Zoe by Miu

"Maxine, nothing's change . . . I still like you . . . But not the way you want me to."

The girl called Maxine cried as she said, "You used to be so sweet to me. You used to give me flowers and chocolates. We used to talk a lot. But months ago . . . you just . . . stop."

Lawrence didn't answer. He just stared at her with guilt and sadness, and I couldn't help but think about what Leanna had said.

-- Zoe, I know Lawrence like you, believe me, I know. But ever since you showed up to him, he's been making you his responsibility because he took your virginity. He has this mental notion of taking care of you for the rest of your life. --

Am I?

Am I a hindrance to him?

Looking at it now. If I hadn't come into his life, that cute girl could have been his girlfriend by now, and they would experience their first romance. Their first kiss. Their first hug. Their first date. Their first everything together.

What have I done?

"I'm sorry Max . . . ," he said, reaching out but the girl shoved his hand and ran to my direction.

I was too dazed to even react. She was surprised when we locked gazes. She then recovered and ran past me with Lawrence running after her.

Lawrence was taken aback when he saw me. He shot me a shy smile with a bit of guilt on his face.

"H-hey . . ."

"Hey." I was surprised that my voice came out calm, but I knew inside . . .

I'm far from calm.

"Did you . . . did you saw that?" he shifted his eyes and rubbed his nose, unsure if he should ask.

I nodded, and he was all apologetic.

"Uhm . . . that's not . . . ," he said, rubbing the back of his head. "You don't have to worry about anything . . . I––"

"Lawrence . . . ," I cut in. "Can we . . . talk?"

I then sat on a hammock, motioning for him to sit beside me.

Lawrence stared at me before he sat beside me while our gazes remained lock.

"Lawrence . . . what . . . do you want to do in the future?" I asked after a short silence.

Lawrence was taken aback before he smiled, red creeping on his cheeks. He lowered his head and stared at the ground. With a low crisp voice, he answered, "Well, I want to finish school so I can go to college and finish my degree. I want to be successful enough to support my family, even alone. I want to build our very own hospital. Since my mother loves houses, I want to build her a house in all parts of the world. I want to buy our very own private plane for my father, and I want to experience things the world has to offer. Like exploring the deepest ocean. Getting lost in a jungle. Or flying your own aircraft. How cool is that?"

He glanced at me and grinned, showing his canines with his still reddened cheeks.

"Well, of course . . . I'm broke at the moment so––!"

He didn't finish his words when I silenced him with my lips.

He stiffened, but after a short paused, we were lost in the kiss. It was slow, savoring, like memorizing everything, remembering that time –– the first time that we kissed.

I didn't know how long our lips devoured each other, but a moment later, I found myself hovering inches from his mouth, our forehead touching.

"Lawrence . . . I . . . I love you. I love you . . . but . . . this is goodbye."

I pulled away and stared at his bewildered face.

I smiled at him. "I'm letting you go."

His bewildered face creased into a frown.

"Zoe––!"

I pressed my finger on his lips.

"Lawrence . . . it would be best if you weren't trapped with me. You don't have to be responsible because you took my virginity. You didn't. I gave it to you."

I pulled my finger from his lips and caressed his face.

"I want you to be free. To do all the things you wanted. I don't want to be the reason that you'll restrict yourself. You're still young and have many things left to experience, and I don't . . ."

My voice cracked as I held on to the last of my strength and forced out the words. "Don't want to be the reason that you can't experience it . . ."

My tears fell when he didn't answer. His expression was all I needed to confirm that what I said was right.

I stood, and he grabbed my arm.

"Zoe, I . . . I . . ."

. . .

. . .

After the long brutal silence, he whispered, ". . . I'm sorry . . ."

I closed my eyes.

Not here, Zoe.

Not here.

I blinked the tears away and forced out a smile as I pulled my hand from his weak grasped.

"You don't have to."

I then walked away.

Holding my lips, I stopped my cries.

I didn't want him to feel guilty about me.

I wanted him to resume his life before he even met me.