The Unnamed God. I'm really Not a God You Guys!

Now that I'm back, it's time to stir up shit for real!

I am a man on a mission. My target is one called the Water Princess. The sinner has preferred redecorating to actually taking care of important stuff, or that's her excuse anyway. It seems like she is actively avoiding me. 

To be fair I'm only pissed because of the fact that all of them decided to ignore me for ridiculous reasons. There is only so much dissing a man should tolerate! Of course, I don't intend to cause her any harm. I'm just a simple man wanting simple revenge really. No murder, no arson, really nothing big. 

[Water Princess are you available now? It's fine if you aren't really. Worst case I will simply have to help you out. I have here enough manure to help you redecorate your house for a LONG while! What do you think of this wonderful idea of mine?] 

Behind me, I can hear the gallery. 

"Y-you, you're joking, right?!"

"H-how abominable!"

That is when my disciple gets angry on my behalf.

"We properly tried visiting politely at first! Why did you two let this escalate so much?!"

Quite funny how she is talking to apparently two strong mages right now. But then again, they act so childishly that I can't blame her for forgetting it. It warms my heart to know that she cares that much about my reputation.

*Sigh*

[So, what will it be, Water Princess?]

Comes a voice full of superiority and disdain, one that shows she doesn't even remotely consider me her equal. 

"Go ahead if you dare! I'm not like the two spinless cowards by your side. Go on, ask them!"

I'm expecting them to be angry but they both seem slightly intimidated and shamed for some reason. Is she perhaps stronger than them? That would explain a lot.

Now, the logical thing to do would simply be to try and make peace...But from her tone, I don't see this happening. I could also try and avoid her, running away. But somehow, she's really annoying me for from reason.

If I really start a war with her, it could quickly become dangerous. At least I have a trump card! I'm pretty sure that if me and my naked friend team-up that we'll be able to face her. I've been thinking and I probably have a tactic we can use.

I slowly whisper to my disciple.

[Say, do you think the city would try to avenge her if we beat her up or something?]

"Hmm, probably not. She's kind of a loner here. Mostly because a disdainful tone is her default voice."

Perfect! I can't help but chuckle evilly as I start my assault! I grab a shovel and I simply use it as if it was a catapult!

*Bam! *

Tons of manure collide with the walls creating horrible splashes of shit. Then thanks to gravity it slowly slides all the way to the ground leaving a brown smelly trail behind.

How do I know how smelly it is? Well, I have the goddamn wind in my face! What good is a magical water barrier if even something as simple as wind can go through?! Wouldn't it be possible to poison the breeze or something?

That is when we can suddenly hear a very disturbing scream. Yep, she's mad but I expected that. The front door seems to explode from the inside as a blur of pink comes outside.

I am finally able to put a face behind the voice of my interlocutor. She looks young, has long pink hair, long pink eyelashes, pink eyebrows, is wearing a pink robe instead of the conventional blue one, and she's pissed!

"You! You'll die!"

That's when out of nowhere appears, diluted blood?! Nope, it's just her water magic that is pink too! At this point, I'm wondering what pissed her off more. To have shit on her house or to have some brown on it?

She does a small hand gesture and suddenly a weird pink bullet seems to be locking unto me. No matter how I move it keeps following! I even try to head into an alley, but it still mercilessly finds its way to me.

If running won't work then I can only go on the offensive! How is she going to protect herself, eh? I go full speed toward her! I do take lots of projectiles to the face in the process, but it doesn't matter.

Then finally comes the moment that I had been waiting for. My hand reaches toward her arm and I quickly grab....what?! Just as I'm about to drag her away, she somehow flies away! That's when I notice it. Uner her sole she has a small stream of pink water carrying her. 

Now she's clearly laughing in my face as she easily avoids everything. That's when her magic barrage intensifies. I see her perch herself on the roof of a building. Does this mean there is a limit to how long she can fly?

It's fine I have a plan! I simply keep running. Except, at some point, she is throwing so many attacks my way that I'm not able to evade anymore!

My face twists in pain, I scream in agony, I tumble on the ground and finally, I stop moving altogether clearly knocked unconscious. Will this plan work?! I have no clue. But right now all I can do is believe in my acting skills.

They may not be the best, but I went with a really simple script for that very reason. Gran would be proud of me if she could see me unmoving on the ground my face in the dirt. Now I'm just wondering if I should offer a prayer to SHO while at it.

Ah, don't get me wrong. I'm not really counting on him to help, it's more of a tradition. Back then they used to pray to that deity before every performance.  I guess this is a way for me of remembering the ones I lost. *Sigh*. SHO please bless this wannabe actor!

That is when I hear the light tapping of my opponent's feet as she slowly approaches. Will this actually work? I'm a goddamn genius!