Our World, and the universe between us

I finished my breakfast and head to the common room. Today is Sam's day off and I really miss her. At least I can always talk to her normally and feels like I'm not stuck in this madhouse if she was here. But I guess today is just not my day.

Another nurse is assigned to me. She's called Elle if I'm not mistaken. I really don't want to bother with anyone other than Sam. I don't want to get to know anyone because it will all feel real. About me being locked up here.

I don't wanna let go of my last bit of sanity among all of this ridiculous insanity. Sometimes I'm not sure who's sane and who's not anymore. I think it's possible to be insane when you're surrounded by insanity. I don't mean the sick ones though. It's more like the people who claim to be sane who act like the crazy ones. And the situation itself is insane.

"I always see you sitting here alone. Anything interesting?" a girl around my age with a grey hoodie greets me. Just like me, she looks normal. I saw her a couple of times but I don't really feel like talking much here.

I take off one of the earphone. "I just miss outside world," I utter not a complete truth. "So, what's up?" there's no harm in being nice as I continue the conversation.

"Nothing. You just look lonelier today. Your appointed nurse isn't with you today?"

"Yeah. She's off today," I answered as she stares at me. Maybe she's waiting for my next word which not going to come anytime soon. Although I'm curious as to why she's paying attention to me.

"You can talk to me. I've been here a few times so I know more stuff than you," she grins listening her own sentence. "I'm Norah by the way."

"I'm Tina," I introduce myself as she sits on the chair in front of me without my permission. "What happen to you?" I try to be courteous. I am also curious about the reason she's here and I don't exactly know what I'm and not supposed to ask around here.

She rolls up her sleeve and I can see a lot of old scars. I know the reason she's here that instant. I just can't believe it since she's so cheerful with her greeting. She looks nice and angelic with her smile. I wonder what really happened to her but I'm afraid to ask.

Now that I know she has trouble, I'm a little bit scared to dig deeper. I don't want to poke into her wounds.

"I'm fine, though," she said realising my troubled face that's still staring at her scars.

"Ah, I'm sorry," I look away from her scars. "I don't know what to say. I wish there's something I can do, but…"

"Hahaha. You're as nice as I thought you'd be. Don't worry," she cuts me immediately. "And what about you? Why are you here?"

I don't really want to talk about my situation. I already know how people respond to it. Although she showed me her problem and it would be rude to hide mine, I don't wanna tell her. And I'm not the one with problem in my situation.

She's still waiting and I finally think, what the hell.

"I met someone. But people are telling me he doesn't exist," I almost whisper my answer. I hate to say this myself but that's exactly my current situation.

"Like seeing things?"

"He's real!" I state confidently. "He's real and I know it."

As to my surprise, she just chuckles. "Well, he must be something. Seeing you like this," she teases me like an old friend. So much warmer than those who I called my friends. "What is he?"

I blink a few times unsure of what she's asking. "I mean, no one else but you see him, right? Is he a ghost?" she clarifies her question.

Oh, of course it's about that. Somehow I'm feeling like an idiot here.

I shake my head quickly. "He's an alien."

She just stares at me after I mentioned alien. Seeing things is already bad enough, now alien is also involved. I could imagine what she's thinking.

"You're interesting," she finally speaks after a long pause. Then she laughs pretty loud. I'm not exactly sure how to respond. But seeing her laugh I just feel like laughing myself. So I do.

It's my first loud laugh in this facility. Who knew another patient could make me laugh and forget about all of my problems, even if it's just for a while.

I stop myself once I heard a voice of someone clearing her throat behind me. Elle.

"Miss Adams. Dr. Miller is waiting for you."

She sounds friendly but I never sense any warmth from her. So different from Sam.

"See you around, Norah," I say my goodbye to Norah. She's still trying to stop her laugh.

I follow Elle to your office. I don't really need her. But because of the rule, a patient can't be left alone without surveillance.

You allow me to come in and sit on the familiar couch. You are ready with your note and pen across my spot. Although it's my second day here, I lay myself down and make myself at home.

"How's your day?" you ask with your usual smile.

I'm starting to think that's really your poker smile. I don't mean to judge but I understand you need to be professional and get closer to me. You need me to open up so you can do your magic. I can't promise it will work on me though.

Sam is different because she's taking care of me everyday since I got here. And she's easy to read. She's also the one who calmed me down when I got mad at my uncle.

That reminds me of how easy Norah got so close earlier. Perhaps freak understands freak easier? But I'm no freak and I don't think she's one.

"It's alright."

"Yesterday you were talking about meeting Tatum everyday. You're not scared or feeling strange about it?"

"Not really. That's my place in the first place. I didn't care if he's there or not. But I wouldn't let anyone take my place that easy. I wouldn't give it up for anything."

"So you talk to Tatum everyday?"

I bite my lips to hide the smile that starts to form on my face. "We didn't even know if we would still meet but there he was. And who could beat curiosity. He's curious. I was curious. He wanted to know about Earth and I thought his world was pretty interesting. So we talked and became friend."

"How did you two communicate? He spoke English?" you ask full of curiosity. I can see the glistening gold in your brown eyes. You almost lose your poker face mask so I guess you are really wondering.

"He said he's speaking Quartian language. There's only one language since there's not many people there. He said the population is maintained strictly."

"So how?" you are completely eager to know but even now, I'm not sure myself.

"I'm not sure. But I heard him speaking English while he heard me speaking Quartian. There's no way to know if these two language are the same. But nothing else matter as long as we could understand each other," I conclude this issue.

You open your mouth to ask something more but close it again without saying a word. Maybe you are still curious but we have a schedule and something more important here. I'm not here to entertain your curiosity. I'm here to get my freedom back.

But on second thought, I start to wonder if you're really curious, perhaps you're taking this all seriously. Perhaps you are really listening to me and that gives me some kind of hope. My uncle and even my family will listen to you, right? You are a doctor for God's sake.

You clear your throat and put your poker face again. I know you're my doctor but I start to wonder if you could just throw away that mask and face me. I'm not a fool or stupid. I'm just human. And I already started to open up to you.

— — —

"Hey," I called Tatum who's standing on the porch. He told me that's his living room there on our second meeting.

We decided to walk around the house on our second day so we could get used to the sudden disappearance or appearance.

The layouts between my secret place and his home were quite different. His living room was actually outside the haunted house. His study room and library were upstairs. He said there's two guest rooms, one in the supposed to be kitchen and one in the old house's family room. It's empty and big so I guessed that's the family room.

And his bedroom, his master bedroom, was exactly in my favourite spot. I didn't know it's fortunate or unfortunate for me yet.

"Hey," he replied shortly. No smile. No joyful voice. Nothing.

"Didn't you go to school or something?" I asked disgruntled. I knew I needed a lot of time to go there but he's always there first. It's like he's never not home. Sometimes I missed monopolising that place.

"Of course I did. But I don't have many classes anymore. It's my last year. I told you about it."

I rolled my eyes not saying anything. Of course he did. I knew he's older than me by two years but I just didn't find it in myself to treat him like my senior. Never.

"How's your school?" he acted as my senior to tease me.

But that question startled me because it's the first time he ever wondered and showed that he cared about my personal life. He did wonder about my world. It was just not me.

"Fine, I guess," I hesitated. "I aced Mr. Peter's class. He's my math teacher by the way," I said proudly.

"You like math?"

I nodded. "I like what I'm good at. And for your information, I'm a great students."

He chuckled at my answer and I saw once again how good looking he is. If it's just for his looks, I would probably head over heels for him already.

"You are different from everyone here," he said innocently but somehow it made me skipped a beat.

"How's everyone there?" I tried to act normally.

"Everyone," he paused for a while, "Knows what they need to do. We love what we are doing. We are happy. But no one seems as happy as you."

"Is that a compliment?" I pouted to hide my reddening cheeks.

Everything should be blamed on his looks. Really. It's all that's good from him. With his monotone voice. His expressionless face. There's no way I'd fall for him.

"And you can always easily make me laugh."

That's it. I couldn't hide it anymore. I was officially as red as a tomato.

"Yeah, right. And that's the face of someone laughing," I pointed at his face feeling irritated.

Just like that I finally saw his laughing face. It's awkward but it melted my heart. "I just never laughed this hard."

I laughed as well hearing his comment. "Well, you'll get better." I didn't know where the comment came from.

We laughed as hard as possible until it's getting harder to breathe. That guy could also irritated me and made me smile just easily. That robotic guy somehow looked more humane after I heard his laughter. And I wanted to make him laugh some more.

"So, I'll meet you at my room?" he asked after our laughter subsided.

"Sure."

I wasn't exactly going to his room. It's my favourite place, the balcony. That's where I was going.

We had different routes to go upstair. We're already getting used to seeing each other walking through the walls or floating around. So I just ran as fast as I could to my favourite spot and took a picture. I hadn't neglected that habit of mine.

"What are you doing?" Tatum came right behind me.

Well, he never saw me taking pictures before. "Oh, just taking some pictures."

"Pictures? How?" he squinted his eyes showing his seriousness.

I showed him my phone. "Here. With my phone."

"What phone?"

— — —

You fix your glasses and I notice you fix it too often. I let it slide since you look so cool while doing it. I won't say it out loud, but if it's just look, you are pretty good looking yourself. I might even fall for your look. That dark brown eyes are so sharp it could slice me to pieces. And the short brunette hair you style not too tidy. I swear the messiness is just perfect to define sexy.

Yes. If it takes looks only, I will fall for you as well. And it will help a lot of people. To bad I'm not that kind of person.

"Because of that incident, we concluded that we can only see what the other was wearing. He couldn't see my phone. Please don't ask me why. I'm no scientist and I doubt anyone would be able to explain."

"Let me confirm. You can only see each other. You can only hear each other. And you can only touch each other. You can't even see his world?" you read what you'd written to avoid mistake.

"No. I can't see it directly. But I'm glad," I whisper the last part. I don't want to remember something unpleasant.

But that's just my wish, of course you can hear me perfectly fine. "And why is it?" I look up at you thinking you didn't hear me. "That you're glad," you give me the ultimate clue.

"Nothing much. I'm just glad I didn't have to see him with his fiancee together."

"I see, his fiancee," you write down about this on your little note before you realise what we're saying. "Wait! He's engaged?"

I knew this would happen. I never told anyone before, that he had a fiancee. That's something I wish to forget. So of course there's no record in my file about it.

"It's nothing surprising. Everyone is engaged there. The government, or whatever they are called there, makes sure every offspring inherits the best quality. And Tatum's family is some kind of noble."

You write something again. Today you write a lot because perhaps I give you a lot of information. It's not my plan but talking about Tatum freely, without being judged, and more importantly being listened, makes it impossible for me to stop.

— — —

It was raining a lot. Thankfully, I arrived at the old house before it began to rain. Tatum was in his family room. It's in the centre of my secret place.

I waved my hand so he could notice my existence. He glanced at me just for a second and back to his position. I almost shouted because of his ignorance but I heard him talking. Not to me.

"Mist, there's something I need to do today. I'll call you tonight," he said into thin air.

I walked closer as carefully as I could. I didn't want to interrupt whatever he's doing.

"I promise. Now you should go home," he said again after a moment of silence.

There's nobody else. I just thought he had a guest so I stood up there like a fool. It's not like I loved eavesdropping. I couldn't understand what they're talking about with just Tatum talking. And with the last sentence Tatum said, I was hoping the guest would complied and went home. Whoever the guest is.

The next thing he did surprised me. He raised his hands and stopped in mid air, right in front of his chin. By then, I still had a few possibilities of what he wanted to do even though I couldn't really see what's going on.

Then he brought his head down. And by the look of it, I could tell he kissed that guest's cheek. Instinctively I looked away. Blushing. Never saw it in him before but he's definitely a man. I should've known by the way he spoke to me. He's just too smooth and sly.

But it could be his mother, couldn't it? I didn't understand why I hated thinking of Tatum with another girl.

He put down his hand and walked towards me. Our eyes met but he acted like nothing just happened. He passed me and went to the front door. Which I guessed with his guest. And I just stood still like a foolish statue.

"You're early," he said and pulled me back to our time.

I ran today because of the dark sky. I knew it's going to rain so I ran as fast as I could. I didn't want to arrive soaking wet. He wouldn't have anything to help me.

"Y-yes," I startled and felt like slapping my own face. He didn't react differently though.

After I gathered my thought, I just realised something that made me mad. "Is she here everyday?" I could notice my irritated sound but I didn't care. Not today.

"She? Did you see her?" he sounded excited.

"No," I answered immediately. Still waiting for the big answer.

"But how do you know it's a she?"

I swore to God if Tatum didn't answer me soon, I would explode right there. It's not that I was jealous or anything like that. I didn't like him. Yes. Not at all. But I felt like I was one of his mistress and that hurt my pride.

"I don't think you are the type to kiss a guy. Or do you swing that way?" I managed to sound as sarcastic as possible. I learnt from the best.

"Swing that way?" he raised one of his eyebrow. If I wasn't so mad, I would be glad for noticing another expression of him.

"Just answer my question damn it!"

"Your question?" I rolled my eyes that glared at him. "Ah, that. No. Just today. There's something we, I mean, she and I needed to talk about."

"Nah, it's already taken care of. I told you I will be graduating, right? She wanted to talk about our wedding."

"Wedding? Whose?"

"Mist and I."

I continued to glare at him but no words could form in my mind. I couldn't believe that. And now I felt worse. Maybe I felt like I was hurting her. She would feel betrayed once she found out her fiancee was spending his time with another girl. I knew I didn't like that at all.

"Tina? Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not!" I shouted my heart out. "How could you? I mean… Argh, I feel sick."

He came closer to me but stopped by my glare. "What's wrong?" he hesitated.

"You. Us. You're getting married. And here we are. Spending time together. What if she found out? She'll be upset."

He scratched his head and sighed. "There's nothing to be worried. She won't found out. And even if she did, there's nothing between us. Why do you feel bad? I don't feel anything for you. I'm not interested in you. I'm just interested in your world."

His answer stung like hell. But I didn't mind it too much. I didn't care. I wasn't supposed to care.

"If you say so."

I tried to keep my expression in check. I didn't want my expression to change because I didn't even know what kind of change would occur. I just knew I wouldn't like it if he saw it.

— — —

"What did you feel about him having a fiancee?" you put on your doctor mask. Well, this time I can see you're serious about your job. You are a doctor after all.

You stare at me waiting for me to answer. Or observing my reaction since I'm not talking. All of your attention are on me and I wonder how many women want what I have right now. Too bad your stare only gives me an uncomfortable feeling this time.

"Nothing. I mean, I didn't even see her. And it's their business, not mine," I said as indifference as I can.

You smirk at my failure to hide the raging heart I feel whenever I remember Tatum and the girl who never saw me. "Well, it doesn't seem that way."

"It did, okay. At that time I didn't even love him. Not yet," my voice gets softer at the end of my sentence. For just one second I thought it'd be all better if I never fall for him. But the next second I cursed myself for thinking that way. And in the third one, I knew for sure I'd regret it for the rest of my life if I took another path.

"So, you didn't see her. But you saw his mother, didn't you?" you flip through your note searching for a confirmation of the information in your head. You stop once you found what you're looking for. I did mention seeing his mother before. Her hologram.

"Well, I didn't, I mean, I never see anyone in person like I see him. I just saw everyone else through a hologram when they call Tatum."

You are back on the latest page of your notebook and write the new information. So, with my kindness, I give you more information. It's better you know how this works than asking about it later on.

"I can only see him. That include anything he wears. His clothes. His earpiece. His shoes. But I can't see something he holds. And the hologram, I can see it because it comes out from his wristband I guess. It's his communication device," I stop myself to allow you taking note. "But I can't hear anything else except his voice. Just his voice," I unconsciously stop talking to remember his sweet heavy voice.

A sound of someone clearing their throat snap me back to reality. Of course it's yours. So unoriginal.

"So you can't see his world and he can't see this world?" you mumble to yourself but I hear it just fine.

"Not directly. But we have our ways," I speak up proudly.

"Really? How?"

I roll my eyes realising how lack of imagination you are. "I told you I can see his mother," I answer like it's something so obvious I don't need to spell it out.

I stare at you. Waiting if you catch the clue I gave you but unfortunately you are not as fast as I want you to be.

"Ah," you finally make a sound.

"I can see his world through the hologram. It's the same as I know his world," I confirm your thought.

"What about him?"

"I have my way."

Someone knocks on your door and surprises both of us. You look on your watch and close your note.

"I guess, this is it for today. I'll see you again tomorrow."

I get up from your comfy couch. "Do I have another option?" I ask sarcastically and walk to the door.

Without opening the door, I could already guess who's there. "Elle," I greet her without enthusiasm.

"Dr. Miller. Your next patient will be here shortly," she ignores my greeting. She's still single and by the sparkle in her eyes, I know she's into you. "Thanks for your hard work," she says still staring at you.

"Thank you for your hard work," you reply politely.

I just roll my eyes and gag seeing how artificial this nurse is. I suddenly miss Sam again today.