Dr. Ou’s Psychotherapy

Struggling to wake up, cold sweat slid down the corners of his forehead, his breathing was sharp and short, and there was the irritating scent of antiseptic in his nose.

The snow white ceiling of the hospital was before him. It took a moment for Yi Zhize to calm down and awaken from the long sleep that seemed to have no end.

"What time is it?" His voice was hoarse, and those were the first words he spoke.

Victor exclaimed, "Great, Yi, you're finally awake! It's, um, 10:03pm."

"No, what I'm asking," Yi Zhize paused for a moment, "is the date."

"September 12." Meng Xing said, "You were in a coma for a whole 19 days."

It was September 12th again.

"What year?" Yi Zhize whispered, "What year is it, September 12th?"

"Yi, did you suffer brain damage?" Victor's deep blue eyes were full of confusion, "What other year? This is the year 2022."

September 12, 2022.

One year ago on this date,

September 12, 2021,

was the day they first met.

The timeline had finally returned to normal, and what he had experienced while in the coma was ultimately an imaginary illusion.

Yi Zhize breathed a sigh of relief and hesitated before asking, "What about him?"

An eerie silence fell over the ward.

Yi Zhize looked at Victor, who stammered, "Yi, you know, I'm not good at saying bad news, I don't want to say it. If someone has to tell you, I don't want that person to be me."

Meng Xing let out a soft sigh and solemnly said, "He's not here anymore."

"Not anymore," Yi Zhize's voice trembled slightly, "what does that mean?"

Meng Xing lowered her eyes, her blue eyes dull, and she did not answer.

"Yi, I hate to say this, but," Victor weighed in, "you need to know the truth. That night, he stood in front of you. You bled and were injured, that is true. But he was injured even more severely, almost instantly..."

Love and death have been paired since time began.

The eternal hourglass of existence turns upside down over and over again.

The transformation of hunter or prey,

whose futility is doomed by the blueprint of eternal return?

He is dead.

Yi Zhize thought, dreams and reality are never separated.

He is dead.

The game of hunting had finally come to an end.

Meng Xing looked at him worriedly, "Zhize, it's normal to not be able to accept it for a while, we can accompany you as you slowly digest it, after all, no one wants to see something like this..."

"Tell me," Yi Zhize was calm and his voice indifferent, as it used to be, "what did he leave behind?"

"The incident was sudden, and when we went to sort out his... when we were sorting through his belongings, we found a will." Meng Xing whispered, "I don't know why he wrote it, but the will states that he passed on all his personal assets to you."

Yi Zhize closed his eyes and the face of that doctor crossed his mind.

He once confessed to him in a frantic tone, recounting to him visions of suicide, and talking nonsense about giving his private property to him.

Unexpectedly,

in unanticipated circumstances,

the prophecy came true.

"I don't need it." Yi Zhize repeated, "I don't need it."

"And," Meng Xing took a packet of information out of a cupboard beside her, "this was found in his study. It was all the things he had collected about your life, including your mother's car accident. Maybe he was afraid that you would be sad if you read it, so he never told you."

Yi Zhize took the information, and on the brown cover was the doctor's handwriting, which read:

[Ze Ze's Secret]

[Only I know]

The tears suddenly broke out like a flood, and they wouldn't stop flowing.

The more he suppressed them, the more emotions came out.

He lost all control of himself.

He could only let the tears escape in full force.

When his mother died, he did not cry.

Nor did he cry when his grandfather died.

He thought he was already resilient enough to face all his trials and tribulations calmly.

It was only life and death,

only the distance between yin and yang.

It was only...

that he would never be able to see him again.

This world,

the whole world,

he was the only one left.

Victor had never seen such a Yi Zhize before and said in a panic, "Yi, if you need..."

Meng Xing held him back and said to Yi Zhize, "We'll go out first, get some rest and call us if you need anything."

Yi Zhize leaned on the hospital bed, quietly waiting for his emotions to calm down.

He didn't know how long it took before he had the courage to open the heavy document.

The person who caused the accident was named Yao Minxue.

Yao Minxue was a singer in B City, unmarried with a son.

Her son was originally named Yi Zhiyin, but later changed his name to Mu Xin.

———

After being discharged from the hospital, Yi Zhize returned to Ou Tingyun's residence.

He went to his study on the second floor, opened the drawer that would never be locked again, took out the black notepad and continued reading from where he had stopped last time.

It was what the doctor had continued to write down after he and Ou Tingyun had broken up.

December 24, 2021

Today is Christmas Eve. If Ze Ze were with me, I would take him to the mall and buy a Christmas tree or something. Although I have little interest in the holidays, with Ze Ze, I enjoy whatever I do.

What is he doing? Who is he with? Does he miss me?

I really miss him so much.

Lately, my symptoms seem to have worsened. It's so annoying. If my condition gets worse, Ze Ze will surely get more and more disgusted with me. What to do, what to do...

Can't hurt him, can't!

Never...

December 25, 2021

It's Christmas, what's so great about this holiday season anyway?

It's just a bunch of stupid blind rabble-rousers, brainwashed by consumerism and capital to chase that absurd moment of enjoyment.

If only Ze Ze were with me, I would take him out for a candlelit dinner. I know a great place in A City, and I would offer him roses and piano music.

No!!! No way!!! No piano music!!!

What about a violin piece? That's a good idea.

After dinner, we could go for a stroll on the beach and I would tell him about the latest developments in my psychological research: it's related to human nature, but also to law and morality.

He'll be interested and we'll start debating. I've always had a contempt for morality and he'll be furious with me.

I can coax him, kiss him.

We could spend a wonderful evening on the beach.

December 31, 2021

Today is the last day of 2021 and I spent the whole night downstairs at Ze Ze's house.

I thought that even if we didn't see each other, in this way, it would be a good way to spend this last night together.

Next year, 2022, we'll be better off.

I'll love him more, and he'll (crossed out).

Maybe he'll love me too.

January 3, 2022

He went abroad.

January 4, 2022

Insomnia.

Wanted to kill myself.

Couldn't.

January 6, 2022

Go to England.

Sneak a peek at him, just one look.

January 7, 2022

Saw.

January 10, 2022

Recently working on a potion that can be used in conjunction with hypnosis.

It can overwrite a person's memory and modify their dreams, but the side effects are not yet clear.

But I only use it on myself, it brings me to Ze Ze.

What should I name it? Let's call it Amorze. (Angel: Amor is Spanish for love)

February 6, 2022

Amorze seems to have aggravated my condition and my paranoia is getting worse.

But I'm addicted to it and it's hard to quit.

Unless, unless, Ze Ze can come back.

March 11, 2022

I've thought of a way.

March 17, 2022

I'm about to see him.

Soon,

I'm a bit...

April 1, 2022

Meng Xing invited me to a party.

Ze Ze came back.

Ze Ze said he had something to talk to me about.

What should I do,

it's April Fool's Day,

I'm so scared that,

it's just a joke.

What should I do?

2022...

Yi Zhize put down his notepad and went to the treatment room, opening the silver and white cupboard where the medical equipment was stored.

In the far corner, he found a glass bottle of medicine labelled Amorze.

What would this medicine, injected into the bloodstream, feel like?

Had that doctor, like himself today, wanted to use it for a moment of pleasure?

At the bottom of the medicine box were the instructions for its use, in the same handwriting as the doctor’s:

[Administered intravenously or intramuscularly.]

[The former is the most effective, but has the greatest side effects.]

[Do not use repeatedly and frequently as there is a risk of addiction.]

[Do not overdose, divide each dose into at least 10 uses, otherwise there is a risk of fatality.]

Yi Zhize took off his jacket and took out a syringe.

The syringe was used to drain the entire full bottle of medicine.

Yi Zhize laid on the bed in the treatment room, undid his shirt and stuck the syringe into his forearm.

The cold medicine trickled into his warm blood.

Yi Zhize thought: Teacher, I've come to see you.

It was an autumn afternoon and it had just rained heavily.

Stepping into the consulting room, Yi Zhize met the long-established psychiatrist.

Ou Tingyun smiled at him, gentle and polite: "Mr. Yi, please have a seat."

The two men looked at each other for a moment,

it was an eternity.

———