Chapter 22: That Obsessive Love Is Too Heavy

Translated by: chocolalaProofread by: -

Hm? This feels like I’m in a dream…

But, I didn’t know why…it felt strange.

It felt strangely real. The scent, the vision, the sensations in my fingertips were all quite real, even though I knew it was a dream; I was confused. 

But the funny thing was, in my dream, I was a lot more like an adult… The vibe from that me was completely different from mine. 

“Tsk…I’m so pissed off…” The man’s mouth muttered to himself and scowled. This man, who was me in my dream but not me, seemed to be irritated. “Lately, I’ve been feeling increasingly bitter. When I go home, there’s that annoying stepbrother and my father who doesn’t care about me. When I go to the castle, it’s full of idiots… They make me want to throw up… They just don’t know what I’m worth.”1

The room the man was in was a very luxurious room.

It appeared to be someone’s private chamber; it had white marble walls and floors, gold-painted lights and furniture, red carpets and—most strikingly—a large canopied bed.

The man was leaning against the window, looking out. It was dark outside, almost like night. Moreover, it was raining, and the air was strangely chilly. 

“No one realises my value. No one acknowledges me. My existence was not even desired. I am perceived as mediocre through and through and I’m so disgusted by that fact. Haaa, When I take over this country, everybody and everyone will soon accept me. They ought to.” 

He crossed his arms as if he were hugging himself and lowered his eyes.

“…I need all the help I can get,” He muttered a few words and turned quiet, suppressing his irritation.

The room was enveloped in silence. After a while, the door of the room opened. 

The newcomer who entered the room was…

“I’m sorry to keep you waiting.”

Eh? You gotta be kidding me. This person is… 

Compared to the one I know, this person was much more grown-up… 

It was Prince Leodore—but totally unfamiliar to me. 

Prince Leodore smiled when he came into the man’s view… Not the kind that was usually pasted on his face during social events. It was as though he was truly exultant to finally be back where he belonged… 

This was my first time seeing him sporting this kind of smile on his face. This Prince Leodore was certainly not the one I knew.  

As that man saw the prince, I could sense his body stiffening. But, he managed to put up a very natural and welcoming smile towards the prince. A smile that would not let the other glean his inner thoughts.

“Welcome back, Leo. It was tough on you to have to travel for official duties on this rainy day.”

“Yeah… But I had Urschel waiting for me today. It wasn’t hard at all.” Prince Leodore walked up to that man and embraced him as if he were going to jump into his chest. 

He did not shake off His Highness but hugged him back with an obliging motion.

“Ahhh… Urschel, I missed you…” An ecstatic gasp escaped from His Highness, who had buried his face in the other man’s chest. 

The man’s eyes narrowed. Satisfied, His Highness looked up and took the man by the hand and made him sit down on the bed in the room.

“How long are you going to stay here today?”

“I’ll be back tomorrow morning.”

“…I see.” His Highness heaved a sad little sigh. 

He then pushed the man slowly down onto the bed in a loving and caring way. His Highness then leaned over him and put his hand on the man’s cheek in a loving manner.

“Hey… Urschel… Wouldn’t you like to be my wife instead of my mistress? It’s not enough for me to see you once every few days, and only for one night at that… It’s far from enough.”

At these words, the man’s face darkened slightly and his lips twisted in distress. It took him a while before he replied, “Please let us remain this way… Leo… if I were to have such a relationship with you, you would lock me away, wouldn’t you?”

At this answer, His Highness raised the corners of his mouth. “Yes, you’re right, I won’t let anyone come near you… I’ll make sure to lock you up… so that you see no one but me.” 

His Highness’s hands began to slowly and carefully undress the person. With a reverent touch, as if touching a sacred object, he unbuttoned the younger man’s clothes and put his hand on the belt.”

“Urschel is my only one. You may not be aware of it, but… Only by your side can I remain myself…”

“…”

“But you’re going to go away from me soon, and even though no one is aware of you right now, when I imagine that your existence is going to be noticed by someone other than me, I… And there’s also…” His Highness halted his speech and stopped his hand’s movement. 

Beneath His Highness’s eyes was the body of a scrawny and thin man with a torso as flat as a board. He caressed the body, which was in no way attractive, in a gentle and loving manner.

“I… I don’t want to live my life with anyone but you. To be honest, my life wouldn’t matter if you weren’t in it. Even though I am desired by many people, I am nothing without you. Let’s get married, Urschel… I know it’s going to be tough because I’m the crown prince and I need to have children, and it might feel inconvenient for you since you’ll be stuck in the palace, but I’ll definitely make you happy, even if it takes everything I have,” His Highness sweetly and somewhat ecstatically persuaded the man.  

Once he married His Highness, as long as he was willing to tolerate a few commitments and inconveniences, he would receive a love that was a little too heavy and turbid, but everlasting; he could also enjoy luxury… and even get hold of political power.

 

…In a way, that could have been a happy future.

But the man shook his head. “Leo, I’m fine the way we are. After all, you are…”

Right there…my strangely realistic dream was cut off.