Dr. Ou’s Psychotherapy

Impulsiveness and Repression

Ou Tingyun smiled, "What do you need from me, how can I help you?"

Yi Zhize took off his light grey suit jacket, and the white shirt inside was clearly stained with blood: "I need hot water and clean clothes. For these, I'll change out of them and burn them."

"Okay."

"Where's the bathroom?"

"Haven't you been here before?"

"Don't remember."

Ou Tingyun took him to the bathroom on the second floor and ran the hot water for him.

Yi Zhize asked, "Has it stopped raining?"

"Yes." Ou Tingyun said, "It's stopped."

"But why can I still hear the rain?"

"That's not the sound of rain," Ou Tingyun said, leaning closer to him and helping him unbutton his shirt, "it's just the sound of water."

"Okay," Yi Zhize looked up at him, "I believe you."

"En."

"You can't lie to me."

"I won't lie to you."

"Tingyun."

"Hmm?"

"Did he die because of me?"

"No."

"Am I responsible for my mother's death?"

"No."

"How do you know?"

"I just know."

"How do you know?"

"Because I'm a psychiatrist," Ou Tingyun said as he pulled his shirt off, "with my instincts about human nature."

Yi Zhize had the beautiful body of a young man, although a little on the thin side, he had just the right amount of youthfulness.

Ou Tingyun lowered his head and helped him unbuckle the belt around his waist.

Yi Zhize squeezed his hand, "I'll do it myself."

"Okay," Ou Tingyun smiled at him gently, "I'll see you later then."

Freshly bathed and in his robe, Yi Zhize came into the room barefoot.

His hair dripping wet, he said to Ou Tingyun, "I'm hungry."

Ou Tingyun brought hot milk and baked bread from the kitchen, "I can't cook, so I'll have to give you this."

Yi Zhize took a sip from the glass with the milk in it, his eyes shining, "It's delicious."

He had never seen him like this before, and a gentle smile spread across Ou Tingyun's eyes, "Mmm."

"Tingyun, aren't you going to eat?"

"I've already eaten." Ou Tingyun said, "I'm going to wash up now. After dinner you can go and rest in the biggest room upstairs."

"Okay."

———

At night, when Ou Tingyun came to his room, Yi Zhize had already dried his hair and was lying in bed.

But he wasn't asleep.

Ou Tingyun understood that this was his abnormal state.

As a psychiatrist, he naturally knew how to help him recover.

But for some reason, he was again very attached to his current situation.

Especially when he saw his patient looking at him with that clingy look in his eyes.

If it was an ordinary Yi Zhize, there was absolutely no way he would have looked like that.

Ou Tingyun sat on the edge of the bed, his voice laced with laughter, "What? Can't sleep?"

"En."

"Why can't you sleep?"

"I often have insomnia." Yi Zhize paused for a moment and whispered, "You know."

"Help you with hypnosis?"

"Don't want to be hypnotised. Do you know how to tell a story? I want to hear a bedtime story."

"Sadly, I don't."

A look of disappointment flooded the bottom of Yi Zhize's eyes.

Ou Tingyun laughed a little and lay down next to him, "Okay, I'll make an exception and tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a little boy who dreamed of becoming a writer."

"What kind of writer?"

"Mystery writer."

"Mystery novels, like Sherlock Holmes?"

"En."

"And then?"

"His mother wanted him to be a doctor. From elementary school onwards, his mother would go through his school bag and whenever she found something out of place, like a novel or a deck of game cards, she'd take it out and throw it away."

"That's not right. My mother wouldn't be like that, she never stopped me from doing anything I liked."

"In high school he started trying his hand at novel writing. It wasn't good writing, but at least it was enjoyable. But unfortunately, the first drafts of each of his works were collected by his mother after he had only written the beginning, which was then torn up in front of him. Thus he never had a complete work."

"What about his father? Did he support him?"

"His father was a headstrong drunkard, self-righteous and uncaring."

"What about his friends?"

"He had no friends."

"Everyone has friends."

"No, I mean," said Ou Tingyun, "although he had many friends, he never saw any of them as friends. He saw everyone in his life as an object of study, that's all."

"He's such a strange man, what happened next?"

"Then he became a doctor, end of story."

"This story is boring and I'm sleepy."

"Okay, go to sleep then."

"But," Yi Zhize tilted his head sideways and looked at Ou Tingyun, "if it were me, I would want to be friends with him."

Ou Tingyun lowered his eyes and met his gaze.

"Because I think," Yi Zhize's voice was like a pearl in the stillness of the night, "that he needs a friend."

Ou Tingyun said, "Good night."

Yi Zhize fell asleep.

Ou Tingyun leaned closer to him and gently pressed his teardrop mole with his fingertips.

His patient fell into a deep sleep.

But something rippled in his heart.

Something was blurring the lines, Ou Tingyun thought, and spreading deeper.

This game of hunting seemed increasingly addictive.

If,

he thought,

what if..

Ou Tingyun gently lifted a corner of the blanket and lay on his side beside him.

If the mystery was solved, would it usher in the same tiredness a thousand times over?

He had seen too many people, both sick people and normal people, who thought they were not sick.

There was nothing new about it and he would soon lose interest.

He was suddenly a little reluctant to part with this.

It was as if he had been confronted with a delicacy that he had to taste and savour in small bites.

But at the moment,

he suddenly felt an impulse.

He wanted to cross the line directly,

to consume everything at will.

From his thoughts, to his breath, to every inch of his body.

It all had to have a mark that would never be erased.

Let his illness remain forever, the doctor thought selfishly.

As long as he is my patient, he will never be able to leave me.

Ou Tingyun wrapped his arms around him,

held him in his arms.

The warmth of his touch was like the strongest of pleasurable drinks,

it poured into his stomach.

He bent his head just a little to see his sleeping face.

His fingertips brushed the corners of his lips, as if they were in a state of disconnection.

It was as if lovers were testing each other.

He placed a kiss on the top of his hair.

And then, a peaceful night's sleep.

———

The next morning, when Yi Zhize woke up, he saw Ou Tingyun as soon as he opened his eyes.

His head ached a little and his face was a little pale as he recalled the events of yesterday.

Ou Tingyun was hugging him.

Noticing this, Yi Zhize was a little uncomfortable.

He patted Ou Tingyun's face, "Let go."

Ou Tingyun did not respond, seemingly still lost in a beautiful dream.

Yi Zhize tried to push him away.

Ou Tingyun laughed softly and said against his ear, "Ze Ze, what time is it, don't you want to sleep for a while?"

He was pretending to be asleep!

Perhaps out of anger, Yi Zhize's ears reddened a little: "Don't call me that!"

"Okay, I'm not going to tease you, how are you feeling today?"

"What?"

"Do you remember what happened yesterday?"

"En."

"Do you want to talk to me?"

Yi Zhize said, "You let go of me first."

"Zhize, why are you so cold in your normal state?" Ou Tingyun's voice was distant, "Obviously last night..."

Yi Zhize interrupted him, "Shut up."

"Do you still remember what happened last night?"

Yi Zhize decisively said, "No, I don't remember."

"Then why are you telling me to shut up?" Ou Tingyun teased, "Why don't I tell you more about it?"

"No! Need!"