The Unnamed God. I'm really Not a God You Guys!

How does one explain blowing up most of the savings dealing with a random merchant and losing money to officials at that?

The first one is totally my mistake, the second is …I guess I should have stayed hidden.

Thing is I didn't know about it. It be like when you be drinking for the first time in your life and mix a few drinks. You go wine, vodka, beer, champagne, Rhum, sake, then repeat a few times until BARFFFF.

That's how I feel like now. Was I supposed to run away when I saw some people do the same? Perhaps.

But I do have a plan! Remember the contingencies recommended when a plan fails? Time for #2. Motherfucking scapegoat time lol.

When I do get back, my cooking instructor asks me what happened to the money. Why the sum is lower than expected. And I tell her that I did have to pay a tax from city collectors. I describe the young master guy in great detail and gloss over the number of actual coins taken. Not that I do know it anyway.

Perfect plan. Now I am safe from any reprisals. She won't dig into the issue either since there are officials involved! Perfect plan. And…..she leaves stomping angrily.

Don't tell me she plans to fight the city itself?

Probably not. I'm sure I'm just imagining things.

She'll be fine right? Of course!

She is a calm and thoughtful lady. A scary one nonetheless, but cool and clear-headed.

Yes, everything will be fine. No, I am not lying to myself.

I am now a lost puppy without any direction. Should I get to pie baking again? Probably better to wait for her to be back so she can provide counsel.

Time to train to fight! Wait that sounds way too plain.

Epic challenge time until I become a master with the pointy thing! Yes, that pointy thing called…a sword!

Now, this gonna be good. Fight scene!

Spoiler I get my ass kicked … a lot. I get so destroyed I'd rather not mention it. At all.

My cooking instructor returns shortly after, not sure what happened, but she looks happy. I'm relieved to see everything went well.

So what I decide to do is to alternate between getting wrecked and cooking some pie.

I will repeat it until I am the bestest! Ain't a real word? It should be!

I use my secret technique to speed up the training. Motherfucking baking montage yo!

Please note sword training also happens in the background while I am singing.

Here goes nothing. This song is dedicated to all the pies in the world!

First one to find the original song gets a virtual pie from yours truly haha.

You better listen to that shit and sing along lol.

♫♪♫♪◖(● o ●)◗♪♫♪♫

You burnt away, you left me out here on the floor

Doesn't matter, you're still the one that I adore

You gave me something like no food did before

Woah Woah

****

If I close my eyes, all I see

Is you right burning right in front of me

You're on my mind constantly

Now I can't get no sleep

****

All day and night , you keep me up

Non-stop, I'm not done yeah

I'm not baking you well enough

Oh my love, I'm not done, yeah

****

I blame myself, I broke my heart messing you

You hard to cook now I'm bleeding from the truth

You left me helpless, I don't know what to do

Woah, woah

****

Repeat refrain, close my eyes blabla

All day and night you keep me up blabla

****

No sleep, na-na-na-na

No sleep, na-na-na-na

I think about you day and night, now I can't get no sleep

No sleep, na-na-na-na

No sleep, na-na-na-na

I think about you day and night, now I can't get no sleep

No sleep, na-na-na-na

No sleep, na-na-na-na

****

All day and night you keep me up

Non-stop, I'll keep baking, yeah

I'm giving my all, not enough

All my skills, I'm not done, yeah

All day and night you keep me up

****

Repeat the no sleep part blabla

Repeat the thinking about you day and night blabla.

♫♪♫♪◖(● o ●)◗♪♫♪♫

And that's how it goes. Until …finally! Motherfucking finally! I do manage to bake a pie that is not burnt and…. actually, tastes amazing!

I'm so touched when it happens that I start crying. Right there and then.

My mentor is super impressed, mostly about the fact that it takes me as long as 2 months to get it right. But none of it matters!

I am finally done with cooking! I am a master chef! Time for me to start my own tv show! I had the cursing mastered a while back, now I have the cooking!

As a side note, I did find a way to make sure whatever I cook is not poisonous. A small trick with divine energy, but honestly, it's barely worth mentioning. Well, it does mean that I can cook for others too now! Nice!

Wait doesn't that mean I am not unskilled labor anymore! OMG, this might be really good. Imma cry again.

Oh yeah, I also trained hard with the sword. All thanks to Zero. He is a wonderful teacher. Super patient. Showing me slowly. I need to admit his control is super duper awesome. He can increase or decrease his power by units of 0.0001%. Like who seriously can do that?!

Where was Wolfie while all of this happened? Mostly eating pie on the side. Not my pies obviously. The ones Zero's mother cooked. What a traitor haha.

That brings us to today. My swordsmanship graduation ceremony. We are standing in the small courtyard in the back. We have snacks and beverages, nonalcoholic ones, however …like why?! But anyway, Zero comes closer.

"Sectmaster. Training you has been an utmost pleasure. You started from far and you progressed a lot! At first, I was concerned a bit by the way you handled the sword. However! Now I can confidently say that the chances of you stabbing yourself with your own weapon are extremely low!"

* Pachi pachi pachi pachi. * (Yes, I taught him that move)

I did waste so many resources I would have driven a normal family to ruin, but Zero's father is actually a rank 3 hunter and a damn good one at that. Oh, and the mother is like a super chef. So overall they don't mind much.

It doesn't change the fact that today is a day of glory! A day to be proud of my achievements!

A day of bliss and celebration!

Yep, I'm going to the tavern after this.

I mean obviously. Duh!

Time to get shitfaced!

This time nothing weird will happen afterward.

I swear…. hope!