My 26-year-old Female Tenant

The night was getting deeper, and the wine was sober. I zipped up my jacket, lit a cigarette, stepped on the neon lights, and walked on the street blankly. What I thought about in my brain was those endless trivial things. I am tired of my current life, I want to do something for my life, but I don't know where to start, so I am even more confused.

  Passing by a hotel, looking at the lights scattered from dozens of windows, it seems to be peeping into pairs of bodies lying on the bed one after another, so that the whole hotel is shaking. On this night, some people enjoy the pleasure of the night in a warm room, and some people walk on the street like dying and enduring the loneliness of the night.

  But it is precisely because of this contrast that the world appears so three-dimensional and real. I should understand that this world is originally a complex contradiction. Someone must bear loneliness and loss, so I don’t have to feel wronged or complain.

But tonight's moonlight is so good, the loneliness illuminated has nowhere to escape, so please turn off the power of the moon, the gods in the sky, I am willing to bear loneliness, but it does not mean that I am willing to expose loneliness to this naked world middle!

  …

When I got back to my residence, I habitually stood downstairs and looked around, but I didn’t see Mi Cai’s car, so I went around to the opposite side of the building to see that the car was there, and Mi Cai seemed to be used to parking the car here .

  I squatted next to the car, smoked another cigarette and went back upstairs, then stood at the door of Mi Cai's room for a while before knocking on her door.

   "Mi Cai, are you asleep?" I asked in a low voice.

"What's up?"

   "I want to talk to you."

  Mi Cai replied within my expectations: "We have nothing to talk about."

   "At least let me say thank you in person for what happened tonight, thank you so much!"

   "No need." Mi Cai still rejected me with three words.

   "Yes, I'm sorry if I don't say it!" I said without Mi Cai's consent and opened the door of her room in the name of thanking her.

  The light in the room was still on, and Mi Cai was sitting at the desk reading a book, or information, documents or something.

   Mi Cai seemed to have gotten used to my rudeness, and didn't respond to my behavior of entering the room without my consent.

  I came behind her, glanced at her and asked, "What are you looking at?"

  Mi Cai ignored me, and still focused on the document she was reading.

  I just stood there, but I was thinking about how to tell Mi Cai that I planned to continue living here.

   "Do you think it's appropriate to stand in a woman's room in the dead of night?" Mi Cai asked me coldly.

   "I just want to say thank you, nothing else." I said hastily.

   "Then you go ahead and get out as soon as you finish."

   "Oh..." I responded and asked flatteringly, "By the way, have you taken your medicine tonight? I heard you coughing just now."

  Mi Cai closed the file and looked at me with a frown, saying: "If you have something to say, speak quickly, I'm going to rest."

   "This is what you asked me to say. I told you, don't fall out with me." I said hastily.

   "Then stop talking."

"That won't work, if you tell me what you want to say, of course I will say it..." After thinking about it for a while, I finally said, "That... Let me tell you the truth, I don't want to move out at all!" Said Wan subconsciously stood up straight, trying to suppress Mi Cai with mighty aura and make her agree to my request not to move out.

  Mi Cai looked at me and said calmly, "I told you that you don't have to pay back the money you owe, so you have no reason not to move out."

   "I said I don't want to move out at all, don't you understand what I mean?" I said in a raised voice.

   "But you promised me to move out more than once. Is your promise so cheap in my own eyes?" Mi Cai's words were cold, but anger flashed in his eyes.

"What's wrong with letting me live here?" My words were also angry. While Mi Cai didn't understand me, I didn't understand her either. There are too many people living together in this city. Why am I so dependent on her? In this room, she ruthlessly drove me away time and time again, besides, I feel that my character in shared living is still very good, and I am a very safe shared partner.

   Mi Cai asked back: "You can tell me where."

"Anywhere is fine!" After thinking for a while, I said, "With me living here, if there is a neighborhood dispute in the future, I can easily solve it for you. Let me tell you: I am the number one bully in this community... "

   "Don't be so naive, okay?" Mi Cai interrupted me.

I sneered: "You don't believe it, do you?... You can go to other communities to see if there are square dance aunts disturbing the people every night. Have you found any in the community we live in? ... Is there not? Let me tell you: Although There is no property management in this community, but I am much better than that property management."

   "Even if what you said is true, it cannot be a reason for you to continue living here. You must move out." Mi Cai still said firmly to me.

I was angry again: "Are you short-hearted? What's wrong with you letting me live here? At least the water pipe is blocked and the light is broken. I can fix it. If it rains or something, if you are not at home, I will also help clean it up." Clothes, let’s say today, when you are sick, I can’t help but buy medicine for you, let’s cook a bowl of **** soup...Why do you have to be so determined to make both of you unhappy? "

   "I'm not unhappy."

   Mi Cai choked me with one word, and after a long awkward silence, he said, "Anyway, I don't want to move. I owe you so much money. I think paying you back first is more important than moving."

  Mi Cai asked unexpectedly: "Tell me why paying the money first is more important than moving?"

  I said almost without thinking: "I will feel at ease after paying back your money, but moving makes me feel helpless and empty. If it were you, would you choose to pay back the money first, or move first?"

   "You can live in another place if you move out from here, so where do you start with emptiness and helplessness?" Mi Cai continued to ask.

I looked around at everything in this house, and there was a burst of indescribable emotions in my heart. Mi Cai didn't understand my feelings and nostalgia for this house at all, so every time she drove me away, she wouldn't think about me. But then again, there is no need for her to think about it, no matter how deep the nostalgia is, it is only my own.

  I lit a cigarette to relieve the loss and helplessness in my heart.

   "Don't smoke in my room, is that okay?"

  Mi Cai's words were full of disgust, but I can't blame her. I was too presumptuous to ignore that I was still in her room at the moment.

   "Sorry, I'm going to the balcony to smoke." I whispered.

  …

  After smoking a cigarette on the balcony, I went back to the living room, but to my surprise, Mi Cai was not staying in her bedroom at the moment, but was sitting on the sofa in the living room.

  She took the initiative to speak to me for the first time and said: "You haven't answered the question I just asked."

   "You were asking me why I felt empty and alone when I moved out, weren't you?"

  Mi Cai nodded.

  I sat down on the sofa opposite Mi Cai, closed my eyes, and the countless days and nights I lived here appeared in my mind like fragments.

After a very long silence, I finally spoke: "I moved in two years ago. The days when I first lived here were the darkest days in my life. I suffered from insomnia almost every night... The insomnia is because I have a lot of thoughts, but I can’t tell anyone about these thoughts, but I feel bored and uncomfortable in my heart, so I regard the floor lamp, cabinet, wall clock, and even a mop in the room as my friends. Tell them these thoughts that cannot be said to others. Although they never respond to me, they are very patient. Thank them, thank you for everything in this room, they are my support and my friends, so I don't want to leave, I love this room, although it is very simple, but it is the safest and warmest in my world a place…!"

  After I finished speaking, Mi Cai looked at me with a very complicated look, but I didn't know what the complexity meant. I just waited nervously for her to let me continue to live here.

  -------------------

  Flowers, collection, sign in, don't forget everyone.