Firestorm Online

[System loading… analysing physical attributes… analysing mental attributes… analysing combat skills… creating user profile… assigning rank…]

I slowly opened my eyes…

[Welcome user]

"Huh?" I began blearily looking around the room for the source of the voice.

[User registration bonus: +1 to any three physical attributes and 100 store points

Say attributes to open the relevant window]

"What? Attributes? JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!"

A large blue screen seemed to fill my field of vision, it had some lines of texts with numbers in corresponding rows.

"Okay… calm down… I must have fallen asleep with the headset on and this attribute stuff is just a new system update, so all I need to do is remove the headset and it'll be back to normal… why can't I feel the headset? What's going on!?"

[User has opened the attribute window, currently the user has only unlocked the physical section and so has been taken directly there. How would you like to assign your points?]

"Alright just shut up for a bit, I'm so confused so let me figure this out!"

[User has opened the attribute window, currently the user has only-]

"Alright I get it I'll assign the attributes!"

[…]

The blue screen was filled with a table, it seemed like this voice wouldn't shut up until I assigned these attribute points.

Agility 0.8

Acceleration 0.9

Balance 0.8

Endurance 0.6

Speed 0.7

Strength 0.8

Reactions 1.1

X-Factor 0

[User Evaluation: An almost worthless drain on society]

"What the hell…"

[User has opened the attribute wind-]

"SHUT THE HELL UP!"

[User's blood pressure and heart rate are elevated, chemical levels are indicative of stress – would you like to purchase Stress Mitigation module for 100 points?]

"Sure purchase it, I doubt it will do much good…"

[Stress Mitigation module has been purchased; current balance is 0 points.

Activating Stress Mitigation module now]

"Ugh…"

I suddenly felt more relaxed, it was like I was taking a warm bath. I suppose I was if the bath water was a complex concoction of chemicals designed to supress all negative thought and the tub was my body.

I blinked a few times before calmly asking "What are attributes, how are mine compared to the average person?"

[Attributes, in this case physical, are a measure of your current abilities. As stated in your User Evaluation you are "An almost worthless drain on society", your only redeeming quality is your reaction speed which is slightly above average. The average score across all categories is 1 and you fall below this in almost all aspects.]

'Well that's… blunt…'

I couldn't really say it was inaccurate as my pencil pushing stay at home job left me with little time for physical activity, thus I was overweight and without a girlfriend…

[If user is unsatisfied with the system evaluation a detailed breakdown of all of your many fatal flaws is available to be displayed, would you like me to list your heart-breaking inadequacies one by one or all in one go?]

"No! Neither! Wait… you can hear my thoughts?"

[Of course, if you started screaming out menu commands mid battle you would likely be doomed to either failure or a mental hospital. This is not the most optimal environment for talent to grow.]

'Talent huh… I guess the system picked me for my talent…'

[Once again user is incorrect, your talent is mediocre at best, for the full breakdown of all your many fatal flaws please-]

'Yeah I get it I'm a failure, is it so bad to have the occasional happy delusion?'

[User has yet to assign the free attribute points]

'Oh right, that… erm, I guess I'll increase everything up to 1 to start with.'

[Displaying statistics]

Agility 1

Acceleration 1

Balance 1

Endurance 1

Speed 1

Strength 1

Reactions 1.1

X-Factor 0

'Hey, why didn't the last one increase, by the way what is X-Factor?'

[X-Factor cannot be increased in this way, definition of X-Factor is restricted, user will have to discover this on your own]

[User has 1.6 attribute points remaining, please assign them]

'Okay, let's put 0.4 points into agility and see how that goes.'

[Displaying statistics]

Agility 1.4

Acceleration 1

Balance 1

Endurance 1

Speed 1

Strength 1

Reactions 1

X-Factor 0

'So I'm more agile huh?'

A wave of energy surged through me and I suddenly felt a lot more flexible, it was… odd.

'Why am I feeling like this?'

[The sudden increase in agility has caused an imbalance in relevant attributes, while not critical the user is recommended to keep a balanced approach when assigning attributes]

'Balanced? Okay, distribute the rest of the points evenly among the remaining attributes.'

Agility 1.4

Acceleration 1.2

Balance 1.2

Endurance 1.2

Speed 1.2

Strength 1.2

Reactions 1.2

X-Factor 0

Once again, a wave of energy coursed through my body, it was more intense than previously but the aftermath was certainly more gentle. I felt like I'd become a completely different person.

I looked myself up and down in a nearby mirror.

'Is it just me or have I lost weight?'

[User is correct, the optimal body is a balanced existence in which all attributes are equally supreme. If user invests too much in one skill you may experience backlashes in your appearance, for example if you put all of your points into strength you will look like a veiny ****]

'Wow, that was an elegant way of putting it…'