Julius Caesar

Ben parked and we all filed out of the car. Augustus stood next to me, looking unyielding with his sharp-looking, black coat and angry eyes. Sam stretched and headed toward the hospital's entrance with Ben.

"Romeo, if you don't do something, I seriously might end up killing Benny." He whispered using the nickname Sam used and I sighed.

"Augustus. Stop being so obviously jealous-"

"I'm definitely not jealous."

"Then act like it." I snapped exasperatedly as we entered the hospital and reached for the registrar.

Sam was asking if it was okay to visit Zig and they said it was fine. I honestly didn't know what happened to Zig, but he had been in the hospital for almost a month. It must have been some serious injury.

I booked an appointment with a doctor to get my cast removed before I had to endure an extremely long and awkward lift ride with me standing impatiently right in front of the doors, and the three of them behind me, Augustus openly staring at Sam in disbelief, and she ignoring him and whispering to Ben.

Reaching Zig's room was my favourite part of the day.

Ben glanced at Augustus before facing Sam and pointing at him. "He coming in?"

"Of course, I am," Augustus interfered hotly, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "I'm his best mate."

"Oh, so-" Ben started teasingly, then paused. "-so you're gay too?"

"Are you serious?" Augustus demanded, sounding offended as Sam snickered.

"Am I not?" Ben asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest too, and raising an eyebrow.

I cleared my throat before Augustus progressed in any undesired path as he usually would when he was livid.

"Why are you so aggressive?" Sam then asked, drawing Augustus' attention as I rolled my eyes, readying myself for another unnecessary fight.

"Can we just-" enter? I tried pathetically. I swear I did but Augustus was hot on his heels with coming back.

"I am not," he snapped coldly. "I am not aggressive."

"Stop talking like that!" She said, and he raised his eyebrows.

"You don't get to tell me how to talk. Sam." He scowled at her.

Sam then huffed, before turning away from us and entering Zig's room with Ben. Augustus didn't even look at me before he too entered, and I followed, sighing. Drama.

Zig was lying on the bed with his legs hanging in a cast. He looked beaten and I wondered what the actual hell happened to him.

Augustus grinned and walked to his side as Ben and Sam sat on a sofa by his bed while I stood at the bed's foot expressionless, tapping my feet as I patiently waited for them to undergo their 'human' rituals.

"And, oh my God," Zig then turned to me and I slowly averted my gaze to him. "-you came to check on me?"

I blinked at him, lost at words before I nodded silently, smiling tightly.

Whatever dickhead.

"And now that I know you're good, I'll leave," I said quickly and everyone nodded. "It's good seeing you again." I lied as he grinned feebly.

I honestly couldn't care less.

When I exited the room, I exhaled a sigh of relief. I then headed to the doctor who after checking on the wound, told me that I could get my patch removed and start physiotherapy for my arm.

I got the patch removed and felt the weakness in my arm. There was also an unsightly scar etched on my right shoulder that made me tear my gaze away. That scar will always be there to painfully remind me of my weakness and of the day I lost everything in.

Will always remind Father. This scar and the nine burn scars on my back.

Father used to say that I should always be independent. Never be someone's burden. Never be someone's worry. Burdens and worries burn, he used to tell me. Make sure that your enemies and friends drink from whatever you're drinking, he'd say. Even if it were poison, he'd smile. If you're happy, make them happy, and if you're dying, let them follow. Those burns are the side-effects of what you've cost me, son, he'd say calmly. He'd call me son.

I blinked Father's words away.

As the doctor started cleaning my arm with an antiseptic, I looked at my ring and fiddled with it, irritated at my inability to have done anything here. I sighed and ran my right hand over my face in frustration, then pushed back the hair that fell over my eyes.

"Julius?" The doctor asked, snapping me out of my chain of thoughts.

"Yes?" I glanced at her stressed, ageing face and her fake smile, distractedly.

"How did you get shot?"

I looked at her not surprised by the question.

"It wasn't here. I was practising shooting with my father. Something went wrong. The bullet backfired, I guess." I gave her the same explanation that I'd been giving to every doctor I met about this bloody shot.

"Did you report them or do you want to now?"

"That was four months ago, Doctor. Besides, there's no one to report." I shrugged with a faint smile.

Four months ago. Four months ago when I lost Audrey. Four months when I got my lesson for all the cruel actions I'd been responsible for when I heard the soft thud of Audrey's body on the ground.

And that deafening silence that followed.

Four months that I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish, I could go back to, to make things different. To save my life. Audrey.

"-go." I looked at the doctor confounded as I felt the tears fill my eyes.

"Pardon?" I said, solidifying my voice and clearing my throat. It seemed that surrounding myself with pure souls like Augustus and Samara made me sentimental. Or by my and Father's terms, pathetic and pitiful.

"You may go." She repeated with a tired smile before retreating to her desk. I got off the bed, put on my shirt, jacket, and jade-green scarf, and turned toward the door. Before opening the door, I turned to the doctor. She looked at me expectantly. I blinked at her crinkled, gentle brown eyes, inhaled deeply, and frowned.

I didn't know what I was doing. But I knew that it had to be done. I needed to get it all off my chest. Audrey was there for me whenever my breath tightened from stress and confusion. When I wasn't myself. She'd hold my hands and advice me. I had no one after her. I couldn't confide to anyone here either. At least, not yet. And I needed to throw it all behind and never, ever look back again.

"Doctor-" I said, looking down, feeling my chest tighten with the truth that was about to burst from my lips. "Doctor-" I repeated, wringing my hands before dropping them back to my sides. "Have you ever lost someone close to you?"

My question was fast and unsure. I remember there was a very long pause. It wasn't awkward. It was just very long. The doctor was caught off guard by it before she looked at me with a sad smile. She then nodded quietly and closed her eyes as if in pain.

"I lost my mother when I was sixteen," I said, looking straight. "And I think life would've been different if she was around." I exhaled loudly and blinked back the tears that heaved down on my eyelids. The doctor nodded slowly, devoting her complete attention to me. "And I also lost my girlfriend and my baby-" Every worry tumbled out of my mouth as I felt my forehead throb with their loss.

I then stopped to study her. Was what I was doing right? Was it normal for patients to converse like that with their doctors? Because a big part of me was recoiling in 'cringement' (I made that word up to convey my feelings).

"Problem is, Doc-" I said, quickly biting my lip and releasing it. "-I can't make peace with it. I can't seem to let it go. I can't-" I stopped to take a deep breath. "Especially my mom-"

I looked away to dry my tears and when I looked back, the doctor was standing in front of me. She smiled warmly, then gently placed a hand on my cheek. I looked at her hand surprised. My heart raced in my chest.

This was level 'infinity-one-o-one' of cheesiness. Like I can't withstand remembering what I'd done right now. But since it was done, it had to be said. So here I am, holding the pen so bloody tight as I illustrate whatever the hell this emotionally confused Julius was doing.

"I wish there was something I could prescribe to heal your pain. I really wish that son." She said, her eyes twinkling with tears and motherly love. "But you have to carry on," she paused to sniff. "You have to be strong enough to carry on. People will come and go, love. And you're expected to stand still against all odds. You have to. That would've been what your mother and girlfriend wanted you to do."

She patted my cheek and continued, staring in my eyes. She was staring in the eyes of a murderer and calling him 'son'. People are funny when they're clueless.

"I know it isn't easy. Because-" She paused. "Because I lost my son. When he was a baby. And I couldn't conceive after him. But you wanna know something?"

I nodded, looking at her, more intrigued than moved.

"I'm grateful. For if he lived, I would've died from birth complications. And he would've had to live to suffer your pain. And just because I love him so much, I let him go. I let him go. He would've been your age if he had survived."

I smiled at her, feeling my heart lighten considerably. It was like I was talking to someone I didn't remember having. My mum? Call it dramatic, cheesy, 'way-too-predictable', but the heart feels what it feels.

"Everything happens for a reason. I'm sure that your loved ones would've suffered more if they'd lived. So be happy for them. Happy that they're in a better place. Away from you, yes, but in a much better place." She rubbed my arms before smiling.

"I'm so sorry-" I said finally, thankfully, regaining my senses.

"Don't be! It isn't wrong to open up to someone. Even if it was a stranger. Even if it was a bloody doctor who was mending your shot arm a few seconds ago!" I smiled hesitantly as she made a face.

"Okay then. I should...leave." I then opened the door, feeling heat flush up against my neck (yes, okay, whatever, I was fucking blushing like a tenth grader who talked to his crush). It was utterly disgraceful. "Thanks, Doctor-?"

"Carla," she said and I smiled again.

"Thanks," I repeated finally before leaving for good.

Don't dare make fun of me. What just happened is something, you and I shall forget soon, but I had to tell you anyway.

I keep no secrets.

...

I headed for the car and waited for them while smoking a cigarette or two as I digested what I just did. Blimey, did I actually go cry to a doctor? I sighed loudly, shook my head at my contradicting thoughts and flicked off my cigarette.

And what is taking them so long?- I thought irritably, already knowing that this day was just not my day. I reached for my phone anyway and called Augustus. He answered.

"What's taking you so-?"

"Romeo." It was Sam who answered, panting. "Where are you-?"

"Sam?" I said, feeling my heart in my mouth as I stood straight and instinctively headed back through the hospital doors.

"Ben and Augustus. They're fighting! I don't know what to do!" She sounded utterly frantic as I pursed my lips in quick anger.

"Where are they?" I asked, quickly walking through the hospital's entrance.

"Still at Zig's!"

"Why didn't you call?!" I asked furiously, getting into the lift.

"Because my phone was dead! I had Augustus' but it had a bloody password! I had to wait for-"

But I hung up irritably as I sped walked to Zig's room without drawing any attention to myself. I slammed the door open to find Augustus straddling Ben with his fist hanging in the air. It soon crashed into Ben's face. He had taken off his coat and looked completely dishevelled. I looked at both of them outraged, ignoring Zig's praises.

"What the fuck?!" I said, approaching them and pulling Augustus away who still tried to throw a fist at Ben's battered face. "What the fuck, Augustus?" I repeated as I tried my best to push his heavy body away but my left arm was too weak.

Ben still fought back with a snarl on his bloodied lips.

"Stop!" I bellowed angrily but no-one listened as Augustus wrestled to get past me to punch a violently writhing, snarling Ben.

All I knew was that if Augustus continued, Ben would be as good as dead.

So I punched Augustus angrily.

Augustus fell back, getting off Ben, and caught himself before his back got slammed to the ground. He immediately started nursing his bloodied nose and busted lips. Seeing that Ben was going to reach for him again, I quickly planted a hand on his shoulder, pinning him down to the ground.

"Back off, smartypants-" I sneered, panting from the effort of separating two fully grown men.

I glanced at Augustus who looked at me with raw fury behind his blue, blue irises, but instead of doing anything, he just got up and left through the open door, grabbing his coat with him.

I looked after him still wildly amused at what just happened. I looked down at Ben, whose glasses broke and whose face was beaten black and blue. I let him go and he too staggered out through the open door.

I panted, closing my eyes and shaking my head.

"That was one good punch." Zig's voice came from on top of the bed. "It wasn't expected." I ignored him, of course.

I got up, looked frantically around the room, and noticed a lot of blood droplets on the floor. I took off my jacket and peeled off a shirt from the layers I was wearing. I then wiped the blood away.

I got up, put on my jacket, glanced one last time around the room before I rushed outside, closing the door after me. I was looking behind me distractedly when I crashed into somebody. It was Sam.

She looked at me worriedly. "Romeo!"

"Can I have your bag?" I demanded immediately and seriously.

She literally flung her bag in my arms. I stuffed the bloodied shirt in there before she clutched both my arms and looked into my eyes in horror.

"Blood?!"

"No, red wine, sunshine," I said vexed by her question as I removed my arms from her clutch and continued walking past her. I could still feel her behind me.

"Romeo! Hold up!" I ignored her. I was really mad at her. She was probably the reason they were fighting.

It wasn't until I heard her sniffing did I stop. I groaned and returned to where she stopped, a few metres away.

I angrily clutched both her arms and shook her. "Why the hell are you crying now?" I sneered at her and she hiccuped. "You were the reason they fought, weren't you-?"

"No, I wasn't!" She protested loudly, grabbing people's attention to us.

"Don't. You. Dare. Raise. Your. Voice," I said, inching my face closer to hers. I felt her body's heat on my skin and continued. "And don't you dare lie."

"But I didn't!" She let out a tiny whimper.

"Then what do you suppose happened?" I inquired 'calmly', staring at her wide, dark-brown eyes.

"Ben-" She choked and I raised an eyebrow impatiently. "-he called him a son of a bitch."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Oh, yeah?" I mocked. "Don't play games. You're playing with both their feelings and you're lying."

She looked at me as tears poured out of her eyes. "I didn't! I swear!"

I glared at her. "Oh, well. You lost them both. Well done! Enjoy relapsing into loneliness."

"I swear it was Zig who said something that trigger-"

"I don't believe you." I pressed angrily, shoving her away. I then left her, angry that she made me punch Augustus and involved me in this in the first place.