Funeral

It was early summer, and the cicadas were chirping loudly. Even the breath they exhaled felt hot. However, Qin He still chose to wear long sleeves. He loathed the scars on his body, reminders of his recurring nightmares.

 

Qin Wanqing expressed her gratitude to the doctor, and the two of them seemed like long-lost sisters, very affectionate. Only Qin He stood by, watching coldly, forced to smile obediently at Qin Wanqing so he could leave.

 

“Thank you very much for your efforts. Don’t worry, I will have a special commemorative plaque made for you and send it to you.” Her face was filled with smiles, and the wrinkles were clearly visible. Qin Wanqing’s illness hadn’t improved, but the joy of Qin He’s correction overshadowed her illness.

 

“It’s nothing, Qin He, just take a look at how much effort your mother has put into you.” The man in the white coat looked at Qin He. At this moment, he knew he had to show some gratitude, but in reality, he felt disgusted and wanted to vomit.

 

Qin He smiled gently, but there was no genuine smile in his eyes, only a slight twitch of his muscles. However, the two people present didn’t care, as they nodded in satisfaction, thinking that this was a display of gratitude towards them.

 

Qin Wanqing wanted to reach out and pull Qin He, but he subtly evaded her touch. However, their hands still unavoidably touched, and Qin He frowned slightly, pulling his hand back and starting to rub it behind his back. “Then, let’s go.”

 

“Take care.”

 

Qin He sat in the car, turning his head to look at the building he had left behind.

 

His expression was numb; even the simple twitch of his muscles seemed like too much effort. He listened to Qin Wanqing as she talked about the changes that had happened in just one month. Qin He lowered his head, his eyes filled with mixed emotions. He realized that he could now control his life and death, and he wouldn’t be deprived of even the right to choose.

 

Escaping from hell didn’t mean truly breaking free; the scars that couldn’t be washed away were the marks left by the devil. Unconscious trembling and irregular heartbeats reminded Qin He that he was branded and could never escape. He couldn’t be free, and that was something he couldn’t accept. He locked himself in that room day after day.

 

It had been a month since they last contacted each other, and Yu Cheng was getting worried. Now that it was summer vacation, he avoided Yu Yao’s surveillance and went to find Qin He, even if it was just to catch a glimpse of him from a distance.

 

With his crew cut now grown into long hair, Yu Cheng still wore his bright-colored clothes that made him easily recognizable in a crowd. He went to the place where Qin He used to live, only to be told that he had moved. After continuous inquiries, he finally found Qin He.

 

The shadow of the trees cast by the sun fell on Qin He, and the hot wind rushed towards him, making his sleeves flap. He was wearing a loose coat now, no longer the crisp white shirt he used to like. His long bangs covered his eyes, making it hard to see clearly. He lowered his head in an attempt to reduce his presence. 

 

The unexpected encounter caught both of them off guard. Seeing Qin He in such a state, Yu Cheng couldn’t believe it. His eyes turned slightly red, tears swirling in them. He looked at Qin He, wanting to take a step forward and ask him what happened.

 

Yu Cheng had once said he wouldn’t harm Qin He, so how could Qin He end up like this?

 

As Yu Cheng approached, Qin He happened to look up, his pupils shrinking. He quickly stepped back, dropping the things he had brought to the ground.

 

Qin He remembered the sensation of being shocked and seeing that person smile at him before leaving marks on his body without mercy. His body instinctively recoiled and cowered, and his breathing became rapid. He sat down on the ground, feeling the burning sensation from the heated surface.

 

“Qin He! Qin He! It’s me, Yu Cheng.” Yu Cheng’s tears fell as he gritted his teeth. He tried to make a gentle expression, wanting to help Qin He up, but with every step he took, Qin He would retreat in a panic.

 

He stopped, realising he couldn’t get close to Qin He anymore. There was an insurmountable gap between them. Yu Cheng saw the marks on Qin He’s body—the scars from the electric shocks, the purple bruises that were glaringly obvious as his clothes slid down with his movements.

 

Qin He felt the gaze on him, and he didn’t want anyone to see him, especially not Yu Cheng. He frantically tried to cover up, tears streaming down his face. He couldn’t let Yu Cheng see. He couldn’t let Yu Cheng see…

 

He couldn’t communicate with Yu Cheng normally anymore, and he couldn’t bear to look at him. The demons that had been carved into his bones wouldn’t allow him to like Yu Cheng or accept the idea of liking another man. He couldn’t control himself, so he could only recoil and avoid. What should he do?

 

As he resisted Yu Cheng, the thought pained him. It was as if a knife had been plunged into the softest part of his heart. The pain was unbearable, and he couldn’t breathe. He never imagined that in just a month, they would end up like this.

 

“I won’t touch you. If you don’t want to see me, I’ll leave first. Can you please get up from the ground? It’s hot,” Yu Cheng took a deep breath, clenching his fists. Qin He still kept his head down, trembling all over. Yu Cheng turned and walked away, step by step, watching him from a place where Qin He couldn’t see.

 

Qin He lifted his head and confirmed that Yu Cheng was gone. He wanted to go after him, but he was afraid. He didn’t dislike Yu Cheng anymore. But he couldn’t do anything about it. He sat on the ground and cried like a child, but there was no one to help him, and there was nothing he could do to help himself.

 

Yu Cheng could only watch from afar.

 

“Brother, can you help me find out what happened to Qin He? What’s wrong with him? Please, I beg you, tell me.” Yu Cheng pleaded. He couldn’t do anything with Yu Yao’s constant scrutiny. It was the first time Yu Cheng had ever begged someone, and the person on the other end hesitated for a moment before falling into a long silence.

 

He knew about Yu Cheng’s situation; he knew that he had fallen in love with a boy but was forced to separate from him over a month ago. He could see it clearly; he understood what Yu Cheng was struggling for and now what he was begging for. That person was important to Yu Cheng.

 

“….Alright.” The person on the other side let out a long sigh.

 

Yu Cheng could only sneak out for a short time every day, watching Qin He from a distance. He was like a knight guarding a princess, except this time it was not a princess but a prince.

 

The weather in Yao’an City was always gloomy, but it didn’t bring any coolness; it only added to the sense of oppression.

 

“Be mentally prepared…” After receiving the information, he opened it and looked at the contents, which were shocking. He couldn’t understand why parents would send their children to such a place. He didn’t know how Qin He had managed to survive.

 

Then Yu Cheng received a document, and he was hesitant to open it. What kind of experience would make a once outstanding and remarkable young man become so timid that he wouldn’t even dare to make eye contact? What had he gone through to become numb and indifferent? Yu Cheng trembled as he clicked open the document, which contained moments he had never been a part of.

 

The content inside was very brief, just a straightforward account of Qin He’s life. But it left Yu Cheng breathless, as if his throat were being gripped by an invisible hand, tears filling his eyes.

 

Campus violence, verbal bullying, isolation, and the hostility of classmates, compared to what came later, were nothing. But Yu Cheng couldn’t accept it, his face turning red with anger. Qin He used to joke with him that wherever he went, it was no man’s land, but even Qin He himself had experienced the same, being alienated by classmates who only gave him a glance when mocking him.

 

Later, he was forcibly taken to a treatment clinic. How desperate must he have been? Everything had an explanation, but Yu Cheng didn’t know how to face it.

 

He hated those classmates, teachers, and parents who kept the news from him, and most of all, he hated Qin Wanqing, who had personally pushed Qin He into hell. But he hated himself even more.

 

If… if he had been more careful, if he had been strong enough to protect him, if he hadn’t been so persistent, even if he hadn’t forced Qin He to face it, maybe none of this would have happened…

 

But there are no “ifs” in reality…

 

He understood his feelings for someone when he had no ability, wanting that person’s response, and everything just fell into place…

 

Who should he blame?

 

Two young boys knew and loved each other, but in a society where people considered homosexuality as strange, monstrous, and disgusting, they were despised and avoided. It seemed to have become an implicit rule, and so they punished the boy who broke the rule. Out of the “kindness” and “responsibility” of adults, they tried to turn them into so-called “normal” people.

 

But they were just a touch of color in ordinary life—unique. When everyone else was trying to blend in with the masses, being different became a mistake, and they were seen as patients.

 

But “love” is just “love” and their love is no different from the love of countless others…

 

They are not abnormal, nor are they so-called patients. They have chosen their own lovers, and everyone has the right to choose for themselves as long as it doesn’t harm others, right? But they have never hurt anyone, yet they themselves are already scarred all over…

Xian Nan Zhi 

 

Any comments are welcome to be raised in the comments section. As a new writer, I hope everyone can show more support. Thank you, bow~