We Defeated the Demon and Disbanded Without Any Conflict

54 – Mental problems (modified)

For me, a bandage is an essential tool for maintaining mental stability.

Lane’s straight eyes were driven deep into his head. If you stare at it head-on, the bad feelings you’ve been putting away will flow out.

I spent more time with her than anyone else, and it was I who burned her inferiority complex more than anyone else.

I wanted to become a warrior. I wanted to be a hero.

I burned with jealousy every time comparing myself, who had nothing, and Rain, who had the strength of a warrior and the power of light at the same time.

It wouldn’t be the effect of a curse. According to Lian, the curse of the devil had already been washed away from our comrades’ bodies, and it was a feeling that I had been holding on to before entering the Demon Realm in the first place.

The emotion had grown thicker after entering the Demon Realm, peaking with the Curse of Remedion. was able to recognize

The Curse of Remedion does not leave traces on the body like the Curse of Molzin. It is a concept similar to magic that is activated based on their demonic energy that has entered the body.

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Naturally, humans do not have an organ that produces demonic energy, so the curse takes effect while circulating through the body until the demonic energy that has entered is worn out.

The curse of jealousy that had been placed on us began to fade as time passed, and Lian, who came to his senses first, had purified the demonic energy inside his body so that not a single speck of dust remained. According to her, that is.

It was a curse that was so shady that he couldn’t even recognize it, and that manipulated his emotions.

Since it was self-loathing that had a precursor to it, it was unclear whether the curse had completely disappeared.

Still, compared to before the treatment, it seemed a little calmer.

Turning around, I watched the young lady next to me become a hero. I also watched him receive the power of light.

I don’t know how many times I’ve been saved. I don’t know how many times I thanked you.

I gave up on becoming a warrior because of the way he embraced and saved everyone, including me.

It was because I felt it while looking at you, who was more noble than anyone else, and realized that having such a mind itself was not suitable for being a hero.

Lane reached out to me with the words that he needed me at that young age at the beginning of his journey.

I cannot be the protagonist of the journey to defeat the demon king. Then, let’s become the trustworthy companion of the main character.

At that thought, I held out my hand.

However, even that promise of becoming a top-notch supporting actor could not be fulfilled. It was because colleagues with the talent you wanted settled down next to you.

It felt like being pushed out. It seemed like there was nowhere for me to be. I thought of myself as worthless.

Even so, I continued to stick by your side.

I’m saying it now, but it wasn’t coming or persistence. It was just an unfulfilled wish.

I was able to sew about the seat next to the main character.

Thanks to this, I was able to capture all of the human activities of Rain Guard-on with these eyes.

you were so perfect But I felt like I could catch up if I took one more step.

Maybe I thought that because I knew you, a timid country girl, because I was the age who watched you by your side a lot.

Your image before you became a warrior, who had a lot of tears, kept overlapping with your current image.

I thought I could go back to a relationship where I protected you like before. Although the relationship has already been reversed for a long time.

It’s been well over 10 years since I met you and traveled together. I repeated making you a competitor by myself and being discouraged by myself.

There were times when I used other comrades as competitors to replace you. Of course, I was discouraged by myself, understandably. On the contrary, the more I compared myself with them, the more pitiful I felt.

Unlike you, who was an even hexagon, your colleagues had overwhelming talent instead of being biased.

As time goes on, you feel it more and more.

The gap between what I thought was a step ahead of me was farther than I thought, and it can’t be narrowed down forever.

That I couldn’t clearly recognize the gap between you and me because I was always at the age I’d seen from the side.

write the holy power I couldn’t write But first aid was available.

use magic I couldn’t write I barely learned.

write swordsmanship I wasn’t used to it Although I outperformed you in reconnaissance.

Everything fell behind you and you found another breakthrough. It has become a substitute for everything.

Although you and your colleagues acknowledged you in your own way, the already rooted self-loathing did not go away.

I wanted to do something on my own, but lacking fundamental strength, I always needed help. Whether I worked or not.

Eventually, I came to think that even the talent of scouting I had developed was something you had developed. In fact, I don’t think it’s wrong because it was a talent created by an inferiority complex.

With the demon king’s body annihilated, the greatest goal was achieved.

The evil disappears and light comes in through the window. was shining on you

I couldn’t even land an effective hit, but I couldn’t help but admit that I was different from myself in a shady place, gasping for breath in a corner.

that you are a warrior and a hero.

After acknowledging that fact, I realized that everything I have done so far could not have been accomplished without you and your colleagues.

You would have succeeded even if it had not been for all the things you barely succeeded with their help.

You would have succeeded even if I didn’t prove my worth. I might have done it sooner if I hadn’t struggled.

You would have done it without me.

Thought.

about 13 years. The moment we had an adventure together.

If you had done the work by yourself except for the fact that I was messing around, wouldn’t that period have been cut in half?

Maybe I interrupted you by wasting my time.

When I finished thinking that far, somewhere in my mind was broken.

When we were together, I somehow pretended to be fine and endured it. Because I didn’t think about anything when I overworked my body.

Just the fact that you were by my side felt like shaking my broken spirit once again.

Even though I didn’t say anything, it seemed to condemn me. The tone of the voice that tried to slander and drop me grew louder.

I felt like I would go crazy just looking at those blue eyes that had become perfect at some point and contained your strong spirit. Because I look so pathetic

I heartily welcomed the dissolution of the party.

left everyone It was only after everything was over that I was able to give up my dream of becoming a hero.

After 13 years of consumption, what remained was a collapsed mind, a curse that stabbed the body, and a small amount of mana that could not be used anywhere.

The image of you continued to be drawn in front of my eyes. The image of you standing proudly in the castle of the Demon King who lost its owner.

I drew the corners of my eyes because I didn’t want to see that figure shimmering in front of my eyes. strong enough to break through. Deep enough to scream.

And in that moment, I could forget everything.

I remember that feeling That pain that was different from the curse of hard work that upset the inside.

The feeling of being able to focus on just one thing, in a simple way, away from everything that bothered me.

The first was hard, but the second was easy.

The third time was even easier, and from the fourth my hand moved first without even thinking about it.

I don’t know how many times I stood there and tore it up.

I broke the tips because my well-groomed nails were hard to injure.

An incomparably heavy pain arose.

Still, at that moment, I was able to forget you and focus only on one thing.

It was around the time I came to my senses that I thought, ‘Maybe my brain is on fire’ from the intense pain that I couldn’t even open my eyes.

I don’t know how many tens of minutes I scratched. His hands were bloody enough to look like they were stained red, and the dripping bloodstains soaked into the demonic ground.

In fact, it might be more accurate to say that I had a little restraint rather than coming to my senses.

I poured the remaining cheap potion to stop the bleeding that made my head go blank.

It was as if Margie had entered the scar and stabbed the inside of her face.

I hurriedly got out of the demon realm.

I wasn’t the type to pay too much attention to my appearance anyway, so I kept walking around with scars.

There was no such thing as a great purpose. I didn’t want to die and I wanted to forget my self-loathing. So I kept rolling over.

Ironically, despite not having much talent in combat, he was most relieved when fighting. As if I was obsessed with peace and stability, I felt at ease when a monster died in front of my eyes.

Something similar to this obsessive-compulsive disorder faded a little after I rolled my body for a few days.

But even after that, I threw myself into stimulating things and looked for something I could focus on, regardless of the type, by looking at natural scenery.

went into a village

Some of the parents accompanying the child covered my child’s eyes with expressions of disgust when they saw my face.

A few others made faces of blatant disapproval or secretly pretended to retching that they had seen something they hadn’t seen.

I saw a face reflected in the calm lake. They were so vicious scars that I frowned even when I saw them.

Even more so, only the frequency decreased, but the self-injury did not stop, so scars continued to be overlaid on it.

Realized.

I covered my eyes to cover this scar. It was frustrating because I had blocked one of my five senses, but my mind calmed down. The way he looked at me also changed from looking at me to looking at a ‘weird person’ instead of looking at me with disgust.

I couldn’t see in front of my eyes, but everything seemed to be fine.

It wasn’t until he thought his condition was better that he reunited with Rain, Solar, and Lian. Eventually, though, I realized that my condition hadn’t improved.

Fortunately, there is no Odrox. If he had been there, it might have been difficult with the attention he poured out.

look at it now I cry, laugh and do it all with just one action. It’s not even a rare animal in a zoo.

I felt something getting caught in my fingernails, and when I looked, I saw torn leather sticking to my face and hands, like cheese.

“Oh, what a surprise.”

I was surprised to find out that it was my real skin. Come to think of it, Solar cast a spell. The feeling of wearing a leather mask was not just because of my mood, but it seems that I put on something like real leather.

You feel the warm liquid running down your face. It must have been scratched through the skin.

Maybe this is a great ability in itself. Something like ‘the ability to break through one’s defenses and harm oneself’. ..something doesn’t seem right.

“..again.. bandages.. bandages..”

Lian used a healing spell on me, removed the mask that was torn like a net, and then bandaged it. It was extremely sincere to the point of being burdensome, but I swallowed the words not to do it.

To be honest, I’m afraid of the aftermath that will come back after I act as I please. In particular, it’s hard to say because I don’t think they’ll let Rain and Solar go well.

Thanks to the tight bandage, I feel a sense of stability again. Now, even when I went on an adventure with these guys, I think I was wearing a bandage.

“This… can’t be done…”

“Why don’t you enhance the magic a little more?”

“Then the nails will come out. After all, it must be the origin.”

“or not..”

“Guys.”

I talked to them who were working on a solution as if they were mocking. At the same time, turning his head towards me was a little scary.

“You don’t have to worry about me like that.”

I tried to ignore the cold silence and continued. This kind of interest is burdensome, so I decided to turn the subject away altogether.

It’s just fine. Let’s just talk about the plan to weed out the first graders here.

“This is something that I receive unilaterally. Other than that, I want to do something we can all do together.”

“But..”

“I don’t really care. I’ve been wearing it for quite some time.”

“Even if you say you don’t care, it’s annoying and you don’t care about people’s eyes. If you can go back like before, you’ll go back.”

Couldn’t answer that. But I really tried everything I could think of with my head. I have recognized my own problems and have taken medicine, and I have also visited people who have a job that looks into their heads. In conclusion, it was futile. In the first place, there could be no effect of medicine based on magic power. I was able to rest for a while, but I vowed not to use it again due to the severe aftereffects that followed.

While explaining the reason, it seemed that he showed some reluctance. After Rain covered Solar and Lian’s mouth, she bowed her head to me.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t expect you to be reluctant.”

“No. There is no need to be sorry…”

There really was no need to be sorry. In the first place, this was a problem I created myself, and they were handing out a favor.

An awkward air flows. Even though we could be comfortable without talking to each other, the air was so heavy that it felt like we were choking.

Perhaps trying to evoke the subdued atmosphere, Lian cautiously broke the silence as he raised his head slightly.

“So what did you just say? Something we can all do together…”

It was the most suitable topic change in the current situation. I raised my voice a bit to match Lian’s intention to change the atmosphere, then I said ‘I’m really fine and I don’t care’ and then I spoke of the plan I had in mind.

“Let’s weed out some of the academy cadets. It seems there are some kids who don’t fit Lane’s criteria.”

“Uh… Then what about me?”

“Lian is not a member of the academy, so if you stay outside for too long, you might get caught, so you should go back soon..”

“I don’t like that.”

Before I could even finish talking, I felt ashamed of the refusal to return. I knew he would reject him because he already has a lot of camaraderie, but I didn’t expect him to say no so quickly. There was still a remnant of the calm atmosphere from before, so the words spilled out a little, but the answer of rejection was clearly audible.

Rain and Solar also began to move their bodies a little stiffly, probably realizing that there was no point in hanging out any longer.

Solar, who moved first, turned her head and put her hand on Lian’s shoulder, who blew air into her cheek. Are you still trying to pat me as a colleague?

“You’re a saint right? You’re the only saint on the continent. That’s why there’s no choice. Shouldn’t we do what we’ve been doing for a while?”

It wasn’t. Rather, Lian’s shoulders droop at Solar’s words encouraging her to go back.

“..Really, prayers don’t mean anything.. But since you’ve done your doubles, you’ll have to go back soon.. Ron, don’t forget this time, really. I don’t know what you’re doing, but you have to let me know! I’m a colleague too!”

If you think about it that way, shouldn’t you wear Odrox as well? good anyway After confirming my nod, Rian borrowed Sola’s magic and went back.

The convenience of Solar’s almighty space movement is so great that I can’t even speak anymore.

“So? What did you mean by what you just said?”

“Have you heard of the devil?”

“..Yes. I know.”

“To be honest, aren’t there a lot of first-year kids who have the title of hero and are vague about being active? I see some kids who will only create conflict if they prepare for the invasion of demons? .”

“that’s..”

Lane speaks up. I thought it had to be reorganized, but I guess I left it as it was because I was behind on work.

Especially if he had seen me suffer, he would have felt that way even more. The image of a ‘hero’ that Lane wanted was not to harass people of a similar or lower position.

“So let’s collaborate. When there is a cooperative activity like exploring the labyrinth, connect me with other kids and I’ll decide if I’m a good kid.”

I’m the only one who can do this at this point. maybe.

Thinking that way, the self-confidence that had been hitting the bottom seemed to stick out its head.

“You don’t know when the demons will come. I don’t think it’s bad to weed them out in advance. How is it?”

“I like it. Instead, if it’s dangerous, you should tell me right away.”

“..I agree with what Solar said. I don’t want to see you get hurt by acting silently. But I don’t intend to stop you from doing what you want to do… So, by all means, contact me if anything happens.”

The tip of my nose frowns for some reason at those words that worry me. This is real camaraderie.

There is no need to procrastinate any further than this. With the help of Lian, the depressed atmosphere from earlier was also revived, and they received permission from the dean, Lane, as well as Solar, the strongest member of the faculty.

great. Let’s make sure to do it this time.