How to Survive As a Villain

SIDE STORY 4: Why Not Eating Me Instead?

When he saw that Xiao YuAn had fallen to the ground all of a sudden, Yan HeQing wanted to get out of bed to help him up, but Xiao YuAn instantly shouted: “Don’t move! Be good and stay there.”

Yan HeQing froze in place, lying back on the bed.

Then, Xiao YuAn propped himself up with his arms and legs. As Xiao YuAn rubbed his aching knees, he thought: ‘It’s been a long time since I’ve heard Yan-ge saying the wrong script! Ah, it’s so nostalgic!’

Xiao Yuan then patted the dust off his body, picked up the bedding and silk pillow from the bed, and ran to the side of Yan HeQing’s bed. After throwing himself onto the bed, Xiao YuAn reached out to push Yan HeQing a bit to the side, in order to make room for him. Only then did he lay completely on the bed.

Yan HeQing: “….”

As Xiao YuAn unfolded the bedding, wrapping it tightly around the two of them, he pulled Yan HeQing’s arm to wrap around his own waist. Then Xiao YuAn leaned comfortably on his husband’s chest.

All of these movements were done so smoothly that when Yan HeQing finally regained his senses, Xiao YuAn was already being hugged by him. Xiao YuAn was even tilting his head, as his eyes were half-squinted due to the smile on his face.

Xiao YuAn then said with a reassuring smile: “What are you talking about? Who’s tired of whom? Wasn’t it simply because you’ve been sick these past few days? Since I tend to move around when I sleep, I was afraid of squeezing you. I wanted you to sleep more comfortably.”

As the warmth spread in his arm, Yan HeQing sighed softly. While he hugged Xiao YuAn close to him, Yan HeQing pressed his chin against the top of Xiao YuAn’s head, whispering: “What have you been doing these days?”

The moment Yan HeQing asked this, Xiao YuAn’s eyes fluttered around. He even hesitated for a long time before blurting: “…. The barracks….”

“Hmm?”

“It’s Chen Ge, he….”

“Hmm??!!!”

“Forget it.” Xiao YuAn gave up on lying and told Yan HeQing about the five days it took him to make sugar cakes.

“That’s why I haven’t been paying attention to you for the past few days.” Xiao YuAn concluded.

Yan HeQing tightened his arms around Xiao YuAn, and his eyes softened with a look that said ‘I don’t know what to do with you, Xiao YuAn’. After thinking about it, he asked: “You couldn’t even bake a piece?”

Xiao YuAn waved his hand in the air as he said: “I’m not that stupid. I did make some, but they taste really bad.”

Yan HeQing asked: “Where is it?”

Xiao YuAn looked unconcerned as he said: “In the Imperial Kitchen, but who knows, maybe they were already thrown away.”

Then Yan HeQing gathered his clothes and got up.

Xiao YuAn sighed, only to say next: “Yan-ge, where are you trying to go? It’s late.”

Yan HeQing: “To taste the sugar cakes you baked.”

Xiao YuAn’s eyes widened: “You, you, you! I wasn’t able to make them right. Besides, they might have been thrown away! It’s a waste of effort to go.”

Yan HeQing insisted: “It doesn’t matter. I’ll just go and take a look.”

When Xiao saw Yan HeQing’s face that screamed ‘I’m not giving up’, Xiao YuAn knew that he wouldn’t be able to persuade Yan HeQing. In the end, Xiao YuAn could only say: “Alright, fine. But the night wind is cold, and you just recovered from a serious illness. Don’t go out, stay here. I’ll go to the Imperial Kitchen to see if I can find any.”

After Xiao YuAn sent Yan HeQing back to bed, and regardless of what Yan HeQing wanted to say, Xiao YuAn trotted out of the bedchamber towards the Imperial Kitchen.

The Chief Cook of the Imperial Kitchen, who felt as if he had committed a crime against Heaven recently, had dark circles around under his eyes. It was because he had insomnia. When he finally managed to fall asleep, he was suddenly woken up by an attendant.

As the Chief Cook woke up, he was very confused with his surroundings as he heard: “Wake up, the Empress is here again.”

At that instant, the Chief Cook opened his eyes wide and almost gasped for breath.

The other attendants quickly pinched the Chief Cook until he was completely woken up.

Even though he was shocked yet again, when the Empress arrived, he didn’t dare to neglect him. After a short while, the Imperial Kitchen was brightly lit again, but Xiao YuAn was actually a bit embarrassed.

This night was so troublesome.

After the Chief Cook greeted Xiao YuAn, the Chief Cook cautiously asked Xiao YuAn what he needed, and what the sudden visit in the middle of the night was for.

Xiao YuAn stammered for a while until he could finally ask: “The sugar cakes I made before, were they thrown away?”

The Chief Cook thought to himself: ‘How would I dare to throw it out?!’ As Xiao YuAn hurried to wave his hand, the Chief Cook said: “Of course they weren’t thrown away! They’re here!”

Xiao YuAn suddenly had some mixed feelings, but he didn’t have any other excuses. ‘Is it really necessary to make a fool of myself in front of Yan-ge?’

The Chief Cook was an expert in his area, so the moment Xiao YuAn asked for the pastries he made, the Chief Cook quickly asked someone to bring over the sugar cakes Xiao YuAn had baked these days.

As soon as Xiao YuAn received the food box, he picked a few sugar cakes that could barely pass from the pile of horrible-looking snacks. Then he twisted a piece from one of them and stuffed it into his mouth. As soon as he chewed it, his whole face immediately wrinkled: “Yuck, bah, ugh. It tastes horrible! It isn’t sweet at all, did I forget to add sugar? My God.”

‘How can I have the nerve to serve this awful food to Yan-ge?!’

Xiao YuAn placed his thumb and index finger against his chin, pondered for a long time, then finally asked the Chief Cook: “Are the sugar cakes Tian Xiang made while she was teaching me to bake still here?”

“Yes, they’re still here!” The Chief Cook hurried to say, as he asked someone to bring the snacks made by Tian Xiang.

When he tasted one, he nodded with satisfaction.

‘Mmm! This is what a sugar cake should taste like!’

‘I can use this. Like the raccoon dog who switches places with a Prince!狸猫换太子 lí māo huàn tài zǐ; Used as a metaphor for counterfeiting the truth. The original story: During the reign of Emperor Zhenzong (Song Dynasty), Consort Liu conspired with Guo Huai, the Steward, to exchange a skinned raccoon dog for Consort Li Chenfei’s baby, who was then sent to the cold Palace. After the death of Emperor Zhenzong, in the reign of Emperor Renzong Zhaozhen, Li Chenfei’s case was investigated again and her name was cleared, which allowed her to be welcomed back to the Court.'>1’

Since Xiao YuAn was afraid of revealing himself, he deliberately picked some not too good-looking ones and put them in the food box. When he came back to the bedchamber, he placed the cakes in front of Yan HeQing to get praise.

Yan HeQing carefully examined the sugar cakes in the food box, picked up one, and took a bite. After a short pause, Yan HeQing seemed to notice something. He stopped eating, raised his head, and asked Xiao YuAn: “Did you really make these?”

“Yes, yes, yes.” Xiao YuAn’s eyes fluttered as he stammered.

Yan HeQing put the pastries back into the food box and asked: “Where are the ones you made?”

Xiao YuAn pushed the food box towards him: “I made these.”

Yan HeQing didn’t say anything. He just quietly looked at Xiao YuAn.

Xiao YuAn, who was stared at for a long while, finally gave up and said: “The sugar cakes I made taste truly horrible. Yan-ge, why do you want to torture yourself?”

Yan HeQing didn’t say much and ordered someone to go to the Imperial Kitchen to bring the sugar cakes made by Xiao YuAn.

After some tossing and turning, those strange looking, bad tasting sugar cakes were still placed in front of Yan HeQing.

Then, Yan HeQing picked one, put it into his mouth, and chewed it very seriously.

Xiao YuAn broke the silence and chatted beside Yan HeQing: “It tastes really bad, right? Isn’t it particularly hard to chew? It isn’t even sweet!”

When Yan HeQing finally swallowed the pastry, he looked at Xiao YuAn’s eyes, and said: “I don’t like sweets.”

Xiao YuAn froze. He didn’t know whether he should laugh or cry: “This is a sugar cake! How can you eat it if it isn’t sweet?!”

Yan HeQing picked up another cake and seriously repeated that he didn’t like sweets. After that, he stuffed the sugar cake into his mouth.

Xiao YuAn felt really helpless when he saw Yan HeQing looking at the plate of pastries with soft eyes.

Yan HeQing whispered: “You made these with your own hands.”

Even though those 7 words were said very lightly, in Xiao YuAn’s ears, it sounded like the song ‘The white snow in the sunny Spring阳春白雪 yáng chūn bái xuě; A classical piece, and one of the most famous ancient songs in China. It expresses the beautiful scenery of early Spring, when Winter turns to Spring and the earth revives.'>2’.

‘You can see how much he loves you.’

‘In his eyes, your strong-will is very honest. In his eyes, your nonsense is very funny. In his eyes, your clumsiness is very lovely and cute.’

‘There’s no perfect person in this world, but in his eyes, you’re the most perfect being. You’re like a young scholar in the mountains, surrounded by the crystalline snow, a youthful man who is as beautiful as jade.’

‘Even if you stand still, he will leave the beauty of the mountains, rivers, sun and moon behind, in order to chase after you without any fear in the world.’

‘Completely fearless.’

All of a sudden, Xiao YuAn grabbed Yan HeQing’s wrist and said: “Yan-ge, if you eat too much at night, you won’t be able to sleep.”

“Hmm?” Yan HeQing froze.

Xiao YuAn said: “Don’t ‘hmm’ me. Instead of eating sugar cakes, you can eat me!!!”

Aaaaaaaahhhhhh these two are so cute 😭😭😭😭 YHQ is always willing to eat XYA’s disgusting food simply bc he made it with his own hands 🥺🥺🥺 so devoutly in love 💖💖💖

Support me on ko-fi!! ◝(⑅•ᴗ•⑅)◜..°♡

狸猫换太子 lí māo huàn tài zǐ; Used as a metaphor for counterfeiting the truth. The original story: During the reign of Emperor Zhenzong (Song Dynasty), Consort Liu conspired with Guo Huai, the Steward, to exchange a skinned raccoon dog for Consort Li Chenfei’s baby, who was then sent to the cold Palace. After the death of Emperor Zhenzong, in the reign of Emperor Renzong Zhaozhen, Li Chenfei’s case was investigated again and her name was cleared, which allowed her to be welcomed back to the Court.阳春白雪 yáng chūn bái xuě; A classical piece, and one of the most famous ancient songs in China. It expresses the beautiful scenery of early Spring, when Winter turns to Spring and the earth revives.