The Pasta Pervert Is Being Preyed Upon

Osmond wakes up first. He climbs out of bed and goes to the bathroom. While he's still in there, Natalie wakes up. He comes back from the bathroom.

"Let's go meditate."

"Morning, Ozzy."

"Good morning, Natalie, now let's go meditate."

"I gotta go to the bathroom first."

"Then go."

While she does her bathroom business, Osmond goes to the kitchen, drinks a glass of water, goes to his usual spot on the couch and sits down with his legs crossed. Natalie comes back from the bathroom and sits down next to him.

"You're not gonna drink some water first?"

"Oh, right."

She goes to the kitchen, drinks a glass of water and goes back to her seat.

"Let's begin."

Natalie nods. They sit there without moving, observing their breath as written in the anapanasati sutta. After a few hours, Natalie touches Osmond's knee. He slowly opens his eyes and looks at her.

"That was pretty nice."

"Mmhm."

They continue sitting in silence for a few more minutes, then get up and go to the kitchen.

"We should go on a date sometime."

"What? You really mean that?"

"Yeah, why not?"

Natalie smiles from ear to ear and hugs him.

"Where should we go?"

"Let's have a picnic in the park after you come back from work."

"Yes! Let's also have breakfast!"

"Is there anything you want in particular?"

"Not really, you decide for today."

"Then how about some french toast?"

"I don't wanna go to the bakeryyyy!"

"I'll go."

"Ugh, fine."

"You can beat the eggs while I'm gone."

"Yeah, whatever."

"Do you want something else for breakfast?"

"No, I just don't like bakeries."

"Why not?"

"They put alcohol in the food they sell, plus there's always junk food in there."

"I said it yesterday, there's yeast free bread, there's no alcohol in it, it's made with baking powder and it takes much less time to make than regular bread."

"Fine, just go, I'll beat the eggs or whatever."

"Okay, just let me get my wallet first."

He goes to his room, grabs his wallet and keys, drinks some water and puts his shoes on.

"Wait, you're going like that?"

"What's wrong?"

"You're in your pajamas."

"These are sweatpants, for your information, and my shirt is just a regular shirt."

"But you slept in that."

"Yeah, but the baker doesn't know that."

Natalie sighs.

"Whatever, just go."

"Bye!"

The door opens, then slams shut. Natalie drinks some water, then cracks two eggs into a deep plate and throws the eggshells in the trash.

"He didn't take out the trash… Guess I'll dump it before work."

She washes her hands in the sink, then takes a fork and beats the eggs. A few minutes later, Osmond comes back and takes his shoes off.

"I'm back."

He puts the bread on the counter.

"The eggs are beaten."

"Great, thanks."

He washes his hands and comes back to the kitchen, pulls the bread out of a paper bag and cuts a large portion of it into slices.

"You didn't put anything into the eggs, did you?"

"Alright."

After slicing the bread, he puts a dash of cream, salt and milk in the eggs, then beats them again. He puts a frying pan on the stove, puts some oil in it, and starts coating the bread in the batter. The oil heats up and he starts frying the battered bread.

"Get another plate and put some paper towels on it."

"Okay."

Natalie puts the plate close to Osmond and steps back. Within several minutes, Osmond fries all the sliced bread.

"Sweet or savoury?"

"Leave them as they are."

"Okay, then help me set the table, please."

Natalie puts two small plates on the table with a butter knife and teaspoon on each plate, and Osmond puts the french toast in the middle alongside various things from the fridge and the kitchen.

"We…"

"We?"

"I'm offering the food."

"Oh, right."

"We offer this food to God, Om Tat Sat. Thank you, God, for this food." -They say in unison.

"You don't have to offer it with me, you know?"

"Didn't you want us to offer it together?"

"Yeah, but, like, who cares anyway?"

"Didn't you care? I remember you interrupting me one time when I tried to offer it on my own."

"Whatever, we can keep offering it together if you want."

"Whatever."

Osmond spreads some butter on his piece, a bit of honey, and some cinnamon. As he's about to bite into it, Natalie grabs his wrist and grabs a bite of his french toast, then lets go.

"Hey!"

Natalie stays silent. Osmond looks at his slice for a bit, then bites into it like normal. Natalie makes a sandwich with tomato, tofu, butter and seasonings. As she's about to bite into it, Osmond grabs both her wrists and grabs a bite of her sandwich, then let's go.

"You thief!"

"Mm."

"I'm gonna get back at you for this!"

She takes a bite of her sandwich. Osmond swallows.

"You did the same to me."

"You don't get it, do you? What's yours is mine, and what's mine is also mine."

"Gross."

"What's gross?"

"What you just said, it's gross."

"No, I just said it because-"

"Because you're gross?"

"I'm not gross! You're gross!"

"So you love a gross man. You're not just gross anymore, now you're both gross and perverted."

"Shut up!"

He shuts up and continues eating.

"You didn't have to actually shut up."

"Mmhm."

"Geez!"

"Don't imitate me."

"I'm not."

"Am I teasing you too much?"

"A bit."

"I'm sorry, I'll stop."

"Don't!"

"What, you're a masochist now? I guess the girl I'm in love with is a gross pervert masochist."

"I love you too, you jerk."

She puts her sandwich on her plate, then gets up from her seat and kisses Osmond on the cheek. On her way back, she stops, turns back, goes behind Osmond and pulls his chair back, then sits in his lap, facing him.

"What are you doing? Just let me eat."

"Oh, I'll let you eat."

She turns around, scoops a bit of honey, puts it in her mouth and lays the teaspoon down on Osmond's plate, then starts making out with Osmond. Osmond first moans with surprise, then pleasure. After a little while, she moves away.

"I told you I'd get back at you."

"That was kinda weird."

"Well, I enjoyed it."

"I didn't say I didn't like it..."

"Wanna try again?"

"Nah, I wanna continue eating."

Natalie takes a slice of french toast and feeds it to Osmond, then takes a bite out of the other side.

"Fif mekf fu mi."

"Bonf fawk wif yuw mouf fuw."

They both chew their food and swallow.

"I said "sit next to me.""

"I wanna keep sitting in your lap."

"If you sit next to me, then you can continue feeding me, but with toppings."

"You're okay with me feeding you?"

"You'd keep doing it either way."

"Yeah, I probably would."

Natalie moves her chair and sits next to him.

"Hey, Ozzy."

"Hm?"

"Kiss me, please."

Osmond briefly kisses her, then continues eating.

"No resistance."

"Nyope."

"How come?"

"I gave up, it's easier like this."

He spreads butter over a piece of french toast.

"Didn't you say you didn't wanna do all this couple stuff until we actually become a couple?"

"I did, but you obviously don't respect that in the slightest, so I gave up."

She looks down. He slices a banana on his plate, then puts the slices on top of the buttered french toast.

"Sorry."

"It's okay, you're probably gonna be my girlfriend soon anyway."

He puts some cinnamon on that, brings it to Natalie's mouth, and she takes a bite.

"By the way, this has nothing to do with our date later today."

"If doefmf?"

"Nope, I just wanted to take you out on a date."

Osmond takes a bite, then Natalie hugs him.

"You're the best!"

"Mmph."

Natalie releases him, then continues eating her sandwich. Osmond finishes his first.

"Can I have me some of that?"

Natalie offers him a bite, and he takes it. She then finishes her sandwich. Only two pieces are left.

Osmond takes another slice and puts the same toppings on as Natalie's ex sandwich, but without a lid, and Natalie puts some tofu on her slice. They continue eating in silence and occasionally feeding each other. After that, they put the dishes in the sink, wash their hands and clean everything up. Natalie gets ready for work, and with their first goodbye kiss and a bag of trash in one hand, she leaves.