Little Girl's Wild Side

Sindhu woke up with a start from her nightmare all over again. No matter how many times this happens, it somehow gets to her every single time. She wiped away her sweat and looked around. Thankfully her nephew and niece were deep sleepers. So they were still soundly sleeping beside her and her mum was on the far end of the room to hear her panting. She quietly snuck out of her room and made an A-line to the terrace.

The night was cold. A shiver ran down her as soon as the breeze touched her skin. She found a corner and sat down. She took out her headphones and put on some music and rested her head behind on the wall and closed her eyes. This silence she found in noise was something she did not know how to explain. Nor could she explain the deafening noise she heard in silence.

Her mind was like a blank slate at that moment. The whole process of wedding- it felt like she was watching the whole thing from outside rather than being the star center of the event. She had no attachment to the events whatsoever. It almost like was she doing a work or something. She did what she was supposed to do and she went wherever she was asked to go and so there was no lingering feeling as of yet. Thus she drowned herself in loud music to lull her to sleep since her head was so quiet.

She was in a half asleep half-conscious state when footsteps approached her but since music was still jarring through the headphones she did not hear it. The person simply sat beside her.

She jarred awake when she hit her head on the wall on the side while dozing off and yelped in surprise seeing Aarav beside her.

Sindhu rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands, took off her headphones and asked Aarav, "What are you doing here??"

"I was checking up on the kids and saw that you were missing, so came here. I knew I would be able to find you here." Aarav replied.

"Hmmm." Sindhu replied.

For Sindhu Aarav was practically alien. She barely knew him and he barely knew her. They had warm moments here and there. A hug here, a pat there and of course the endless teasing. They wouldn't be siblings if they did not share at least that much. But anything more than that was awkward. There were never heartfelt conversations between them.

Aarav and Sindhu are polar opposites. While she was introverted and handpicked her friends, her brother would make the whole room his friend in a matter of hours. It was just such a shame that neither of them put the effort to close the distance between them.

It did not mean there was no love. The relationship was strictly familial nothing more nothing less. They just were never a friend that was all.

"Hey Sindhu… When you need us, we are all going to be here for you. Just remember that okay." Aarav said putting his arms around her shoulders.

"I know Aarav." Sindhu said and gave him a reassuring smile.

Sindhu thought hard and long about the cause of her estrangement from her family but in the end all she could come up with was that the fault was on both sides. And somehow her share seemed to be more in it. And they had long gotten used to this estrangement that none of them saw the flaw in it anymore except her mum. And with her mum, it was beyond her control.

Aarav got up and extended his hands towards Sindhu to take it. Sindhu did not take it just looked confused at her brother.

"Come on. Get up. How much longer are you going to stay here?? Don't you want to get some sleep?? Even if you go to bed now, you will have 2 hrs of sleep at most. Tomorrow you're getting married remember??" Aarav complained.

Sindhu reluctantly took his hands and he pulled her up. They both walked side-by-side quietly to Sindhu's room. But before Sindhu could go in Aarav pulled her in for a hug and asked, "You are sure about Gautham right??? You will be happy right??" His voice was grave and there was an odd sort of desperation in his voice.

"Don't worry Aarav. I am perfectly fine. I will be okay. Gautham is extremely good to me." Sindhu reassured him and went in to her room.

How could Aarav not worry?? Sindhu was his baby sister who grew up in front of him. But how she became from the person who used to chase after him to give him a nice beating for every time he teased her to someone who sneaks out in the middle of the night to terrace to sit all alone in the middle of the night he did not know.

The way he found her, it broke him. All alone, in the dark corner but completely at ease as if she had already done this a countless times. Suddenly he felt as if he failed her as a brother. Suddenly he felt the distance between them to be greater than he ever imagined. She was his baby sister and he was supposed to protect her but she seemed to have matured without him ever noticing. And in couple of hours she will be married and become a part of another family. Aarav went back to his own room with such chaotic and complicated thoughts filling his head.

In all honest, Aarav really doesn't have anything to feel guilty. Sindhu never really gave him a chance.

She actually had a pretty happy childhood. Her parents loved her and did the best they could to protect her. Her brother pampered her endlessly. They never really denied anything she ever asked for in spite of her refusing to continue veena. She always felt guilty for that. Blaming her mum just made it easier for her to deal with that guilt. Thus growing up her emotions was never really in the right place. For her she should be slightly insane even to be able to blame a person like her mum who loved her so much in spite of everything. That is why she hid everything in her head from her family. She did not want to hurt them more that she already had.

And in order to hide them, she pulled away from them on step at a time. That is why no one ever noticed how far she ran away from them.

She hid her walls in plain sight. She shared all the happy thoughts. She would always have a gleeful smile outside of her room. That is why people always thought she was bubbly and eccentric and happy. She never really let anyone see past these.

She was protecting herself or others she did not know. By the time she noticed what she was doing, it had already became a habit integrated into her daily routine. That is why till this date she hid everything that happened at Bangalore. It was not because her family will reprimand her but because she was so used to hiding things that it did not even cross her mind to share it with them.