This Delusional Voice Keeps Telling Me I’m a Villain

Sunday!

A day of rest! A day of heaven before the devil’s day of the week—Monday! 

And—!

…Um, if nothing’s planned in particular, it is simply a day with nothing to do…

Oh my god, I’ve nothing to do!!

I really had an empty schedule today. Father went to visit his friend, a count, who had been in an accident, and Theodore was at practical training with the knights which had started two days ago and only would return two days from now. So, he was not home. My friends have been busy lately, I couldn’t get in touch with them. 

…In short—

I.Am.So.Idle!!

Killing time was not my forte. I needed to have a full schedule for the days to pass by. It would be even better if work was included in that schedule. I was that type of person.

I had no idea how to spend my time when I suddenly had nothing planned. I didn’t really have any hobbies other than eating sweets, and I wasn’t a big fan of reading nor hunting. I found horseback rides enjoyable, but… I was not in the mood for that.

I felt like asking our chef for a feast of all-I-can-eat homemade sweets! But… recently we had some bad luck with our ingredients supplier for our sweets, so we were out of stock of any decent ingredients other than the sugar that I had been purchasing directly.

In other words, I couldn’t have that all-I-can-eat buffet… I had nothing to do…

Aaaah, if at least Theodore was here, he could keep me company in this time of idleness!

It was only at these times that the knights decided to have their practical training…

Theodore started to have more and more engagements with the Knights Order and the Ministry of Magic. We weren’t together as much as we used to be. It just highlighted how much was expected of him, and that Theodore was indeed a genius.

*sighs*

But… I’m so bored… Isn’t there anything I can do? Anything fun… If only Theodore was here, fun would have been guaranteed… Regardless of whether we stay at home or go outside… Now that Theodore is gone, I should do what we usually do without him… I wonder what it is… What can I do?

Suddenly, it occurred to me: Yes, let’s go to town!

 

The royal capital, the capital city of Janvangar, faced the sea to the south and a river to the east. The royal palace, where His Majesty the King resides, was built on top of a mountain in the middle of the river, with the townhouses of the higher nobility lining the bottom of the mountain and the merchant quarter along the lower reaches of the river and the coast. The commoners and lower nobility settled on the west side of the capital; further west, on the outskirts of the capital, were the farmlands. 

I left the Minusle townhouse and headed for Natcheil, located between the merchant district and the noble residences in the lower reaches of the river—where shops were lined up— also known as the largest shopping district in the capital. There were a lot of shops in there, from commoner run storefronts to high-class shops that even the nobles could hardly afford.

As the largest shopping district in the capital of Janvangar, Natcheil had heavy traffic of both people and goods. And… What could I say; this was the treasure trove of sweet shops!

So, on this particular Sunday with so much free time on my hands, I decided to spend the day here in this town.

Yay!! A tour of sweet shops!!!

I couldn’t possibly do this with Theodore; he can’t handle sweet food that well! For now, I’ll just go to the five shops I always frequent, then wander around to find the places that catch my fancy, and be the foodie I am—eat until I’m happy and full! Firstly, let’s go to Applepea—a shop famous for Tarte Tatin!!1 Let’s go!

“Oh! Mr. Urschel! I’m so sorry! All our tarts were bought up…”

“What?! You’ve gotta be lying…!”

“We don’t have any more Tarte Tatin ready to bake today, so we’re sold out. You’ll have to come back another day.”

“No way….”

Ugh, I started off on the wrong foot! But there were still other shops to visit. 

Next stop, creme brulee2!

“Waaaa, I’m shoo shoorrryy! Urschel-sama! Just now, everything was shooold outttt!! If I knew Urschel-sama would be coming, I’d have saved up some for youuuu!!”

“It can’t be helped. Here, let me give you a handkerchief so you can stop crying. I’ll come back next time.”

But seriously, even the creme brulees? Ummm… Th-this is just a coincidence, right? Anyway, next!

""

“…Urschel-sama, we’re really, really… sorry…”

“Sold out?”

“Yes… all the Deluxe-Super-Tornado-Sparkle-Shiny-Fruit-Cakes were eaten by a customer who came just a while before…”

“Is that so? I was looking forward to eating Deluxe-Super-Tornado-Sparkle-Shiny-Fruit-Cake, but I’ll come again…”

“I apologize. Next time, I’ll prepare the best Deluxe-Super-Tornado-Sparkle-Shiny-Fruit-Cake for you.” 

I think I’m going to cry.

But! But, surely the next one would be okay! Right?! If they also don’t have any stock left, I’m gonna cry for real!

“…”

“…”

They didn’t… I was nearly in tears…

“How was the Gulab Jamun3 also sold out…”

“Urschel-sama, I’m sorry. Some boy ate them all up with tremendous momentum. That child could just munch on Janvangar’s second sweetest dessert like he was eating a staple food, and then he left.” 

Gulab Jamun was a sweet that looked like a doughnut (hole) soaked in syrup. Its brain-piercing sweetness was said to give you heartburn after just one bite. It was the second sweetest sweet in Janvangar–the first was custard pudding. But still, to casually eat Gulab Jamun as if it were a staple food…

I couldn’t hide my shock at the fact that it was sold out, but I’m sure I could hit it off with that guy!

Alas!

I also want to eat sweet things!

Next!

“Urschel-sama! Please listen! There was a very terrible customer!!”

“Could it be…he ate everything, so it’s now sold out?”

“YES! That customer licked his plate clean and ate up all m-my Golden Balls! What should I do… It’s all empty now! He drank to the very last drop!”

“…Would you please stop shortening the name of that assortment of gold king kiwis cut into ball shapes as ‘Golden Balls’? It’ll only lead to misunderstanding4.”

Wuuuuuu… Not here too! No way, all the shops I always frequented wouldn’t be sold out, right? Not all, right?

I’m already half-crying! What do I do!

 

I had come all this way for sweets! I was desperate for sweets, so I visited every shop I could find. However, not only the usual shops, but all the sweets shops I saw had all their goods either completely consumed or bought up.

“W-Why….”

How could I be so unlucky? My sweets… I couldn’t believe my happiness was nowhere to be found…

And apparently, this was caused all by the same person: a boy with a sweet tooth and a huge appetite. And he seemed to be a very fast eater, eating up his dessert in seconds… Really, just what sort of person is he? 

In terms of having a sweet tooth, we seemed to be on the same level, but now I kind of resent the guy. Why did he finish off everything…? Couldn’t he at least leave some for me…

Ha~ It was at that moment when I let out a sigh…

“N-NO…!”

“Shut up and just come with us!” “We’ll be troubled if you don’t behave, young boy.”

…that I heard disturbing and unsettling voices.

 

 

Footnotes

The tarte Tatin, named after the Tatin sisters who invented it and served it in their hotel as its signature dish, is a pastry in which the fruit is caramelized in butter and sugar before the tart is baked. It originated in France but has spread to other countries over the years.

 

Gulab jamun is a milk-solid-based sweet, originating in Medieval Iran. and a type of mithai, popular in India, Nepal, Pakistan, the Maldives, and Bangladesh, as well as Myanmar.

 

Golden ball when directly translated into Japanese is ‘Kintama’ which can refer to the other ‘balls’