The Unnamed God. I'm really Not a God You Guys!

****(POV)

Oh god, dying really feels bad. I could see my life flashing before my eyes. How I lost my pet, how I lost my brother, how I became a tamer once more, and how I screwed up and died in a simple test. 

I simply regret causing my new partner's demise, a sweet and cute slime. I also won't be able to apologize to my friend either, for kicking the bucket so soon, wasting the opportunity he gave me. Well, I'm sure he'll understand. He's that kind of guy. 

Then came oblivion. To be honest, it just felt like slowly drifting into an eternal sleep and dreaming. The afterlife is a weird place I guess. I thought this state would continue forever but then…

*Choking*

What is this DISGUSTING thing?! It feels as if someone is trying to pour stale milk down my throat! I try to vomit it out but it doesn't work. I'm gonna drown on this repugnant stuff! 

Wait...?! Throat?! Sense of taste?! I'm supposed to be dead…what?! That's when I open my eyes…I'm not dead?! 

Where is my partner?! I can sense his existence through our link! Ah…sleeping nearby. Comfy in some sort of ..blanket? 

There is an austere ceiling above me. I am lying on sheets that are completely yellow and coarse. The smell is horrible! What is this?! …It's actually me!

I try to get up. Just this simple exercise takes all my efforts. I manage to put my feet on the ground somehow. Then I slowly get up …and tumble to the floor. 

I can't fucking feel my legs!

"Are you okay, Sir?!" 

"What? Where is this? Who are you?" 

There is a soldier next to me. I don't recognize the outfit...

"Sir, you were in a coma for a long time. I just fed you some healing tonic to help you heal."

"Why? These things should be valuable, right?"

"Yes, Sir, it was a direct request of the commander. Please hurry up we need your help! We need to…"

"Slow down man. I can't even walk, how am I supposed to help anyone?! Give me a minute!" 

"S-sure Sir. It's just that this is an emergency and…"

"Screw you! You want an emergency?! How about that I can't even feel my lower half?!"

He gives a relieved sigh. Did I imagine that or…?

Ok, so some guy I've never seen wants to bring me to some commander. Commander as in an army, right?

"Where is this?" 

"T-the City of Freedom, Sir! Let's get going and…"

"Not before you answer my questions! I was taking a test…where is the nearest taming guild branch?!"

"You are in it, Sir. Same place. It's just the tamers went away as soon as there were hints of a war…and the undead didn't help either. The City of Freedom is the new name of this place. You've been in a coma for a while Sir and…"

"How long?!"

"T-that, two years Sir…"

"Are you fucking with me?! Two goddamn years?! I slept for that long?!"

"Yes, Sir. But we really should be going. The commander needs your help and…"

Two years, two fucking years. Two motherfucking years. WTF! Calm down. Okay, first thing first I need a goddamn bath. 

"Help me go wash."

"Sir we really should get going and…"

Why is he so impatient! Give me a break already! 

"No discussion! You want my help and I need a goddamn shower!"

"Y-yes!"

The man brings me to a pump outside to draw water. I'm just leaning on his shoulder while I'm bringing my loyal slime with me.  We used to bathe beasts here in the place. Hell, I'm sure the beasts smelled better than the current me. 

The water is ice cold. It's not disagreeable for some reason. Still, at this point, I am welcoming any sensation. It means I'm alive!

"I'm fucking alive! Can you see that, gods?! Little Bai is back! The number one slime tamer is back!! HAHAHA!"

This roar is coming straight from my soul. The guy is looking at me weirdly but so what. He wouldn't understand.

As the cold water drenches me, I feel myself getting revitalized. It feels as if every one of my pores is aspiring the water directly. I guess my skin really was dry after all this time haha. 

"Alright, next I'll need a massage to loosen up my stiff muscles."

"Sir, we really shouldn't…"

"Hurry up! The faster you do it the faster we get out of here!"

"Y-yes Sir!"

I lie on my stomach in the grass. Then I can feel him approaching his warm hands. Then he starts massaging reluctantly. Ah, this feels good. Pretty nice. It would be better to have a pretty girl massaging me but…

"Sir, how are you so soft?!"

What?! 

"Kneading your back feels so damn satisfying it's like…"

"What are you doing back there?!"

"Nothing, Sir. It,s just that…"

Is he touching my ass now?! I get the feeling it is jiggling under his touch! What the hell! Where are my muscles?! Okay, they haven't been visible for a while…but why is he touching me so eagerly!? 

I quickly get up! I fucking see. His goal was to disgust me so we can get going faster. *Sigh* Whatever he wins. Wait…why is he looking at his hands absent-mindedly and giving a squeeze?! He's still acting?! 

"Hurry up and lead the way! Let's go meet that commander of yours! Ah, I'll need clothes, however for…"

That's when he simply undresses. Not even bothering to cover anything. Why is he showing me his mighty weapon?! Also, why is it half….Ah, whatever.

The sooner I can have proper clothes the sooner we are done with this.  My fault for asking a pervert to massage me. 

"Lead the way!"

As we leave the guild I can see how desolate it is. Somehow there is nothing being done with the building? Then again, it would be bad manners to occupy it while its owners are away.

Still, how did I remain behind?  More like how wasn't I simply thrown out or taken with them? 

I guess I'll be able to learn all of it soon. Still, it's hard to believe. It's been two years already. *Sigh* I wonder if the people I knew are still here? 

My friend is probably gone towards Eaglevein. As for the old man, he probably still is here if he hasn't kicked the bucket already. Now let's see what…

Wait?! Rubble everywhere! Screams of soldiers coordinating with one another! Huge slimes bouncing all over the place! Streets devoid of any civilians…ah and destroyed too!

"Hey, what the Hell is happening here?!"

"Slime invasion, Sir. That's why we need your help."

"Why the Hell didn't you say so sooner you should have said that it was an emergency and…! Ah, just lead the way…"

Eh, my bad? But how was I supposed to guess the extent of the crisis?!