Ablackwing

I looked at that navy blue flat gemstone in my hand and wondered if I should try it... Try summoning my angel. He gave that gemstone to me on the day he confessed his love and I was to summon him if something dangerous were to happen to me. I had kept this gemstone hidden in my closet like a treasure. I wouldn't say I was in a dangerous situation but the headache that creeps in sometimes was really life-threatening.

I remembered his instructions. I only had to hold that small thing in my hand and think of 'summoning' him in front of me. I had no idea if it would really work just by thinking about it.

But...

What if it did work and he appears right in front of me? What was I supposed to say to him? How would I ask for forgiveness? I was ready to beg to him. I was ready to let go of my pride and beg, kneel or even grovel before him to appease his anger if he so wishes. But I was still afraid of that non-existent probability that he will not forgive me and he will go away once again. And he might even take this summoning stone from me. I was very frightened. I found waiting for him must easier compared to the thought of watching him go away once more.

And... What if... What if the stone didn't work... What then?

My head was filled with anxiety and hesitation. My head was filled with negative thoughts and after a while, I felt this sharp pain throbbing inside my head.

I took in a deep breath in an attempt to calm my mind. I let go of all those distracting thoughts and finally decided to be brave and take the first step, hoping that things would work out... Somehow.

I clenched that gemstone in my right hand, as tightly as I could, and closed my eyes.

I felt heat coming out of that gemstone in my hand. Or perhaps it was my body heat that was going towards that gemstone. It was a very weird sensation.

I opened my palm to see that the gemstone was glowing faintly. The glow gradually became brighter as time passed. And before I knew, it became so bright that it appeared like a miniature bright star shining at night. It happened in a moment but it felt like years had passed by.

The gemstone then floated up on its own and hovered in mid-air. I remembered that same thing had happened to my broken necklace back when he appeared in my college.

It's working!

I prepared myself to see my angel in front of me again. I prepared my apology in my head.

A magic circle ring like thing, glowing in red, came out of the gemstone and it started to expand, little by little. And my heart started beating faster and faster.

But when that circle approached the size of that big clock in the living room, it cracked. It's outer surface cracked. The crack propagated from the periphery and extended towards the middle.

"No!" I screamed when I realized what was happening but I was powerless to stop it from happening... That jerk gemstone didn't listen to my words.

It happened in a snap. Before I knew it, many cracks appeared on that magic circle and it broke... Just like that. Those fragments started falling down and when they touched the floor, they vanished. They vanished the same way his fallen feathers used to vanish after a while.

Why did this happen?

Did I make some mistake?

Or did he not want to see me?

I was wondering what I did wrong in the summoning but the next moment, I felt all the power leave my body. I felt so tired all of a sudden. My powerless feet tumbled on the floor as I collapsed. I felt breathless as if I had done a hundred kilometer run.

I crawled ahead to reach out for that gemstone that had fallen down. I was worried that the stone might have been damaged because of falling from such height. But I heaved a sigh of relief when I found out that it was not broken. That stone was one of my cherished possession. Those three things that he gave me on the day of his confession were the last of the traces my angel had left in my life. Other than these, not even a shadow remained.

No! It can't end like this!

I had to see him again!

I held that gemstone in my hand once again and decided to try force summon him. Black had told me that summoning can be negated if the other party was not willing to be summoned. It could be possible that he was still mad at me. But forced summon can summon the other party even against their wishes. I can do a forced summon too with this gemstone.

"Black. I command you to appear in front of me."

This should not fail!

It was going alright but then the magic circle just vanished as if it was never present there and the summoning gemstone fell on the floor. When I picked it up, I realized that one of the edges of the gemstone was chipped off this time.

I sat down beside the wall with my arms wrapped around my legs. All these months, I was almost sure that I would be able to see my Black again if I used that stone but that didn't work out. I wasn't able to meet him. The sound of silence echoed in my room and along with that echoed my cries. I felt so sad and broken at that moment.

Was that the price I must pay for my sin?

...

I didn't want to come to this place. But after the summoning failed, the frequency of headache increased. I couldn't even get that couple of hour of sleep I used to and I felt like an insomniac.

"So would you like to share anything this time?" Serena asked.

"Nope." I shook my head. "I'm having trouble sleeping. Will you help me out and write me a prescription?"

"And why are you having problems with sleep?" Serena asked as she ignored my last sentence and scribbled on her diary.

Her hazel eyes were so clear that they appear to see through everyone's soul. I pitied those boys who had sit in front of that tender, questioning gaze. They had no chance to keep hold of their secrets in front of this person whose beauty was only below angels.

I still remember the day I first came to this place. I remember how much of a mess I was on that day. I wouldn't speak to Serena no matter how much she tried to pry. I just looked down and sometimes either nodded or shook my head. I let aunt Emi describe my 'problems'.

After Black left, I was broken. I tried to call him many times but his device was out of the coverage area. I placed many letters in the form of bits of papers telling him how sorry I was for my word inside the space zero but I never felt Black picking out those letters to read. Nor did he ever touch any food or clothing that was inside that space.

Nothing could warm up my heart. I felt so alone in the cold world. All that depression I faced when my family passed on returned to me once more. Everyone left me silently. Mom did. Dad did. Sis did. And even Black. Even though he claimed to return soon but he didn't even answer or even seen those letters I left for him.

Many times I had thought of using the summoning stone he had left for me. But I didn't because he had won the game. I was to let him be for a while... And... And I didn't know how to face him. I didn't know what to say to him in apology.

Black had made a huge castle in my heart and sat there on the throne like a king. But when he left, that castle crumbled down as of it was made of sand on a beach. And all that was left was ruins...

Aunt Emi came to my house three days later. She had called me after receiving my mail and I was unknowingly sobbing so much that she was worried to the extreme. I did tell her as much as I could without letting her know of the things about angels and demons.

The total amount of swearing words she used for cursing Black over those three days would have probably surpassed the times she had used them in her entire life. She was very incensed because Black had left me just because of some words.

I told her many times that it wasn't his fault, that it was I who behaved rudely. But she didn't believe that her Eve could say any hurting words to someone else. Aunt Emi had her 'suspicions' ever since she first met him because according to her a man that perfect cannot exist in the world. She was right in a way. Black was perfect because he was the most powerful angel of the other world.

As days passed my sadness started to evolve into depression. Or so I was told. I believed it. I couldn't sleep peacefully at night because I would have nightmares of that cursed day. I would cry at random times remembering that day. I would sulk around thinking about the time we spent together. It was just like the first time he left for five days straight but much, much worse than that time. And as time passed, I developed this never-ending headache that made my life hell.

And after a week, my aunt brought me to this place where I could get help and 'move on'.

I didn't want to move on. I never would. I only agreed because I didn't want to make my aunt more worried about me than she already was.

That day, I left this place with loads of medicines. And those medicines did cure my anxiety and depression to some extent.

"You're with me?" Serena asked and brought me back from my trance. I remembered that she had asked me a question.

'Why I had trouble sleeping? Well, he stopped whispering how much he loved me and I stopped sleeping. He stopped kissing me good night and I stopped sleeping. He stopped cuddling me to sleep. And I stopped sleeping.'

But I couldn't tell her that, could I? Wait. Something wasn't right. I looked above instead of looking at my legs. And the way Serena was smiling and scribbling made me realize that I had loudly spoken the words inside my head.

"The swindler?" Serena questioned. Aunt Emi really didn't believe me. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry knowing that they both think of my angel as a swindler.

"I was told that he was a swindler. But I'd like to hear what happened from you." Serena said as she noticed my expression.

"I said something really, really bad. And because of my words, he left me."

"But words are just... Are you sure it was nothing else?"

"Yeah."

"I'm curious about your love story. Do you mind telling me the details?"

And I once again told that half-baked story of how we met outdoors and got together because we had similar hair colour.

"I was told that you didn't like to be near guys. Your story lacks credibility honey."

"He was different. He was special... He said he would be back soon but I can't contact him... It's frustrating..."

Serena scribbled on another page and handed that to me.

"This session was better than last time. I've prescribed some sleeping pills but they'll last only one week. Come back again later and we'll talk some more?"

"Sure."