Reluctantly Willing

Hearing the word “will”, An Xiaoyan’s sleepiness was instantly chased away. He hurriedly asked what was happening. How could there be a will?

The other just told him to meet at the Starbucks on Xiangyang Road to talk about it in person.

An Xiaoyan felt unsettled. If it was a will, could it be his parents? He immediately refuted that idea. His parents were both from rural areas and weren’t very educated. They definitely wouldn’t write a will.

None of the hypotheses were useful. An Xiaoyan changed his clothes, notified the nanny, and walked out with his wallet.

The other had said two o’clock. When An Xiaoyan arrived, he still had ten minutes. He ordered a cappuccino and sat in a seat near the window.

At two o’clock sharp, a suited man who looked like an elite walked into the café. He stood at the door and scanned the café. He then opened the folder in his hands and looked up. Finally, his eyes fixed onto An Xiaoyan.

He first ordered something at the counter, then he moved and sat down in front of An Xiaoyan.

He wore a pair of gold-rimmed glasses and his tie was very neat. He gave off a serious aura. Extending a hand, he said, “Hello, I am Mr. Xia. You can call me Xiao Xia.”

“Hello, I am An Xiaoyan. You can call me Xiaoyan.” An Xiaoyan extended his right hand. They shook hands politely and let go quickly.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong? On the phone, there was mention of a will, but I don’t really understand.”

Mr. Xia opened the thick document envelope and took out a piece of paper.

“I am Liu Cheng’s personal lawyer. He arranged this before his death. You can look at his will.”

The paper was placed before An Xiaoyan, but he was still thinking about the previous words. Liu Cheng’s will. Liu Cheng died? That was impossible. Liu Cheng was alright! They’d met during New Year’s. It had only been four months.

“I know this is unbelievable to you. I understand your feelings as well, but can you please carefully read the will?”

Bearing the tremors of his heart, An Xiaoyan picked up the paper with trembling hands.

After I die, all of the property under my name will be inherited by my good friend, An Xiaoyan. This includes 60 percent of Hua Kang Hospital’s shares and a house in the southern region.

If the heir refuses to inherit it, forces of law may be used.

The words were written simply on the paper. An Xiaoyan could recognize Liu Cheng’s handwriting. He didn’t care about the property at all. He only wanted to know what had happened in these four months.

“Mr. Xia, you are Liu Cheng’s personal lawyer. Please tell me everything about what happened to him and how he died.”

Mr. Xia didn’t try to explain. He took out a small envelope. On it was written, For An Xiaoyan.

Opening it carefully, An Xiaoyan took a piece of paper out.

Xiaoyan, if you’re reading this, it most likely means that I’m no longer alive. This day came sooner than I thought. I got the idea to write this will the moment Gu Jun took you away. I came down with an incurable disease. Do you still remember seeing me at the Night Charm? I was like someone who had sex with countless people. God didn’t bless me either. When I came out, I discovered that I had AIDS.

At first, I wanted to take revenge on society. I wasn’t even 30 years old. Why should my life be ruined? I hated Gu Jun. He was the one who did this to me, but what use is hatred? The disease is already in me. Slowly, I became logical, but I don’t know when I got it. I might’ve had sex with many carriers. After all, the Night Charm is really messy. I know AIDS can stay dormant from two to ten years, but if you have sex with many people with AIDS, the time can be decreased greatly. At first, I thought that if I took medicine, I could live another one or two decades, but I was too naïve.

Ten days before the new year, I suddenly fell sick. I was just cleaning the house, but a cool breeze made me sick. I know my own body. I quickly bought a lot of cup-noodles, snacks, and water. When the sickness would get really bad, I might spend the whole day in bed.

But on New Year’s Eve, I had a serious fever. I subconsciously called you for help. When I learned of my sickness, I went home. I thought that I could confess to my parents. After all, they aren’t that conservative. But in reality, they disowned me and said that they don’t have a son like me.

I didn’t dare go to Hua Kang Hospital again. I didn’t contact the other bros either. I was afraid they’d know that I have AIDS and then judge me like I’m contagious.

Thankfully, you came. I lied, saying that I just had a fever. You believed me and took care of me wholeheartedly. You weren’t any different from before. At that time, I thought that you were the best person to me in the world. I was happy in the few days that I was with you. It’s probably the most fortunate thing before my death—to be with my soulmate.

I don’t know if saying “I like you” was genuine. Thinking back, I don’t understand myself either. I just wanted to be loved by you. At that time, I was scared. I kept dreaming that you would turn into a monster.

I didn’t expect that Gu Jun would come. He came just in time, destroying all the warmth we had. I just watched as he took you away, but I couldn’t do anything because I knew that I couldn’t keep you. I have no way of keeping you. I really didn’t want you to see how ugly I was before dying. It would be embarrassing.

The last thing you told me—to take care of myself—made me, a man, cry. No matter the situation, you always think of me. After thinking for a long while, I hurried to write the will and wait for death to come to end everything.

There are two people I can’t forgive in this world. The first is Gu Jun, because he’s too cruel and hurt you too deeply. The second is myself, because I also hurt you indirectly.

Liu Cheng

By the end, An Xiaoyan didn’t know what to think. He would have never imagined that Liu Cheng would get AIDS and die. They’d been friends for nine years. Now, it’s all gone. If Gu Jun hadn’t taken revenge back then, Liu Cheng wouldn’t have died. Gu Jun had to know how dirty the Night Charm was.

So many humiliating memories replayed in An Xiaoyan’s mind, making him dizzy. He felt a bit better after drinking some of the cold coffee. Why did he think that Gu Jun was a good person?

His attitude toward Gu Jun had changed a lot over the past month, but Liu Cheng’s letter seemed to revert him to his original disposition. Now, there were two angels fighting in his heart. Should Gu Jun’s care remain? Or was the original Gu Jun his true self?

He tried to keep his tears from falling, but his heart felt like it was being shredded with daggers. He folded the letter and put it back neatly.

Sitting across from him, the lawyer handed a tissue to An Xiaoyan. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Where are his ashes?”

“Most of his ashes are buried. I can wrap up what remains into two bags and bring them to you next time. He wants you two bring one to his parents because he feels safer with you doing it. The other bag is for you. In addition, he has another letter. He said that you should open it after you’ve moved on from everything, including his death.”

“So it’s for when I see everything through?”

“There’s no hard rule, but that’s what Mr. Liu Cheng told me. You should open it after you move on.”

The envelope was very beautiful. It was decorated with dried flowers and the envelope was sealed shut. An Xiaoyan decided to put it away. He hadn’t moved on yet. When he reached that state, maybe he’d understand naturally.

Mr. Xia had done everything he had to. He cleaned up and was prepared to leave. Before leaving, he said that if the properties weren’t signed to An Xiaoyan’s name this year, they would be transferred automatically.

Liu Cheng was dying, but he’d still given all his material wealth to An Xiaoyan. But what use was there? He’d been poor before. As long as he didn’t starve, it was alright.

He got another cup of coffee. He felt that he’d been in the air conditioned room for too long and it was cold. If he’d known about this, he would’ve taken Wonton along. At least the soft fur wouldn’t make him so cold.

In the morning, he’d still been thinking about living with Gu Jun. Now, he didn’t even have the courage to look Gu Jun in the eye. He’d indirectly killed An Xiaoyan’s best friend. How could he move past this?

The sun had set to the west. An Xiaoyan took Liu Cheng’s ashes and went to the cemetery that Mr. Xia had mentioned.

The cemetery was the biggest one in A City. It was four or five o’clock, so the temperature was a bit chilly. When An Xiaoyan arrived, not many people were there. He searched the rows. An Xiaoyan remembered that Mu Nan had been here, so he quickly found Liu Cheng.

The tombstone was very new. An Xiaoyan sat on the concrete and stared blankly at the picture.

It looked unrealistic. He’d been a lively man before. How could this happen?

An Xiaoyan curled up and tears spilled down like a fountain. He couldn’t keep it in anymore. He’d told himself not to cry. It was embarrassing to cry before Liu Cheng, but when he saw the tombstone and the new flower wreath around it, he couldn’t help it anymore.

He’d lost so many things after meeting Gu Jun. First, his parents. Now, he lost his best friend. His friends and family were the most important things of his life, but they’d been taken from him just like this.

“I’ll give the things to your parents. I’ll keep your part too. Ah Cheng, tell me what I should do now.”

The sky darkened gradually. An Xiaoyan wiped his tears and patted the dust off. He walked out of the cemetery.

He didn’t know where to go now. He obviously couldn’t go back to Gu Jun. He didn’t know how to face everything. He decided to just walk around.

The driver took An Xiaoyan to the busiest mall. An Xiaoyan circled the top floor. Thankfully, he’d brought his credit card, so he could buy whatever he wanted to eat. He didn’t have to scrimp and save like before, hesitating before buying anything.

He’d been out for so long. Guo Guo and Gu Jun had probably gone home. It was time for dinner, but they hadn’t contacted him yet. It seemed that he didn’t really matter.

What exactly was he anticipating?