The Assassin's Blood: The Confradia Assassins 3

Chapter 17: Empty thoughts

Declan

Sweat pours down my forehead and face as I lift the weights over my shoulders. My back settles on the bench, and my biceps flex, up and down with every movement. Taking a breath, I lift the bar and inhale. My chest rises and falls erratically with my exertions. After a few more sets, I lay the bar on the rack and sit upon the bench.

When you're in the business that I'm in, being in great shape could mean a matter of life or death. I try to work out at least four days a week at my home gym. I always feel good after a workout, but this time my thoughts are far away. Every time I close my eyes, I see them. I can't stop thinking about Santana and Connor. My thoughts are tortured with thoughts of them. I wonder if they're okay or if they need me. My attraction to Santana hasn't dimmed either. Every morning I wake up in a sweat after dreaming about her all night. I can't even look at other women without comparing them to her.

The dreams are so graphic that I have to take cold showers just to get my body under control. Unfortunately, masturbating doesn't help either. When I woke up this morning, my dick was so hard that even the soft feel of my sheets made me ache. Thankfully, I sleep naked, which makes it easy to reach down, wrap my fist around my cock, and massage it slowly. The sensitive tip weeps with precum as I work the head, and my eyes closed with every pleasurable stroke of my hand. But it's my imagination that takes over at that moment. And in the center of my imaginings is Santana and the thin nightgown she wore that morning. I remember her tight little nipples and the soft firm globes of her breasts. My mouth waters at the thought of tasting the cherry buds. As I slide my hand up and down the shaft, I close my eyes and envision the feel of her firm lips beneath mine. In my fantasy, she kisses her way down my abs and wraps her sweet mouth around my cock. I can almost feel the soft warmth of her throat, and the silken feel of her tongue caressing my cock. My balls draw up at that moment, and my climax bursts through every part of my body. I lay there for a few moments enjoying the aftershocks of my orgasm. Too bad that the sensation is fleeting, and all I'm left feeling hollow.

It's late in the afternoon when I break. I don't care what happens. I just need to see both of them. Without another thought, I take a ride and drive to a familiar neighborhood. It doesn't take long to get where I'm going. Several eyes follow my car as I make my way through Connor and Santana's neighborhood. A homeless man is hauling a shopping cart full of newspapers, and two tattooed men smoking cigarettes near a corner store. This neighborhood is not the best with its rundown and abandoned buildings. The front yards are cluttered with abandoned vehicles, furniture, and garbage. The grass is yellow from lack of water, and the sidewalks are cracked. Most of the homes had broken windows, worn wooden balconies, and boarded up doors. Like many homes in the New York slums, there's graffiti everywhere.

Slowing my vehicle down, I notice a familiar figure with a backpack wrapped tightly around his shoulders wind way down the sidewalk. Without a thought, I pull my car near the curve and honk the horn. Connor's head warily snaps in my direction. At first, he looks unsure then his face loses all expression. I don't expect this to be easy considering how I left things with him. Leaning forward, I lower the window and wave him over. He looks around guardedly as if trying to find an escape, then releases a resigned breath and approaches the passenger window. "Are you lost?" He asks with a sarcastic scowl.

I shake my head. "No, Get in." He shakes his head. "Why would I get in a car with you?" Frustrated, I push the door open and give him a hard glare. "Get in the car Connor. I just want to talk." As if undecided, he continues to stand there stiffly. His mouth is set in a grim line, and his fists are tightening with anger. Sighing swiftly, I lean back on the headrest and gesture to the passenger seat. "Please, Connor, I just want a few minutes of your time." His face darkens at my plea until he concedes, slides inside the car, and slams the door shut. I can feel his eyes on me, but he doesn't say a word. I have to respect his insolence, considering that I've been a real asshole with him and Santana.

It makes me think of how I would have acted with Alistair if we had been in the same situation. Hell, I'd probably be a lot meaner. Not a word is said as I drive through the neighborhood. I'm not sure as to what to do now that I'm here. After a moment, I make my way to a strip mall and stop the car in front of a run-down burger joint. Connor gives me a questioning look when I point at the door. "Come on."

He puffs out a breath and steps out of the car, following me inside. The place is just as run down inside as it is out. There aren't any customers, and the employees behind the counters look tired and worn down. Trying not to cringe at the sight of the greasy walls, I walk up to the girl behind the counter and place my order. "I'll have a number six with a chocolate shake, and he'll have…" I look at Connor, who simply looks confused, then turns back and faces the girl. "Make that two number sixes and two chocolate shakes."

The young girl gives me a shy smile and takes my order. Once I've paid, I lead Connor to a nearby booth and take a seat. We both eat without saying a word. But, the silence doesn't last long. "Why are we here, Declan? I thought you didn't want to have anything to do with me." Connor asks evenly.

My head pounds as I gaze into my brother's solemn eyes. It's like looking at a replica of myself when I was a teenager. There's definitely no doubt that he and I are related. We both have the same hair and eyes─ our father's eyes. Trying to buy some time, I reach for a napkin and wipe my mouth before I answer. "Look, Connor, It's not that I don't want anything to do with you. It's just…my life is very complicated. Let's just say you're better off without me." He shrugs his shoulders. "Then why are you here, Declan?"

I think for a moment. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Just because I'm not in your life, it doesn't mean that I don't worry." Connor snickers. "Well, we're fine. So you can stop worrying and go back to your "complicated" life." He mutters, making air quotes. "Thanks for the meal, though." He continues sarcastically. Before I can respond, he stands up, loops his arms into his backpack, and gathers his tray. Things are definitely not going well between us so far.

I don't know how to respond to his belligerent tone. With anyone else, I would have become defensive. But with Connor, it's different because I deserve his anger. That's why I follow behind him out the door. Before he makes it out of the lot, I grip his forearm and turn him to face me. "Connor. wait!" Connor stops and turns to me with a pissed off growl. "Just what the hell do you want from me, Declan? I mean, you say you don't want to be in our lives, but you keep showing up. It's just bullshit! I can't deal with this right now! Santana and I have too much crap to deal with in our lives to add you to the mix. So just leave us alone!" I back down at the sight of tears that gleam in his eyes. Embarrassed, Connor shuffles his feet and looks off into the distance. "I'm sorry, Connor. I don't mean to make this harder on you. I just wish things were different."

Connor sneers angrily. "Well, things are not different, and I have to go. See you around… I guess." He says as he turns and walks away without another word. "Wait, Connor!" I call out bewildered by his cryptic words. "What bullshit are you and Santana dealing with?" He turns around as I move closer and shifts nervously. He doesn't look at me when he replies. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it." Unconvinced by his words, I shake my head and place my hands on his shoulders. "Talk to me, Connor. Are you in trouble? Is something wrong with Santana?" He stubbornly shakes his head again. "It's nothing I can't handle." I want to argue further, but I can tell that he won't budge. I should have never been so careless about their feelings.

"I know you don't trust me, Connor. But I really am here if you need me. Don't shut me out." Snorting with derision, he takes a step back and points an accusing finger against my chest. "You're right Declan, I don't trust you. I don't even know you. Keep in mind, I'm not the one who was shut out first. I don't see you laying out the trusted carpet either." I nod in understanding. "I know, Connor. There are just some things I can't tell you."

He scoffs contemptuously. "You mean, things like you work for some secret organization?" My body freezes up at his words, but I keep my cool. "What makes you think that I work for a secret organization?" He rolls his eyes. "Come on, Declan, give me some credit. You said you worked for the government. It's obvious by the way you fight that it's not a desk job. You kicked Ed Morano and his band of assholes asses without breaking a sweat. And you say your life is complicated, which is "speak" for dangerous. Since you no longer work for the military, and you're not a drug lord, it only makes sense that you work for a secret agency. I'm not stupid."

Looking into his eyes, I lean close to my brother and whisper a warning. "Listen, Connor, I wouldn't go around bandying that information if I was you. Trust me when I say that you don't want them to show up at your door again." Connor slaps my hand away from his shoulder with a jeer. "You did hear me say that I'm not stupid, didn't you? I wouldn't tell anyone about this. I mean, who would believe me anyway? Don't worry, your secret is safe with me." I nod my head. "Good." The kid is most definitely perceptive on top of being a computer genius. I know I should have kept denying his accurate assessment of what I do, but I don't really see a point in it considering that Priest might be recruiting him in the future, which is another worry for another day.

Shaking his head, Connor turns to walk away but stops midway, straightens his shoulder, and turns to me with a serious stare. "Look, Declan, I get that you don't want us involved in your life. But… but I'm going to ask one thing of you." I nod my head, signaling for him to continue. "What do you want?" His face hardens when he replies. "I want you to stay away from my sister." My brow quirks at his request. Shaking my head to deny his suspicion, I falter when he simply shakes his head and gives me a chiding smile. "Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. It's obvious you have a thing for her. When she walked up to us the day you took me home, your mouth fell open, and drool started dribbling out. Your face also softens every time you say her name. I know what that means."

It's my turn to shrug my shoulders and look away with chagrin. "What can I say? She's a beautiful woman." Connor's face hardens. "Yeah, she is. And any guy would be lucky to have her. She's the kindest, strongest woman I know. Men from all over have tried to get with her and failed because I've protected her. I don't need some douchebag who can't be with her because his life is "complicated," to break her heart. You feel me?" I nod my head understanding that I'm the said douchebag. "Yeah, I understand."

Connor's lip twists with derision. "Santana has always protected me from shit. Sometimes at the cost of her own happiness. She has been my mom and dad, and now it's my turn to protect her. No matter what happens. I will never let anyone else hurt her." His resolute words make me pause. That's when I know that it's more than words. That something really bad has happened. "Tell me what happened. Connor?" He shakes his head, obstinately refusing to respond. "I have to go." I grip his elbow persistently as cold dread sifts through my body. "Let me take you home?" I mutter persistently. But my brother is a very inflexible man. At that moment, I realize how alike we really are. I was always willful and suspicious of people's intentions─ especially men who came into my mother's life. I guess it comes from being the only man in the house. I have to admire the fact that Connor is very loyal to his sister. Connor shakes his head at my offer and looks ahead when he responds. "Nah, man. It's better if we make a clean break now. You have your life, and we have ours. It's better this way."

I know his words are true, but something inside me tells me that it would be a mistake to let things go. Something has either happened or is happening to them, but he will never trust me enough to tell me. Which doesn't mean that I won't find another way to get an answer. "Okay, Connor," I reply with a curt smile. "Take care of yourself, okay. You have my number if you ever need me." Connor doesn't respond. Instead, he gives me a tight smile and walks away.