Nirvana(BL)

When Yu Yue was a little boy, he thought that as long as he kept walking in one direction, he would reach the horizon far, far away.

After going to school, he realized that walking in one direction would only lead hime back to the same place.

"Yu Yue."

There is a black Mazda 6 parked under the dormitory. Yu Yue wouldn't have noticed it if he hasn't heard the voice calling his name.

"Yu Yue." Ye Lin takes off the sunglasses, sitting on the driver's seat, calling Yu Yue's name through the half-open window.

Yu Yue thinks that he must be dazzled. That's Ye Lin. How is that possible?

"Are you free now? We need to talk." Ye Lin looks at him.

He also looks back at Ye Lin, standing there still.

"Or you can choose a place, somewhere private." Ye Lin pulls out the car key, opens the door and stands on the ground, "I have something to tell you."

Yu Yue bows his head: "If you have anything to say, say it here."

"This is not the place. Go somewhere less crowded."

"For what?" Yu Yue sneers, "I'm afraid you'll kill me if we go somewhere no one else is."

"I had no choice." Ye Lin hears that but he's not angry, "I just want to tell you about that day. I hit you too hard, sorry."

"Wow…"Ye Lin looks at him surprisedly. Ye Lin is actually saying sorry to him. Is that real Ye Lin?

"Pick a place then. The suspect also has the right to defense. Can you give me a chance?"

Yu Yue tilts his head and thinks for a while, "OK."

Yu Yue takes Ye Lin to a school cafe and chooses a remote seat.

They sit there face to face. Yu Yue looks at him up and down, his hair becomes shorter, and his face is thinner which makes his outline looks more tough. There no other obvious changes. He's still that Ye Lin.

"I had no choice at that time." Ye Lin is cutting to the point directly: "if I didn't do that, you would be caught and interrogated."

"No," Yu Yue says scornfully, "I hadn't do anything, why they would arrest me?"

"They could arrest me but they didn't dare to touch me. If they want to force someone to confess, they could only choose a person around me. But those people close to me, all had strong background. Only you—you, Cheng Xiaocheng, and the other three young men who had followed me, had no one in Beijing to rely on. They would unscrupulously do anything to you guys. At worst, they could kill you but didn't take the responsibility. I didn't have time. Under a stopgap, I could only hurt you to convince them that you were not important to me. Besides, you were injured and stayed in hospital with your family and the lawyer, so they wouldn't be reckless."

"They? Who are they?" Yu Yue frowns, "is there anyone more lawless than you?"

Ye Lin shakes his head: "there're many things that you don't know, but it's not appropriate to tell you here."

Yu Yue becomes silent. Ye Lin's explanation is indeed beyond his understanding.

"These are all your one-side words. Why should I believe you?" Yu Yue asks him.

"You can go to see Cheng Xiaocheng." Ye Lin pauses a second, "but he's not well. He had been in there for three days and they broke his both legs. I only saw him on the monitor, with blood all over his face. They must have taken him to the hospital because he was seriously wounded. I went to see him last month but he still couldn't walk. And, one of his eyes is blind now."

Yu Yue is stupefied in a moment.

"By the way, you should have met lawyer Wang. He's my personal attorney. I got wind of it in the morning and arranged all things in urgent. I knew they would go for you, so I asked him to look after you and bluff them off your life. The money that I gave you later was discussed by us in advance, so that we could explain it to your parents." Ye Lin takes the cup and drinks some coffee, "you can ask your parents. Lawyer Wang was the one who called them and told them that you were injured. He claimed that he was from Haidian District Legal Aid. But if you were cautious enough to check his license, you would know that he was not from the legal aid."

Yu Yue sweats a little. He did ask his parents about lawyer Wang, but he didn't think it too much after knowing that he was from the Legal Aid. It's hard to believe that he was arranged by Ye Lin. So, actually he was completely immersed in the net of Ye Lin's plan, but knowing nothing about it, even thought naively that he could break with Ye Lin since then.

"Even if what you said is true," Yu Yue feels very tired, "what's your point to tell me this?"

"Nothing." Ye Lin is silent for a while, "I just want you to know that, you are mine, if you have to be beaten by someone, it only can be me but no one else—I still like you."

Yu Yue stands up in a second.

"Ye Lin," he shakes his head, "Ye Lin, don't say that. It's meaningless. Both you and I know what the true story is. No one would believe your such words."

"I know that you don't want to listen." Ye Lin leans on the back and looks at Yu Yue, "it doesn't matter. Now you still can't escape from my hand. Don't think that I have nothing to do with you after this, I'm still that Ye Lin, never changed."

Yes, he's still that Ye Lin. He really hasn't changed.

Yu Yue banged his fist on the table.

It is really a tight encirclement which can not be understand, nor be tore to open for escaping. Does he have to be haunted by this scumbag cradle to grave?

"I had a lot of time in prison, so I thought about it a lot." Ye Lin says abruptly, "you said you could have a relationship with me. I think we can try that now, even though I've never been in a serious relationship with anyone."

Yu Yue stares at him, trying to see if this psychopath is about to have another attack.

In a long time, the psycho seems to be taking it seriously.

"Well," Yu Yue plops back into his chair, "go to order a strawberry mousse cake for me."

He looks at Ye Lin defiantly, thinking in his mind—fall out now, be quick! So that I can have a reason to perish together with you.

Without a word, Ye Lin stands up and walks to the front desk.

Helplessly seeing that Ye Lin takes a small plate to come back, Yu Yue now wants to knock a hole out of the table by his head.

Ye Lin puts the cake down in front of Yu Yue, then sits down on the chair. Looking at the deflated expression on Yu Yue's face, he slowly curls up the corner of his mouth, reveling the first smile of the day: "I don't think the strawberry favor is good, so I changed it to chocolate."

"Ye Lin, Mr. Ye, let me go…" Yu Yue covers his face and bends over to the desk, "what do you see in me? I can change it."

"Ha ha…" Ye Lin chuckles softly, "you can not. It's you destiny."

Yu Yue didn't expect his normal university life to end so soon. His life is really like a dream, but he has been wrong. What he thought was a nightmare was actually the reality, and when he thought he was awake, he was dreaming in fact.

On Friday night, Ye Lin drives to the school to pick up Yu Yue by himself.

Yu Yue says that he wants to watch a movie, so Ye Lin takes him to a cinema in Zhongguancun and buys two tickets. Yu Yue chooses Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, since it is the most recent one, although he has watched it already.

It might because Ye Lin has stayed in prison for half a year without a television, he's very dedicated while watching the movie.

Yu Yue is also satisfied to be not disturbed. But the thoughts overflow in his mind, it's hard for him to settle down himself.

Yu Yue has never been in love. He just want to annoy Ye Lin, make him embarrassed. If Ye Lin lose the patience, he wouldn't badger with Yu Yue anymore. However, seeing Ye Lin so serious to their relationship, even go to the cinema with him, he becomes fidgeted. It made Yu Yue knew clearly that he was a victim of coercion when Ye Lin didn't looks like to be in love. But now in such way, the reality has never changed, but is wrapped in a reasonable coat. Yu Yue starts feeling the pressure. If it continues going on, Yu Yue will be too embarrassed to refuse Ye Lin—it's really a good plan to **** his mind after raping his body.

Yu Yue suddenly connects Ye Lin with another person in his mind. It's a little bit funny. So he asks Ye Lin: "hey, what's your relationship with that person in Y city?"

"Hmm?" Ye Lin turns his head, "why you ask this?"

"Nothing, I just want to know how you get in prison." Yu Yue snickers.

"Oh," Ye Lin turns back to the movie, "you guess right, it had something to do with him."

"Huh?" Yu Yue gets close to him, "really?"

"Just joking," Ye Lin looks serious with no kidding, "I'll tell you when we go back home. Now, watch the movie."

Yu Yue chirps a second and ignores him then.

"Which one do you like? Will or Jack Sparrow?" Ye Lin asks a question about the characters in a sudden.

Yu Yue rolls his eyes and relies crossly: "I like Elizabeth."

"Do you like Andy Lau? And Daniel Wu, Nicholas Tse? ... Takeshi Kaneshiro…Leehom Wang…Shawn Yue?"

Yu Yue shakes his head from the first to the last, finally Ye Lin asks unbearably: "Jay Chou?"

Yu Yue nods: "his songs are not bad."

Ye Lin looks depressed. From the eyes to the mouth, his face is showing that 'nothing is more lamentable than a dead heart'.

In that moment Yu Yue thinks of that municipal party secretary, immediately laughing regardless of the image.

Ye Lin sighs plaintively: "I can try my best to be like Daniel Wu, but Jay Chou is beyond my ability. You can make your condition easier a little bit so that we could cooperate with each other. In fact, I like Edison Chen. You're a bit like him, for the stupid part. I can pretend that you're similar to him in some ways."

Yu Yue really wants to kick him—cooperate the hell! I like Yifei Liu and Jolin Tsai, I like girls, why don't you cooperate with me, asshole!

After the movie, they drive back the apartment.

The closer they get to the destination, the more depressed Yu Yue is. He begins to find faults with Ye Lin in the car: "why don't you have a driver? Where's your BMW?"

"He's a driver at work, it's not good to use a person from work for the private affairs." Ye Lin says in calm, "the BMW parks at home. I won't drive it anymore, too conspicuous."

"What's the matter? Didn't they demote you this time?" Yu Yue asks in pursuit.

"I'm only a divisional cadre. No room for demotion."

"You still know that you are a divisional cadre only." Yu Yue doesn't conceal the mean in the words.

"I'm not the only one in my family." Ye Lin replies lightly.

Yu Yue understands his meaning, indignantly scolds: "the second generations."

"The second generations of the senior cadre are also divided to different level." Ye Lin looks forward without squinting, "according to the public sayings, I'm a third generation of the red nobility."

"The third generation still got himself in prison." Yu Yue sneers him in a sentence.

"You know nothing about it." Ye Lin shakes his head, "you just want to know the reason why I was arrested and investigated. Let me in when we get home, and I'll tell you."

Yu Yue pauses a second before realizing what he want, and then kicks him with calling him rascal.

This is the most difficult thing for Yu Yue. Ye Lin said he wanted a relationship, but what he need is actually to fuck him! Yu Yue can't figure out what he is thinking, taking his beautiful wife on display only, and then having sex with the man outside. What's wrong with him?

Yu Yue becomes angry and then stops talking.

Ye Lin glances at him: "are you so unwilling to go bed with me?"

"I'm straight, my lord. Not same as you, I only like girls." Yu Yue relies him with anger.

"But you promised to fall in love with me."

"Being in love is not having sex."

"Don't you know that having sex is also called making love?"

"What kind of love is going to bed?" Yu Yue feels angry. After seeing that Ye Lin looks at him with a pair of sparkling eyes, he realizes that he has made wrong pause in the sentence, Ye Lin said making love while he was talking about love only.

"So, love is made by people." Ye Lin says slowly, which seems like to be extraordinary impudent in Yu Yue's eyes, "to fall in love, you have to make love first."

"Piss off!" Yu Yue can only say this to Ye Lin's perspective about love.

When they arrive to the apartment, Yu Yue becomes lingering. He stays on the seat for a long time, unwilling to get out of the car after the door opened. Ye Lin stands in front of him: "why don't you get out there? Are you waiting for me to hold you out?"

Before Yu Yue says anything, Ye Lin bends over, reaching a hand to his back with another hand going through under his legs, then holds him up.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Yu Yue struggles.

Ye Lin smiles and lower the head to kiss him on the forehead: "be good, let me hold you."

"Let me down!" Yu Yue roars.

Ye Lin has no choices and looses his hands then. Immediately, Yu Yue falls on to the ground.

"Fuck you Ye Lin, it hurts!" Yu Yue feels that his coccyx is going to be broken. He wanna cry since it's so painful.

Ye Lin pulls him up and pushed him to third floor, then goes to the bedroom after getting in the door. Yu Yue has tried for two or three times to escape, but he was failed, and now is pressed on the bed by Ye Lin.

"You have fucked me several times tonight and now should it be my turn?" Ye Lin says methodically when he is taking Yu Yue's clothes off. "I was in prison for eight months. Do you know that how much I missed you? I miss you here, here, here," Ye Lin kisses Yu Yue on his eyes, lips and chest while he saying that, and then he pokes the genitals over the cloth with his finger, "and here."

Yu Yue is going to cry, he looks at Ye Lin with tears: "be mild…"

"No problem." Ye Lin answers. Then he immediately begins to kiss Yu Yue. But he's so hard that makes Yu Yue feels like being gnawed by him.

Yu Yue has been stripped naked, Ye Lin also takes off the tops. Skin to skin, Yu Yue feels that the temperature of Ye Lin is higher than his. And such obvious difference let him truly feel their bodies are sticking together without gaps, which make him get goose bumps from head to foot.

Their lower bodies also cling together. Although through the cloth, Yu Yue still can feel the fervent and intense desire from Ye Lin.

Ye Lin slightly raises the waist, takes off the belt with his hand while kissing Yu Yue. He moves his lips and teeth down, nibbling on Yu Yue's collarbone.

Yu Yue strains the whole body with cold sweat on his forehead. He's too nervous. So that he shoves Ye Lin as soon as he feels a hot column shape object on his lower body: "Ye Lin, stop for a moment, Ye Lin!"

Ye Lin looks up to him with a puzzled face.

Yu Yue breathes hurriedly, reaches to the bedside table, pulls open the drawer, gets the lubricant and the condom by the sense of touch, and then throws them to Ye Lin: "don't hurt me…"

"Fuck…" Ye Lin bends down again, licking Yu Yue's side face from the corner of the eye to the neck with his tongue-tip, "you don't believe me…" He bites slightly on Yu Yue's neck.

Only dreams are normal. Reality is always absurd and distorted.

The cold lubricant is applied to Yu Yue's lower body and carried into him as the fingers invades. This unusual discomfort makes Yu Yue shuddered and feel nauseated.

Ye Lin's pioneering work only lasts for a while before he gives it up. He pats Yu Yue's face and looks him in the eyes: "relax, you are too nervous. It's okay, we've done this before, right? I'll be careful. It won't hurt. What are you afraid of?"

Yu Yue finally can't help crying, he bite his own lips, shakes his head, saying: "I don't know…I don't know…"

"It's nothing, just be relaxed," Ye Lin whispers in his ear, "it's just sex, a natural act of love for all people and animals. What are you nervous about? Your parents also need to combine to create you. Human need to make love, just like you need to eat and drink, they're all natural needs of life. What exists is reasonable, it's not a bad thing, you don't have to be nervous."

Yu Yue doesn't speak. He just closes his eyes and shakes his head.

Ye Lin breathes with a sigh, reaching his hand to hold up the soft organ between Yu Yue's legs.

"Ah…" Yu Yue opens his eyes with a scream, he hooks up his body: "what are you doing…"

"Keep lying, don't move." Ye Lin presses him back to the bed without stopping the movement of his hand. As his hand is up and down, the organ stands up trembling and engorged.

Yu Yue gasps, his face flushes with a thin layer of sweat. He has masturbated before, of course, but it feels completely different when someone else does it. He is ashamed, but he can't hold back the thrill of almost burning. He has to bite his lips to keep himself from moaning. His fingers are about to tear the sheets and his toes are taut.

It doesn't take a long time for him to ejaculate in Ye Lin's hand.

The afterglow of the orgasm makes his whole body limp. Yu Yue still closes his eyes, embarrassedly trying to hide his face in the pillow.

"How's that feel? That's it, nothing to be afraid of." Ye Lin kisses him again in the eyes, "it's my first time to serve someone else…finally, it should be my turn now."

All is quiet in the dead of night.

Yu Yue is held tightly by Ye Lin from behind, and he can't fall into sleep by any case.

Maybe Ye Ling was too durable so that Yu Yue feels a bit numb now, like his thing is still inside him. And he can't help touch to confirm to break the illusion.

Ye Lin's breaths spray on his back neck. He can feel that Ye Lin is also awake.

"Ye Lin?"

"Hmm."

Sure enough, he doesn't fall into sleep. Yu Yue thinks for a while, "tell me the reason why you were caught."

"You're still thinking about it. Does it really make you happy to hear about my bad luck?"

"Yep."

"Well," Ye Lin pauses for a while, about to tidy up his memories, "I'm working at the department of Homeland Security, in charge of some customs-related matters. Last December, the ministry cracked down on a smuggler, a big smuggler, who ran guns and drugs. His ancestors was a Kuomintang who fled to Burma after defeated, making his fortune by armed drugs trafficking in the Golden Triangle. After the reform and opening up, they found their origin, and developed in Hong Kong and Guangdong, became a leader of several local underground organizations. The current head of the family is the third generation. He's at the same age with me, cruel and audacious, closed to Beijing, poaching a lot of second generations of the senior cadre. His road is basically paved to the top. I'm just in that position so I have handled a lot of his business directly. But in fact, I'm only a small fish in his net."

"How much did you charge him?" Yu Yue thought to himself. This was really a 'cooperation between the Kuomintang and the Communist Party'. What a bunch of scum.

"Don't be like the Central Commission for Discipline Inspection," Ye Lin ignores him and goes on, "but there are different factions at the top, opposite to each other, especially among their children, since the animosity is accumulated from one generation to another. So it was a question of choosing sides. There were two brothers in different side, and they had to fight to death to win the competition in the end. Yu Siyang's uncle, who turned into a traitor, was wanted by his father and finally assassinated by the country security."

Yu Yue listens to him, with his heart saying that 'it is because of the family succession, you guys deserved that'.

"So, different teams are gaining power in different ministries, and Yu's family is at the head of the Foreign Ministry and the Ministry of National Security. Homeland part was belong to his uncle, but then his father took it over. His uncle was not in our team but his father is. So the foreign and the security ministries are sort of our sphere of influence. But there are three sides in homeland security, one against us, and the other one is military, which is an importance force. They're a gun with untouchable status. They are generally neutral in the struggle between political factions. If they choose a side, this team will be almost certain to win. I was arrested because the military was on the other side who against us."

"The fundamental reason is that you took bribes." Yu Yue says rudely.

"It's not your turn to judge me." Ye Lin pats him, "I did get paid, yes. I was just talking about the reason why I had such bacd luck this year. After all I hadn't been caught for so many years. It's fine if you don't want to listen."

"Well, tell me…damn, people are not allowed to talking about your violation…" Yu Yue mutters.

"As it was close to the 17th National Congress, the factional struggles were typically fierce. But the one against us was conspicuously active. The smuggler I was telling you about, his network was in our group, so it became a certain weakness for our opponent to operate. They colluded with the military force in Homeland Security, cracking down on the smuggler as hard as they could. Homeland Security planted an undercover agent near the smuggler and got all the evidences of his networks and bribes. At the end of last year, the smuggler was caught—shot dead. And then, of course, they started clearing up the people who had took his bribes. I was almost the first person to be investigated because they were trying to bring my uncle down."

"How did you get out?" Yu Yue asks him.

"With my uncle's effort, but I can't tell you about that."

Yu Yue thinks for a while and asks again: "was it related to the secretary of Y city? You know what happened in this spring."

Ye Lin is silent for a moment: "I don't know. I know what he did there, and know what my uncle did here, but I don't know what my role was—maybe it didn't matter, just happened at that time."

"Wait a minute! Which side were you on?" Yu Yue finds something wrong, "you were not on his side?"

"What are you talking about. How am I on his side?"

"Holly shit! I always thought you were…" Yu Yue turns around and faces to him.

"Do you think they'll come out with current situation?"

Yu Yue carefully looks at Ye Lin's face, asking him: "do you have any relatives with him? You really look like him."

"What the hell! He was opposite to my uncle. Andy Lau and Edison Chen also look alike. The good-looking people are always alike."

Yu Yue is speechless. It is a shame that this guy is comparing himself to Andy Lau and Edison Chen!

"These things, is like this, win or lose." Ye Lin says with emotion, "I'm used to it. If I really tumbled down, I would give up. But, there was one thing…how to say…"

Ye Lin ruminates for a while, lowering his voice: "the ministry can take out the smuggler, basically because of that undercover. The smuggler was shot dead by the undercover at last. But, the undercover…was his lover."

"A woman?" Yu Yu is surprised.

"Both man."

"Fuck! The Homeland Security asked a man to seduce! You guys have no shame at all!"

"What are you talking about…he was that man's lover in the first place, then the security took him in. They were not just a normal couple. The undercover was picked up from the street and raised up by him. He financed him to study and later, the undercover got into a college in Beijing. So the man let him go. The undercover entered the security when he was studying in Beijing. They knew their relationship , so asked him to be an undercover."

"…both of them are shameless." Yu Yue makes a judgement after thinking carefully.

"But that man, the smuggler, was really nice to him. I've known him for years. Once I saw a picture of they two on his mobile desktop. I thought it was his younger brother. He said, it was my lover." Ye Lin smiles wryly to himself, "I've never been in love with anyone anyway, so I don't know how far I'd have to go to admit that I'm in love with someone of the same sex."

Yu Yue is silent for a while, saying in a low voice: "you are a bastard yourself, do you really think that everyone else is like you?"

"Yes, I am a bastard. When I was caught in prison, I found out that he was actually an undercover" Ye Lin sneers, "the winter before last, he went back to Guangdong with the him. The man was really happy…but who would have thought he was an undercover. They had known each other for ten years, and he had raised him from twelve or thirteen to eighteen, he was even willing to give him half of the world. But this is his end. What a heartless bastard he raised."

Yu Yue doesn't speak but listens to Ye Lin sneering.

"When I got out, I saw the undercover once. He's beautiful. I've never seen anyone like him. He's way out of your league. But he's a loner, doesn't give a shit to anyone. I was thinking, how unworthy the man was, for such a cold-hearted person." Ye Lin sighs, "I wonder if I will end up like him—only before I die, I could find out that the person I've devoted my life to has no feelings for me at all."

There is only silence in the room. Yu Yue turns his back to Ye Lin again and speaks in a long time: "all of your love is self-righteous. You deserve to be betrayed and disappointed. I won't be moved for you and you'd better give up early."

"Ha ha…" Ye Lin smiles, "but in my mind, only you can stay with me in my whole life. So I think I can try to fall in love with you."

"You think too much," Yu Yue relies him rudely, and picks the most unflattering question: "how's Cheng Xiaocheng?"

Ye Lin is obviously poked, but he still answers this question: "he doesn't want to stay in Beijing with my help. He just asked for some money and let me send him home. I agreed."