Reluctantly Willing

An Xiaoyan got off at the hospital. He looked back and saw the red on the seat. The smell of blood spread through the car.

Face beet red, he apologized continuously to Chen Chen. He’d dirtied such an expensive car. It must cost a lot to wash it.

“Don’t worry. Mr. Gu has an annual card. Washing it once or ten times is all the same price.” It actually wasn’t the truth. Chen Chen just said this so An Xiaoyan wouldn’t feel bad. He sympathized with and understood An Xiaoyan.

After the doctor saw An Xiaoyan, he was confused. How come this man was back? Didn’t he say he would be careful? Why did he come again?

This was the small hospital An Xiaoyan had gone to in the past. It was in a remote place, but it didn’t make him feel awkward. The doctors here were accustomed to these types of diseases and wouldn’t be judgmental.

“There are a lot of people today. Go wait in the next room.”

An Xiaoyan went into the neighboring room. There were some old men waiting in chairs. An Xiaoyan stood quietly behind them while Chen Chen stood beside him.

Looking at the cold sweat beading on An Xiaoyan’s forehead, Chen Chen suggested, “”How about you sit and wait? It’ll be a while before it’s your turn.”

An Xiaoyan shook his head. Chen Chen got an idea. He got closer to An Xiaoyan, letting the man lean against him. This could reduce some of the pain.

An hour later, it was finally An Xiaoyan’s turn.

The doctor took off An Xiaoyan’s pants. Seeing the dampened clothes, he almost swore out loud. What kind of disgusting man only let An Xiaoyan come when he was bleeding this badly? Was it only a problem if he bled out?

The doctor put in a lot of effort to clean all the blood. After spraying on the blood-clotting medicine, he told An Xiaoyan to stay put and wait for the wound to stop bleeding. Then he rolled his sleeves up and walked out.

“Are you even f*cking human?!” he yelled at Chen Chen. All his manners as a doctor were forgotten now.

“Doctor, please calm down. I didn’t do this.” A bunch of “what the f*cks” ran past the doctor’s mind. The man before had said it wasn’t him. This man said it wasn’t him. When would the perpetrator arrive?

“Do you know the man who did it?”

Chen Chen nodded.

“Good, that’s enough. Follow me.”

The doctor went on and on for half an hour. Finally, he returned to the patient’s room while staring at his form. Chen Chen was still processing the conversation.

He wasn’t gay and wasn’t very familiar with the things between men. However, the doctor’s words still shocked him.

An Xiaoyan needed to rest for half a month to heal completely. Some people had naturally tighter anuses, so it wouldn’t hurt as badly. For people like An Xiaoyan, if he didn’t have lube or enough foreplay, it would hurt him no matter how gentle the action was.

Mr. Gu had been too cruel to injure him like this.

When they came out of the hospital, Chen Chen had An Xiaoyan lie down in the backseat. Before they got to the house, An Xiaoyan told him to stop the car.

“What’s wrong?”

“Guo Guo told me last time that he wants to eat ice cream. It’s on the way, so I’ll go buy him one. Otherwise, I don’t know the next time I can come out. Kids always get hung up on these things.”

Chen Chen froze. He was about to open the door and get out the car when An Xiaoyan stopped him. He turned and dug out some wrinkly bills to hand to him.

This was the money that the landlord had given to him. Liu Cheng had given this money to him back then. An Xiaoyan didn’t know when he would have the chance to repay him.

“No need. I have money.” Chen Chen raised his wallet. He took a bill out and bought an ice cream. He thought for a moment and bought another one.

“This is for you. I don’t know what flavor you like. I just chose a random one.”

“Thank you.” An Xiaoyan accepted it and then stuffed money into Chen Chen’s hand. “This is the money for mine. I can’t spend yours.”

After sending An Xiaoyan into the house, Chen Chen drove to the company. He recounted what had happened in the hospital and Gu Jun’s brows furrowed. He didn’t know about any of this.

“Does the doctor have any suggestions?”

“He said that it’s best if he doesn’t do it for half a month to one month. You should buy some supplements for Mr. An as well. If he continues to lack nutrients, his body will collapse. Men aren’t supposed to be on the bottom.”

Gu Jun thought about this. The last time An Xiaoyan had attempted suicide, the doctor had given him some precautions. He’d thought that it would be alright if he just went slower. It seemed that he hadn’t thought enough. Some people were naturally fragile.

“Tell Zhang Zilan about this. Hand this over to him. He must heal An Xiaoyan.”

“Yes. Mr. Gu, I want to know if you still hate Mr. An?”

Gu Jun hesitated for a long while before saying slowly, “At the very least, I want him to be okay. You can say this is liking someone.”

In all these years, it was Chen Chen’s first time hearing Gu Jun say those words. Gu Jun had always been strict with himself. Whether it was in work or life, he wouldn’t use anything he didn’t like or eat what he didn’t like.

“If you like someone, you should treat him well.”

“Do you think An Xiaoyan would accept it? He’d think that this is a new punishment. I don’t know how to treat him. Even more, I don’t know how to express my feelings. Maybe he’ll feel it with time.”

He was right. When the person hurt had a mark carved into his heart, even time couldn’t make the deep scar go away.

“Uncle, ice cream…!”

“Yes, ice cream. Does Guo Guo like it?”

“Likey.”

An Xiaoyan gave one to Guo Guo. Then he sprawled on the sofa. His behind was still in pain.

When Guo Guo saw An Xiaoyan like this, he also sprawled on the sofa. He held the ice cream in his small hands and licked it with a lot of effort.

It was winter, but the indoors wasn’t cold at all. Eating ice cream had another feel to it.

After finishing it, Guo Guo lay on An Xiaoyan and wiped the cream on his hands onto An Xiaoyan’s face.

“Uncle, play…”

“Uncle is sick today and can’t play with Guo Guo. How about Guo Guo watches TV? Uncle will play with Guo Guo when I’m better.”

Guo Guo obediently turned on the TV and started watching happily. He was actually a smart kid. He could remember a lot of things after An Xiaoyan taught him once. A few days ago, An Xiaoyan had taught him how to turn on the TV. Now, Guo Guo turns it on himself to watch cartoons when he was bored.

At the moment, the TV was showing some kids riding the carousel. Then the scene changed and the kids were screaming while riding a rollercoaster.

Guo Guo watched intently. Then he grabbed An Xiaoyan’s hand and said, “Uncle car, horsey, fly, fly.”

An Xiaoyan knew that Guo Guo wanted to go out and play too. He’d been raised in the house and must feel very jealous at this scene. “Guo Guo, Uncle can’t go out. When Daddy comes back, he can take you.”

He had to no confidence in these words. He was worried Gu Jun would find an excuse to reject him. After all, Gu Jun never liked this child.

“Okay.” Guo Guo started watching the cartoon intently again.

Seeing how intent Guo Guo was, An Xiaoyan couldn’t help but be a bit jealous. If he were a child, he wouldn’t have so many concerns and worries. He would be happy every day.

Gu Jun didn’t come at night. Instead, Zhang Zilan came. An Xiaoyan put a blanket over Guo Guo, who was sleeping on the sofa, and moved to Zhang Zilan’s side.

“Just stay there and don’t move. Mr. Gu said you’re sick and told me to come check.”

“I’m not sick.”

Chen Chen had already reported on An Xiaoyan’s situation. He already got the medicine and only needed to rest. Zhang Zilan only came to get some things straight.

“This is a bottle of lube. When Mr. Gu wants to enter you in the future, tell him to use it. It will hurt less. And if you’re in pain, you should tell him. Don’t keep it in.”

The rest of his words were useless and An Xiaoyan didn’t listen. He put the bottle on the table. He would bear it no matter how much it hurt. This bottle was meaningless to him. He wouldn’t take the initiative to tell Gu Jun to use it either.

Gu Jun didn’t really want to go home, possibly because of An Xiaoyan being hurt. He didn’t know how to face An Xiaoyan. He’d always been so domineering. If he wasn’t so stubborn, An Xiaoyan wouldn’t be hurt.

“Uncle, Daddy…”

“Daddy will be back soon.”

“Uncle…” Guo Guo tugged the corner of his shirt. An Xiaoyan was helpless too. He knew Guo Guo wanted to go out.

Guo Guo would turn on the TV at a set time every day. He would watch the kids ride the carousel and rollercoaster on the screen. Whenever he finished, he would run to An Xiaoyan and ask when his daddy would come back.

“Daddy will definitely come back. Let’s wait patiently for a few days. Just a few more days.”

He kept repeating it, but Guo Guo started bawling. He drummed An Xiaoyan’s chest with his small fists. Kids had limited patience. Gu Jun hadn’t come home in so many days and no words could comfort him.

“Horsey, car…Daddy…” Huge teardrops flowed out of Guo Guo’s wide eyes. An Xiaoyan’s heart went out for him, but he couldn’t do anything. Gu Jun just wouldn’t come back.

Suddenly, he glanced at the phone on the table. He could call Gu Jun, but Gu Jun probably wouldn’t waste time on these small matters.

Guo Guo’s cries grew louder and An Xiaoyan’s heart really broke. He would just do it. Even if he was rejected, he would just take off his clothes again and lay in bed. But what if Gu Jun accepted? Plus, Gu Jun told him to take care of Guo Guo, so he should try his best. His sin could only be diminished if he performed his punishment well.

“Guo Guo, don’t cry. When Dr. Zhang comes, I’ll call Daddy and have him take you out to play. How about that?”

When Guo Guo heard this, he finally smiled. He grabbed the remote control and rolled around on the carpet.

It had been half a month and his body had mostly recovered. Zhang Zilan came every three days to ask about his injury. He would come today.

Zhang Zilan came promptly at three o’clock. He was about to leave after asking about his situation, but An Xiaoyan stopped him after hesitating.

“Something wrong?”

Thinking about Guo Guo’s tear-streaked face, An Xiaoyan nodded.

“Do you have Mr. Gu’s phone number? I have something to tell him.”

Zhang Zilan found it strange. An Xiaoyan had lived here for so many days, but he didn’t even have Gu Jun’s contact information? This meant that he’d stayed alone with Guo Guo for so many days without knowing anything about the outside world.

“Okay.” Zhang Zilan entered the number into An Xiaoyan’s phone and left. This wasn’t a big deal, but judging from An Xiaoyan’s expression, he must have something urgent to take care of.