Reluctantly Willing

The surgery room’s light didn’t change from red to green until it was close to dawn. The moment it turned green, Gu Jun was at the door, waiting for the results. Chen Chen stood behind him, also waiting anxiously.

“The patient is no longer in danger, but he’s too weak. He will stay in the ICU for now. You can visit him when he’s moved to the regular room.”

“Okay, as long as he’s alive,” Chen Chen said. “Thank you, doctor.” He knew that Gu Jun didn’t want An Xiaoyan to die.

The nurse nodded and walked away. Gu Jun was still pressed against the door. Through the glass, he looked at An Xiaoyan sleeping on the bed.

An Xiaoyan still had the oxygen mask on and all sorts of tubes had been stuck in his arm. They wrapped around him like a personal prison.

The doctor took off his surgical scrubs and went over to Gu Jun. “Thankfully, the knife only penetrated his ribs. If it had hit his heart, not even the most skillful surgeon could do anything about it. You should feel fortunate that his heart is more to the left. If it were in the typical position, his artery would’ve been stabbed.”

He’s alive. When Gu Jun heard this, the pressure on him was lifted.

Chen Chen went to support him. “Someone earlier said he’s An Xiaoyan’s friend, but I stopped him,” he said. “Should I let him come now?”

Dong Zi had put in so much effort this time. Thankfully, he’d met one of Brother Dragon’s friends who had a lot of connections. This helped him finally get news about An Xiaoyan. However, he didn’t think he’d receive news that An Xiaoyan had attempted suicide. His brother was such a good person. How could he attempt suicide? He had to get to the bottom of this!

“Who are you?”

“I’m An Xiaoyan’s brother.”

Gu Jun never knew that An Xiaoyan had a brother. Just as he was about to speak, Dong Zi stopped him. “Why did he attempt suicide? He’s so optimistic. He wouldn’t kill himself so easily! Is it because of you?”

It was indeed because of him. He’d always said that someone like An Xiaoyan should go die. Now, he really did go die.

When Dong Zi didn’t get an answer, he guessed that it must be because of this man. “He’s suffered enough.”

Gu Jun lifted Dong Zi up. “Have I not suffered enough? Does my heart not hurt? Do you know what it means for me to lose a smart kid?”

It dawned on Dong Zi. This was the relative of the person his brother had accidentally killed four years ago. “But you can’t play with his life! Will you feel better if he dies?”

It was hard to believe, but if An Xiaoyan died, Gu Jun might really be heartbroken.

Gu Jun wanted to go in to see An Xiaoyan, but Dong Zi stopped him. “You want to kill him again?”

He didn’t know. Maybe he just wanted to see the electrocardiogram to be sure that An Xiaoyan was still alive.

“One of you come over. I have something to say.”

Gu Jun voluntarily followed the doctor to his office. When the doctor closed the door, he held the report and asked, “Who are you to him? Boyfriend?”

Gu Jun didn’t deny it. He wanted to know what the doctor would say.

“I’ll be straightforward. When we did the full-body checkup, it showed that the patient’s anus has a big tear. It’s probably an old wound that never healed and caused this injury. I need to know what you think. Would you like to choose a surgery? Otherwise, if there’s an infection, it can affect his injury.”

The doctor’s words made Gu Jun think back on all his actions. He seemed to have never cared about An Xiaoyan’s body. He’d never worried about such things. Each time, he only cared about his own pleasure.

“You caused these injuries, right? Remember to use some lube next time and don’t be so aggressive. If this continues, his body will really have some problems.”

No wonder An Xiaoyan always seemed too thin. He’d given it too hard.

“Doctor, can I go in?” The guy who called himself An Xiaoyan’s brother wasn’t going to let him in, so he had to turn to the doctor. Right now, he really wanted to see An Xiaoyan and confirm that he was alright.

When he walked into the patient’s room and saw the quiet man on the bed, Gu Jun felt troubled.

He quietly sat on a stool and started talking to An Xiaoyan in his mind.

An Xiaoyan, you attempted suicide. You must be happy, right? You finally escaped my control. No, he should be mocking An Xiaoyan. He should mock this coward for not knowing anything except hiding in death!

As he insulted An Xiaoyan, Gu Jun ran out of things to say. In the beginning, he hated An Xiaoyan. Whenever he saw the man, he would think of the mistake and want An Xiaoyan to go to hell. Later, he hated Liu Cheng for treating An Xiaoyan like a lover. Each time, Gu Jun said that someone like him should either go sell himself or beg and An Xiaoyan had really done that. He knelt before Gu Jun, begging, and worked at the Night Charm.

But now, Gu Jun discovered that he didn’t hate these things anymore. Instead, he hated how weak An Xiaoyan was. How could he kill himself just because Gu Jun told him to?

The man in bed didn’t know anything. He slept on. Without realizing, Gu Jun started caressing An Xiaoyan’s face. Xiaoyan, what am I supposed to do?

When Gu Jun left the room, Dong Zi was gone. Chen Chen said he left and would come back when An Xiaoyan was awake.

“When did the doctor say he’d wake up?”

“The anesthesia has just passed. He’ll need three hours.”

“Okay.”

For the first time, Gu Jun was unclear about what was in his heart. He knew he hated An Xiaoyan, but this hatred had other feelings within it!

“He’s awake.”

An Xiaoyan finally woke up, but Gu Jun didn’t know how to face him. He was basically the murderer who had pushed An Xiaoyan into hell.

“Go check it out first. I need a moment.” Thousands of thoughts flew past his mind, but none of them pointed the way to him.

The man in the bed was awake. As soon as Chen Chen entered, he looked over with dull eyes.

“Mr. An, you’re awake?”

An Xiaoyan couldn’t believe that he was still alive. Wasn’t he dreaming? He’d clearly aimed at his artery while stabbing. God really liked playing with him. Did he even lose the right to choose to die?

“If I’d have known that you’d use the fruit knife to kill yourself, I definitely wouldn’t have taken it out.”

A weak yet resolute voice said, “When Gu Jun’s here, please tell him that if he wishes for me to die, I’ll really kill myself.”

An Xiaoyan’s face was expressionless. The calm expression and voice made it seem that he was talking about someone else’s matters.

“You can tell him personally when Mr. Gu comes. However, he doesn’t seem to really want you to die.”

An Xiaoyan didn’t believe him. Didn’t Gu Jun expose his lie before his parents to humiliate him, make him lose all support, and drive him to die? He’d accomplished it.

He didn’t want to live anymore. His body was so dirty and weak since his time in the prison. What was the point of living? Anyway, didn’t Gu Jun say that he could either sell himself or go beg? Now, no one would even want him. Instead of going onto a bridge and begging for change, it would be better to just die.

Chen Chen watched An Xiaoyan from the side. He suddenly felt that An Xiaoyan was pitiful. The resilience and strength from before was completely gone. Now, he was like a thousand-year-old mummy. His appearance was the same, but inside, his body was withered and dead.