The Northern Grand Duke’s Hamster

Above the Running Hamster, There’s a Flying Northern Grand Duke (2)

‘Immoral bastard.’

A heartless jerk without blood or tears. An awful jerk. A cheap jerk. Merciless…! I roared as I floundered my limbs in the sawdust.

— Squeak! (Give me my hamster wheel, you bastard!)

I’m not even halfway done with running on it!

How can you pretend to only look at documents, pretend that you have no interest in hamsters, and then hit me in the back of the head like this? Huh? If I had known, I would have pretended to run on it moderately.

Seriously, I was a fool to believe that the unstoppable hamster otaku would be indifferent to me even for a minute. Because above the running hamster, there’s a flying northern grand duke.

What was worse was that Kyle took the hamster wheel the next day and left to patrol around the estate. I was truly going mad. Nothing worth a miracle could be done in this hamster cage, and quests were impossible to complete as well.

‘This enemy-like miracle…’

I sighed deeply as I crawled up the slide backwards before repeatedly sliding down halfway from the top.

I may have rejected eating and doing well in my original world, but I just wanted to live like a human until I died. The dictionary’s definition of human, at least!

Anyway, time passed against my will.

As time went by, the day was indeed for playing and eating. I rode the slide, ate walnuts, took a nap, ate peanuts, frolicked in the hideout, ate sunflower seeds, swung on the swing, ate pistachios…

It’s supposed to be a cold village, but were nuts a specialty? It’s like a renowned bureom restaurant. It takes some work to peel the nuts continuously, but if you peel them all at once, put them in a bowl, and take a few out every time you think of them…

tl/n: bureom is a collection of nuts (examples include chestnuts, peanuts, walnuts, pine nuts, and ginkgo nuts) that are eaten on january 15 (on the lunar calendar) to ward off bad spirits

‘…I’ve gone crazy. What the hell am I thinking?’

Was my mindset changing to that of a hamster’s now?

I began to fear that slowly, I would unknowingly adapt just like this. I was a human. A man of intelligence!

“Cashew.”

Kyle came in long after the sun had set.

I don’t know if he had returned late at night or not. The clock was hard to see from here, and in the Blake estate’s winters, night occupied more than half of the day.

He returned to the study and looked at me, but I didn’t even pretend to know. I wasn’t in the mood.

‘What’s adorable now, huh?’

When I crouched between the passage connecting the first and second floors and didn’t give him a single look, he looked around the hamster house for a long time before going back to his bedroom.

It seems that his disappointment was strong, but… 

Well, if you bring a hamster wheel, I’ll greet you with a nod.

*

Like that, the next day began with me still stuck in the transparent tube. The urgent northern grand duke visited the study before the sun came up.

“I’m back.”

He put his face close to me and said affectionately.

“I think I’ll need to adjust your diet a little starting from today. Since it seems that your body is getting stuck in the passage more often than expected.” 

‘Wait, what did you just say?’

I was taken aback and crawled out of my hiding place.

But Kyle was fast, and he had already turned my bowl upside down. My bowl was filled with all kinds of nuts… My bowl… It was completely emptied until there were only three almonds left.

“I don’t want your joints to be strained. I’ve left a little bit, so you’ll be fine till night. I think I’ll be coming back late today because I’m busy with festival preparations.”

— …

“…As expected, is that too little?”

The knight who was waiting by his side spoke before I could protest.

“No. I heard from the magician that the growth phase of the individual has not yet come, Your Highness. This is enough.”

What are you talking about? Diet restrictions? Do you have holes for eyes?! It’s unfair to only eat nuts for breakfast and dinner!

This was the first time I ate meals planned by someone else since school-prepared lunches. I looked up at Kyle with an expression that said this was ridiculous, then kicked the bowl with a bang.

This awful and cheap life. I can’t even eat whatever I want.

I want beer with chicken. Salmon with capers. Chicken feet. Bunmoja tteokbokki. Pane cream pasta… Something greasy, spicy, and bad for the body. Something only Koreans can eat!

tl/n: bunmoja tteokbokki is a type of tteokbokki made with chinese starch noodles, and pane cream pasta, or just pane pasta, is a type of cream-based pasta served in a bread bowl

“It would be good for him to exercise a little.”

“Yes, Your Highness. It’s not good to overdo it, but it’s still better than gaining weight.”

“Mm.”

Kyle nodded his head very gravely and put the hamster wheel in my house.

‘Yes! That’s it!’

I looked up at him with twinkling blue eyes. He looked like an angel today.

Please, I’m telling you, take all the time you need to prepare for the damn festival or whatever, Your Highness. I’m just going to run exactly 800 laps and end this terrible hamster life.

Let’s calm down for now. If I jumped on the wheel as soon as he gave it back, it would be taken away again. I acted as calm as possible and turned my head away, pretending not to pay any attention to the wheel that had finally returned to my arms.

Kyle looked at me for a long time with an expression that seemed like he was going to die of cuteness.

That guy, it feels like he’s trying to kiss me a hundred times with his eyes. Still, he knew how to restrain himself with someone next to him. He’s grown a lot.

“Do you like the beast that much?”

I unintentionally eavesdropped on the conversation between the two people who were leaving.

“The beast is called a northern field mouse. The mana stone in its heart is forming a little late, and its physical strength is weak, but… Its social behaviour is feasible, and above all, it’s intelligent.”

“It’s still young at the moment anyway. It looks just like a hamster. No matter how I look at it, it’s golden…”

The subordinate knight secretly glanced back at me and quietly pointed to me.

“Isn’t it a mouse?”

“A mouse.”

Kyle responded coldly and slapped the knight’s hand.

“Are you blind?”

“…Y-Your Highness.”

“Forget it. Just bring me a small needle and thread while I finish my review of the festival.”

“What are you going to do with them?”

“It’s none of your concern. It will be used for something important, so only prepare the best.”

“Yes…”

Kyle cleared his throat and left the study.

“This winter is especially cold…”

‘This bastard, there’s no way.’

You don’t plan on knitting me clothes, do you? Don’t do anything strangely domestic, Grand Duke. If you don’t want to see the sight of this feeble hamster grab its neck and fall backwards in shock.

The mere imagination of it made the hairs on my body stand up, and I quickly rubbed my limbs.

Let’s not think about it. I won’t think about it.

I quickly got onto the hamster wheel. Going on the wheel was the best way to get rid of useless thoughts. Now that I’ve got the hang of it, 800 laps will be over in no time.

I took a deep breath and started to move my four legs.

Rattle.

The big Ferris wheel gradually began to move.

There. Now then, I’ll let the flow take over my body and think about something else. Peaceful and pleasant thoughts, if possible. Pizza, ttukbaegi bulgogi, sundae gukbap… Feeling the saliva in my mouth, I kicked the hamster wheel with more driving force.

tl/n: ttukbaegi bulgogi is bulgogi served in an earthenware pot, and sundae gukbap (or rice soup) is a kind of rice soup served with korean sausage

[0217/1000]

… 

[0322/1000]

… 

[0445/1000]

The numbers went up smoothly.

I was confident that there was no other hamster that could spin the wheel better than me. Also, doing this was rewarding, and since it counted the number of laps I ran, it felt like I was earning points.

I looked at the system window while running between 600 and 700 laps with an odd feeling of happiness. Looking at this, wouldn’t it only be a matter of time?

When I was getting a little hungry and went down to eat something, I remembered what Kyle and the knight had said earlier.

‘What? Diet control? My body getting stuck in the tube?’

No way. I’ll lose weight. I’ll make sure they regret it.

Burning with a strange enthusiasm, I refused to take a break and made the wheel spin madly. I was even worried that a screw might come off at this rate.

So when I first heard a creaking sound, I thought that this goddamn hamster wheel was finally meeting its end.

Huh? Hold on, did I hear that sound correctly?

“The grand duke is hiding a woman in the castle, isn’t he?”

“How interesting. I heard she’s going to die. Word has it that he’s been clinging onto her every day.”

…A woman?

“You fools. Would he hide a woman in his study? He must be keeping her in his bedroom!”

“…Is that so? Then, let’s look around here and go to the bedroom.”

“Right. Wouldn’t it be nice if we were lucky enough to find some military secrets from here?”

I stopped the hamster wheel and looked down at the three men who had quite literally crawled through the door.

They came near the desk in crawling postures that you could only see in the military and were wearing black masks. It was obvious that they were uninvited guests.

“Let’s catch or assassinate the woman.”

“Yeah, if she’s a normal person, it’ll be easy.”

“Isn’t that why he hid her?”

These masked men. Below, the thieves searched the drawers while exchanging jokes with each other. They went through the documents in the top drawer, the documents in the next drawer, and the documents in the drawer after that. And in the last drawer—

“What’s all of this?”

One of the men lifted a heavy pouch. I sat down next to my bowl, peeling and eating my almonds as I watched them.

“…Macadamia nuts?”

‘So they’re in there.’

For your information, they were also in a small drawer next to the door.

Crunch. Crunch.

As the thieves were silent in their bewilderment, the only sound in the study was from me eating almonds. At that moment, the two other thieves who had noticed my presence came up to me.

“What’s this?”

“Is it a mouse?”

“It looks odd. The fur is golden, isn’t it?”

“…Is it a beast?”

“As expected of the northern grand duke…”

No, it’s just a hamster.

I took the last almond and shot a mukbang. Come on, give me some of the macadamia nuts in your hand. Because three almonds won’t bring me anywhere close to being full.

“…Is this expensive?”

I heard the sound of saliva dripping from the mouth of a thief who had been watching my mukbang for a while. They exchanged glances and then began to open the hamster cage.

‘These guys really don’t have a plan or anything, huh.’

They searched for a woman, searched for secrets, and now they’re kidnapping a hamster.

They were really wishy-washy. How could such clumsy people try to be thieves? It’s a miracle that they didn’t get caught on the way.

I sighed without even looking at the hand descending from above. Come on out. It’s a good time to appear, isn’t it?

At that moment.

“W-what!”

Crash! There was a loud sound of glass breaking. These three thieves. The fools had stuck their necks out like meerkats and looked around the window.

“You dare touch what’s mine?”

A voice that was like a sharply forged blade and resembled the winds of the highest altitude in the north descended like frost. The fools began to tremble, as if they had already died three times from the voice alone.

Oh… So, this is called karma in technical terms. In a word, it served them right.

[You dare try to pick up my cute sugar hamster! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ]

tl/n: reference to a panel in the manga noodle shop affair by cj michalski, it’s a popular meme template (to see it, you can search up 나의 귀여운 설탕과자 on google, the translation for the panel would be ‘I’ve come to pick up my cute sugar cracker.’)

He never said that. By the way, why are you so excited?

“I won’t let you get away alive.”

No way, he’s going to be executed for touching a hamster?

Kyle pulled out the sword at his waist.

…It really didn’t seem like they would make it out alive.