The Unnamed God. I'm really Not a God You Guys!

[So the tamed beast part was a lie?]

"I mean I did have a dog as my tamed beast. It just died of old age and is now buried home, however."

[The brother part?]

"I always was a unique child."

[Why the hell did you delve so deep inside that story then?!]

"It was fun seeing your reactions. You were starting to feel sorry for me, right?"

How about I unscrew his head off his shoulder and truly feel sorry for him?

"Haha, let this be a lesson too. Don't trust everything people tell you. I was just joking about it, but someone could exploit that."

Sad to admit but he's right. I know so little about this world that I am easy to trick. An obvious solution is to read, but even then, learning how would take me a long time.

"Don't worry about it. Kidding between friends is something normal."

Wait, are we friends now? This has huge implications. This guy is my first fat friend here. Anyone not understanding how awesome this is needs to review literally all eastern novels. There is always that one funny fat and loyal character next to the MC. I might just be a normal dude, not any main character, and he might not be fully fat either, but that will do.

From now on I have my own fat friend! I look him dead in the eyes.

[I will consider you a friend but know that you will have a huge responsibility. You will need to shine more brightly than all others. You have a plethora of funny and fat characters to compete with after all.]

"What's that about me being fat?! Are you insulting me?! I'm barely overweight a bit! And I look cute too!"

[You see little Bai from where I come from you fit that one archetype of character perfectly. I will be expecting great things from you. Do not worry for this is no insult, but truly a heavy burden to carry. You will have to become one of the most attaching individuals there is and become strong all thanks to me for some bullshit reason. Otherwise, we would have failed all the existing legends.]

"Wait, are you assigning me some role based on a bard's song?! This is insane I don't even know which ballad you are talking about?!"

[All of them little Bai, you see your fate was sealed the moment you called yourself my friend. Your destiny became filled with suffering from that point onward. With enough challenge to make anyone give up and beg for death, but not you. Yes, not you for you will become that legendary friend character.]

"Can I take it back? You are starting to scare me now!"

[Little Bai do you know the inner workings of fate?]

"Of course not!"

[You see fate is my specialty and you doomed yourself by declaring to be my friend. You might not know it but I am a wanted man. One that has many assassins sent after him by various forces. They are jealous of how I manage to accomplish so much while I have so little potential. And now you just became their target as well for interacting with me.]

"There is no way! We just met!"

[It is too late little Bai, you called yourself my friend, and most importantly called yourself my fan in front of others. They will learn of that soon enough. You will see they will come for me soon. Except I will be long gone. Instead, they will learn about little Bai.]

"*Gulp* T-then what?!"

[They will learn about how close we are. They will ask you about my whereabouts. Of course, you won't know, but they won't give up. They will first crush your bones, then your spirit, and finally your soul. All until they can get the information out of you. Information that you would never have possessed in the first place.]

"No way!"

[And then they will turn your body into a bloodthirsty revenant that will follow their every wish. They will turn you into a hound to try and destabilize my psyche. Knowing full well that we are friends. Then someday we will meet again. In your empty eyes, there won't be a single trace of life. The little pieces of your shattered soul screaming for true death. Hoping for oblivion.]

"What the fuck!"

[And then I will help. I will gaze directly at you and will say this: it has been a long time, old friend. Then I will burn whatever remnant of you there still is and free you.]

"No way in hell!"

[You also have one alternative. To leave before their forces arrive. I will be leaving tomorrow at dawn. Whether you are there or not I will be leaving. How you deal with whatever happens next will be your own responsibility. Alright, see you later friend. One way or another that is.]

"What the hell man?! Wait, where should I even join you tomorrow?!"

[Oh, you don't have to follow. I am sure you are one resourceful guy. Later.]

"Just tell me already!"

I come closer, making sure no one is listening to our conversation. Of course, I am simply bluffing, but he doesn't seem to notice.

[*Whispering* outside the city is a small lumberjack camp. I will be sleeping there tonight and leaving from there. They already may have scouts roaming about. Don't be seen or you will be the first to die most likely. Also, my pursuers are ones that reward their informers with swift death to prevent anyone from messing up their plans. Don't even try that. Well not if you want to live. Alright later.]

He looks at me leaving, completely at a loss. A mix of panic and incredulity. As I leave, I scream behind.

[Thank you, stranger, for telling me about the name of my teacher. For that, I am truly glad, but next time please make the story faster. I am a busy man you see. Thank you and take care!]

I am wondering how long it will take him to realize that I am joking. HAHAHAHA