Zoe by Miu

Days past after that night and before I knew it –– it was Lawrence and Lance's seventeenth birthday. We were at Casa Montaña in Izu Island to celebrate.

Of course, Elliot accompanied me.

These past few days, I avoided Lawrence. I didn't know why, but I was too guilty and ashamed to face him.

Guilty and ashamed that it ate me every day.

This is what you want.

This is the consequence of your choice.

I bit my lips.

"Zoe, Come on. The party is about to start," Elliot announced outside of my bedroom door.

I grabbed my jacket and covered my body with it. I was wearing a two-piece swimsuit after all, and with this cold approaching winter air, I didn't want to take any chances.

"Let's go."

I said once I opened the door while I ignored the desire in Elliot's eyes.

----

The party started in the morning and ended in the late afternoon, but of course, it had a part two when the moon rises.

It was a fun and carefree party with the twins entertaining the crowds. It was worth coming all the way here with the surprising ending that no one expected and all –– it surely was worth coming over.

What with Lance confessed to Emery Jansen as a finale no less.

But I didn't dare to watch the twins, specifically watch Lawrence performance. Afraid Elliot would notice the adoration in my eyes.

"Hey, you okay? You've been quiet. Did Lance confession to Emery Jansen shock you?"

Elliot nudged me when we walked at the seashore after the party ended with a bang.

"Yeah. I mean . . . I thought Lance never like Emery . . . I guess all that chasing paid off," I lied.

"Mmm . . . Hey! What's that!" Elliot pointed at a group of teenage girls and boys.

They seemed to be dancing and cheering.

Curious, we got closer only to have my heart break. Lawrence was singing and dancing with the crowds who were cheering and swaying to his song. But that was not what caused my heart to shatter. He was so good at dancing and singing, the only problem was . . .

He was sexy dancing as he ground with a girl who was oh so familiar with me.

Maxine . . .

The girl he used to like when he was still a kid.

The cute girl with freckles now turned into a stunning woman.

I didn't know how did the girl appear out of nowhere. Lawrence never did once mention her to me.

But seeing how close they were, their bodies almost plastered with each other as Lawrence was smiling from ear to ear –– I assumed their relationship was no longer just friends.

"Zoe, where are you going?" Elliot grabbed my hand when I walked away.

"Sorry, I'm a little tired . . . I'll leave first and rest."

I was surprised my voice didn't crack, though it sounded weak.

"You alright? I'll escort you back."

"No need . . . You go and enjoy yourself." I smiled and kissed his cheek before walking back to our hotel.

You wanted this.

This was the consequence of my actions. If I just left and never turned back and made that stupid decision to stay friends with him –– none of this would have ever happened.

I had no one to blame but myself.

I didn't have the right to feel what I feel –– I already have Elliot. Lawrence have every right to be happy.

I knew I was selfish. Though I already have Elliot, I still wanted Lawrence by my side.

I wanted him mine.

Now I know how he felt every time he saw Elliot and me. The pain and unacceptance were truly unbearable. I didn't even know how he could possibly endure it.

I closed my eyes tight.

It's time to let him go.

It was time to set both of us free.

I should have done this a long time ago.

I wouldn't have acknowledged the reality if it didn't happen to me. If I did not personally experience how much Lawrence was suffering because I was together with another man.

I ripped what I sew.

But I could still fix this.

I'll leave New Haven and never see him again.