Dr. Ou’s Psychotherapy

Repentance and Insanity 

It was late in the evening when he emerged from Ou Tingyun's residence.

The cold winter breeze blew on his face, clearing his mind.

A sharp headache spread from his temples, as if stirring every twisted nerve in his skull.

Biting his lower lip, cold sweat slid down his forehead.

His stomach churned and twisted as if the months of comfort had been nothing more than a dream.

The torment of the illness, after a long absence, was even more intense than before.

Yi Zhize sat in his car, his face white, waiting for this purgatory-like punishment to end.

He thought he had found the road to salvation, but it was only an illusion and self-deception in the end.

He felt a fishy sweetness in his throat.

And so,

so be it.

During the night, Yi Zhize had a dream.

In the dream, he was stuck in a deep pool of mud that swallowed him up like a whirlpool.

There was no way out, no way to cry out, no way to struggle, no way to stop, there was only despair.

He saw Ou Tingyun.

The doctor was standing on the shore, a casual, relaxed smile on his lips.

He looked at him without a trace of emotion.

As if observing a plaything in a container.

As if appreciating a delicacy before tasting it.

"Tingyun, please," said Yi Zhize, "please."

Ou Tingyun's smile deepened, almost uncontrollably open.

"I'm sorry," he crouched slowly on the shore, meeting his eyes, "Zhize, the experiment is over."

His blood froze and his heart was clenched violently.

Yi Zhize stared blankly at the doctor, letting the swamp engulf him further and further.

A shrill ringing woke him up, and at midnight, Yi Zhize pressed the answer button.

An eager voice came on the other line, "Excuse me, is this Mr. Yi Zhize?"

"Yes."

"I regret to inform you that your grandfather, Mr. Xie Decheng, has unfortunately passed away due to a sudden heart attack and was unable to be resuscitated at the hospital..."

Yi Zhize only felt his mind buzzing, and he didn't listen to the rest of the words.

As the call ended, he remained in a wooden pose, incapable of emotion and grief.

No, Grandpa is still waiting for me.

With this in mind, Yi Zhize sat up from the bed, put on his clothes and went to the bathroom to wash up.

In the mirror, there was no blood on his face, but the teardrop mole was becoming more and more distinct and demonic.

Yi Zhize turned on the tap, his mind in a trance.

The endless pain and anxiety poured out in a torrent, and his throat was so fishy and sweet that he coughed.

He vomited up a mouthful of blood.

Pulling out a tissue, he wiped away the blood without expression.

Forcing down the surge of blood in his belly, Yi Zhize thought, it's no big deal.

I have to hurry, Grandpa is still waiting for me.

He changed his shoes, put on his watch, grabbed his car keys, went to the foyer and was about to open the door and go downstairs.

Inadvertently, he saw a small wooden ring hanging from his key fob.

It had been given to him by Ou Tingyun.

In an instant, a great sense of sadness crushed him. Yi Zhize held onto the lintel of the door as a stream of heat gushed out from deep in his throat.

It soaked the white shirt and landed on the wooden floor.

It was his blood.

Leaning helplessly against the doorway, Yi Zhize closed his eyes and took a while to adjust his emotions.

He fetched a rag and carefully wiped the blood off the floor.

And then changed into a clean outfit.

It was three o'clock in the morning when he left the house.

The hospital's long corridor was cold and clear, and the echo of leather shoes on the floor tiles lingered for a long time.

Yi Zhize met Xie Decheng.

His face was peaceful, as if he was sleeping.

The corners of Yi Zhize's eyes were red, but he had no tears.

He held Xie Decheng's hand tightly and did not say a word.

When Ou Tingyun arrived at the hospital, Xie Decheng's body was being taken to the funeral parlour.

Yi Zhize brushed past him.

The two made brief eye contact, but it was only for a moment.

Ou Tingyun stood still, having lost his former composure.

His patient looked at him a hundred times more indifferently than he had on the day he first met him.

The familiarity was gone.

The trust was gone.

The attachment was gone.

The love was gone.

The taste of fear spread uncontrollably.

Ou Tingyun just stood there, outwardly clear and bright.

But inside, he was already torn apart, defeated.

———

For seven days in a row, Yi Zhize did not appear at the law firm.

Losing all news of him was unbearable torture.

Ou Tingyun was in his office, staring at Yi Zhize's picture on his case file.

You Shirui teased him, "Teacher Ou, you've been staring at it all morning, are you so fascinated?"

Ou Tingyun smiled and did not reply.

"Mr. Yi seems to have recovered, right?" You Shirui muttered to herself, "I haven't seen him come back for a visit lately."

Thinking back to the day they first met, Ou Tingyun drifted off again.

"Teacher Ou, help me look at this case..." Before You Shirui could finish her sentence, she saw that Ou Tingyun suddenly sat up from his seat and left the office with quick steps.

You Shirui wondered why Teacher Ou's recent moods were so similar to the 'paranoid personality disorder' she had recently studied.

Ou Tingyun had lost track of the number of times he had driven down to Yi Zhize's house.

He found a good angle, very secluded, but he could just see his bedroom window.

His patient hadn't been out for a long time.

What was he doing?

Was it hard work?

Could he sleep?

Was there a little bit that,

misses me?

Ou Tingyun turned on his cell phone and tried to reach Yi Zhize.

Even though there was no answer, he dialled the number over and over again.

There were already 199 unanswered calls in the call log.

At this moment, he was adding the 200th one.

Although he had long given up hope of being answered, doing so seemed to erase a touch of anxiety, quelling the tyrannical emotions, the resentment and the overflowing thirst inside.

No answer.

Ou Tingyun switched to the text message app and continued to send him messages that would probably never be read.

[Ze Ze, I'm downstairs.]

[If you don't show up in ten minutes, I'll wait for you for another ten minutes.]

[Forget it, I'll wait another hour.]

[Ze Ze, I brought the milk you like to drink.]

[I was wrong, can you pay attention to me?]

[Ze Ze, I love you, I love you so much.]

[I miss you.]

[I miss you.]

At around nine o'clock at night, Ou Tingyun was about to leave.

Seeing a figure in the distance, his heartbeat leapt uncontrollably and he became nervous.

Yi Zhize saw his car and frowned, then turned around and walked back.

Ou Tingyun caught up with him from behind, "Ze Ze."

Yi Zhize stopped and waited quietly for him to finish his words.

"There may be some misunderstanding between us, and I think I need to explain to you."

"No need," Yi Zhize's tone was calm and indifferent, "and please don't call me that."

"I'm sorry," Ou Tingyun immediately apologised, "if you don't like it, I can change it."

"Are you finished?"

"No," Ou Tingyun stepped closer, his tone gentle, "I'm here to take you home."

Yi Zhize's breath quivered as he looked over at Ou Tingyun, under the moonlight, his eyes a little sad.

"Ze Ze, perhaps in the beginning, I did deceive you and devise something, however," Ou Tingyun's voice was low and full of emotion, "I can't live without you now, Ze Ze, as long as you stay by my side, I'll do anything for you. Whether it's academics or business, it doesn't matter. I want you, just you, the complete and total you."

The knot in Yi Zhize's throat rolled, as if he was trying desperately to suppress something.

After a long time, he laughed mockingly, his voice hoarse: "Dr. Ou, did you think of some new research direction and come to experiment with me again?"

"No, never again, never."

Yi Zhize laughed quietly for a while and raised his eyes to look at him, "Do you think, I will still believe it?"

At this moment, the two were so close yet so far apart.

The doctor, who had always been proud, slowly knelt down in front of him, "Don't leave me."