I Am Undying

Life will only happen once for every person in this world! Reincarnation? Pah! Don't believe in those things. Cherish your life as it is. Don't say things like you will be better in the next life and so you will give up now. If there is this second life, are you sure you still contain the memory of your resolution?-

Pwip* the whole thing turned black.

"Hahahaha, cherish your life? Haha, what a joke!" Rin K. Gotha was laughing so much that tears was coming out from his eyes.

Ding! Ding!*

When he heard this, he casually threw the remote he was holding and stood up while trying to hold off his laughter.

He looked at the clock above the television set and thought, 'What a waste of time. Mom is already home…'

Ding! Ding! Ding!*

"Ah, coming!" Rin hurriedly opened the door that revealed a short old woman carrying lots of plastic and paper bags.

"Geez! What are you doing!? What took you so long!? Here! Its heavy!"

"Ehh~? Why are you shouting? It's not even a minute when you rang the doorbell…" Rin lightly complained why taking the stuff to carry and immediately put it in the table in their dining area.

"Shut up! You know that I'm getting old so don't even make me wait for even a second!" Rin's mom, Natasha, was not seriously mad and just scolding Rin on a whim.

"Okay, okay, I get it now… geez" Rin took out the stuffs from the plastic and paper bags and put them in their rightful places: the foods and milks in the fridge, the can foods in the cabinet, the cleaning products under the sink and other utensils in other places.

"Haaaa Rin! give me some water!" Mother Natasha sat on the sofa, revealing a relaxing face "So, how is school today?"

When Rin gave the water to Mother Natasha, he answered, "I guess it's fine." Rin smiled.

His mother glanced at him, "Hmmm, then it's okay." After drinking the water, she stood up and went to the kitchen after asking, "Do you have something you want to eat tonight?"

"Nothing in particular, I guess." Rin watched her mother as she cooked because of boredom.

Mother Natasha sighed and handed Rin all the carrots.

Rin stared at it for a while, after which he asked, "Mom, I don't eat raw carrots and I hate carrots in the first place. Why did you give me this?"

"HAAH?! Who told you to eat them. I meant that you should skin it off. I even gave the knife, you know! Unbelievable!" Again, his mother was truly not angry.

"Okay, okay, shouting now became a habit for you, huh." Rin took the knife and a carrot on the other hand.

"Who do you think is at fault?" The glare that she gave off put an uneasy feeling inside Rin.

Rin nodded and started to skin the carrots…

"Oh, after that you take all the skin off, cut if in small pieces like th-"

"Ouch!" Clang* Rin lowly shouted as he dropped the knife he was holding.

Mother Natasha was stunned at how 'incredible' her son is that she panicked.

"Ahhh--! It's bleeding! Bleeding! Go and wash it, quick! Then I'll go get the med kit!" She hastily went and grabbed some med kit in a cabinet.

Rin, on the other hand, was normal. However, he felt pity for himself. He depressingly stared at the wound he gave to himself until he heard, "What are you doing?! I said go and wash it!"

Getting back to his senses, he slowly opened the faucet and washed his wound like he was told to do.

"Come here, give me that." This time, this 60 year old mother was truly angry. Not at Rin but at herself.

"I'm sorry that I'm always clumsy and naïve." Rin murmured.

His mother glanced at him and added, "Dumb, coward and weak on top of that."

Hearing this, Rin lowered his head. He knew this, because he himself confirmed it a long time ago.

"But." Mother Natasha was almost finish and grabbed a band aid "If you persevere and try to improve yourself, I'm sure you can change. You're just unfortunate you were born like that and now is your choice if you wanted to continue like that or not and I'm here to tell you that you should not."

Rin felt that advice was filled with care and love which he did not expect. He held back his tears but it flowed out of his eyes naturally while he answered, "Okay, I will accept your advice."

Mother Natasha was happy when she heard this that she slowly caressed Rin's hand.

"Then I'll try again!" Rin resolutely said, "Since birth, I am sure that I did nothing right and correct! I've never succeeded in anything but still!" He gave a promising look to his mother and continued, "I can change."

Mother Natasha nodded and handed him the knife again, she said, "Next time, try to cut the carrots not yourself."

Rin nodded back and grabbed the knife…

Blood overflowed from his hands.

"Ahhhh!! You're bleeding again! Why did you tightly grabbed the blade?! No, why did you grabbed the blade!? Slowly release your grip, slowly- slowly-"

Rin was shaking and trembling. Even though he always injure himself. This is the first time that he bled so much. Slowly, he released his grip.

Band aid can no longer cover the whole wound across his palm. Bandage was wrapped around his hand instead.

Rin was sweating a lot while Mother Natasha was heavily frowning. They were in complete silence until Mother Natasha completely wrapped the bandage around his hand and lowly said, "Go and just wait there."

Rin sighed and depressingly went back to the living room and turned on the television to defeat the awkward silence.

The once resolute young man was now back to being depressed. When he said a while ago that he haven't succeeded in anything or he's always wrong, it was not a figure of speech. He is literally a worthless person, one who couldn't do anything right or correct, or even one who could do anything.

…

After eating dinner, Rin went back to his room and studied before sleeping. In his studies, he couldn't understand anything at all, in his grade level at least. Of course he knew to do simple math and other subjects. It would be an exaggeration if he couldn't even complete the abc song or add 17 and 18.

Being 15 years old, he is in third year high school. He couldn't keep up at anything in a school. So his life is pretty sad until now.

The only thing that is not a failure in his aspects is his face. Though he is not that handsome, he is not ugly either. His physics are less than average and also his weight. His height on the other hand was average.

After finishing a homework with full of doubt if he even did one number correctly, he reluctantly went to sleep. He like night way better than day.

Next morning…

"Rin! Rin! Wake up or you'll be late at school!"

Rin opened his eyes with hardship. After getting out of bed, he took a freezing cold shower that made him shriek all the time. When he took off his clothes, it showed his body that was filled with bruises, he looked very pathetic. After showering, he dressed up better getting out of the bathroom, trying to hide all the bruises he have.

His school uniform is simple. Just a white shirt with a black necktie and a black slacks.

"Come! Breakfast is ready!" His mother hurriedly called.

"Umm here!" Rin immediately took a sit and picked up the spoon with his right hand, "Ouch!" the wound across his palm stung. Obviously, he couldn't use his right hand.

"Why did you used your right hand!? Use your left hand!" Mother Natasha still couldn't believe how clumsy and careless this kid is.

Rin just nodded in shame and continued to eat using his left hand. After eating , he waved goodbye to Mother Natasha who waved back with a full smile before saying, "Be extra careful. Don't die!"

Rin sighed and couldn't be bothered rebuking Mother Natasha since what she said has some care in it. Actually, he didn't rebuke her because she was right.

He turned around and stepped outside of their house of which still has a gate in front. Feeling quite determined, he patted his shoulder and stretched it before opening the gate.

Just as he opened the gate, the world outside seemed to changed. It changed into something eerie, disgusting and scary. The sky turned red and land turned dark. The atmosphere can make you puke. Terror comes with the air, every turn gives you a feeling of someone or something may be there and it was not a good feeling.

On the window, Mother Natasha peeked through the curtains and sighed. She murmured with a bit of pity and tiredness but full of compassion, "He's still scared outside of the house. What can I do?" All she can see is Rin and his body trembling as he step by step walked out to the gate.

The world only hold such terror in Rin's eyes. When you fear something so great, they would take another form in your head and Rin fear the [Outside]

This place is where he could meet strangers. Strangers are unpredictable for him. Some may be an extra in his life, walking alongside the road or passing beside each other. But some may asked him something or talk to him for some reason. Some that expect something from him. He's scared of many, many things but one of the scariest things for him is the disappointment faces of every person he met, or even annoyed.

This is only the start of the day. He haven't even reach his school yet but it already took him this much hardship.

In his sight, every faces of strangers was like of a demon. He had to make sure to avoid all of them.

After all through the "adversities", Rin finally reached the school. Many eyes fell on him and almost all of them had eyes of disdain. Rin suddenly felt an invisible pressure but he continued nonetheless.

All the way to the building, in the hallway and into his classroom, he was sweating. To him, this was the den of all devils. He quietly sat on his seat, ignoring all the glares. Fortunately, it did not last long. He was able to sigh of relief in this situation.

Ding! Ding! Ding!* the school bell rang, signaling the school day start.

Everyone stopped on their conversations and quietly moved back to their seats.

A female teacher came in. This teacher seemed to be well-respected inside the school. She is known for both being strict and kind. Easy to approach, friendly to her students, and good at teaching. On top of that she's a beauty with a long black hair. Even when she was popular with boys, the girls have no problem with this. The situation is not something in manga that the girls students would despise a popular female teacher. Ma'am Hanna doesn't have a specific subject to teach because she can teach all subjects.

In this modern times, where education is already so advanced. Having young teachers is quite common.

All the students stood up and bowed, greeting the teacher, "Good morning, Ma'am Hanna!"

"Seat." Ma'am Hanna gently said a word but it felt absolute. All of them sat quietly again.

"The mock exam I gave you yesterday gave good results." On Ma'am Hanna's face showed a gentle smile. This made the students celebrate in their minds. She was known for being strict so this kind of attitude of hers was very rare and which means something good happened and depending on the situation, she was very pleased with the mock exam's results.

Ma'am Hanna went through all the test papers and brought out three papers. Her smile faded away when she pulled these three papers out.