Dr. Ou’s Psychotherapy

Desire and Satisfaction

I change too quickly:

My today refutes my yesterday. 

When I ascend I often jump over steps, and no steps forgives me that

~ By Friedrich Nietzsche

———

When Yi Zhize returned home from work, he was inexplicably a little unsettled, an emotion that had intensified since the morning. The key was inserted into the hole, the cold metal twisted and clicked, and he was met with the empty silence of the hall.

Laying the document bag on the sofa, untying his tie and taking off his jacket, there was something surprisingly quiet.

"Tingyun?"

There was no answer.

Stepping up the stairs to the second floor and pushing open the door to the treatment room, the scene was chaotic, as if a hurricane had ravaged the room; glassware tossed about, electronics shattered, revealing a belly full of components, chips and chaotic coils.

The doctor was hidden in the shadows, his face unreadable.

The left sleeve of his shirt was rolled up, the needle holes clearly visible, and at his feet were a few newly discarded syringes, alongside a dark blue liquid remaining in a delicate glass bottle.

Yi Zhize approached him.

Like a stalking beast, there was a mix of hunting and pain in Ou Tingyun's eyes, "Ze Ze, you're back."

Yi Zhize frowned, "What's going on?"

"It's hard to explain." Ou Tingyun said, "My experiment failed."

"What experiment?"

"An attempt to solve the problem once and for all. I'm sorry, Ze Ze, I'm sorry." Ou Tingyun apologised, "I failed, I didn't succeed." Almost instantly, a violent anger rose within his eyes, and he snapped, "Lies! Lies! Lies!"

The switch in personality was almost instantaneous, and the other Ou Tingyun said, "He lied!

He lied to you! He intends to kill us all!"

Time and space were severed, Heaven and Earth switched, and the deep blue sea, as far as the eye could see, was endless.

Ou Tingyun stood on the beach, the waves soaking his trouser legs and the rain showering heavily on his body.

"Tingyun." Yi Zhize stepped on the soft sand, and the touch felt so surreal. They were clearly only a few steps away, but it seemed like they were forever separated by an unapproachable distance: "Ou Tingyun!"

"Ze Ze, you're here." Ou Tingyun's voice was gentle, "I knew that you would come."

No matter how hard he tried, Yi Zhize still couldn't shrink the distance between the two, "Why?"

"Because this is my subconscious, I can control everything, I am the master of it all." Ou Tingyun still had his back to him, "The beach, the sunset, the rain, what a scene for a proper farewell."

"Farewell… to what?"

"I'm in pain." Ou Tingyun repeated, "I'm in pain."

"Tingyun, let me get close to you... let me... touch you."

"No."

"Why?"

"Just the sight of you makes me unable to let go." Ou Tingyun said, "You are the only thing that is holding me back and holding me together."

"What exactly do you want to do?" Yi Zhize suddenly had a terrible vision, "No, never."

"I have to."

"I won't allow it."

"But I have no choice."

"Ou Tingyun, look at me."

"No."

"If you don't look back, I'll leave here immediately and never, ever have anything to do with you again. You know that I can do that."

Ou Tingyun remained silent.

"Then, Tingyun, farewell."

As soon as the words left his lips, blue waves crested and Yi Zhize seemed to be swept to the bottom of the sea, warmth floating and sinking.

"Don't leave me."

He heard Ou Tingyun whispering in his ear, "Don't go."

The sensation of returning to the ground made him feel uncomfortable, and he opened his eyes to the candlelight of the night.

Six tiers of intricate glass and crystal lamps shone brightly, and on the tabletop were vintage candlesticks.

Ou Tingyun sat across from him, and in front of them both was silver cutlery.

On the plate was a bottle of blue liquid.

Ou Tingyun said, "Zhize, drink it and we'll stay here together, forever."

"That's not possible."

"Why not? Don't you like me?"

"I like you, and I'm taking you away."

"What's wrong with this place?"

"Tingyun, is what you are now part of you, or all of you?"

"Is there a difference?"

"There is."

"Don't you like me now?"

"I like all of you."

"Zhize, you've met them." Ou Tingyun said, "They are vile, tyrannical, dark, twisted, and not worthy of you at all. This me now has only tender love for you with all the virtuous qualities..."

"Tingyun," Yi Zhize said, "do you trust me?"

"Of course."

Yi Zhize stood up and approached Ou Tingyun's side, grabbed him by the collar and punched him in the face, hitting him so hard that it knocked him to the ground and sent a candlestick tumbling over with a 'crash'.

Ou Tingyun looked at him incredulously, "Zhize, you actually hit me."

Yi Zhize sat on his knees, pinned him to the ground and dropped his head to kiss him.

Ou Tingyun's breath caught in his throat and he was just about to respond with enthusiasm when Yi Zhize slapped him again, "Are you awake?"

"Ze Ze, you hit me again."

"If you keep acting like this, I won't just hit you, I'll fuck you."

Ou Tingyun laughed softly and wrapped his arms around Yi Zhize's waist, "Ze Ze, I like you so much."

"Leave with me when you're sober and we'll settle the account slowly."

"You really, don't you hate me?"

"Hate what?"

"The darker sides of me."

"Tingyun, you've seen my suffering too, am I entirely bright?" Yi Zhize said, "I love you, all of you, every bit, every inch, whether bright or dark, good or evil, I love all of you."

As if a burst of extremely strong light shone from Heaven, the illusion dissipated and receded into reality.

The treatment room was still dimly lit, and Yi Zhize stood opposite him.

Almost impatiently, Ou Tingyun kissed him.

His breathing grew chaotic, there was no room for the wanton encroachment of thought at all, and the outburst of intense love drowned him.

Smelling blood in the air, Yi Zhize pushed Ou Tingyun away violently.

The doctor's left wrist had been sliced open and was bleeding.

"Tingyun, what are you doing?"

"Shh, don't mind it, it's fine."

"How can it be fine?"

Ou Tingyun soothed him, "It's just a farce from those subpersonalities who took advantage of my slumber and acted out."

Yi Zhize insisted, "Treat the wound first."

"Kiss first."

"Tingyun."

"Okay." Ou Tingyun pecked him fondly on the lips, "As you wish."

"Those other personalities of yours?"

"Gone."

"Hmm?"

"Because you accepted all of them." Ou Tingyun laughed, "No, the whole of me."

"Now, you are the whole you?"

"Mhmm," Ou Tingyun wrapped the white bandage around her left arm, "thank you, Zhize."

"You redeemed me once, and now it's my turn to redeem you, so why bother saying that?"

The silver-white scalpel cut away the excess bandage and Ou Tingyun tied a beautiful bow, "Ze Ze, now that it's bandaged up, it's time for us to move on to other fun things, hmm?"