Shiver

They were right. It will never work out. She was leaving for college, he was keeping his job. Even if he took Landon out of the equation, it would never work out.

How easy it was for her to forget him was what hurts the most, now he was left with nothing.

He spent that night alone in the cabin, drank himself to sleep. He woke up on the floor with a massive headache. All his joints were soar, and all the parts that she punched him were bruised and aching. Someone was at the door, the knock on the door had woken him up.

"Hey! What's up bro? I heard you were back!" Samuel shouted a bit too loud for his head that morning. They hugged.

"Whoa ... you looked hammered, been partying without me?" he joked and looked around the cabin, bottles were all over the floor.

"I got back on Saturday ... sorry, I've been organizing some stuff in here, I haven't got time to come around," he lied.

Samuel didn't think much about it, he was just happy to see Tom was doing well and looked physically upgraded. He complimented his built up muscles and how well groomed he was.

Tom took an aspirin to ease his headache, he knew he needed more than that to ease all his other aches that seemed to hit him in every places, including the ones he can only feel in his heart.

He tried to be fully present in his conversation with Samuel who wanted to hear all about the glitz and glamour but his mind always wandered to another place.

"Do you know Charlene's new boyfriend?" he asked out of the blue.

Samuel thought he had managed to avoid the topic, "Oh ... you heard about that?" Tom nodded.

"She never said it was her boyfriend ... just a friend from Gastonburry, but we knew there was something else goin' on."

Tom didn't react, his expression was flat and cold.

"Hey ... you were gone a long time, she asked about you all the time."

Tom nodded again. "Yeah ... of course, man, it was my fault ... I was just ... you seen them together?"

Samuel stood up and pat him on the back, "Why are you doing this to yourself, man? It doesn't matter anymore ... she moved on, you should too."

He had a blank stare in his eyes. "I know ... I just ... " he ran his fingers through his hair and wiped his face downward.

"Look ... I'm gonna let you have some time for yourself, okay? And we'll go swimming at the lake later ... around two? We'll have a welcoming party tonight at the saloon ... how about that?" Samuel said.

"Sounds good, man," he said.

**********

He was always on a lookout. He tried not to follow the urge to go to her school again because he knew she wouldn't like that. But he kept his eyes on alert wherever he goes, hoping at every turn he would find her beautiful face.

The lake reminded him of her, funny how that worked, it used to remind him of the accident that turned his life, but then it became a place where he fell in love. She wasn't there, she wasn't anywhere, she was always in his head.

There was a hollow space in his heart that felt black. How his trip back home was the opposite of what he had hoped for. It was hard for him to feel anything else but the crush of his heart being broken. He had to see her again, it couldn't end the way it did, it had to be better.

**********

A few days later, he walked in to Mrs. Cooper's store and saw her at the counter. They were both stunned by the encounter, very much like the first time they ever saw each other.

"Charlie," he called her.

She didn't answer.

"Can I walk you home?"

She didn't say a word, then she lift her shoulders. So he walked beside her, even though she didn't make any eye contact and was reluctant to be there at all.

"We're bound to bump into each other a lot ... can we at least be civilized with each other?" he asked nicely.

She was silent.

"Please say something," he pleaded.

"I don't know what to say to you," her tone was deep and sad.

"Okay ... when are you graduating?" he tried to sound casual.

"Next week ... Friday," she answered shortly.

"When will you be leaving for college?" he asked again.

"September ... maybe late August." College start early September.

He nodded, at least she was talking to him instead of screaming. "So you'll be spending summer in Bluebridge?"

She stopped and turned, "What are you doing, Tommy? Why are you asking me all these questions?" she looked annoyed.

"I just want to know what's going on with you," he said truthfully.

She shook her head, "I don't think I can do this."

"Do what?"

"Pretending like there's nothing wrong!! I can't even look at you!" tears started to form in her eyes, she turned and walked faster than before.

"Wait ... Charlie!" he tried to grab her arm but she tugged away. "I'll be leaving again in June ... for good this time," he told her.

She stood still and bowed her head. "I'm taking a long term job in Goldstone starting June ... I won't be coming back again ... I'll be out of your hair after that ... but I need to know that you've forgiven me," he said.

Tears were streaming down her face when she turned to look at him, "I don't know how to forgive you ... can't you just leave me alone and let this be what it is?"

He stared deep into her eyes, "I don't know how to do that either."

Charlene walked off without saying anything. Her heart still beats for him, it stopped for him, it breaks because of him, one look at him, all that happens in a jumble and it hurts.

He followed her, "I can't let you walk away like this, Charlie, I can't ... I need you to forgive me, I need you to be okay," he said.

"I'm not okay!! What the hell is wrong with you?? I'm not okay!" she screamed.

"Scream at me, yell at me, hit me ... punch me, anything you need to be okay," he asked of her.

She sucked it up and stopped her crying, she wanted to be strong, she wanted to hurt him where it hurts most. "I kissed him ... I slept with him too! How about that , Tommy? Does that make everything okay?"

His face turned white, he felt like he'd been kicked in the stomach and suddenly forgot how to breathe. "Are you just saying that just to hurt me?" it never dawned on him that she was already sleeping with another guy.

Her expression was stone cold. He wrapped his arms around himself. "You didn't think I was just holding hands with him, did you?" She'd stuck an knife in his heart and now she's twisting it.

"I don't wanna hear it ... I could've slept with so many girls in Goldstone, Charlie, but I was faithful to you!" he couldn't swallow the prickly truth.

"Oh? And now you must be regretting it?" she went sour on him.

"That's not what I meant! I'm trying to wrap my mind around this, Charlie, I was out there thinking that you were still my girlfriend while you ... it's like I meant nothing to you?"

"Oh! Now I'm a slut??" He put his hands on his head, how did this conversation went so wrong?

"Do you see how this will never work? Even if I forgive you ... you'll never forgive me now, wouldn't you, Tommy?"

They kept walking in silence. Neither of them knew what to say nor what to do. Have they said enough? Have they heard enough? They both had thoughts racing in their heads, but nothing came out of their mouths. Before they realized, they were at the front gate of her house.

She was about to go to the other side of the gate when he pulled one last question, "Do you love him?"

She looked at him blankly, "Go away, Tommy, just leave me alone!" she started to cry again and ran across the lawn, pass her mom who was walking toward the gate.

Tommy was about to leave. "Hey! Young man! I'd like to have a word with you!" Mrs. Ludlow called out to him. She arrived with both hands on her waist, a frown on her face and a deep creased between her eyebrows.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Ludlow," he greeted her, she responded with a nod. He can tell she was not in a friendly mood.

"My daughter had been coming home crying since Monday ... she locked herself in her room and I can hear her sobbing from outside of the door ... suddenly, I'm having a de ja vu from a couple of months ago when she did exactly the same thing for God knows how long ..." she explained in a bitter tone.

He didn't think he could've felt any worse until he heard that.

"I reckon you have something to do with this?"

He nodded, looked down. "I was trying to apologize to her ... I'm very ... very sorry," he said.

"You should be," she paused, staring at the boy who didn't look any better than her daughter. "Do you care to explain? I have the right to know why you're doing this to my daughter?" she demanded.

He tried to explain as best he can, about his job and how he lost her number. The more he explained, the worst it looked.

"So it's not because of another girl? Don't lie to me, Tom, did you stay in Goldstone because there was another girl?" she pushed him.

"No ... " he shook his head. "There's no one else, Mrs. Ludlow, I love your daughter ... I was trying to have a better life, I know I don't deserve her ... but I want to," he was almost in tears.

Catherine realized that it was all a very bad misunderstanding, she thought for a moment, "Well ... you've had your chance ... she needs time to heal, she'll be leaving for college in a couple of months, if you're not planning to stay with her ... I suggest you stay away and let her move on with her life," she told him.

He stared blankly to the ground, he realized he needed to think for himself too. He was so consumed with jealousy and disappointment that he hadn't thought about the long term effect. He couldn't accept that she was angry at him when he had done all he could to come back to her, he hadn't consider that maybe it was best for them to move on with their separate lives.

"I never meant to hurt her, but I did ... I wish it could've been different, I'm really sorry," he said and turned to leave. And so it ended, in the worst possible way, there's no one more disappointed at him than himself.