Suicide Mentor

#12

I spent about four days since the fall with Miya in her lodge. One problem was that she missed her work on Tuesday evening because she was helping me after I fell, so there was no income for Miya for this week. My phone was broke during the fall, and we have run out of emergency cans of food Miya kept already – these were supposed to be used for really really bad situations, like if Miya got trapped in the lodge with some insane snow or something, so eating them just because I was being a nuisance made me feel very guilty.

Initially I was puzzled why she brought me to her lodge instead of bringing me to hospital after the fall, and why she was keeping me here as well for days. Miya explained to be various reasons. First of all, it would be 'troublesome' as she habitually says, which is true (although I do not believe that is a good reason to not bring an injured man to a hospital). Second reason was because she was a homeless girl, as well as being in suicide watch list. Should she be held at the hospital and somehow police gets involved to interview her, that could have led to all sorts of troubles for her, especially considering she was a minor she would have been put into some kind of a social care whether she wants it or not.

At this point I couldn't help but get curious – did Miya have a family that are still alive? What happened to her and how did she end up living on the streets alone?

The fact is, everybody has or at least had parents. One might be abandoned after being born, or parents could die, separate, whatever, but ultimately, a child can only be conceived by a man and a woman. The only difference is that whether these man and woman stick around or not after birth.

So it is with no doubt had a mother and a father. She may not have ever seen them but there must have been at some point. I thought this could be a sensitive topic but as time went by I come to think that without knowing how Miya ended up where she is now, living alone living in her own lodge, I may never fully understand her life.

My body was getting better as I don't seem to have broken any bones. I probably have bruises and scars everywhere, but the pain weakened every day. All this time Miya stayed with me. I didn't really see much point of her being there as she talked very little. She did not want to waste energy, especially now that food was more limited and difficult as we had to share.

Time went on like this and on the fifth day we came to the conclusion that something had to be done. I no longer had much pain, but at this point I was so starved that I did not have energy in me to pull myself up and step out, let alone trudge my way to a hospital or back home. Miya then decided that she will go out to get some food, although she didn't explain to me how she will do it when I pointed out to her that we do not have any money.

Miya went out of her lodge in the morning and although I did not check the time, she did not return until the night. I was starting to get worried but there was nothing more I can do, and this prolonged starvation was making me lose my senses, almost hallucinating and hearing things that are probably not there.

No matter how much I waited Miya did not return, even by the time the night was gone and I could sense the morning sun seeping into the lodge.

I did not believe for a minute that Miya would abandon me. She just did not seem to be that kind of a person and also considering all we've done in past few weeks – although I knew it was actually a short time, we met every day though – and after all the troubles she went through to bring me to her lodge and even share her food, it didn't make sense for her to abandon me now to die and rot in her lodge, her only accommodation.

So I naturally started to worry. If she did not abandon me, then the only reason she is not coming is because she cannot come back for whatever the reason. Did she get caught by police or something? No then at least she'd tell them where I was so they can come help me, if she was going to be taken into social care herself anyway. Did she get into an accident and hurt herself? I really wish this was not the case but it did seem likely.

My worries grew bigger as I became increasingly convinced that some sort of an accident is what happened. At this point though, as much as I wanted to cry out for help – not just for my sake but also to be able to get out of this lodge to seek help for Miya, wherever she may be – in my current weak condition all I could muster was a faint mumble.

"What's going on here?"

I heard a girl's voice just outside the lodge, and I was so glad that I could cry. This was not Miya's voice I was sure, but at least someone seems to have found me. I mumbled a bit louder than before and I could sense that this person was entering the lodge now.

"Gees, are you okay?"

Instead of answer yes, I said 'help'. I could hardly see her but this girl seemed to have no problem finding me in the dark in the first place. She came straight to me, lifted my head and brought her face close to mine.

"Are you okay? What happened to you?"

"Water… water and food.."

"Your face don't look too good. You must have been sick and starving"

Then the girl lifted my upper body by putting her arms under my armpits, and started to drag me out of the lodge.

As I finally got out of the lodge for the first time in almost a week the sun felt so blindingly bright I had to squeeze my eyes shut.

"Just hang in there for a minute"

Then I heard some rustling sound, and when she asked me to open my mouth I duly obliged. I felt she shoved something into my mouth and as soon as it touched my tongue I felt almost electrified by the strong taste and sweetness my body has been missing for so long – it was chocolate and probably the best thing I have ever tasted probably because the condition I was in.

I was now laying on the ground on top of long grown grass and the morning breeze that brushed against my cheeks felt so good. I remembered the exactly same sensation I had when I stood on the fence on that bridge where I was ready to kill myself, the night breeze brushing my cheeks. That time felt like a last farewell from the mother nature, this time it felt like a warm welcome back to life.

Few minutes passed and the girl has been quiet for a while but I could feel that she was sitting rather close to me, and then I heard her voice

"Wake up"

I slowly opened my eyes. The sun beams no longer felt harsh, and just like the breeze of life, it now felt warm and welcoming. However, when I could finally look around I was startled to find that the girl that saved me was Rika.

I have never seen her from so close before, and the combination of her natural beauty and the fact that she's just saved my life felt like I was facing an angel, and for reasons I couldn't comprehend a few drops of tears rolled out from my eyes.

"Hey! Are you okay?!", then I heard a familiar voice screaming and sound of someone running towards me. This was no doubt Miya

"Miya – where have you been.."

Miya stopped just short of me, stopping so close that she almost kicked me. She instantly dropped to her knees and hug my head.

"I'm sorry I came back so late, and I'm so glad you are okay"

"You left a sick boy in the dark and ran off? Stupid girl he could have died if I didn't find him in time"

Miya abruptly turned her head to face Rika as if she's only noticed her now

"Who the fuck are you?!"

"Tss, I save your boy's life and that's the attitude you show. Whatever. It's none of my business now"

Rika then got up and brushed some grass that were stuck on her knees as she was kneeling down before.

"That's not it Rika – Miya saved me before when I got injured and she was taking care of me"

There was a sudden icy silent for a moment

"You know my name?"

Oh. That's right. Rika does not know me.

"Erm.. we go to same school"

Rika then squinted her eyes as if she was focusing herself, and her gaze moved from me to Miya.

"My my. What have we got here. This girl is a bad news"

"Rika – "

Then with a sudden jump Miya stood up and slapped Rika's face

"You know nothing about me – nothing!"

Strangely, Rika looked more amused than angry

"It wasn't enough that you killed yourself, now you almost killed this boy too eh?"

Miya looked visibly startled and maybe I saw even a short but faint shiver on her knees, but she quickly retorted back

"You, too, are not normal"

"Ho? So you can see something?"

I was still lying down on the ground. I had no fucking clue what they were talking about. Nothing they said made any sense, but it almost felt like watching two long lost enemies coming to face each other again.

"Get away from us. You bring trouble. You bring death" – Miya was now talking in very firm tone. What is she thinking? But what shocked me most was how Rika's face changed when she heard Miya say these words. Her face went completely cold and expressionless yet full of anger, like someone covered in icy rage.

There was such a tension in the air and both of them were having a hard stare down and neither of them looked like they will back off, but it was Rika who first broke off with a sigh and let it go

"I see you are seeing something I don't. You must be one of those people. Either you are lucky or you are cursed. But I'd advise you not to get involved with irrelevant people"

Rika just called me irrelevant. That didn't hurt but was very demotivating.

"He is very relevant to me. Now fuck off" Miya spat through her gritted teeth

"Like I care anymore. I'm too old for this"

With that Rika turned around and walked away. This girl was nothing like I have ever known or imagined, and there was something about Miya that felt very out of ordinary too.

"You okay?"

As Rika walked off Mya kneeled down next to me again, brought a bottle of water out from a plastic bag she was carrying on one hand. It felt amazing when she poured the water through my parted dry lips, like a new life was flowing into my body.

"Sorry I'm so late.. I had to get a drink and find food to bring back.. I tried to be back as early as possible but it wasn't easy, and coming back empty handed would not have helped at all.."

"Don't be sorry. I'm so happy you are back again. I thought something happened to you"

"Don't be silly. I know how to get out of sticky situations and survive"

"But.. what was that all about just now? With Rika?"

"You know that girl?"

"Yes she's from my school"

Miya seemed to sink into her own thoughts for a moment and spoke

"She's just a bad news. Don't get close to her"

"How do you know her?"

"I don't"

"Eh?"

Then Miya looked hesitant for a bit, let out a deep sigh and explained to me

"My fairy was giving me the warning signs"

"Ok"

Wait.

"Fairy?"

"Yes. Well, actually I don't know if fairy is the right word, maybe a guardian angel, or a demon, spirit, whatever you call it – but I prefer to call it a fairy as it makes her sound nicer, but yeah, there is a fairy that's always around me and she guides me through in these situations"

"That's the craziest shit I've ever heard. Am I hallucinating?"

"You are talking in riddles again Master"

"It is a riddle I have to solve myself as well"

I still could not comprehend what just happened or follow what Miya was saying, but for now I was just glad to see Miya again.