The Unnamed God. I'm really Not a God You Guys!

"Ah, C'mon! I'll tell you either way! Let's follow these guys up there. I have no idea what they are looking for but it must be precious!" 

[So you want us to risk our lives in search of a treasure that we probably don't need in the first place?] 

"Exactly! But all jokes asides, have you seen the state of the land? Just look at it!"

[Lots of ice, your point?] 

"Well, people living nearby will have fled or died already. Beast tides tend to take a while before getting stopped. After all most sects don't care about the death of normal people. Fighting one is simply a waste of resources."

[So they just let it be?!] 

"Well, at some point someone somewhere will get backed into a corner by the beast tide. A very unlucky someone may I add. Then either that sect manages to survive and is weakened or it gets destroyed!"

[This is so damn ridiculous! They could all work together instead and…] 

"Yeah, the problem is that it's really hard for gods to cohabit. This will come as a shock to you but gods pretty much live in seclusion alone in the god realm. There is no sense of community whatsoever."

[Right, that was the case for the Lunar Goddess and Forgar when I saw them. Seems about right. *Sigh*] 

"Wait…saw?! How did you see two gods?!" 

[No big deal, just summons. So anyway, what was your point?]

"Wait! You met not one, but two gods and you aren't bragging everywhere about it?! Then there is the remnant of the God of Order…! Are gods supposed to be that easy to encounter?!"

[No clue.] 

"*Sigh* Anyway since we don't know where people are we could simply head to the mountain to interrogate these guys up there! Then maybe we'll know where we are."

[What if they don't want to cooperate?] 

"Worst case there are always their belongings to give us clues. Remember that these people didn't bat an eye as that man came back to kill us- you!"

[Fair, enough. What if they are stronger than us? I'm pretty confident in a one versus one but…] 

"Do not worry! Now that I have a body, I can manifest my Naked Emperor's Dignity!"

[What is that supposed to be?!] 

"Long story short I can't be killed."

[Wait, so you are actually strong now?!] 

"Not really. How should I explain it…Ah, I know! Okay, do you know about Laws?" 

[Concepts that make you strong somehow once you figure them out?] 

"Exactly, I am cultivating the law of nakedness! As long as I am naked, I'll be fine, no matter what."

[Is that even reliable?] 

"It has its flaws, but against people that don't even know what a Law is... It is pretty much absolute!" 

[So we follow them, beat them up, and try to interrogate them? Wait, how about you simply pose as him and try to figure out some information? You have his body after all!] 

"Oh! You are perfectly right! I got this! I will show you the acting skills of an emperor! Now, let me just remove this pesky robe and…"

[No! You can't remove it, or it will blow your cover!]

"Damnit! If only I still had my soul senses I could take it off and slip it back before they see us!" 

[Anyway, go catch your frog, Emperor!] 

"Why should I…"

[You have the body, I'm sure it will recognize its master!] 

He grumbles but he still goes after it. Then starts a chase between a man and a frog. How hard can it be? All I can say is I've been watching him fail for the past 10 minutes and it's still as hilarious haha. 

What about our quest? Why aren't we hurrying up? Well, I'm enjoying the show quite a lot and he's too proud to admit he needs help. Every time he tries to jump on the frog's back he slips and falls while the creature simply hops away easily. 

At some point, the frog seems to be wondering what the Hell he is doing. You know you have hit rock bottom when a frog is judging you! After a while, he finally manages to get on top of it. 

He shows me a triumphant pose, even flexing his biceps in the process. All-powerful Emperor 1, normal weak giant frog 0…but does that really count as a win? 

Then starts the ascension of the mountain. Let's just say it is slippery and very very steep. If this was a movie it would have had the longest blooper scenes!  Now our roles are reversed I'm slowly advancing in the ice while he's just gloating atop the frog. 

[Alright, let me hop in on the frog, and let's go.]

"No way! I'm the one that tamed it while you only watched cackling! This is retribution!"

[Wow! That's nice! For a second, I thought you'd be anxious to finish this operation as soon as possible so you could remove the robe on your body and embrace nakedness. Glad to see that it's not the case!] 

With each of my words, I see his face change drastically. In this twisted perception of his, he has way more to lose than I. 

"Hurry up and climb behind me! We are reaching the top as soon as possible!"

Then starts an epic journey. One with a devilishly handsome young man that is also incredibly valiant, powerful beyond measure, so goddamn wealthy (in spirit), world-famous, etc., etc.! There is also a frog and another man but who cares really. 

Soon we have climbed the Everfrozen Peak! (Totally didn't cheat with a giant frog, you saw nothing!)  There awaits that group with plenty of frogs, about 8 of them. 

"What took you so long? Ah, also is that your target behind you?! What happened to killing him?!"

"Yeah! What is up with you, man?!" 

I slightly nudge my friend in the back. The success or failure of this operation will depend solely on his acting skills now! He was so confident down there that he'll probably be fine.  Common! I believe in you! He goes…

"Aye, mate! Good day for treasure hunting ain't it? Little ol' me figured he'd be useful to our search! So I brought the Lil' guy and here we are. Just a frog, a man, and some bloke." 

*Sigh* I was clearly dumb to have any faith in him at all! Not only is the dialogue problematic but so is the tone! It sounds like a goddamn children's puppet! 

How the fuck did he ever believe himself to be good at this?! How can one lack self-awareness so much?! Of course…

"Who the Hell are you?!"

"What have you done with Damien?!

"We should attack directly!"

….. Can I facepalm? Ah, never mind I'm already doing it…

(－‸ლ)