Spring Winds

"Ahh! Wait, Senior Sister Wan!" Why did I think this was a good idea?

"You dare come back!" Wan Shang shrieked

"What are you trying to do, push me off the pagoda?!?" She's crazy! Well, considering I didn't exactly have a warm reception last time, I should've known better.

But still! To push off this cute girl into the bustling streets below isn't that too cruel!

"Well, if it means that you won't come back, then that's fine with me!" Wan Shang retorted as she crossed her arms, waiting for me to make my move.

There wasn't a lot of room for me to move around, and aside for the corner of space under my feet, it was the dark open sky and the red streets below.

"Hah, wow, this high," I whistled as I took a peek behind me. Wan Shang remained silent as she just walked towards me with slow and deliberate steps.

Oh geez, she's not going to throw needles at me, right?

Then I might have to use my excellent dodging skills to avoid my untimely death. In a blink of an eye, Wan Shang was right in front of me, gripping the collar of my robes.

"Heh, hi," I nervously laughed as I grabbed onto the arm that she held me with. Whelp, I'm screwed at this point.

Again, Wan Shang didn't say anything as she narrowed her eyes at me, eyes swirling with hate, bitterness, and sadness. I hate to admit it, but I know why she looks at me that way.

"So, are you planning on throwing me off this pagoda yourself? If so, I don't blame you." Loosening my grip, I let go and let my arms hang limply by my sides. The decision of whether I fall or not lies entirely on Wan Shang.

However, I wasn't one to accept death easily; of course, I would find a way to live.

Somehow.

Anyways, back onto Wan Shang, she didn't seem to be making any decisions on whether to drop me to my death or -

"Oof!" Sliding across the floor of the pagoda landing and crashing into the wall, I attempted to reel in what just happened. She didn't kill me right away?

"Oh, crap," coughing, blood appeared on my hands.

Tsk, internal injuries.

Great.

"If you think," Wan Shang whispered as fury edged her voice. "That I will grant you an easy death, you are dead wrong," and looked at me with a distorted expression. However, her body language remained eerily calm. For the time being, it seems like she wasn't going to make a move just yet.

"Cough," I heave as I slowly propped myself against the wall, "I deserve that." I don't think I broke my legs or arms, thankfully. However, considering its kinda hard to breathe, it' safe to assume I snapped a few ribs.

She packed in a punch in that hit.

"Oh?" Wan Shang seethed as she titled her head slightly, "You deserve so much more than that, Zhu Na Ran!"

Winching slightly at her tone, I merely watched her come closer from my seated position. Waiting for her next move. "To think!" Wan Shang yelled. "That you would be so stupid to come back after everything that has happened!" Wan Shang began to laugh as she sent glares at my poor form.

"That you would think that I would have forgiven you," she shook her head in ridicule. "You are expecting too much from me."

Standing across from me, Wan Shang stops her advancement towards me. Slumping down against the opposing wall, she watches me as I watch her. "You're not going to say anything for yourself?"

"I have no excuses to make," I answer honestly. There were no excuses for what I have done.

"Heh, to think there would be a day that you've run out of excuses," Wan Shang shook her head again. "Tsk, this world has truly turned upside down."

I continued to stay silent. I didn't want to aggravate Wan Shang more than I already have.

"Hey, say something," Wan Shang egged. "It should be as easy as breathing for a chatterbox like yourself."

"... I'm sorry…"

"What was that?"

"I'm sorry!" I yelled out. "I'm sorry, okay!" I winched afterward as I felt the pain in my ribs. It began to grow hot, as my vision began to blur a little. Why is the scene starting to blur into that of so many years ago?

"You're sorry?" Wan Shang laughed with ridicule. "Since when are you ever sorry for any of your actions? Haha!"

"Well, for once I am," I shot back. "I didn't mean for it to happen."

"Didn't mean to?" Wan Shang yelled back. "How could you break Big Sister He's heart like that?"

"What was I supposed to do? Continue with this farce relationship?" I yelled back. "Do you what would happen if she found out I didn't love her!"

"You didn't need to tell her like that!" Wan Shang argued back. "She's our Big Sister! She deserves better that!"

"Yes, yes!" I laughed as I struggled to stand up. "Continue to yell at me and tell me how I'm the villain!"

"How can you be so cruel, Zhu Na Ran," Wan Shang began to cry. "She loved you."

Furrowing my brows in frustration, I turn away from Wan Shang's tear-streaked face. "What am I suppose to do? Huh? Do you how much it would break her if she found out? I can't keep pretending!"

"Then leave," Wan Shang sniffed. "Leave, A-Ran, and don't come back here."

"A-Shang," I turn back in disbelief.

"No!" Wan Shang cried. "Don't call me that! Just go back to her and fix your mistake." She slowly got and walked over to me. "Pull yourself together and remember all that she has done for us. That should be enough for you to keep going," she cried and walked down the many steps of the pagoda, leaving me by myself.

"Wait-" I tried to stop her, but she created a barrier at the exit. Leaving me stuck here and unable to run after her, unless I was to climb down.

"Sigh, what am I to do," I groaned as I brushed my hair out of my face. Why am I such a mess?

---

"Hah!" Gasping, I suddenly sat up in bed. "Hah," I heave as I try to calm down my beating heart.

Lying back in bed, I tried to sort out my jumbled up thoughts.

After I had my sudden epiphany and melancholy right afterward, I somehow managed to find my way back to my room and roll up into a ball in bed.

I promptly fell asleep afterward.

"It's a dream again, huh," I mutter out as I rubbed my face. Right after our argument, I didn't dare return to the pagoda and instead went to find Big Sister. However, it didn't go that well, and she left.

Wan Shang was furious and told me to leave before she might kill me.

Since then, I swore that I would never return to Yu Dao City. It had too many memories, and I wasn't sure how to deal with this complicated part of my past. But somehow, I was drawn back there again.

And true to her word, Wan Shang devoted her whole person into trying to kill me.

"Why is it that I have such bad luck!" I groaned out into my hand. Looking out at the window, I noticed the moon hung serenely in the sky.

"Can't go back to sleep after that," and quickly got out of bed. After I finished getting dressed, I flung over the door. The cold winter night quickly chased away any trace of sleep left in me. Heading over to the training yard, I figured to was better to blow off some steam rather than lay in bed all day.

And considering Senior Sister is catching up to me in martial arts, I need to be consistent to maintain my lead.

Getting into position, I punch and kick at the dummy, my fury and frustration leaking into every hit.

"Argh!" I growl out as I punched the face of the dummy and knocked it over. Brushing back my hair, I try to calm myself down, but it'd difficult to fight back the sense of frustration and helplessness.

"You need help there?"

"Master," I turn back to see Master standing at the entrance to the training hall. "Why are you staying up so late?"

"I could ask you the same question," Master replied with a smile.

"Hah, I couldn't sleep," I heaved as I wiped the sweat off of my forehead.

"Hmm," Master sighed thoughtfully. "If it helps, let me lend you a word of advice. It's better to think about those of the present rather than those who will never return."