Waiting For The Wind Warming Up To Kiss You

Fu Xueli will come to this cemetery at this time of year. Holding the paper money and flowers bought temporarily on the road in her hand, she slowly stepped up the stairs.

There is an old black and white photo on the tombstone. A man and a woman are smiling slightly. The man is handsome and the woman is gentle. They are all looks when they were young.

——Fu Xueli's biological parents

She stared at the photo blankly, blinking anxiously, not knowing what to say. Putting down the white chrysanthemum, he squatted aside again, and spent a long time in a daze. After a long time, I remembered to burn the paper.

"Dad..." After a short pause, he shouted with difficulty, "Mom."

After the words were spoken, the nasal cavity became sore and unbearable, the hot tears in the eyes finally couldn't help falling. She hurriedly raised her hand to wipe it indiscriminately, and smiled bitterly, "Actually I know...I may have done something wrong, but today I dare to admit it, is it very timid and cowardly?"

"There is a fool who loves me very much. He loves me very much." Fu Xueli curled up with her chin on her knees, lit the fire and choked. "I always thought that he told me everything. ."

Fu Xueli felt her lips tremble, and she laughed as she talked, but her tears couldn't stop streaming.

She knew that Xu Xingchun would actually not tell her anything, so she pretended not to know anything.

But Ma Xuanrui's words, every word is like a heavy hammer, smashing her heart fiercely.

Fu Xueli has always deceived and deceived others, crushed and smashed with a layer of comfort from me. The veins, veins and veins of her body were broken, and her internal organs were frozen.

Fu Xueli had difficulty breathing, stopped her voice, and paused for a while, "You may have made a mistake when you gave birth to me. In the past few years, I feel that I live like a joke. I blame many people, uncles, and you all. , I even complained about him. I complained about him, why I can't give him long-term love, he will abandon me and disappear from now on."

"I'm so afraid of loneliness, I can't bear him, but he hasn't come back for so many years." Fu Xueli felt salty tears falling into her mouth, "I want to go to him too, but I am afraid day after day. I will make ridiculous mistakes like yours."

"I just think he is suitable for a better girl." She buried her head deeply, "but I know, I dare not admit it. These are all high-sounding excuses that give me peace of mind and a good life."

Yes.

Until now, Fu Xueli dared to admit that after so many years, Xu Xingchun had never, never given up on liking her.

Fu Xueli has been able to see people around her since she was a child, who fits with whom, and who fits with whom.

She knew that people from two worlds should not be together.

This is the truth she has always understood.

But she still failed Xu Xingchun for so many years.

Make him sad for so long alone.

In the blink of an eye, it was dusk, and only Fu Xueli sat quietly, watching to burn the paper. It seems that as long as this fire burns out, the past will be clean and carefree.

"Xu Xingchun, I think about it."

The moment Fu Xueli finished speaking, there was no sound on the other end of the phone.

After crying for too long, her voice was completely hoarse, and she paused to continue, "If you want to hear, I'm in the city, I can come to you now."

"...Where are you." Xu Xingchun asked.

Fu Xueli insisted, "I'm here to find you."

It took a long time to break the silence and name a place.

——The place where they broke up.

It seems that many years have passed, and it seems that only a few days have passed. Nothing has changed in this university, but I am familiar with trees and pavilions. After seven o'clock in the evening, the street lights on the campus are on. Many students coming and going together, teachers and college students are mixed together, and it is difficult to distinguish them. Downstairs in the girls' dormitory, there is a couple who hug each other like glue and do not separate.

This is the university that Fu Xueli attended.

The street lights were dim, and the dim light blurred his face. Xu Xingchun sat there, motionless. He was still wearing the police uniform that was a little dirty yesterday, and he was doing the same things he was doing for many years, day and night.

Waiting for her.

At the moment when she sat down beside Xu Xingchun, Fu Xueli was invisible and shivered slightly.

There is sticky water vapor in the air, which prevents normal breathing.

The two people don't know how long they have been quiet, three minutes, five minutes, or longer. She finally spoke, speaking very slowly, "Xu Xingchun, I want to tell you something."

"...Um."

Fu Xueli took out her cell phone and ordered an alarm clock.

Only five minutes.

She knew he was looking at her, and then said, "You should know what it means. I can finish it in five minutes."

There was a suffocation in my heart.

Fu Xueli said a sentence that she had rehearsed hundreds of times in her mind, "Today is the death day of my own parents."

As many years ago, that day was also a very ordinary anniversary.

After going to the grave, pictures were placed at home, Fu Yuandong, Fu Chenglin, and Fu Xueli had a meal together.

This is a pattern that happens every year. After eating, Fu Xueli made an appointment with a friend, and went out after saying hello. Because she grew up with Fu Yuandong since she was a child, she didn't have too strong feelings for her parents.

It was snowing on the anniversary of death, and I wanted to fight on the side of the road, but couldn't fight it. Impatient to wait, Fu Xueli had to return home, ready to take the key and drive by herself.

After opening the door, the living room was extremely empty, and Aunt Qi didn't know where she went. No one at all, just an extra pair of shoes.

Fu Xueli is strange.

Want to call someone, and then walk upstairs.

The door of the study was hidden. She sighed and shook her head when she saw Fu Yuandong pouring wine. Fu Xueli heard her mother's name.

She pushed the door for a while, and stood still without making a sound.

The family dog ​​lay lazily not far away, lazily wagging its tail to watch the owner's strange behavior.

A friend next to Fu Yuandong persuaded, “It’s been so many years, and you have raised A Juan and A Kun’s daughters so much, they won’t blame you.”

Fu Yuandong sighed heavily, "If it weren't for me, urging Brother Kun to go home and solve the problem, he would not lose his life, and A Juan..."

The friend hurriedly said, "It's always going to be broken up. Ajuan has no feelings for A Kun for a long time. When she was young, no one knew that such a thing would happen."

Fu Yuandong: "They wouldn't have died in that kind of place. At that time, I was young and reckless. I only wanted to do business and only want to be with the one I loved. The matter between A Juan and I was seen by Brother Kun, it was me. Sorry for him, think about it these years, I also supported him in the early years..."

——Hearing these words, Fu Xueli went crazy.

Unable to digest the information, she immediately felt suffocated, and took two steps back, feeling that the entire worldview was about to be subverted.

In the past, countless confusions and craziness flooded up.

Why has Fu Yuandong not been married for so many years?

Why can she occasionally perceive that Fu Yuandong always shows an overly sad look to her?

Why is Fu Yuandong treating her better than Fu Chenglin?

Why did my cousin and uncle keep silent about that aunt?

Why does Fu Yuandong always say that she owes her?

Oh...

It turned out to be like this...

Fu Yuandong and Fu Yuankun were preparing to do a project, but the funds for the demolition could not keep up. I was already negotiating the contract and I had to socialize every day. During that time, the two quarreled fiercely about Fu Xueli's biological mother.

One night it rained, and Fu Yuankun never met with Fu Yuandong. Fu Yuandong ran to their house, and the two had another big quarrel. Finally, Fu Yuankun slammed the door angrily, and A Juan followed closely to chase after him.

The road was too slippery late at night, and one car drunk driving and killed two people.

Fu Xueli didn't rush in hysterically to question, she just walked downstairs numbly, walking alone in the snow for a long, long time. It wasn't until I didn't have any strength to fall to the side of the road that I felt tears welling up.

Yes, she didn't have the courage to confront Fu Yuandong, because she knew she couldn't hate someone who raised herself.

But what is love?

Why do people use love as an excuse to become so dirty of course?

Is love important, or is responsibility more important?

In those few days, she didn't want to go back to that home at all, living in school, but going to the bar every night to get drunk.

Returning at night, Xu Xingchun waited downstairs in the dormitory every day.

day after day.

Fu Xueli couldn't get past that hurdle again. All the negative energy can only be vented on Xu Xingchun. She began to avoid, even fearing this too strong feeling.

Smoking, drinking, clubbing, fighting, she can do all these things.

But if you love someone with your heart, she may be really hard to persevere.

There are no exceptions, right?

In the end all love will become disgusting.

"Xu Xingchun, can you not come to me in the future?" Fu Xueli swayed and wrestled after two steps, but Xingchun was not allowed to approach. Until the last buttocks sat on the chair, tears flowed all over his face unknowingly.

She was so drunk that she felt her heart was twisted to rot, but she yelled, "Xu Xingchun, I wanted to break up with you a long time ago. I wanted to break up with you in high school. Can you stop pestering me? Don't like me, okay... I really feel so tired, you are talking about love, but what love is, can love make you so selfish?!"

"I beg you, let me go and let you go." Fu Xueli had real pain in her eyes.

Xu Xingchun sat in a chair and cried with Fu Xueli for half the night. He vaguely heard her choked up and wanted to go back to the past.

Looking at the deep night sky, Xu Xingchun asked in a very soft voice, "Fu Xueli, do I really make you suffer so much."

But when she was 14 years old, Fu Xueli quarreled with her uncle and ran out to look for him angrily.

It's also such a cold night. On the bench in that park, Xu Xingchun was wearing thin pajamas.

She also cried so much that she couldn't herself. He put his coat on her and blew the cold wind for a long time. She choked and asked, "When will you stay with me."

Xu Xingchun said, "For a lifetime."

After a long time, Fu Xueli asked: "Then are you cold?"

He replied: "Cold."

She said: "I'm cold too."

"The coat is on you."

"Xu Xingchun, I seem to be happier now."

"Um."

"Are you unhappy?"

"Seeing you crying, so I'm not happy."

"I am happy now."

Xu Xingchun raised his hand and touched her face, "Okay."

Fu Xueli hugged him, "Xu Xingchun, I am happy with you, which is more important?

"You happy."

She finally broke into a smile.

The sky between the buildings is like a dark blue curtain, and Xu Xingchun's outline is vague and delicate in the dimly lit night.

He obviously agreed to stay with her for the rest of his life.

But now Fu Xueli is crying harder than then. There was despair and sadness in his eyes that he could not understand.

-I am happy with you, who is important?

-You.

-Of course it's you.

Fu Xueli woke up in the darkness. Headache and dizzy with a hangover. She was lying on the soft bed, not knowing where she was.

"What time is it?" she asked in a dumb voice.

"It's less than five o'clock." Xu Xingchun sat in the gap between the foot of the bed and the door, his head lowered, "You are awake."

She hummed.

At this time, a cell phone alarm clock rang in the room, and Fu Xueli hugged the quilt and got up, "Have you ordered an alarm clock?"

"Yes."

"Close it."

"No need to turn off." Xu Xingchun asked, "Do you remember what you said last night?"

"remember."

"Have you considered."

"..."

"There is also an alarm clock. If you think about it, tell me."

After hesitating for a moment, when the alarm clock went off for the second time, mist rolled under her eyes, gritted her teeth, and still forced herself to say, "Break up."

After a long time, he said, "Okay."

Hear the sound of the door being brought up gently.

Xu Xingchun's last words are, I'm leaving.

Fu Xueli knew that she was crying, but she didn't make a sound, just weeping.

This was the last time they met before they met again.

It was also a scene that she didn't dare to remember seriously for so many years.

Before coming to see Xu Xingchun, she washed her face specially.

At this moment, Fu Xueli had two rows of teardrops hanging on her cheeks, and her skin was almost transparent and white. I don't have the usual gorgeous makeup, but it's exceptionally clean and pure.

In a few words, you can finish talking about the past. With enthusiasm in her eyes, Fu Xueli said, “Because of my parents’ affairs, I am confused about love. I am completely trapped. At the beginning, I thought that the existence of love was meaningless, and it would only make people feel uncomfortable. The relationship was hysterical and bruised."

"So I am weak, I just want to escape, at the cost of hurting you. But I am shameless, I like to lie. I still like you, so I always can't help looking for you. It's just that I can't give you a permanent one for the time being I’m afraid of admitting my own mistakes."

Xu Xingchun took out his heart and gave it to her. She couldn't see it, pretending that he didn't hurt.

sorry.

really sorry.

So now she is going to be punished.

For ordinary people, love is appreciation and enjoyment. But to Xu Xingchun, Fu Xueli's love is food from hunger, it must be so, it is the last straw.

Then, in what mood did he let go of her?

Being immersed in that kind of pain, obviously unable to hold on any longer, still didn't give her a word of blame.

Fu Xueli wanted freedom, and Xu Xingchun gave it to her.

Fu Xueli said that she was afraid of being imprisoned, and Xu Xingchun's intense pain was covered up, as if nothing happened, even if she died, she would let go.

She finally got her wish, but she never forgot him.

Obviously it didn't take long, but it seemed that there was a century. Xu Xingchun sat quietly for about a few minutes.

In the distance, there were a few unrealistic figures. The light bulb above his head became dimmed, his head tilted slightly, and he raised his hand to wipe away her tears.

The movements are gentle and meticulous, familiar enough that they have been done countless times.

Fu Xueli was taken aback.

Xu Xingchun retrieved his own voice and said calmly, "...I don't want to listen now. I'm sorry, I just want to know. You have figured it out clearly, so do you want to be with me."

Whether it is guilt or not.

Love is nothing.

Or just want to make up, he admits it all.

Before he could react, the phone was taken away by Xu Xingchun. The alarm clock was turned off one second before it sounded.

She was held in his arms by him.

Fu Xueli's voice was slightly stagnant, and she opened her mouth with difficulty, "I don't know how to love others."

"I teach you."

She has a strong nasal voice, "I'm afraid of the future..."

What are you afraid of?

Afraid that their feelings will repeat the same mistakes?

I was still afraid that I would still trample on Xu Xingchun's full sincerity.

But Fu Xueli had a faint hunch, this time with him, there might be no way to separate.

Xu Xingchun’s lips gently pressed to her ears, the extremely low volume, hot and restrained——

"Fu Xueli, I am not afraid, what are you afraid of?"

The author has something to say:

Although there were a lot of scolding before they reconcile, but the journey was slow and tangled, I still followed the original outline.

As the heroine, Fu Xueli is indeed very timid, selfish and secondary in terms of feelings. Her heart is floating. She chose to break up with Xu Xingchun. In fact, a large part of the reason is that she wants to be free. Xu Xingchun was not that important to her, but later he did regret it and realized that he still liked the male lead. The main reason is that I didn't dare to admit that I had hurt others, so I always stayed away, using my own family affairs as an excuse to comfort myself. (Family changes were only a conflict point at the beginning) The serialization was written in a hurry, and the transitional paragraphs will be carefully revised when the text is over.

After that, the debt will be paid off hahahhahahaha

Let our Xu Xingchun teach Fu Xueli to be a man:)

At present, there are still many problems, but I think it is enough for me to express what I think in my heart and tell you what it is like that two people are in love.

Hey-hey.