Dr. Ou’s Psychotherapy

Chapter 37

Rainy Nights and Car Accident

Yi Zhize calmly cleaned up the debris, the silver chain at his ankle rubbing against the wound constantly, sending stabs of pain through him that made him drip with cold sweat. But he held back, making no sound or expression of impatience.

"Ze Ze?" Ou Tingyun stopped in front of him, "You… are you hurt?"

Yi Zhize finished cleaning up the debris and spoke in a flat tone, "En, it's fine."

Ou Tingyun anxiously said, "Let me take a look."

Yi Zhize sat down on the sofa and Ou Tingyun examined his wound carefully, unable to stop his heart from aching, "I'm sorry, I didn't take care of you. Ze Ze, it must be very painful, right? How, how could this happen?"

"When I was pouring the water," Yi Zhize briefly explained, "I tripped over the silver chain."

Ou Tingyun frowned intensely, "Let me disinfect it and bandage it for you."

He took out alcohol, gauze and surgical tweezers from the treatment room and cleaned his patient's wound.

In a consultative tone, Yi Zhize said, "Tingyun, can you release it?"

Ou Tingyun's movements paused, "What?"

"The chain."

It took a few moments before the doctor smiled and said, "Of course, the wound won't even scab over with that thing on."

Ou Tingyun took a set of keys from his pocket and unlocked the silver chain.

Yi Zhize secretly breathed a sigh of relief, but his next words were, "Ze Ze, be good, let's wear it on the other side."

Ou Tingyun finished sterilising the silver chain and was about to put it on him when Yi Zhize refused, "Tingyun, we are lovers, I hope you will respect me."

"Do I not respect you?" Ou Tingyun sincerely said, "Ze Ze, whatever you ask, I will do it for you."

"Release."

"Except this."

"Give me back my phone."

"This won't work either."

"Let me go back to the law firm."

"The law firm, they've given you a long leave of absence. What, aren't you happy with me?"

"So," Yi Zhize smiled faintly, "Teacher, you're still lying to me."

The words somehow irritated Ou Tingyun, and his expression suddenly clouded over, "I'm not."

"You restrict my freedom at every turn and don't have an ounce of trust in me at all." Yi Zhize said, "I'm disappointed."

Ou Tingyun's eyes deepened as he fastened the silver chain around his patient's ankle, his voice low and melodious between the crunching of metal: "You misunderstand me, Ze Ze."

"It's not that I don't trust you, I'm just... afraid." Ou Tingyun smiled at him, "I'm afraid you'll leave me."

Ou Tingyun sat alongside him, he took Yi Zhize's hand in his palm and whispered, "During this time, I had a psychological diagnosis done for myself. My illness is paranoid personality disorder."

"This disorder takes a long time to form and progress. Emotions manifest as stubbornness, hypersensitivity, over-vigilance, narrow-mindedness, jealousy, belligerence, impulsiveness, and aggression."

"I've been suppressing myself, Ze Ze."

"The thought of you leaving me makes me afraid I won't be able to control it."

"With this chain, I'm more or less at ease."

"As long as you're here, it's fine." The psychiatrist smiled at his former patient and said, "As long as you are there, you can cure me of all my persistent problems."

Ou Tingyun kissed the back of his hand, and Yi Zhize pulled it away, "Unbelievable."

"Ze Ze, are you blaming me?" Ou Tingyun said innocently, "Have I let you down?"

A stubborn emotion rose in Yi Zhize's heart and he said, "Mmm."

"I'm sorry.... I'm sorry..." Ou Tingyun pleaded, "What do I have to do for you to forgive me? Maybe..."

The doctor paused for a moment, his voice hoarse, "You've never forgiven me, have you?"

Yi Zhize was silent, his heart throbbing with a dull ache.

"I know..." Ou Tingyun laughed softly, "I know."

He fetched his scalpel and slashed the same wound in the same spot on his own ankle.

Even deeper, even more gruesome.

Blood instantly stained his clothes.

Yi Zhize snatched the scalpel and cursed in a low voice, "Crazy!"

As if he could not feel the pain at all, Ou Tingyun said, "Ze Ze, do you remember when we first met? At that time, someone was looking for you and I helped you stop them. The blade cut through my palm, but I didn't feel any pain. What I was thinking at that time was, as long as you weren't hurt, I was fine. Now, I feel the same lack of pain, but that's because..."

"That's because," the bottom of Ou Tingyun's eyes were full of sorrow, "you once told me that extreme sadness has no emotion, and I seem to understand that now."

Ou Tingyun suddenly said, "Ze Ze, why don't you kill me?" He looked at his lover excitedly, "You're a lawyer. I could draw up a will, or a statement. Declare that I have committed suicide and have no involvement with you. I will devolve to you all my personal and private property. If you kill me, then, until the end of my life, you will be mine forever and ever."

"I have thought many times of killing you, of having you all to myself, but..." Ou Tingyun's tone was so gentle: "in the end, I couldn't let go of you, I couldn't let go of you even if you were so slightly injured. So, kill me, it's the best way, the surest way, right, Ze Ze?"

Yi Zhize's chest rose and fell, and he breathed deeply for a while before gritting his teeth and saying, "Hopeless!"

"Ze Ze," Ou Tingyun held his wrist, the blade close at hand, and he held it against his heart, "I love you more than life."

Yi Zhize threw the scalpel on the floor, "Untie it."

"What?"

"Unlock the chain," Yi Zhize said, "Now, I want to make love to you."

Ou Tingyun thought he had heard wrong.

Yi Zhize kissed him and dug his hands into his pockets.

Taking out the key, he unlocked the chain wrapped around his ankle.

The lawyer pressed the doctor against the sofa, eager and reckless.

He didn't have any skills, but instead, as if he was deliberately cathartic and vindictive, he bit through the corner of the doctor's lip with savage hatred.

The taste of blood mixed with hormones.

"You're excited, Teacher?" Yi Zhize had only just left his lips when he was violently pressed back again by Ou Tingyun.

Yi Zhize tangled with him for a while and said in his ear, "You like the taste of blood, don't you?"

Ou Tingyun breathed heavily, "Ze Ze, I like you."

"Okay," Yi Zhize took the initiative to unbutton his shirt for him, "let me see how much you really like me."

———

In the middle of the night, Yi Zhize woke up from his dream.

Ou Tingyun was cuddled up to him and was sleeping soundly, but when Yi Zhize woke up, he immediately woke up with him, "Ze Ze?"

"What time is it?"

"Just after one in the morning," Ou Tingyun said with concern, "Did you have another nightmare?"

"Yeah."

"Don't be afraid, I'm here." Ou Tingyun took his hand in his and brought him deeper into his arms, "I'm here."

"Teacher," Yi Zhize asked him, "can you promise me something?"

No more delays, thought Yi Zhize.

Why?

Knowing that the other man was a bottomless lunatic, but still losing his mind over him?

It can't go on anymore,

can't have anything more to do with him,

can't.

"What is it?"

"I want a walnut pastry."

"Okay, I'll get you some tomorrow."

"Not tomorrow, now."

"It's early in the morning, Ze Ze."

"I dreamt again... Lijing Road," Yi Zhize said, "Teacher, please."

Ou Tingyun said softly, "Okay, I'll go now."

He turned on the bedside lamp and began to get dressed.

Yi Zhize tugged at the corner of his shirt, "Teacher."

"Hmm?"

"I want to go too."

Ou Tingyun rubbed his hair, "Be good, wait for me at home, I'll be right back."

"Teacher, the place I want to eat at is the one on Lijing Road in B City. It's open 24 hours and you don't know where it is." Yi Zhize said, "Take me with you, I want to show you the place where I used to live. Do you want to know about me? Teacher, about my past, my secrets, everything about me."

The bottom of Ou Tingyun's eyes rippled, "Ze Ze, I'm happy."

"Happy about what?"

Ou Tingyun kissed him on the forehead, "Okay, I promise you."

He loves me, doesn't he? Willing to share his past with me, willing to show vulnerability and secrecy to me.

The doctor thought, if he doesn't love me, then he likes me, at least a little.

Great, he thought, there's a long time to come.

Just that small hint of love was enough for him.

Enough for all his deliveries and bets, enough for a lifetime of preference and paranoia.

It was already three in the morning when they reached Lijing Road in B City by car.

Looking at the familiar street scene, the memories of the nightmares of the past could not stop repeating themselves in his mind.

Yi Zhize forced himself to endure the severe physical headache and the trembling of his body, feigning his usual calmness and composure.

The two of them went to the cake shop from his memory.

He knew the neighbourhood well.

From here, just three hundred metres out was the street's police station.

If he could hold back a little longer, as long as he could find an appropriate time, he could be able to completely sever contact with him.

Yi Zhize's insides suddenly began to tear apart, the empty pain echoing the trembling of the nerves in his skull.

Ou Tingyun, who had been holding his hand, let go of it now, took the walnut pastry from the shop assistant and handed it to Yi Zhize, smiling, "Ze Ze, you wanted it, I'll give it to you."

"Sorry," Yi Zhize said, "I don't want it anymore."

He lifted the paper bag and smashed it hard into Ou Tingyun's face.

In a flash, he pulled open the glass door and ran outside with great strides.

Almost there.

Less than three hundred metres away.

Yi Zhize's mood began to jump.

Less than three hundred metres away.

It started to rain at some point, drizzling, wetting his hair.

It ran down his eyelashes, like tears.

Almost there

a hundred metres to go,

almost there.