The Assassin's Blood: The Confradia Assassins 3

Chapter 12: Reality isn't as sweet

Santana

The morning light shines down on my face from the small window above my bed. Not wanting to get up, I place the pillow over my face and close my eyes. I feel worn and exhausted, which makes sense since I barely slept. When I did sleep, I dreamt of him. The dreams were pretty intense. I bite my lip, recalling a specific dream. Declan and I were in bed kissing. He was caressing my bare back as his muscled body wrapped around mine. Unfortunately, as soon as I woke up, reality set in. He's Connor's brother. Either way, it's a pipe dream considering he doesn't want anything to do with his brother─ his own blood relative.

My alarm goes off a minute later, snapping me back to reality. Groggily, I throw off the covers and rise from my bed. Cold seeps through my body as my feet hit the bare floor. The landlord must have turned off the heat. Ever since the building was sold to a new owner, the building has been rapidly falling apart. At least the former owner fixed things─ even if it was done economically.

Trembling, I rub my hands up and down my forearms to ward off the cold seeping through my short, thin nightgown. It was not a good idea to wear something so revealing, but my body was so sensitive that I couldn't stand wearing my stifling flannel pajamas. My long hair wraps around my body like a curtain, but it doesn't keep me warm. Hissing through my teeth, I reach for my beloved robe and slide it on. I remember when Connor gave it to me. We were shopping at a goodwill a few years ago when I saw it. It was silky and smooth and cost one dollar. Unfortunately, Connor was at that adolescent stage where he was rapidly growing, so I used the last bit of money I had to buy him jeans and a few shirts.

I came home the next night to find the robe sitting on my bed. I remember holding the robe close to my chest and crying. I felt a mix of emotions that day. Happy that my brother was so selfless and sad that I couldn't give him everything he deserved. When I asked him how he did it. He said that a neighbor paid him to clean the yard. He made twenty dollars, which he gave me too. After that day, I told him that I didn't want him to work. That I wanted him to go to school and make something of himself, so he never had to beg for money again. He still works a few odd jobs here and there to make extra money. Sometimes he fixes computers for a few bucks on the side and helps one of the men in the local garage fix cars. But it's not a steady job, which is fine by me because he's in school and plays several sports. The robe has now become one of my most prized possession. It has seen better days, though. With all of the washes over the years, the robe has become a bit ragged and well used, but I still treasure it.

Connor leans his hands on the counter with a penitent grimace. "You're right, sis. I just wanted to apologize for all the trouble yesterday. I know you told me not to search for Declan, but I thought everything would be okay. I was really stupid. I should have listened to you, and…and now I know that you were right. After meeting Declan, I realize that I made a mistake. He doesn't care about me. Not the way you do. We're a family, and I love you, and you're all the family that I need. I'm sorry." His eyes glimmer with tears, and his voice trembled with emotion. Swallowing down tears, I move around to his side of the counter and pull him into my arms. "It's okay, Connor. We all make mistakes, and you know I love you too. You're the best brother in the world." Pulling back, I place my hands on his cheeks with a watery smile. "I'm sorry that Declan wasn't what you thought he would be." Connor shrugs in reply. "It's better this way. Now I know what kind of man he is, and I don't have to ever wonder what could have been." With those words, we both separate and eat breakfast in silence.

After breakfast is finished, Connor grabs his bag and gives me a goodbye hug before he steps out the door. I continue to sip my coffee, grateful that I don't have class today, and don't have to be at the diner for a few more hours. I use this time to catch up with bills or watch a little bit of television. With that in mind, I pick up my checkbook, walk over to the living room, and sit on the couch. Time to pay some bills.

I'm writing a check for my light company when there's a knock on the door. A frown adorns my face as I lay my coffee on the table and rise from my perch. Who could it be? Before I open the door, I tighten my belt and look into the peephole to see who it may be. My heart stutters, and my body stills when I see that it's Declan. Turning around, I inspect the room and grimace. It's not like he didn't see that apartment last night, or as if I could magically change its shabby appearance. He knows we're poor. He couldn't have made his distaste more obvious, considering he offered us money. Looking down at my short, thin robe, I groan in embarrassment. Unfortunately, there's no time to change into something else. Making sure that I look decent, I fluff out my hair and place my hand on the door handle. Rolling my eyes at my own stupidity, I mentally slap myself for caring about how I look. It's not like he'd care. Declan knocks again, startling me from my thoughts. I want to curse him for making me feel this way, but it's all on me for letting his words get to me. Before I can chicken out, I turn the knob and open the door.

Declan looks so serious and masculine standing in the doorway. It's so unfair that this man has such an effect on me. All I have to do is looks into his hooded eyes, and my body turns to jelly. His eyes sharpen as they roam across my body until his gaze lands on my face. Gripping the lapels of my robe, I try not to flinch at his scrutiny. His arms flex, and his strong shoulders swell around his dress shirt. I try not to look at the tattoo peeking from beneath the rolled sleeve of his arm. The collar is open at the neck showing off his strong corded neck. I swallow deeply, feeling my mouth go dry. He's wearing black dress pants that fall perfectly around his muscled thighs and gleaming black shoes. He's so masculine it's almost intimidating.

However, I don't let that deter me from my anger. Not after the way he treated Connor. My brother didn't deserve Declan's indifference, and I will never forgive him for it. Before I can make a scathing remark, I take a deep breath and give him a questioning frown. "What are you doing here?" He remains stoic as he gestures to the inside of the apartment. "Can I come in?" I stare him down for a moment trying to gauge his intentions, then move back to let him in.

Unaware of how he affects me, Declan steps through the doorway and accidentally rubs against my arm. My body heats instantly, and my thighs weep with need. The man is incredibly potent.

Declan stops in the middle of the room and turns back to me with an unsure frown. Perhaps he does have a soul. Trying to alleviate the tension in the room, I close the door and gesture to the couch. "Have a seat." Mouth tight, he nods his head and takes a seat on the edge of the cushion. My breath hitches with every movement he makes.

Moving closer, I take a seat on the chair in front of him and wait. After a moment, Declan leans his elbows on his knees, looks down at his hands, then gazes back at me. "I'm sorry for bothering you so early, but I needed to talk to you. Is Connor around?" I shake my head, crossing my arms in front of my chest with a reproachful frown. "No, he left for school several minutes ago. Why do you want to see Connor?" Declan shakes his head indecisively and claps his hands together without a response.

My body coils with heat as we gaze into each other's eyes. I try to maintain control of my body and use my hair as a shield in hopes of hiding my desire. Declan's eyes shift to my hair and linger on it before he focuses back on me. "Look Santana─" I hold my hands up to stop of his words before I rudely respond. "Just spit it out, Declan." His eyes snap up to mine. He nods his head apologetically before clears his throat and responds. "I wanted to discuss the possibility of helping you and Connor…please listen…" He says, noticing my change of demeanor.

My face heats with embarrassment. I know that Connor and I don't have much. I've tried so hard to make things work for us, but between work and school, it hasn't been easy. We've had so many downs in our lives. Even when Alma and Alistair were alive, I had to pick up the slack by taking extra shifts at the diner. I've had to sacrifice so much in my life. I was never able to live the life of a normal college student or my dream of becoming a Counselor because I had to take care of Connor. But these are the cards that life has dealt me, and I've done the best that I can.

"Please…I don't mean it as an insult. But Connor is my brother, and I don't think it's fair to you that you take full financial responsibility. You've done a lot for him, and now that I know about him, I want to help." I resist the urge to punch him when he refers to Connor as my responsibility. Taking a deep breath, I rise from the chair and utter in an even tone. "Look, Declan. I can see that you feel really guilty about not wanting Connor in your life, and I appreciate your suggestion, but we don't need your money. We may not be rich, but Connor has never wanted for anything. We're fine." He rises from his seat and stands before me. "I understand what you're saying, but─" Fuming at his tone, I slash my hand in front of his face and cut off his words. "I don't think you understand anything, Declan. I've always taken care of Connor. What Connor needs is a male role model. Your money means nothing to Connor or me."

He nods his head, running his fingers across his succulent lips with a thoughtful frown. "I'm sorry, Santana, but I can't be Connor's role model. Right now, money is all I have to offer him." His words hit me like a hammer. Not because I was expecting him to fall in love or anything, but because Connor does need him, and he's letting him down. However, I don't let him see my disappointment. I merely cross my arms again and shrug my shoulders before I walk to the door and hold it open. "Well then, it looks like there's nothing else to be said. Please leave."

Declan moves towards the door, places his hand on the frame, and gazes down at me with a regretful sigh. "I'm sorry." He whispers solemnly. I don't respond as I tighten my hand on the doorknob and avoid eye contact. I don't want him to see how much his rejection hurts me.

He clears his throat and leans close to me with a deep inhalation. I can sense his indecision as he stands there expectantly. Lifting my eyes to meet his smoldering ones, I bite my lip and sigh. I don't know what it is, but suddenly he's slamming the door closed and taking me in his arms. His sensual lips settle hard against mine as he presses my back against the door. A sigh escapes my lips at the feel of his firm body, touching mine, and my hands wrap around his neck, pulling him closer. His fingers settle around my waist tightly, and his body grinds against mine. At first, the kiss is rushed. His lips are firm as they take command of mine. His muscles strain beneath my fingers, and his stomach contracts at the contact of our entwined bodies. Tilting my head, I suck his tongue into my mouth and bite down on his lower lip gently. My nipples scrape against his chest, creating sparks of desire that shoot to my heated center. I sigh when his hands move down to grip my ass and grind me against his covered shaft. The kiss slows down as he nips and sucks on my lips and looks deep into my eyes. We're both breathing raggedly clinging together. It feels so good. Caressing my hand against his shoulders, I move down the tight contours of his chest and mold them against the hard slabs of muscle. Our noses rub as we continue to kiss and nip. I don't want to pull away, but I know I have to. It doesn't help that he slides his fingers through my hair caressingly.

Groaning in pleasure, he pushes the lapels of my robe open, revealing my thin nightgown and pulls the strings of my nightgown down with them. The air hits my uncovered nipples, making them harden into hard buds. Declan's irises dilate as he lays soft kisses down my neck and licks my shoulders. My body is on fire. Arching my back, I display my breasts. Declan groans and pushes me away, but keeps me within arm's reach. Our breathing is erratic, and our chests are heaving as if we were running a race.

Confused by his retreat, I lick my lips, tasting the remains of our kiss and gaze into his lust-hazed eyes. Declan shakes his head, trying to clear his thoughts. Chest heaving with desire, I lower my hands to his waist and lean my forehead against his chin. After a moment, he kisses my forehead and mutters. "Oh shit. This is not what I came here for. I just…fuck! I haven't stopped thinking about you since I met you at the diner." His words surprise me. I never expected that our encounter was this memorable to him, but I know that it can never work out. We're obviously from two different worlds, and there's no way that I'd fit into his, even if he asked me to. Without another word, I move away from his arms and adjust the lapels of my robe.

I imagine that he's as reluctant as I am to leave, but it might be wishful thinking on my part. Swallowing several times, I try to regain control before I speak. "You should go." Declan nods grimly. "I'm sorry, Santana, but you have to trust me when I say that I'm not the kind of guy you and Connor need in your lives." He whispers regretfully.

Mouth tight, I stiffen my spine and reply. "You know what, Declan? You can take your apology and shove it. You're so full of it. You don't know anything about what Connor and I need. Please, do us a favor and stay the hell away from us." I open the door again this time, aggressively waving him out. As much as it pains me to kick him out, I have to consider Connor. He would be hurt if he saw Declan here. "Get the hell out my place and never come back," I mutter angrily.

His jaw ticks in anger, but he doesn't respond. Instead, he steps out the door and walks away. I watch as he leaves without ever looking back. Once he's gone, I close the door and slump down onto the floor. My heart sinks as I watch the man I've been dreaming of walk away. Eyes closed, I take a few breaths and try to regain my balance. There's no point in dwelling on what could have been. Not in the world I live in. Feeling less crushed, I rise from the floor and go back to my checkbook and stack of bills. Unfortunately, I don't have the luxury of getting my hopes up over an unattainable guy. Life just doesn't work that way.