I am Vardy

Of course, some of the grievances of Carsley and others are sincere. They really miss Vardy, not his chrysanthemum, but his strength.

Everton’s performance in the league has plummeted, and it’s not enough to reach the Champions League group stage under the leadership of Vardy, avoiding the tragedy of being eliminated in the qualifying round, but this is just the last carnival.

Now, the UEFA Champions League group stage has come to an end. Without exception, the four major powerhouses of the Premier League broke through the siege and entered the top 16. Only Everton, with two draws and four losses, without a win, was eliminated and went home in despair. .

Although it sounds nice to have reached the Champions League, the result is obviously embarrassing enough.

The outside world is too scary, I'd better stay at home!

What caused Everton to turn from a Premier League runner-up to a sad reminder that everyone is abused today?

There is no doubt that Everton lacks Vardy.

This is also the root cause of the resentful tone of Carsley and others.

"Okay, it's a big deal, after Manchester United wins, I will take you to the nightclub to have fun!" Vardy sighed, soothing the fragile hearts on the other end of the phone.

As soon as they heard the nightclub, the people on the opposite side threw all kinds of negative emotions out of their minds and applauded!

"You are so kind, Jamie, I just like your bold look. Fuck, no, who do you think will lose?"

But as soon as they applauded, they realized that maybe Everton is not as strong as Manchester United, but the game has not yet been played, and no one will admit defeat.

Putting down the phone, Vardy couldn't help but think of his life in Everton, feeling very nostalgic and melancholy.

Well, in order to commemorate the past years and our friendship, let me play tricks on you in this game!

However, a few teasers from Everton thought that there is also a missionary system in the system!

Although he left Everton, under his subtle influence, Carsley has completely evolved into a tease. Although he can't reach his level, he can still laugh proudly when he shows it.

So, will the missionary system count this as its own credit?

Thinking of this, I couldn't help feeling eager in my heart, and Vardy quickly entered the funny comparison system.

Sure enough, the system is still very humane at this point. Now that the regulations of the system have been fulfilled, your credit will never be erased.

By developing Carsley into a douchebag, Vardy gained a very precious missionary point.

Why do you say it is precious?

After working hard to develop a congregation, he only gave a little missionary points. Even if Vardy doesn't do anything all his life, how many funny guys can he cultivate and how many points can he get?

Rare things are precious, obviously, missionary points are so precious.

After obtaining missionary points, the shop of the missionary system was officially opened, and it was only then that Vardy knew how much gold this point had!

In the store, a complete feature only costs 0.8 missionary points, and the Goddess Encounter Card that makes him salivate only costs 0.5 missionary points. As for other odds and ends, they are even cheaper!

It turns out that missionary points actually have such a strong purchasing power.

If it wasn't for the complete feature in the store that Valdy urgently needed, I'm afraid Valdy would have bought it without hesitation.

Well, it seems that I have neglected this missionary system before, and if I want to become stronger faster, I have to speed up the pace of breaking the president.

The reason why I want to beat the president first is because this guy has a funny attribute in his bones, and I don’t need much training, as long as he stimulates his potential, it will be fine. Subtly, this guy will become a funny guy .

And Rooney is a bit worse. This guy's qualifications are not very good. Although he is very stunned, but the distance is so far away, Vardy may have to work hard!

Of course, don’t forget that there are Ferdinand, Fletcher and others. These guys have been cleaned up for nothing, waiting for Vardy to come to luck!

The last time he went to Goodison Park, Vardy was spoofed by his teammates and returned everything Vardy had done to them before, so this time, Vardy must not admit his cowardice and teach them a lesson. They don't know who is the funny patriarch.

Before the game, before the Everton players came to Old Trafford, Vardy made arrangements and lurked into the visiting team's locker room in the Theater of Dreams in advance.

Squatting in an unused locker in a corner, Wang Dabu had the exciting feeling of being the old king next door.

In order to take care of a few animals, Vardy spent a lot of money, and even bought a night vision goggle to wear on his head.

The Everton players came to the dressing room to change their jerseys and prepare to go out to warm up.

"I found that Jamie is not afraid of physical contact, but he is afraid of gay guys touching him, so when defending him for a while, don't worry about other things, just hit him with your hands!"

"Well, but the few of us who played with him are too familiar, he obviously knows that we are not gay, so you should do more!"

"Don't worry, there's no problem, I guarantee that touching him will make him want to die!"

"Haha, let him talk harshly to us before, and make him look good this time!"

While changing clothes, Everton's players developed a shameless strategy to defend Vardy.

Vardy heard the creeps in the locker, and got goosebumps all over his body.

Nima, if you want to be so wretched, you can do anything!

At this moment, with a "snap", the lights in the locker room suddenly went out, and the entire locker room was pitch black.

With a few screams, the Everton players were all a little confused.

How come the light suddenly went out?

Could it be that the Old Trafford away dressing room was in disrepair, with light bulbs that were out of date, humiliating and self-destructing?

But this is obviously not a big deal, just open the door a crack, then light the light and put on the clothes.

It doesn't have to be too tidy, as long as it doesn't show the flesh, someone will come to change the light bulb soon, and then they will wear it slowly.

But who knew that Martin came to the door in the dark, but found that he couldn't open the door of the dressing room. At this moment, everyone panicked.

What's happening here?

Feel as if caught in some conspiracy?

Did Manchester United do anything to win?

The next step is to release poisonous gas in this closed room to poison them all to death?

All kinds of wild thoughts have already occupied their minds, but a little rationality tells them that it is obviously a bit too fantasy.

I don't know who took the lead, the Everton players started yelling, someone will hear it, then they can be saved.

And at this moment, Vardy, who had been lurking for a long time, quietly got out of the locker. Although he was wearing night vision goggles, his vision was not as good as usual, but at least he could tell who was who in front of him.

With a smile, Vardy stretched out his evil hand

And then, I heard the shy screams of the Everton players one after another.

"Who touched my ass? Bastard!"

"Which bastard dares to grab my balls, I will die with you!"

"I'm going, I've been raped, I have no face to live!"

The lights in the locker room were arranged by Vardy and the staff at Old Trafford. When the Everton players entered the locker room, the power was turned off at exactly the right time!

And what followed was Vardy's good deed, touching this ass, pinching this ball, and finally even took out a stick and poked Carsley's ass.

What is even more frightening is that Vardy actually spilled a little chicken blood prepared in advance on the ground

Of course, he was wearing gloves for all this, he was a hygienic man!

After the turmoil, Vardy quietly slipped back into the locker, hiding his achievements and fame!

"Snapped"

The locker room was suddenly as bright as daylight. The light bulb was fine, but the power was cut off just now.

The chaotic situation stopped for an instant, and everyone looked at each other in blank dismay, looking at each other in a panic.

"Did you touch me just now?" Osman stared at Boya behind him with bull's eyes.

And Boya also stared at Osman not to be outdone, "You just fucked my dick?"

Such scenes of confrontation like a bullfight were staged everywhere. Everyone protected their sensitive parts, for fear that what happened just now would happen again.

Among them, only Carsley is the worst!

This guy looked at the blood on the ground, clutched his butt, with a look of despair and hopelessness!

Although he always likes to joke about ** flowers ** flowers, but when his chrysanthemum was really exploded and bleeding, it seemed that the whole world had collapsed, and no one could save his fallen soul.

Suddenly burst into tears, Carsley cried so sad amidst the terrified expressions of his teammates.

The teammates looked at the blood on the ground again, and instantly they didn't feel that being touched on their butts was a very serious matter!

"Don't be sad, think about it a little bit, there will be a day like that!"

"That's right, it doesn't matter, even if you are no longer a fresh little daisy, we will still love you!"

"I'm sad too, you know, I'm also very interested in your ass"

The teammates comforted Carsley eagerly, of course, maybe it would be more appropriate to gloat.

In fact, Carsley is not that stupid. It is impossible for Vardy to poke him just now. At least Carsley doesn't feel much pain now.

After a while of chaos, everyone began to doubt again, how could such a weird thing happen just now?

Is this the so-called secret room murder?

Well, everyone turned into Sherlock Holmes, Kindaichi, and Conan one after another, their brains spinning rapidly, looking for the so-called truth.

Soon, everyone reached a consensus that the murderer should not be a certain player in the team. After all, in the dark, everyone should be unable to see anything, and they must still be in the locker room. The locker room door has not been opened just now. will prove it.

Carsley gave everyone a wink, and then said loudly: "Okay, don't make total calculations, just take it as a joke, let's gather quickly, before it's too late!"

Everyone agreed one after another, and then opened the door of the locker room, as if they were about to go out.

But in fact, everyone kept silent, and they all kept their still positions, and no one made a sound. Finally, Martin next to the door closed the door with a bang.

Vardy laughed happily in the locker, thinking that these idiots didn't find anything.

After waiting for a while, but still did not hear any sound, Vardy pushed open the locker door and jumped out.

call!

Before taking a deep breath, Vardy saw the Everton players looking at him with fire on their heads