The Cuddle Pact

34

Truth.

In which Sebastian learns the truth all these years later and finally moves on.

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» SEBASTIAN »

I WOULD RECOGNISE HIS FACE ANYWHERE. Cade was like a brother to me, his face was, and will forever be, committed to memory. The kid I saw in the park looked so much like James and since Cade was his identical sibling, I knew something had happened that I had no knowledge of. I knew that Serena and Cade were very good friends and before his death, we were such a close-knit group.

My mind was reeling as I picked up my phone, typing in Serena's number. I had to pull a few strings to get it, but my desperation for the truth was making me pull out all the stops. I needed to get the answers to all the questions I had, and I felt like I deserved them too.

"Hello?" her voice filtered through the line with a hint of confusion.

"Hi, Serena. It's Sebastian." I vaguely heard an intake of breath and I guessed that she was bracing herself for what I said next. She may not have seen me, but I was sure that she saw Mira and Avery at the park. "I think we need to have a talk—I know."

She sighed as if she was mentally drained and there was a short bout of silence before she answered in a quiet voice. "Okay. Could you come over to my house? My husband is out and I can't leave my son alone."

After she gave me her address, the phone call ended with an audible click. I stared at my phone for a few long moments, feeling an odd weight in my chest. I stood up from where I was leaning on the kitchen counter and slowly walked over to Mira who was seated on the sofa, watching her favourite show. Normally, I wouldn't be able to catch her attention for long when it was on, but as soon as I took a seat beside her, her eyes were on me.

"You okay?" she asked carefully, reaching out to lay a hand on my knee.

I covered her hand with mine and took a second to gather my thoughts and formulate a coherent sentence. "I'm going to go meet with her now." I intertwined our fingers and pulled her hand to my lips to press a soft kiss to her hand. "Mira, I'm scared. I don't exactly know what I'm going to hear."

She sat up on her knees and pulled her hand from mine to grab my face. Her cognac coloured eyes stared into mine and I knew that I was in a moment of unadulterated vulnerability. She dipped her head and laid a gentle peck on my lips. "I want to say that I'll come with you, but this is something you need to do on your own. I get that you're scared, I would be too. You're the strongest person I know, Sebastian. You can't expect to know what she'll say, but if you need me there, I'll be with you in a heartbeat."

My fingers reached up to thread through her hair and I tilted my head back slightly before my lips touched hers softly. It was a delicate kiss, one that was far different than the one we shared in the car. Whenever we kissed like this, it wasn't out of lust or a physical need, it was purely out of love. I pulled back and rested my forehead against hers. "No, you're right. I need to do this alone." I allowed myself to stay in her hold for a few more moments before I stood up with her hand in mine.

She sat back on her feet as she looked up at me and I smiled softly when I realised that she had always looked at me like that, even when we first met. Her fingers gripped mine gently and with my free hand, I stroked her cheek.

"I love you, okay?"

Mira grinned and nodded her head, squeezing my hand. "You can show me just how much when you get back." There was a glint of mischief in her eyes at the comment, and I couldn't help but tug her towards me. She laughed as she steadied herself with her hands against my chest. "I'm kidding."

My arms wrapped around her waist. "That's too bad. I was ready to show you over and over again." I stepped back when I was satisfied with the expression on her face. With a barely held back laugh, I watched her sit down with a quiet sigh. "I bought you a little something, wear it and you might just change my mind."

I stepped out of my apartment and decided that I was going to drive there myself. I needed the car journey to clear my head so I could go in with an open mind, ready to accept whatever she told me. I couldn't get that little boy's face out of my head. Even the way he smiled reminded me of Cade.

Before long, I pulled up to Serena's house and she was stood outside, gesturing the empty driveway. I parked and took a minute to calm myself down before I climbed out of the car and met her gaze. She was quiet just like me and as I stared at her, I realised that she truly was a stranger to me now. She was a part of the life I had, and I felt guilty at the fact that she reminded me of the old Sebastian. The Sebastian that never knew how to limit how much he drank, the Sebastian that didn't feel anything but pain for a very long time.

Serena turned on her heel and walked back into her house, giving me a silent invitation to follow her. When I stepped passed the threshold, the first thing I saw was the multitude of framed pictures that she had of her son and her husband. Seeing him more clearly somehow confirmed my thoughts and for some reason, my heart ached to know the little boy in the pictures because he was the last part of Cade left.

She led me to her kitchen and pushed a mug of tea into my hand. "It's a fresh brew. Why don't you sit down?"

I took a seat by the island as she sat directly opposite me and there was a long moment of tense and awkward silence before she mustered up the courage to speak. I brought the mug of hot tea to my lips and slowly sipped.

"Before Cade died, we were strictly best friends. We never crossed that line when we were still somewhat in love, I want you to know that, Sebastian." Her green eyes settled on mine and they were full of guilt. I didn't know how to feel yet so I allowed her to continue. "But, in the months leading up to his death, I could feel you pulling away from me and I started having feelings for Cade, romantic feelings. I knew he felt the same, but he told me that he couldn't do that to you. He really loved you, Sebastian. You were his brother through thick and thin. But, a week and a half before he passed, we had sex. We were drunk and I'd say it was a mistake, but I did love him and I don't regret being with him in that way, I just regret the circumstances around it." Her eyes watered and she got up to take some tissues from the kitchen roll on the countertop.

I waited for the pain to bloom in my chest, but after a few moments, I realised that it wasn't going to come. I didn't know if something was wrong with me since my ex-girlfriend just told me that she cheated on me with our best friend and that she loved him while she was with me, and I didn't feel an ounce of pain. I couldn't say that I was surprised because I did have a feeling that their friendship had the potential to develop into something more once I was out of the picture.

Serena and I just didn't click after a while, but Serena and Cade always would. I felt my chest constrict at the thought that I was in the way of Cade being truly happy. That was the last thing I wanted, and if he had expressed his feelings for her, I would've broken things off with her immediately.

"But..." her voice cracked yet she pushed through it, gripping the tissue in her closed fist. "Cade was torn about it. He felt like although he loved me too, he betrayed you. And then he lost his job and he was so stressed that everything just built up. I had this bad feeling in my stomach the day he died. I kept asking him if he was okay, and even though he wasn't, he lied to make me feel better. He wouldn't even touch me and told me that he was going to come clean to you."

I swallowed down the pain that threatened to block my airways at the thought of Cade being so distraught over something that would have been okay. My gaze didn't waver from Serena as she continued, looking the most heartbroken than I'd ever seen her.

I braced myself for whatever she was going to say next. "When I found him in his apartment that night, there was a letter. I didn't read it, but it was addressed to you. And I swear I was going to give it to you! But after I found I was pregnant, I was so scared for you to find out and I wanted to keep my pregnancy a secret."

My heart crumbled in my chest and I felt like I couldn't breathe. All this time, all I had left from Cade was a voicemail that virtually told me nothing but he loved me and he was sorry. But I never knew what he was sorry for. I wanted to hate Serena, I wanted to hate her for keeping such a big thing from me but staring at the woman in front of me, I could see her reason behind it.

I felt sick to my stomach as the thought flew into my mind. "Serena. We had sex so many times after his death." I pressed a closed fist to my mouth, closing my eyes tightly. "You let me have sex with you while you were pregnant with—" I couldn't even finish my sentence as I felt the disgust crawl all over my skin.

She shook her head vehemently. "I didn't know I was pregnant at all. And when I did find out, I thought it was yours until I got a paternity test the day we broke up. When I found out that Jake was his, I just couldn't find it in myself to give you the letter."

Shock overwhelmed me when I heard what she named her son. He was more like Cade than I originally thought. Cade was a part of a triplet—it was him, James and Juliana. His real name was Jacob, but he always went by Cade since he felt that people wouldn't confuse him and James if he had a different name.

A pregnant pause filled the space between us and all I could hear was Serena's low cries. I didn't know what to do. We weren't at the place anymore where I could comfort her, and I knew that I didn't want to touch her. There was slight hurt pulsing through my veins at the reminder of her selfishness, but I knew that I had to let go of all of this.

"Do you still have the letter?"

I held my breath.

"Yes." She stood up and pulled a box from a cabinet. She opened it and pulled out an envelope that still looked in immaculate condition despite all the years that had passed. She handed to me and all the air blew out from my lungs.

'To Sebastian.' Was written on the white envelope in his familiar handwriting. I brought it to my nose to see if it smelled like him and I began crying when it did. Acutely aware of Serena's presence, I delicately opened it and pulled out the paper, beginning to read it with a heavy heart. It was opening old wounds, but I felt like this was necessary to finally gain closure after all these years.

'Dear Sebastian,

If you're reading this, then it means that I've passed away. I'd like to say that I'm so so sorry for everything. I just couldn't do it anymore, everything built up and it was too much for me to handle. I feel like I've betrayed you, and in the worst way. I fell in love with her, Sebastian. I didn't want to, but from the day I met her, I just couldn't control my feelings. I respected your relationship with her and backed off, but then she told me how she felt about me and we made love.

I feel so torn between my loyalties to you and my loyalties to her. But, I want you to know that if I could, I would have never done this to you. I love you so much, Sebastian. You've always been my brother and there's no one else in this damn world that has ever understood me as you do. You're truly one of my soulmates. I know I was always meant to meet you and form this friendship with you. I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through, and please don't hate Serena. None of this is her fault, none of this is your fault. This is all on me. Hate me all you want, but if you don't, know that I want you to continue living your life. If you're reading this again at a time in your life where you've remembered me, I hope you're happy. I want you to be happy more than anything in this world, Sebastian. I hope you've found love again and if you have, I wish I could meet her. If she makes you happy, then I love her with you. I don't want you to forget me, but please move on with your life. I'll always be with you, but don't hold back on living because of me. I would never forgive you if you do.

Take care of my family, please. They've all got something in my will, but if they fall apart, help them come back together again. And if they're happy and doing well, tell them that I love them so much.

Again, I'm sorry, brother. For everything.

- Cade.'

My head hurt as I couldn't control the tears that streamed down my face. There was a sense of lightness that I felt after reading his last words to me. I had to honour him by moving on with my life. I just wished I could have read it sooner so I could've stopped my family from hurting once they found out I was refusing treatment for my illness. The bitterness left as soon as it came because I finally felt at peace with everything. Reading over Cade's sentiment again, I couldn't help but smile.

He was someone I could never forget.

The sound of Serena's cough brought me out of my own head and back to her kitchen. I folded the note over again and placed it back into the envelope before slipping it into my jacket pocket. "It's okay, Serena. I don't hate you. I'm okay."

Her shoulders sagged in relief and she sighed as she leaned against the counter. I stood up and brought her into a hug, closing my eyes as I pictured Cade smiling down at us. It was what he would have wanted. Pulling back, I stared down at her and gave her a rueful smile.

"I'm sorry that you had to go through what you did. I'm sorry that you couldn't be with him because of me."

She shook her head, dabbing the tissue at her eyes. "It's not your fault. Life just didn't go the way I wanted to. I didn't raise Jake alone, you know?" she walked over to a picture frame that had just Jake and her husband. "I met Lucas a couple of months after my baby was born and he stayed with me through it all. He knew that he wasn't Jake's father, but he took him in as his own and they have such a beautiful relationship. Jake knows that his real father is no longer with us, but he loves Lucas and sees him as his dad."

I stared at the fond smile on her face. "He's the spitting image of Cade. I know you have your own life now, but it would mean the world to Cade's family if they could meet him. He has a whole family who doesn't know about him and if you want him to truly accept that he'll never know his real father, you'd let him meet them."

She nodded her head slowly. "I'll let them meet him. I don't want to dishonour Cade."

I patted her on the shoulder before I turned on my heel, allowing her to lead me towards the door. "Thank you for being honest with me. The truth does set you free. I feel so much more at peace now."

Serena smiled genuinely for the first time since I first saw her again. "Thank you for taking it so well. You're a good man, Sebastian. And I'm happy that we've both found love again, we deserve it after everything we've been through." She chuckled momentarily. "And who knows, maybe you'll be married soon."

I returned the chuckle, knowing that although it wouldn't be for a while, Mira would be my wife one day. "Maybe I will." We had a once in a lifetime kind of love, and I was never going to let her go.  I felt more than happy that wherever Cade was, he approved of Mira. She made me happy and his approval meant the world to me. It was exactly what I needed to truly move on with her.

Things were finally looking up.