Shiver

She didn't come to the bonfire the next day, but she came to the one on the weekend after that. She didn't want to put herself around Tommy too often, it was still hard for her too. They both still felt the jitters when they sat side by side with each other, it was the only spot their friends left for her that night, right next to Tommy.

He can smell her soft cologne as she sat down. The sweet smell coming from the nape of her neck, the place where she most love to be kissed. He cleared his throat, hugged his knees while nervously biting on the toothpick in the corner of his lips.

"Hi," she greeted him.

"Hey," he nodded.

She wore a dress with the skirt just above the knee. The fabric was light and loose. It hiked up when she sat, showing parts of her skin, glowing as the bonfire reflected on them. He tried not to look. He can smell the scent of her body lotion when she moved around beside him. He sucked on his beer bottle, hoping it could ease a little bit of his suffering.

Tommy spent most of the night quietly emptying his beer bottles, listening to the conversations between his friends and Charlie. Talking about school, Gastonburry, the place where she will be living for four years. Far from the kind of life he was going to live.

She was drinking her beer, laughing at Ryan's dry jokes, listening to their nonsense like she was really interested in them. But she was, she listened, wherever she was, with whomever, she listened to them because she was fully present, she was their friend.

"Why don't you tell us about Goldstone, Tom? You've been quiet all night?" said Samuel who threw a piece of rock at him.

He lifted his eyebrows while sucking on his bottle, "You've heard almost everything about it ... " he was reluctant.

"I haven't," Charlie said to him.

"Precisely why it should not be re-told tonight," he made eye contact to Samuel to drop the topic.

She pushed his arm, "That's not fair ... I haven't heard any of that stories yet ... why? Is it bad?"

His friends teased him, he blushed. He couldn't find it in him to tell Charlie what he had been doing in Goldstone, yet she seemed so curious and begged him to tell her.

She clang on his arm and asked him to tell the story but he refused until he looked at her face and wilted inside. They stared at each other for a moment, it was on the tip of his tongue, but then he decided to take another gulp on his beer and shook his head.

"God! You're impossible!" she let go of his arm. She was smiling but slightly irritated.

"Maybe some other time," he said.

"What? What's wrong with now? Why is it such a secret?" she wasn't satisfied with 'later'.

"It's kind of embarrassing," he whispered to her ear.

She looked at him, "Okay ... now I'm even more intrigued!" He had said the wrong thing to her.

"Can we just drop this? Let's talk about something else," Tommy said, resting his hands behind his head.

"Alright! How about we play spin the bottle?" Kelly suggested.

Everyone else agreed. Tommy shrugged, shook his head. The thought of Charlie kissing one of his friend was not a good idea for him. "Forget it, I'm not doing that," he said.

"Charlene? Are you in?" asked Samuel.

She glanced at Tommy and realized this 'friends' thing is not working very well. "I want to play truth or dare," she suggested.

Everyone was excited, "Yeah ... we haven't done that in awhile!" one of them said.

He thought about it for a moment, it was almost as bad as spin the bottle. "As long as you won't ask me about Goldstone ... I'm in," he lifted his beer bottle. It was exactly what Charlie had in mind.

She stood up, "Fine ... I'm just gonna go home, then," she sulked.

"Ooooohh ....." everyone was booing at Tommy.

"Maybe he won't be such a party pooper if I'm not here," she said and trotted away in a bitter mood. Tommy stood up and after her.

"You guys are so dead," he said quietly to his friends. He ran after her as she stormed away quickly.

"Charlie! Wait! Let me walk you home," he called out to her.

She hugged herself in the chill of the breeze. "I can go home by myself, go back to your friends," she dissed him.

"No ... it's late, it's dark, I'm walking you home," he insisted.

She didn't answer and kept walking. He kept his distance, a few steps behind her. He put his hands in his pocket, he was ready for a shit storm. He knew she was going to lash out on him, sooner or later.

"You know?" she said after awhile.

Here we go, Tommy thought.

"I can't believe you wouldn't tell me about Goldstone? I mean ... you told everybody but me? It's like you're keeping it a secret from me on purpose?! You're being such an ass, you know that?" He kept his mouth shut.

"How is this ever going to work? I thought we're friends now, and you won't even tell me about Goldstone? Were you planning to never tell me about it? I don't get it!"

"I was planning to tell you ... but then ..." he stopped for a second, "But then we broke up ... it doesn't matter anymore now, don't you think?"

She stopped and turned, "What does that have to do with anything? Don't you think I have the right to know?" her tone was higher.

He looked at her puzzled, "I don't follow you?"

She came over to him and poked him on the chest, "Don't you think I have the right to know why we had to break up? What were you doing in Goldstone that ended our relationship?"

He was speechless, he was gaping as she turned around and walked away. "We broke up because you broke up with me!" he spilled it. "You chose to broke up with me and had a boyfriend! It wasn't because of my job?!" he refused to be blamed.

"Oh, don't you dare do that to me!" she pointed at him. "You left me for six months without a single word! Apparently because of that secret job you're keeping from me, and I guess I'll never know why it ended the way it did ... you left me, Tommy!"

Her accusation felt like another stab in his chest, he ran after her and grabbed her wrist, "I came back, Charlie! And found out that you had already left me, you kissed a guy, you had a boyfriend, and you slept with him ... in what order did that happen is beyond me ... so don't you EVER say that it was me who ended it!"

Sure enough a slap landed on his face. She was in tears. His face was stern, he swallowed the stinging sore, he let go of her hand. "You left me!" he repeated it.

She sobbed, she knew he was right. She couldn't bare thinking that if she waited longer, he would've come back to her. She was too proud to tell him that every kiss she had with Landon, she was wishing it was him, and how much she regretted ever letting that guy pushed her onto her bed and let him in. She cried the ugly cry as she walked away from him. It broke his heart to see her like that, he followed her.

"Fine ... if you have to know ..." he said. "I was a male stripper ... a Chippendale ..." he said bitterly. She was still sobbing. "They made me sign a six month contract, they put me in training, I had to train all day and worked all night ... and I had a side job in between ... I was swamped ... I had to strip off my clothes but the money was good ... it's not something I'm proud of, Charlie, not with you," he finally told her. Her sobbing went quiet.

"If I knew you would be with someone else, I wouldn't have done it, Charlie ... I would've just come back and do whatever crappy job I could get just so I can still be with you," tears were forming in his eyes. She didn't say anything.

"I can't do this Charlie," he said. "I can't pretend to be your friend ... I can't pretend that knowing you're with another guy is not crushing me inside ... I can't pretend that it's okay for me that it ended ... I can't ..." they were still walking toward her house.

"Why did you signed the contract then? Why did you do the job?" she finally asked.

"Because it would lead me to something else, I wanted to get some work at the studio, and I got lucky ... I will be working at the studio in June, it's a low level job but it's a start ... I wanted to be better for you, Charlie," he explained.

They finally arrived in front of the gate. "Look ... thank you for inviting me to your party, but I can't be there and see you with him," he said.

She wanted to tell him that it was over between them, but she knew Landon was going to be at her party.

"But you said you've prepared a gift for me?" her face was still wet with tears.

He walked over to her and wiped her tears with his hands, "I did ... I'll give it to you after the party, I'll wait for you here," just like the year before. She nodded.

He kissed the top of her head, it was painful. "I'm sorry ... I don't think I can see you again after that," he made his decision. And they said their goodbyes.