life thirty

The truth that I didn't understand before, now just any one thing can make me see through my whole life and take it lightly.

When I got home, Huanhuan sat obediently on the sofa and looked at me motionless. I don't know why that made me feel extremely sad.

I don't need my child to behave like a happy doll, but I can't say that to her now.

I'm not ready yet how to educate her and unravel her.

People whose own lives are already in a mess really don't deserve to gossip about others.

For the past half month, Huanhuan still went to kindergarten.It's just that Liang Ruoling took over the task of picking her up.

And today is Sunday, I want to go home, so she obediently waited for me at home.

But the daughter I know will open the door with joy when I am still in the corridor.Then he said to me, "Daddy, you're welcome back."

But now, she even looks at me carefully, as if she is afraid that I won't make me angry.

I suppressed the tears that were about to overflow my eyes, put down the things in my hands and walked over, stood in front of her and knelt down, looking at her immature face.

Taking a deep breath, she was mercilessly interrupting her as she was about to speak.

"Father, it doesn't look good when you smile like this. If you don't want to laugh, Huanhuan can also be sad with you."

Yes, the teacher said, happiness can be shared, and sadness can also be shared together. "

She spoke righteously, like a little grown-up, then turned around and stuffed the doll that had been placed beside me directly into my hand.

"During this time, I planned to bring the doll to the hospital to accompany you, but the doll didn't spend the night outside... I was worried that it was scared, and now it's all right. I'll continue to give you the doll when you come back..."

As she spoke, her voice suddenly became low, and tears began to fall down. The hot tears dripped on my hands, and I felt extremely hot.

Then the whole person was numb, like a firewood being burned by the flames, even if the body was already burning, it still could only rely on the burning to intensify.

But he was still just a spectator, listening stiffly to Huanhuan's crying words.

"Dad... No matter what happens in the future, don't leave Huanhuan, okay... Huanhuan is so afraid that I won't see Dad in the future... Woooooo..."

After she finished speaking intermittently, I stretched out my hand and took her directly into my arms, trembling all over.

This is the person who really cares about you. She will be in fear for your safety, and she will also change her emotions because of your happiness and anger.

The father and daughter hugged each other, crying for a long time without stopping, as if unknown sad powder had been sprinkled on the living room

, I only remember that at the end of the night, Huanhuan was tired from crying in my arms, and fell asleep, and I carried her back to the room.

Wipe off the tears on her face with a hot towel, tuck the quilt up, and when she was about to go out, she saw the open book on her small table.

Originally, I just wanted to go forward and tidy up, but the moment I picked up the notebook, I saw what was written on it, and it took me a long time to calm down.

The words on it were scribbled and altered, mixed with traces of dry and wet tears. Although the child is only about five years old, Huanhuan's mind is obviously much stronger than that of children of the same age.

And the learning ability is not bad, the basic Chinese characters, I babbled to learn with me a year ago, although the handwriting is very immature, and it is mixed with pictures, but the above words make me very sad.

"I went home with sister Lingling today. When I got off the bus, I saw my mother and that man standing downstairs hugging and kissing. It was so uncomfortable. I didn't like that bad uncle at all. Fortunately, my father was discharged from the hospital today, but he came back Will I see that bad uncle often in the future..."

"Today is the third day of my father's coma. It's so uncomfortable. They all said that my father may not wake up. I have been talking to my father, but he ignores me. I don't like such a father. I want my father to talk to me. , I want daddy to touch my head again...

... "

Almost from the showdown between Song Yu and me that night, each page of the diary has a small number of words, plus large and large tear stains. The dried water marks are like scars. When touched, they are like scars. It's imprinted on me.

There was a horrible tingling feeling all over my body, as if the guilt pouring in from all directions enveloped my whole body.

I put down Huanhuan's diary and left her room as if escaping, for fear that I would lose control of my emotions and cry out in her room!

As a man, I have always regarded it as my duty to protect my wife and daughter, but now my wife has thrown herself into the arms of another man.

And I can't even keep my own daughter, she is only five years old!

Still an age who doesn't understand anything, should be as innocent as a flower!

But he has already begun to suppress his emotions.

I thought of the psychological consultation half a month ago. If I cared more about Huanhuan's thoughts at that time, would there be at least some tears in her diary?

I leaned against the wall and slid down powerlessly, sitting on the ground, but the cold touch couldn't match the coolness in my heart.

Tears fell silently, a big man sobbed softly in the middle of the night, the whole house was as empty as a cemetery, cold and dead.

I never thought I'd have a day like this, but it just happened

Defend.

That night, I seemed to be streaming all the tears of my life, crying until I almost fainted, and finally a text message on my mobile phone saved me.

It was Liang Ruoling who sent the message at 03:30 in the morning, because the whole house was very quiet, so when the phone rang, I was startled.

I groped my way to the living room in the dark, and when I found my phone under the sofa, it rang again, almost making me throw it out.

"I can't sleep in the middle of the night, you go home once every half a month, can you fall asleep?"

"Forget it, when you wake up and see the message, just pretend I didn't send it."

The two words touched my heart for a moment, and almost without thinking, I kept kneeling on the ground and returned the message, for fear that she would turn off her phone one step later and would not be able to see my message.

"You guessed it right. You didn't fall asleep. After reading Huanhuan's diary, you felt that you... are not worthy of being a father."

Many times I can't let go of things, the moment I confide in others, it's like my guilt is being shared. Even if I don't get a response from Liang Ruoling, when I send the news, I feel that I The state of mind that suddenly relaxed most of it.

Standing up and sitting on the sofa, the phone rang with a "ding dong". I picked up the phone and saw the words on the screen in the light.

"I've seen it too, and it's sad."

(End of this chapter)