.

With difficulty, he managed to speak, “What are you doing?”

Feng Si looked at him, raised his hand, and touched his face, the cigarette between his fingers stopped by his side, his expression obscure and indistinct, “And what are you doing?”

Lu Jing Shen couldn’t find the words. He wanted to explain, but he didn’t know what to say. In the end, all he could manage was two words, “I’m sorry.”

“You apologize to me?” Feng Si sneered lightly, “Are you feeling guilty? In your eyes, am I someone who needs to be hidden away and can’t see the light of day?”

Lu Jing Shen replied, “My mom suddenly knocked on the door just now… what did you want me to do? I just didn’t want her to see us like that.”

“Don’t want her to see what? Don’t want her to see us on the bed, or don’t want her to see me?” Feng Si asked, and he had already gotten the answer from Lu Jing Shen’s expression. Even if they hadn’t done anything just now, Lu Jing Shen’s instinctive reaction was still to hide him and not let his family find out about their relationship.

“Why do you keep avoiding this issue?”

Feng Si’s fingers pinched Lu Jing Shen’s chin, forcing him to face him, “What are you afraid of?”

Lu Jing Shen was stunned for a while before he reacted. His gaze flickered, and he knelt down in front of Feng Si and leaned in slowly.

Being held by Feng Si at the back of his neck, Lu Jing Shen looked up at him and said in a hoarse voice, ” you don’t need to do anything, just relax.”

After a brief standoff, Feng Si released his hand and leaned back against the wall, staring at him.

Lu Jing Shen’s eyelashes trembled. He persisted and leaned closer.

The second time Lu Jingshen sucked off Feng Si, his skills were still far from good. It was still clumsy, and that night, due to his fluctuating emotions, he was intentionally trying to soothe and please Feng Si in this way, making him more forceful and impatient, which led to him being even more at a loss.

Feng Si frowned in annoyance several times, and he placed his hand on the back of Lu Jing Shen’s head, attempting to guide and teach him again.

“It’s still not right,” Feng Si said unintentionally, but Lu Jing Shen was stunned by those words.

He stopped his movements and tried to breathe, but his face turned red from the lack of air, and he started coughing. The taste in his mouth made him uncomfortable, and his eyes were tearful, but he struggled to keep going, feeling embarrassed and helpless. Feng Si’s hand grasped the back of his neck again, and he had no choice but to continue.

A sense of frustration surged up. He wanted Feng Si to feel good, but he always managed to ruin the atmosphere, and even with something like this, the only feedback he received was “can’t do it well.”

That feeling made him feel particularly powerless. With his eyes closed, he could only instinctively try to please the other person. Even so, it still didn’t satisfy Feng Si.

Feng Si had been watching him from beginning to end, allowing Lu Jing Shen to take the initiative. The light of his cigarette flickered, and the ash fell from time to time.

Feeling rather uncomfortable, but seeing Lu Jing Shen’s red eyes and submissive look, he felt a sense of satisfaction that had been suppressed in his body rising again.

Taking a deep drag of the cigarette, at the last moment, he deliberately didn’t back away and did what he had wanted to do for a long time.

Lu Jing Shen slumped to the ground, coughing uncontrollably.

The excessive stimulation left him dazed for a while. His eyes seemed unfocused, unable to focus, and even his eyelashes were moistened by the tears, making him look particularly disheveled. That added a touch of indescribable allure to his originally rugged and handsome face.

Seeing this appearance, the desire that had just subsided in Feng Si’s body surged up again.

He pulled the seemingly lost Lu Jing Shen up, turned his head, and forcefully bit down on his Adam’s apple.

He elicited a helpless groan from Lu Jing Shen, and unabashedly left a clear red mark on a prominent spot beside his Adam’s apple. He then kissed his way up, sucking Lu Jing Shen’s lips.

Lu Jing Shen resisted a little, not liking the taste that spread in his mouth. Feng Si’s tongue intruded, pushing and stirring in his mouth, forcing him to swallow his own breath.

However, when he met Feng Si’s exceptionally deep gaze so close to him, as if he could be swallowed up by the hidden emotions at any time, Lu Jing Shen’s struggling ceased.

After a few seconds of stiffening, he closed his eyes and chose to yield.

…………

They left the resort at eleven o’clock at night, as Feng Si suggested.

After coming out of the bathroom, he put on his clothes and turned back to tell Lu Jing Shen, “Or do you plan to keep me hidden here and deal with your parents’ unexpected visits at any time?”

Lu Jing Shen looked embarrassed, but Feng Si didn’t care and said, “Forget it, it’s more convinient to go back to your place.”

Sitting in the car, Lu Jing Shen sent a WeChat message to An Xin, explaining that he had something to do and had to return home early. After locking the screen of his phone, he looked at Feng Si again and said, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. I don’t like to hear apologies anyway, so save it,” Feng Si interrupted him.

Lu Jing Shen’s lips moved, not knowing what else to say, so he could only remain silent. He leaned back in his seat, sighing heavily.

They rode in silence. When they reached a traffic light, Lu Jing Shen attempted to break the silence, “Are you hungry? Let’s go have some late-night snacks.”

Feng Si turned to look at him, “Late-night snacks, are you sure?”

Lu Jing Shen nodded, “What do you want to eat?”

Feng Si didn’t really mind, and since Lu Jing Shen suggested it, he agreed.

He drove to a nearby street food stall recommended by a friend. It was a noisy place with a vibrant atmosphere. After parking the car, he pointed to the stall with a garish, unpretentious signboard, “Let’s eat here,”

Lujing Shen did not oppose and followed him out of the car.

After five minutes, they sat in a greasy and smoky diner.

On the table were greasy disposable tablecloths and utensils wrapped in plastic film. Around them, late-night diners were eating and drinking while boasting loudly. The atmosphere made Lujing Shen feel uncomfortable, but he saw that Fēngsì opened the utensils and ordered food with ease. Clutching the paper cup in his hand, he sipped some hot water, forcing himself to blend in.

Fēngsì looked somewhat relaxed, ordered the hot water to sterilize the utensils, and casually ordered a cigarette. In a place like that, there were many others puffing away on cigarettes.

Lujing Shen gazed at the blurred eyes behind the smoke and recalled the cold gaze he received earlier. It made him feel uncomfortable and suffocated.

Passing a bowl and plate that had been sterilized, Fēngsì handed them to him and raised an eyebrow when he noticed Lujing Shen’s unease. “Isn’t it your idea to come for a late-night snack? Why do you look so restless?”

“No,” Lujing Shen put down his cup and asked him, “Do you want to drink?”

Fēngsì replied, “I’m driving us Alex”

Lujing Shen said, “I’ll call a driver.”

“Okay.” Fēngsì snapped his fingers and called the waiter, who brought them half a dozen beers.

As the dishes arrived one after another, Fēngsì picked up his chopsticks and gestured to Lujing Shen, “Try it. The food here is pretty good. I’ve been here before.”

Lujing Shen hesitated and asked, “You were born and raised abroad. Are you used to this kind of roadside diner?”

“What’s the problem?” Fēngsì flicked the ash and put out the cigarette. “I actually think this is much better than Western food.”

“Have you been to China before?” Lujing Shen asked, and then felt like he was grasping at straws. What he really wanted to ask was how long Feng Si intended to stay here.

Fēngsì poured him a drink, calmly explaining, “I’ve been here many times when I was young. My parents are from the south and went to study in the UK early on. They got citizenship there, and when my grandparents were still alive, they used to come back to visit every two years.”

But the last time he came back was over ten years ago when his grandmother passed away, and he attended the funeral.

In the past seven years, he searched the world for someone. He went to East Asia and even other Southeast Asian countries, but he couldn’t find the person he was looking for.

Finally, he found Lujing Shen by a fortunate coincidence. At the beginning of the year, he went to the Middle East and took a short-term contract for a local tycoon. One of the employer’s friends had been doing business in East Asia and had connections with wealthy people in China. They had a party on the plane, and that person showed the photos he took when attending a business reception in China. Fēngsì raised a glass to toast with a beverage and happened to catch a glimpse of the corner of the photo—a person who had been missing for over seven years.

At that moment, the excitement was followed by an indescribable bitterness. He finally realized that Lu Jingshen had been hiding from him from the very beginning and wouldn’t reveal a single detail about his background.

But he still wanted an answer, at least to see Lujing Shen again, so he quit his job in the Middle East and returned here, applying to work for a private jet company.

After that, he took the initiative to help Lujing Shen pilot the plane and reunited with him on a bright morning.

It was Lujing Shen who suggested eating late-night snacks, but he had little appetite. He didn’t eat much, but he drank quite a lot.

Fēngsì didn’t stop him, and several times, he looked at him unintentionally, observing how Lujing Shen brought the drink to his lips, just like how he had helped him swallow it earlier.

“Are you upset?” Fēngsì poured him more wine and casually placed some food in his bowl.

“Are you feeling good?” Lujing Shen asked in return, his voice somewhat lacking in confidence.

“I was feeling fine before,” Fēngsì smiled, “Your family’s vacation resort is really nice. I didn’t get a chance to explore it properly. I was hoping to have some fun these days, but it didn’t work out.”

Lujing Shen replied, “If you want, we can go there again next time.”

“Pick a time when your parents aren’t around?” Fēngsì sneered, “Or forget it. Maybe next time it won’t be your parents, but your sister, or your brother, or someone else from your family, and we’ll have to leave in the middle of the night.”

He sounded like he was joking, but there was obvious sarcasm in his tone.

Lujing Shen didn’t know what to say and changed the subject, “During these days off, where else do you want to go? I’ll go with you.”

Fēngsì thought for a moment and said, “Doesn’t matter. You only want to go to places with few people or even no one, which is pretty boring.”

“I… I’ve always been like that,” Lujing Shen replied.

“Okay,” Fēngsì said.

Seeing that he wasn’t interested, Lujing Shen could only give up. The feeling of discomfort in his heart grew stronger, and he held the cup, continuing to pour himself more wine.

They finished half a dozen beers, then ordered another half dozen, and finally, after finishing their late-night meal, it was almost one o’clock in the morning.

As they walked out of the restaurant, Fēngsì looked up at the sky and suddenly said, “You can’t see a single star at one o’clock in the morning here.”

Lujing Shen understood his meaning, but he didn’t know what to say.

The designated driver parked the car on the side of the road. Fēngsì walked over and opened the door, getting into the car first.

It was the first time he didn’t wait for Lujing Shen and got into the car first. Lujing Shen was slightly startled, but followed and sat in the back seat.

The car raced through the deserted streets in the dead of night. Fēngsì leaned back in his seat and absentmindedly sent messages to someone, all in English.

Lujing Shen had no intention of peeking, so he quickly looked away.

Fēngsì sent the last message, put away his phone, and rested one hand behind his head, gazing out of the window.

Lujing Shen wanted to say something, but there was a stranger in the car, so the words never left his lips.

The car entered the underground parking lot of Mingyue Bay. The driver took the money and returned the keys before leaving.

When Fēngsì was about to push open the car door, the person next to him leaned over, and a warm breath fell near him.

“Are you still angry?” Lujing Shen’s voice sounded hoarse as he gripped Fēngsì tightly. It was the third time he apologized that night. “I’m sorry.”

Fēngsì turned to look at him, and Lujing Shen’s eyes seemed a bit unfocused, likely due to the alcohol.

Fēngsì playfully stared at him for a while, then embraced Lujing Shen by the waist and lifted him to sit on his lap, face to face.

“Are you drunk?” Fēngsì leaned back against the seat and looked up at him.

Lujing Shen closed his eyes for a moment and said slowly, “a little.”

“If you can’t handle it, don’t drink so much in one go,” Fēngsì said with a smile. “Don’t make it look like I bullied you.”

Lujing Shen couldn’t find the words to respond, he just shook his head.

Seeing him like this, Fēngsì thought of how confused and helpless he looked when he was being teased earlier, and it made him feel a tightness in his chest.

Okay, he did tease him quite a bit that night.

Even though Lujing Shen brought it upon himself.

Fēngsì asked, “What are you doing now? Apologizing to me or being playful?”

Lujing Shen shook his head again.  “How can I make you not angry?”

“Alex, I’ve said it before. I don’t need an apology. If you really think you did something wrong, just don’t repeat it next time.”

Fēngsì’s voice lightly resonated in Lujing Shen’s ears, making his heart continuously tighten. After a long silence, he finally said with effort, “… I just need some time.”

As if afraid that Fēngsì wouldn’t agree, he added, “just a bit longer.”

“Alright, but my patience has its limits,” Fēngsì reminded him. “I can’t wait forever.”