She is the Third Kind of Stunning

Silent night is the time when cancer patients suffer from cancer most frequently.

In the ward, on the bed cabinet, there was a quiet and warm lamp.

There is a red plastic bag next to the lamp, which is full of oranges the size of a fist.

The sweet citrus smell diffused in the small ward, and Lu Yinxi sat at the end of Sangsang's bed, picking off the white veins of the orange petals.

She remembered that Jian Qing liked to eat oranges like this, peeling them clean.

Standing at the head of the bed, Zhang Yue injected Sangsang with powerful painkillers: "It will be fine in one go, and the pain will be gone later."

The hospital bed was raised high, and Sangsang half-lyed on the bed, her small body shrunk into a ball, her face was sickly yellow, with tears in her eyes, and she described the cancer pain in a low voice: "It seems that many ants are biting my stomach. back..."

Cancer pain, many cancer patients, the pain is so painful that they can't sleep and want to commit suicide.

Standing by the hospital bed, Zhang Yue looked at her, feeling powerless again.

He squeezed some hand sanitizer, then took out a candy from his pocket, handed it to Sangsang's mother, and asked her to peel it for Sangsang to eat.

He gently comforted: "Eat a piece of candy, it's sweet, and the pain will gradually disappear."

In the face of illness, words of comfort are too pale.

Lu Yinxi peeled the oranges for Sangsang, and took out her mobile phone to find cartoons for her to watch.

She is actually very good, she doesn't need to be coaxed, she is quiet most of the time, when the doctors and nurses greet her, she will show a sweet smile, and she will hold back her tears in front of her mother, and she will sleep under the quilt when her mother goes out Secretly weeping.

No need to coax, but they just wanted to distract the little girl a little so that the pain would not be felt so easily.

Sangsang's mother didn't cry in front of Sangsang either.

Like now, when I can't hold back the tears, I will say, "I'll go get some hot water." Then I walk out of the ward with the thermos, squatting in the corridor and weeping.

Mom was away, Sangsang had sugar in her mouth, and asked Zhang Yue in a weak voice: "Can I be discharged from the hospital tomorrow?"

Zhang Yue pushed his glasses and replied, "Not tomorrow."

"I want to leave the hospital... I want to go to school... I want to play with my classmates..."

"When it doesn't hurt anymore, if it gets better, I will have the opportunity to go to school."

Going to school, studying, and playing with classmates are the most common things for a child of her age.

Knowing that the words were comforting, Sangsang still smiled.

Zhang Yue took off his mask and grinned, showing his big white teeth, "Then I'll go back to the office first. If you feel uncomfortable, just ring the bell and find the nurse sister or me."

He is the doctor in charge of the bed and the doctor who has been in contact with patients for the longest time.

He wrote the admission records, he asked about the medical history, he gave the doctor's orders, and he was the one who talked to his superiors if he had something to convey...

All the miscellaneous and detailed tasks are undertaken by these young doctors who are still growing up.

Walking out of the ward, he saw his mother squatting on the ground sobbing. He walked over, squatted down too, and patted her on the back lightly twice as a sign of comfort.

Sangsang's mother stood up and thanked Zhang Yue: "Doctor, it's so late, please excuse me."

Zhang Yue said: "Auntie, take care of your health. There is nothing to worry about. This is our job."

When he returned to the office, he lost his composure in front of patients, and felt tired and depressed. He took off his mask, threw it into a yellow garbage bag, washed his hands and sanitized, sat in front of the computer, and read the thick book "Oncology "daze.

When Jian Qing came back from rescuing the patient, he saw Zhang Yue drooping his head, knocked his head with a pen, and asked, "Why are you acting like a quail again?"

Zhang Yue wiped his face and closed the book: "Senior sister, I can't save it. I have studied for so many years, and I can't even save a 10-year-old child..."

To save lives and heal the wounded, in the past two years in the oncology department, who has he saved?

No one can save them, they are just saying goodbye to one patient after another.

Jian Qing sat next to Zhang Yue, looking at the junior and subordinate calmly.

Many medical students study medicine with the belief of saving lives and healing the wounded, but they will not discover the limitations of medical treatment until they actually go to the clinic.

Doctors are not gods, and most of the time they are powerless and can only watch the fresh lives die one by one.

Especially in the department of oncology, no matter how optimistic and cheerful people are, they will be beaten to the skin by despair again and again, and they can't help but doubt the value of existence.

Insensitivity has become the best protective color.

But numbness is also a manifestation of depression, which wraps up negative emotions layer by layer. It may look good and bearable on the surface, but in fact it is just that the last straw that crushes the camel's death has not yet appeared.

Many young doctors would repeatedly experience such feelings of disappointment, despair, and self-doubt. In the past, Jian Qing would not appease him, but would only sneer coldly, "Either accept it or leave."

Now, my temperament has softened a lot, and I poured a bowl of chicken soup for my juniors: "Every patient with advanced cancer is likely to die. Why should we waste time and resources on treatment and research? Because ten years ago, the 5-year survival rate of cancer in our country was 30.9%. Ten years later, it will rise to 40.5%. In ten years, millions of medical practitioners, scientific researchers, and volunteers have studied day and night, and they have gained nearly 10 percentage points. Zhang Yue, from a microscopic point of view, you You can't save a few people, and from a macro perspective, you can become a percentage point of the survival rate increase in the next decade."

This is a field of desperation, a field of facing failure after failure.

Maybe it is difficult to cure a few patients in a lifetime, and the contribution of a lifetime is only transformed into a growth rate of a few percent.

But modern medicine is like this. It is not a house built by one person. Doctors, nurses, patients... It is a palace built by a group of people, rubble and rubble.

At 11 o'clock in the evening, Jian Qing changed her white coat and went to the ward to pick up Lu Yinxi and go home.

"Tiger, little white rabbit, hamster... draw the last one, panda." The twirling animal outlined by black and white lines landed on the thin A4 paper, and the paper was placed beside the pillow to accompany the thin little girl to sleep.

Under the action of the drug, Sangsang gradually fell into sleep.

Sangsang's mother is still telling the story of Sangsang's childhood softly.

It is said that Sangsang is a left-behind child. When they were young, they all worked in other places. They only came back home during the New Year to see the old people and children. I knew that they would look like today. No matter how hard or tired they were back then, she should have raised Sangsang by your side.

Now, there is not much time to be together, no matter how regretful it is, it will be useless, and we can only spend the remaining days in pain and suffering.

Lu Yinxi scribbled and drew on paper while listening.

She was also a left-behind child when she was a child.

He was thrown to the countryside by Gu Mingyu.

At that time, communication in the countryside was underdeveloped. Unlike now, everyone had a smart phone, and there were only one landline phone in all the villages. If I wanted to make a call to hear my mother's voice, I had to go to other people's homes and say something nice.

Gu Mingyu would never call home, it was always her grandmother who called her, and she was afraid of disturbing her work, so she dared to call on the pretext of the holidays.

During the years when she left Luyinxi in the countryside, she only came back twice.

One time it was winter, during the Chinese New Year, she came back with new year's goods, saw Lu Yinxi, squatted down, opened her arms, and wanted to hug her daughter whom she hadn't seen for a long time.

At that time, Lu Yinxi couldn't recognize Gu Mingyu's face, hid behind her grandmother, looked timidly at that beautiful but strange woman, unwilling to call her mother, and unwilling to be hugged.

The woman who had been cold and domineering for half her life, looked at her little face cracked with cold, turned her back, and secretly wiped her tears.

At night, the three slept on a kang.

Lu Yinxi was lying in the middle, sleeping in a daze, and vaguely heard Gu Mingyu and grandma saying that they had already settled down in the city, and they would be picked up to live there. The schools in the city were good, but her education would be delayed in the countryside.

Grandma was not used to life in the city, and she couldn't learn Mandarin, so she wanted to farm and raise chickens in the countryside, so she just said: "You take your daughter away, I won't go, you are still young, find a man to live with, and you have to live with me." Good for my daughter."

Gu Mingyu sighed, and said: "I won't look for it anymore, no matter how good I am to her, there is no blood relationship. I don't worry, she still thinks about her father. Let her accompany you for a few more years, and when she is about to go to junior high school, I will Take her out again."

That time back, Gu Mingyu only stayed for three days.

During those three days, she was bullied by other children, and finally she was able to grit her teeth and say: "I want to go home and tell my mother!"

Usually when she said such things, she would be laughed at, "You don't have a father!", "Your mother doesn't want you anymore!"

Only in those three days, she could say "I want to go home and tell my mother!"

In the early morning three days later, she knew that Gu Mingyu was leaving, so she lay on the bed and pretended to be asleep.

Gu Mingyu kissed her on the cheek and said goodbye to her, but she didn't respond. She hid under the blanket and sobbed when Gu Mingyu was gone.

The second time she came back was to deal with her grandmother's funeral. She sat on the muddy floor in the yard, crying loudly, complaining about Gu Mingyu's indifference, and hating that Gu Mingyu didn't take her grandmother to see a doctor earlier. Since then, the estrangement has deepened.

Lu Yinxi looked at Sangsang's mother, her eyes slowly turning red.

This mother, amidst remorse, is rapidly aging.

She thought, if one day, she was lying on the hospital bed, would Gu Mingyu be like the mother in front of her, regretting not having been with her since she was a child.

If she stays in this virtual world and can no longer see her in reality, will Gu Mingyu miss her a little bit?

"Tonight, one of you has become a quail, and the other has become a rabbit." Taking Lu Yinxi away from the ward, and returning home, Jian Qing gently touched the end of her eyes and asked, "Why did you become a rabbit?"

Lu Yinxi's eyes were still a little red, and he asked: "Sangsang's condition has progressed?"

Jian Qing hummed, and said softly: "The whole body has been transferred in many places."

The postoperative lung metastases of the bone cancer are considered advanced. The original plan was chemotherapy to shrink the lung lesions, followed by surgical resection. Now, the disease has progressed, the second-line treatment failed, no medicine is available, and the body can't bear it anymore.

"In two days, I will ask Zhang Yue to ask them whether they want to transfer to the hospice ward in the third district or go home."

At the point where there is no cure, the doctor will discuss with the family whether to transfer to the ward or leave the hospital.

Not all patients want to stay in a cold hospital, some people are eager to finish their last journey at home.

Lu Yinxi's tone was almost questioning: "Why didn't you tell me?"

Because I'm afraid you will be sad.

Jian Qing didn't say this out, watching Lu Yinxi hold back the tears so that his shoulders trembled, his fingers tightly grasped the edge of the sofa, so tight that his knuckles turned white.

There are two different feelings to hear about a person's death and witnessing one's struggle to die.

The latter is much more painful.

Jian Qing reached out to wipe away Lu Yinxi's tears, hugged her into his arms, and wanted to tell her: don't make friends with cancer patients in the future.

After thinking about it, he still didn't say it.

In fact, Jian Qing is not in a good mood tonight.

The two patients she rescued tonight failed.

The one in the hematology department is a young woman, only 24 years old. Not long after she graduated from university, she was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma after a physical examination. She was admitted to the hospital for treatment. The infatuated man who was praised by everyone by word of mouth suddenly lost contact in the past few months and never appeared again.

The young woman didn't say anything, she just looked out the window day after day until she died tonight, and she never saw her boyfriend for the last time.

There are too many such things, and the clinical separation of life and death gradually drains her emotions. Witnessing life and death, farce, and people's hearts, the emotional threshold continues to increase, and she becomes difficult to empathize with, like an old tree that is about to wither.

Unlike the person in my arms, who still sheds tears for others, and has strong and abundant emotions, sensitive and delicate, young and beautiful.

She is willing to take care of this delicate beauty, and no longer wants to destroy this fragility.

Jian Qing hugged Lu Yinxi, patted her on the back lightly, and asked her: "Difficulty is graded, from low to high, from 0 to 10. What level are you?"

Lu Yinxi blinked, tears rolled down his eyes, and whispered, "Level 8."

Jian Qing let go of her arms a little, looked at the tears on her cheeks, moved closer, and put her lips on her cheeks.

It only fits for a second and then loosens.

A kiss like a superficial kiss, with fragrance and softness.

Lu Yinxi was stunned, with tears still hanging from his eyelashes, and asked blankly, "What if... what if it's level 10?"

Jian Qing didn't say a word, her eyes fell on Lu Yinxi's red lips, she reached out, pinched her chin with cold fingertips, lifted her face slightly, and kissed her soft lips.

The author has something to say: Deer: What if... What if it is level 10?

Jane: Then you are exaggerating, trying to lie to your relatives

Thanks to the little angels who voted for me or irrigated nutrient solution during 2021-04-14 23:57:48~2021-04-16 20:42:19~

Thanks to the little angel who cast the deep water torpedo: Muran 1;

Thanks to the little angel who cast the rocket launcher: きこりは木が白い.2; Muran 1;

Thanks to the little angel who threw the grenade: きこりは木が白い.2; Yunying under the boat 1;

Thanks to the little angels who threw mines: きこりは木が白い. 5 pieces; 2 pieces of meat buns; Niluban, a friend of mine said, 1 piece in Los Angeles;

Thanks to the little angels of the irrigation nutrient solution: 27 bottles of wooden pigeons; 2 bottles of きこりは木が白い.2 bottles; 1 bottle of Mama Mu's high-grade hand wheat and far fish;

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!